Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct? - Page 2

Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct?

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This is a discussion on Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I was going to write a response but darn if @ Julia Bell just took the words right out of ...

  1. #11
    Type 6w7

    I was going to write a response but darn if @Julia Bell just took the words right out of my mouth
    Swordsman of Mana, mushr00m, bombsaway and 3 others thanked this post.

  2. #12

    1) describe your relationship with passion

    Uhh...well I conceptually care about certain values very much, but I don't necessarily have immediately intense emotions backing them up, nor do I express them, like some Se-dom sx-doms/auxes I have known. However, when a value comes under questioning, that's when I realize how truly passionate I am about it.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

    I like to fantasize, but I don't care enough to pursue it, or watch porn, or masturbate.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

    Well, I don't care about friendships anymore, but when I did, it involved a lot of getting together and hanging out, regularly over a long period of time. After about a year of frequent interaction (more than once a month), that's when people have become close friends to me. If we didn't interact regularly, then over several years, people became close friends. When I was with them, I just shared and asked more and more personal questions as I was comfortable with and felt like I bonded with them by us knowing about each other.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

    I don't want a partner, but if I did, in terms of their personality, compassion, financial responsibility, honest communication, and social justice would be must have's.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

    I'll just describe one. We were friends for several years. We met in middle school band. We seemed to understand each other and get along well (eventually I learned that she's actually also an INFJ e6 EII supine, just like me!). We talked about personal things sometimes and always took each other's problems seriously. We had a lot of mischeivous adventures together. By high school I considered her my best friend. When we started college I did a stupid thing called confiding in her. I regret it, because it did not go well, but I felt the shared vulnerability made our connection lifelong nevertheless. I haven't really spoken to her in a while because I've lost interest in friends but if I were to ever gain back the interest I'm sure she would love to talk to me again. I would hope. Aww, now I'm all sentimental.

  3. #13
    Unknown

    1) describe your relationship with passion

    I am extremely passionate when it comes to money making…

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?

    About twice. The good thing is that it feels really nice/euphoric. The bad thing is that I become dysfunctional for an extended period of time…

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?

    I don’t go around asking myself “ooh am I sexually desirable????” if that’s what you’re asking…During courtship, I more concerned about whether or not the woman is sexually desirable to me rather than the other way around

    I am me. Some women will find me sexually desirable, some won’t. It is what it is. When searching for women, I therefore focus mostly on finding the hottest woman out of women who find me desirable while ignoring the rest since they’re a waste of time

    Hence if it turns out that the hot woman I’m chasing doesn’t want me for whatever reason after repeated concentrated attempts to break through her defenses, I’ll just move on to the next target and pretend that the previous woman never existed…There’s plenty of fish in the ocean, no need to get hung up over one…

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

    I love sex and have an uber powerful sex drive. I don’t really care about the SX aspect of it, though ie. I don’t really care about the chemistry or the union or the merging or the intensity or whatnot. The SP aspect of it though, can’t get enough of it: the physical pleasure, the orgasm, the bodily contact, the fucking, kissing, touching, licking/caressing, spanking etc etc etc…can’t get enough of it…

    Sex to me is no different from a delicious food or a comfy silk-covered bed…It’s another one of my SP comforts and the more of it I can get (with as hot of a woman as possible) the better…In fact, sex is the second thing I crave the most in an automatic fashion next to money…

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?

    What vibe?

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

    I don’t get close to people. I have lots of business acquaintances and connections but I’m not really “close” to any of them nor do I have any desire to become close to them.

    I don't care enough about other people's lives to warrant me to want to become closer to them past the business-transactional level of the relationship…I also immensely value my privacy…There’s also the not wanting to waste time/got better, more profitable things to do element…

    I have an invisible wall surrounding me that automatically keeps other people from getting too close and people tend to understand intuitively that they are NOT to invade past that wall accordingly…

    Occasionally, I may let some people in (eg my women) into my territory, but that is up to my discretion and I will be the one initiating it…

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

    Physical attractiveness tops the list. For the reason, see #4. Everything else are additional toppings to the pizza really….they’re nice and all but not as important as physical attractiveness….

    You gotta have a reasonably high degree of physical attractiveness to actually manage to divert my attention away from my money making endeavors…In fact, I’m not even going to notice your existence unless your attractiveness level exceeds certain thresholds…

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

    Let’s see…One with an ENFJ 2w3sw3w4 SO/Sx, one with an ISFP 9w1sw8w9 SP/SO, and another one with an ESFP 7w6sw8w7 SO/Sx. The ENFJ and ISFP, I actually legitimately fell in love with them, so there were actually some feelings involved…There was also some Oedipus Complex going on with respect to the ENFJ since my mother is also an ENFJ 2w3…Plus she was quite a babe…

    As for the ISFP, I thought it was fun to be more in touch with my weaker functions…she was also really cute/adorable, and I find cuteness to be really attractive in women…

    As for the ESFP, let’s just say that she was the hottest woman I’ve ever met in my entire life out of any women I’ve ever laid my eyes on, including celebrities….Needless to say, the sex was awesome…too bad it didn't last long since she had to leave the country soon after, but it was great while it lasted
    Swordsman of Mana thanked this post.

  4. #14

    !. My passion is usually completely there or not at all. As an example, if I really get into a show, I will obsessively watch it for a while and then lose most of interest in it.

    2. No, I haven't. I've had bad luck with dating and I didn't start dating until my twenties.

    3. Yes, to an extent. Feeling sexually desirable sometimes means to me that I'm accepted for I am physically and also sometimes means that I can be creeped out by the more overt pursuers.

    4. Any sex I've had so far is summed up in fool-arounds, friends-with-benefits, and a one-time fling. I like sex, but I don't actively go looking for it, but I don't always turn it down. It's harder for me to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate with someone.

    5. When I get a new idea for a story or a series, I will spend a lot of time writing it or even just thinking about it. I'm so excited and happy because I have an awesome new idea. Though after a while, the idea gets tiresome to me and I'll move to something else for a while.

    6. I have to get comfortable with a person before I get close to them. So I'll talk to them for a while, get their stances and "vibe" and then maybe approach getting to know them better/hanging out with them outside of our shared social environment.

    7. I haven't been in a long-term relationship, but I'll take a stab. Some shared interests, stability, a good sense of humor, and the ability to understand that I often need my space.

    8. One meaningful relationship is with one of my best friends. We met in one of our classes and after months of talking to her, I finally got the courage to ask to hang out with her outside of classes. She's the first person I managed to make friends with in college and since then, she's encouraged me to become more open. She's also always ready to give me no-nonsense advice and we can talk about anything for hours on end.

  5. #15

    I think it's funny how sexual lasts seem to experience both the most pure and childlike (for example, Julia Bell) attitudes towards intimacy/sexuality but also the ugliest (childofprodigy)

  6. #16
    Unknown

    Here's an idea @Swordsman of Mana

    I really liked your questions in this thread and the other two along the same lines. And, I am pretty sure all of those questions combined would make a decent instincts questionnaire. We could work on the wording etc. Tell me what you think.
    Swordsman of Mana and kaleidoscope thanked this post.

  7. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Boss View Post
    Here's an idea @Swordsman of Mana
    I really liked your questions in this thread and the other two along the same lines. And, I am pretty sure all of those questions combined would make a decent instincts questionnaire. We could work on the wording etc. Tell me what you think.
    sounds good to me =)



    Sina thanked this post.

  8. #18
    Type 6w7

    Note: While answering this questions, I started to question my instincts. Some parts of it sounded a bit sx to me, so maybe my experience isn't as valid as I thought it was going to be.

    1) describe your relationship with passion

    I think I have an intermittent passion that goes on and off depending on my mood. Generally, I hold passion in high regard. Maybe in a very high regard that it makes me feel I'm not passionate enough to be deserving of that label. Or maybe I think I do because I crave it because I think I need more of it in my life and it seems so alien to my life, that I fail to see all the times I felt uncomfortable showing passion to others. I remember being a child and being too enthusiastic that I was just making a fool of myself, so I started restraining myself. When I see me, I see barrenness and the more I grow, the less I see the spark. There are things that I want in life, like living on my own in a larger city and I know I need a job or other source of income, preferably a stable one, and a place to call home, but I feel I'm still doing things so tentatively to get them. I wish I had that drive in me, to be so desperate, to do whatever it takes to get it, to completely lose myself in the process, but I fail to see that it would be very embarrassing. I call that passion and I don't have enough of it. I'm waiting for something to turn me on. I say I do, but then I kill the moment by thinking that maybe I should tone it down a little and eventually I turn it off completely.
    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    No. I wish I knew what it is like.
    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    A little. I want to feel attractive and I want to be approached by others. I guess it is because I want my fantasies to come to life.
    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    I am a virgin and recently a horny one. Sex is important to me and I want to try it and generally I think I would want it in a regular basis, but maybe I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy getting off on my own. I cannot avoid feeling sad saying this, since I think nothing can replace the warmth of another and I'm so resigned to be on my own because I don't want to make an effort to be liked by another person. In that way I don't need others to do it and I wouldn't be a burden and I could avoid the potential feeling of rejection, I could be self-sufficient. But always looking at the other side of the fence. I idealize sex, even more than romance. I feel that sex can bind us closer, to find shelter in other's body, to share something so private with someone else, to have that kind of trust, to be comfortable naked, being so vulnerable around someone else. I feel like sex is the culmination of love, the door to tighter bonds. I would be suddenly more interested in another person if I find the courage to share myself like that and if they consider I deserve something so sacred like that, that they're welcoming me inside his world. But I would step back if it wasn't as special to them as it was for me and I would hate me for feeling it was. I would give up easily at the first sign of rejection. I would rationalize it like I am better on my own. So sex is a big deal for me. And at the same time, it is ridiculous how much I elevate it. Sex could be like eating. Nothing extraordinary. And I suddenly start to feel that I should strip it of all that bs idealization, since I don't want to be disappointed. I say I'd feel disappointed but maybe I can play the game effortlessly. I don't want to say something I am not sure I would feel. One day I would be the disappointed. Another day I would be the one that disappoints. So cold and unfeeling. I feel capable of seeing sex as just sex. Sex can be nothing.
    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Nothing comes to mind.
    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    I feel like I can get close to people quickly if they show interest in me. I can be fooled by those things. But generally, in my relationships, I start to wonder if I am too close and I can put some distance and go back and forth. I guess it takes time to feel that close, but I can imagine myself getting attached quickly. It's maybe just the movies where everything happens faster that makes me think it is possible. It is hard to find a person that wants to advance that fast anyway. I am not even sure if I will be able to keep the pace or I will be more reserved. I say I want it but I'm not sure if I'm not going to pull back after I realize it is not very healthy to get so attached.
    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I want a partner that can bring to the relationship what I feel I lack. I want to meet new people and experience new things and I think relationships open doors. I want to explore the outskirts of my world, to travel to unexplored lands, to conquer them and expand my territory, to have even more space to roam freely and to breathe. I don't want to feel attached, but that doesn't mean I won't. In my moments of weakness, I feel like I can abandon myself and merge with others and I resent it. I try to avoid it, and maybe that's one of the reasons I am hesitant about relationships. I don't want to feel I'm trapped inside of a relationship. That's why I don't want a long term relationship. I want to be fugacious, to shine brightly for a moment and then disappear.
    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    I have friends, but I feel like most of my meaningful relationships or the most meaningful ones are with my family. Family is important to me and I'm close to them. I wouldn't call us intimate because we usually keep to ourselves, but we respect those boundaries. I like that. I don't feel like I know my parents as something beyond their roles in our family and something similar happens with my sisters but less. We don't talk about our feelings openly or our dreams or anything similar. We do to some extent but not as much as I feel it would suffice for me to call our relationship an intimate one. In a way I fantasize about finding a second family. I've fantasized about having a sense of communion and complicity with a group. It doesn't need to be big; it's actually better if small. I wonder why I want something like that and it all comes down to having a bigger world of my own. I want a close-knit group of friends, shut in a bubble, apart from the rest of the world, something that would feel mine. Something that goes beyond me but that's still mine. A replica of a family, of my family. Where there's closeness and opportunity for intimacy, but a respect of others' individuality. And there's also acknowledgment of the existence of the other, that I mean something for them as they mean to me. That I will be invited and I can feel welcome. That I will be thought of. Considered. With real friends I haven't been able to found a second family. I feel like everyone minds their own business.
    Last edited by 0+n*1; 03-21-2015 at 01:33 PM.

  9. #19
    Type 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    1) describe your relationship with passion
    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    1) I'm not a passionate person. I'm not really passionate about anything. Especially in recent years (like the last half of my life) I've been quite a burn-out. But I think maybe it's not so much that I'm a burn-out as it is that I'm just perpetually lazy and dispassionate. Woot I sound super interesting.

    2) No. The most I've ever fancied someone was a crush.

    3) No. I find it comical to think of myself as sexually attractive to other people.

    4) It's not at all important to me. I'm very happy without it.

    5) No idea what you're talking about.

    6) I've never been close to anyone.

    7) If I were looking for a partner, I would want someone whom I was physically attracted to whose personality I was also attracted to. I don't know the specifics of this. I guess it could be anyone. Or no one. I wouldn't know, as is really the theme of this questionnaire. I wouldn't know because it's never happened.

    8) My relationship with my mom is important because she's nice. And she funds me. So that's extremely important. My sister is slightly important to me. Because she's nice to me. And her friends are nice to me. That's about it.

  10. #20

    note: unsure of whether i'm so/sp or so/sx. i'm oscillating between the two like mad. so i'll fill this out for your consideration. or feel free to disregard. maybe i just like talking about myself. i am a 7, after all.

    (consent has been given in the mistype revelation thread, by the way, so if anyone reads this or any of my posts and has an opinion one way or another, feel free to reply or message me and let me know.)

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    strong, although i think it was stronger when i was younger. there's a feeling in my gut that pushes me to and from strong feelings. i used to write "do things with passion, or not at all" on the walls. i followed my passion for theatre for new york and am studying it full-time, praying it turns out well. i don't know what i will do if i fail.

    i also tend to get obsessive about things. sometimes people (last semester i fell in love with someone who had no idea and definitely didn't love me back, and it was devastating and it took me months of not seeing him before i saw him again and told myself that it was okay and i was over him, and because i made myself lose hope, i was able to break free.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    i mean...yes. like being burned all over. talk to me when i've been in a relationship with someone i've been in love with.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    yes. i fear i'm not very sexually desirable, and all my life it's been a huge problem for me. i'm not very beautiful, and although i think i have a great personality, sometimes i think there's something wrong with me. like i'm coded in a way that makes me impossible to fall in love with or desire. i know that's not true. i've been in many relationships and have known several people who have wanted me who i didn't want back. but i wish i could always be the most magnetic person in the room.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    yes. sex has always been important. i've always been curious about sex and love, even as a little kid. moreso than most or really any of my friends. i've always been the most vocal about it, comfortable with expressing it (although this could partially be political, since being queer is a big part of my identity but expressing it is a little bit more fueled by something else - a large factor of things - wanting to be recognizable as part of the queer community within the queer community, wanting to make a statement, wanting to change the way people view sexuality, and wanting to not hold back for the sake of, what, the fragility of people's sensibilities?).

    anyway, as far as the act itself goes, i have less experience or at least haven't had much...practice...lately, but for me, it's enjoyable on multiple levels. the physical, of course - the feeling. but for me there's something emotional about the closeness, the connection, being visible to your partner, being vulnerable with your partner. saying this makes me sound like a health teacher - and i don't assume that everyone experiences sex or sexual attraction in the same way. but for me, usually there's some kind of romantic attraction or familiarity present before i feel sexual attraction to someone. that isn't to say that i don't want sex. my sex drive is very high. i just don't want to have sex with someone unless there's going to also be a connection. for lack of a better word.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    any situation where i'm laughing with other people, singing together, working together to create something. one of my favorite memories is sitting out on a dock with my best friend watching the sun set and the stars appear, talking about life, joking around, trying to pretend i wasn't moving across the country in less than a month. there was something so beautiful and fragile about the bittersweetness of that moment.

    on the rough end of that, do you ever look into someone's eyes and find it impossible to look away unless you remind yourself, "hey, there are other people here, look at them or they'll notice you're under this person's spell." when the chemistry is that unreal that you can't feel the presence of anyone but you and them. i've only known two people who have put me under that kind of spell before, and it was exhilirating and terrifying. terrifying because i thought... "what if i get caught wanting them?" exhilirating because how could it be anything but? when there are people in this world who can do that to you.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    i get close to people pretty easily. it's just a matter of spending time with them first in a small group, then one on one, just talking to them and showing them things you like and listening to them, and slowly you open up to one another more and more until you can really call each other friends. i've found more difficulty doing that in college, since group dynamics shift more sporadically and people's schedules are difficult to work around and i mean, i didn't know anyone in this city two years ago. it's hard not having a best friend close by.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    this is a hard question to answer because it depends on the person. i'd prefer they be funny, honest, more like an anchor than a balloon. but i can't imagine being in a long term relationship that isn't intense. i hate when people say the passion wears off. i hate routine. i don't want to schedule when we fuck. i want the kind of relationship where you physically can't resist kissing each other, you're like magnets pulling each other in. i want to be with someone i can travel the world with. i've thought a lot about my ideal career and i know that it would entail a lot of flying across the country, so i'd need my partner to be okay with missing me, knowing that whenever we reunited it would be worth the wait. also, if they're cool with being the stay at home parent so i can go ahead and be the breadwinner, that's ideal. i want kids, but i also want to work. i can't do that all alone.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    i know these aren't romantic relationships, but i'm in a bad place with romance right now and i don't want to talk about it, so:

    my relationship with my best friend. she's there for me and i'm there for her. we lift each other up, we're proud of each other...okay, sometimes we get jealous of each other, like when she was getting laid on the reg i had a really hard time being happy for her, and i think when i moved away she had a hard time being happy for me. but we try, and that's what matters. leaving her was the hardest part about leaving home. it almost felt like i was betraying her. she's the only person i know who actually lets herself laugh. we are unstoppable together.

    my mom. i don't know, she's my mom. i'm afraid i'm just like her. i love her. she taught me everything i know.

    my childhood best friend. when we see each other, it's like no time has passed. we know all of each other's secrets. we've bossed each other around since we were really little. we choreographed dances together in each other's living rooms. we went to each other's family events. i would take a bullet for her. without a question. she's family.
    avidity and Pressed Flowers thanked this post.


     
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