Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct? - Page 3

Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct?

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This is a discussion on Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; 1) describe your relationship with passion It's not very prominent in my life, nor usually important - though I have ...

  1. #21

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    It's not very prominent in my life, nor usually important - though I have found myself thinking more lately that I would like a subject or cause to be passionate about.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    In love, yes, once, and I sometimes doubt how "real" it actually was. Though it was kind of unnerving - there was a lot of anxiety, a fear of being...overwhelmed, I guess?

    Madly so, not even close. And I don't think I really want to. I'd rather have someone madly in love with me.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Mine or someone else's? The answer is "Meh, not really" for both anyway.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    Uhhhhh....I've had it suggested that I might actually be on the asexual spectrum. And given that the idea sex with an actual person usually gets one of two reactions from me - boredom or anxiety - it's certainly possible. Even if I really like and care about the person it just...doesn't do much for me. And I have almost zero interest in experimenting, I don't even think about it much so....yeah. I'll just stop there.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Can't think of one.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    The only people I've ever "gotten close to" are online - mainly because I overshared with them, they didn't seem to mind, and let me hang out in a chat with them. It seems the only way I can sort of connect with people is via commiseration. I have no idea how to form a close relationship in real life....I've had minimal interest in doing so for most of my life.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    Never had any kind of long-term partner or relationship. I could guess but....I really can't.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you.
    No comment...



    Wow. How did I ever think I was Sx-middle?
    Last edited by ScientiaOmnisEst; 03-22-2015 at 10:24 AM.

  2. #22

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    What is passion anyway? I don't know. I care about people a lot? I get passionate about helping people? I'm passionate about making the world a better place? But other than that I don't know, partially because I don't fully understand what passion is? I can get passionate about my interests maybe...

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Not really, but I've had some deep crushes. I just... sort of fall in love with them and want them to be in my life forever, I guess. But again, these are only crushes.
    Oh, one time I was almost in love? Like there was a boy who I loved and he loved me and we should've been together.... but like my parents would've killed me (it was a complicated situation) so I was like "nah" (of course in a very polite way...) and... A lot's happened since then, and there's no way we'll ever be together. But I still love him, you know? But I love him more in that I really appreciate him, I love him as a person... and I love almost everyone as a person and appreciate them as people, like literally everyone, but it was different with him because I honestly wanted to spend every day with him... I wanted to be the first person on his mind every morning and I wanted him to be the last person I would talk to at night for the rest of my life. But alas. Hopefully maybe someday fate will bring me another person who I love like that.
    Oh, but if you mean am I concerned about my sexual desirability... I mean, not really? I know it's a big thing now for this generation of girls to realize how sexualized we are, and I mean we are sexualized, but... I mean people are sexually attracted to me and find me sexually desirable, and as an asexual individual this just makes me sad because I mean it's never going to happen, but I don't spend my time stressing over it. People like who/what they like. But I definitely don't want to be more sexually desirable (although it would be cool to have that impact on people, it's also cool not to have that impact on people all the time).

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    I'm asexual, so... no? But aesthetic attraction/desirability is very important to me.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    I'm asexual. like phytoplankton

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Mm, just like school dances. Everyone is just so into dancing, it's all so... energetic and random but also synchronized, like we're all moving together even when we're not... It's interesting.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    It's actually really hard for me to get close to people. People think I'm close to them, but it takes forever for me to open up. Some of my best friends don't know the deeper things about me... and I have no desire to change that. I'm not sure how I get close to people, like we just spend more time together and open up our goofy sides and get inside jokes and have deep conversations and over time we reach that "best friend" status. It takes time though.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I mostly want someone who I can laugh with, someone who cares for others, someone who will support me as I chase my dreams but who hopefully has dreams of his own. In a long term relationship I need someone who,I can trust, someone I'm aesthetically attracted to, and someone who is accepting of the weirder things about me (for their sake)

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    - my first real friendship was in 6th grade. Made friends with two outcast boys. One was gifted like me, the other one with Asperger's. We just... truly became best friends. It was magical. We supported each other without even trying, we had inside jokes, we laughed, we didn't talk about deep things but we did laugh and just chat about stupid stuff. It was great.

    - I had a teacher my senior year of high school who I loved. She's... honestly the best Lit teacher anyone could hope for. I thought she hated me at first but she actually loved me? I opened up to her a lot at the end of the year (like I just kept asking for more insight on books and stuff and eventually we started talking more and I told her some things that I've... never told anyone) and she was so supportive and nonjudgmental, just so... kind and encouraging. She told me I would do great things. She gave me an award for being the best Creative Writer in the whole school. She saw the best in me, but she also saw the best in everyone. She was wonderful. I need to go back and visit her some time.

    - I have other relationships in my life but it's hard for me to decide which is most meaningful so I'll leave it at that



    Also, note: I could be SO/SX, but right now I'm leaning SO/SP. It's just hard to know about my SX because, as I said, I am asexual and have some other things about me that make it hard for me to truly trust others (beyond the SO trusting that people are good and hoping for the best in someone) and "connect" with them. (But there's no way I'm SX first, if that helps here.)
    Last edited by Pressed Flowers; 03-22-2015 at 01:28 PM.

  3. #23

    Lol! 5-bazillion people who posted on here don't even have their variants listed!!

    I believe I'm sp/so. I thought I was sx/so for a while, but I think sp is my dominant one. Anyway...

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I used to not think I was a passionate person at all. It used to feel like I didn't have a conviction within me. I just comfortably and spontaneously did the things I liked to do. I did not decide my career based on passion for it, though I do enjoy it. I can be very passionate about causes, but it surprises me sometimes! I have to think for a while before I can remember my side on the issue sometimes!! As I've become a young adult, it has become a lot faster, and I am better at feeling feelings. Now I have to make sure that everyone hears my passionate two cents before I feel content!

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Nope! I don't think I've ever been in love, but it wasn't with the right people anyway. I've had madly sickening crushes before, the kind where you can't eat for a while and you randomly tremble throughout the day.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Yes. From myself to others, it's more from my personality, vibe, and humor, but my body has a few alluring parts. From others to myself, I want them to look good. I can become attracted to almost any man, but what really affects my feeling is if they are seen as attractive to other people. I want to be seen with an attractive person, and part of that attraction must be from social fluency. They have to have the brains and skills to play the game right.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    It is not important when I'm not in an intimate relationship. If I'm in a relationship, I can't keep my hands off, and that's a problem. I talk through the physical stuff and make my connections best that way, so I can move at breakneck speeds when normal people would probably use their words or something. But I can be physical without feeling also. Kisses can be numb. The relationship usually fails...

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    When I have good conversations with my friends and family! When I get to make all those layered jokes I like to make, and when I get to problem-solve with people. General goofing off, especially for an audience.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    I've noticed that I generally subdue myself in the beginning of a new friendship because my full sense of humor and personality is very bold and unreserved. It is very complex as well, so if someone wasn't adequately warmed up to it, they wouldn't understand, and I would look bad. Some people naturally get me though.
    I don't mind opening up to people. I don't feel like I hide much from others, but it takes a while for them to ask me all the questions. I think people forget that I have my own inner world sometimes, and I learn much more about them than they do of me. But I don't want them to pry me for information! If it isn't natural, it's really annoying.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I look for someone acceptable. I don't want to feel embarrassed or ashamed of their behavior. It's like they're a part of me, and it's my fault if they mess up, somehow. It's my fault for choosing them at least. For a long term relationship, I need to feel free around them. Free to act like myself, but also free of that burden of the mistakes they make. So they need to have ownership of themselves and be a brave problem-solver.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    My family in general. I can be free around them, and I feel good about their goodness. Any friends in the moment, really. I like having a good time.

  4. #24

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I kind of want less of it in some areas and more in others. I used to be more passionate about learning, reading, studying, and that was easy to deal with—all I had to do was get access to whatever I wanted to learn, read, or study. Actually, maybe it was more like compulsion half the time. I've never been a passionate person. Doing stuff I like has just been a calm, peaceful experience, and I've tended to step back from strong positive situations out of a vague fear of becoming emotionally overwhelmed.

    Now most of my passion is related to sociopolitical issues, which I find very unpleasant. I can't "handle" my passion by myself—other people must be involved, and I've never been good at or particularly interested in dealing with other people. I spend too much time thinking about the unpleasant conditions people face. People are hostile and derisive towards me and my politics without even understanding, and it makes me hate and mistrust people like I never have before. Actually, a lot of the passion I feel is anger and resentment—can't change people and can't be at peace with the way they are either. I do get a burning drive to correct people.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Never. Don't think I want to be and doubt that I'm even capable. I just don't like the human animal enough to experience that level of positive emotion concerning any one of them. I also tend to try to keep low expectations to avoid disappointment, and I suspect that it prevents me from experiencing emotional highs when things turn out better than expected (such as finding someone great enough to fall in love with).

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Yes in the sense that I like sex and desirability must exist for me to have and enjoy it. No in the sense that there isn't much a person has to do to be sexually desirable to me—if I like her personality, I will enjoy having sex with her. I also don't much concern myself with doing things specifically to be sexually desirable to other people.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    It is important; I wouldn't want a romantic relationship without it. It is something that I'd enjoy in a committed relationship. I've had sex with people I was just casually dating; I don't want to do that anymore. To me sex is the satisfaction of an "itch" that comes from liking someone, like physical affection and spending time together satisfy similar "itches" or instincts.

    To me masturbation is a kind of sex as well, albeit with a different cause and purpose (it's much more self-centered).

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Wow. This is something that pertains to groups of people, isn't it? I can't remember an explicit instance. Maybe there were one or two times during high school band functions. In general I've either been too oblivious to people or found them too foreign/random/unpredictable to get into any vibe. I feel like I'm pretty much always on a different wavelength than most everyone else, and group stuff is overwhelming to me.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    Not easily I suppose, since I don't generally seek people out and therefore have little opportunity to get close to anyone. Everyone that ever got to know me sought me out and showed repeated signs of interest. I generally assume that people probably don't care otherwise (which is why I felt slightly dumb when I decided to fill out this questionnaire).

    I'm naturally very open and don't mind talking about myself (although I'm not inclined to do so unprompted), but I'm not naturally selective with that information. I became artificially selective after repeated experiences with how judgey people are (just random judgments about stuff that causes no harm, doesn't affect them, sometimes stuff they barely know anything about), how they don't really listen, how they make up stuff I haven't said and associate my ideas with things that aren't actually relevant, etc. So I'm harder to get to know now in that I'll keep stuff to myself just to avoid giving people fodder to misconstrue and fabricate shit about me.

    As for my getting close to other people, I never feel free to ask what I'd like to ask, always worry that my straight-forwardness will give someone the wrong idea. I feel burdened by cultural expectations to move at some pace that's slower than I'd like to move at, I feel handicapped by people's attempts to judge me according to how well I enact social mores. I'll stick with the getting-to-know-you process for someone who shows promise, but the process is fraught with anxiety unless the other person shows strong signs of being super laid-back and open-minded early on.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I've got my heart set on an ethical vegan. A lesbian. Someone who is straight-forward, open-minded, and who cares about others (and not just the people she knows, lives near, or shares a culture with). Someone who is in the world but not of it, meaning not overly attached to culture. Someone who is not gender-conforming. Someone who likes herself and doesn't rely on others for self-esteem. A Thinker would probably work out best for me.

    For a long-term relationship, I like stability, commitment, and freedom for both of us to be ourselves (instead of lots of compromises). I don't want to be dumped over a single disagreement that she barely even attempts to work out.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    My relationship with my ex-girlfriend taught me to stop trying to make things work with gender-conforming women. It won't happen, I can't "become" attracted to them, and I'll just break another person's heart if I try.

    That's about it. I'm not close to family and haven't had many friends.

  5. #25
    Type 1w9


    Sp/so here!

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    Passion is sort of something that I wish I had more of, I'm fairly dispassionate. I rarely have strong feelings or attachments towards people or activities or even opinions, which makes it somewhat difficult for me to make decisions or form bonds. It's always been semi difficult to understand how people can get so obsessive about things or so attached to their values or desires and such, but at the same time I've always wished that I could be attached to such things. I think the only things I'm passionate about are my grades and learning, but I feel as though even those are "toned down" compared to those who aren't sx blind.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Not in the relationship sort of way, but I'm also fairly young so that doesn't help. I've had really intimate friendships and attachments to others though before, which can be considered "love" but I know that's not what's being asked here.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Lol no, but I'm also an asexual so that's not really about my lack of sx.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    Again, I'm fairly young and not "active," but I can't imagine sex playing an incredibly important role in my life.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    I mean, sometimes if I'm playing a card game or something or I'm being really competitive or something, I feel the thrill or energy of a situation since it's somewhat infectious. It's more so just a shared excitement with others though, which I'm pretty sure relates back to the so instinct. Outside of that, I can often gauge people's personalities to some degree based off the vibe or energy they give off, but in the end this "vibe" may just be an unconscious attentiveness to body language so who knows.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    It's very hard, I can pretty much count the number of people that I have considered close to me on a single hand. I'm a very private person and just as control oriented. Getting close too close to people feels vulnerable, so I find it easier to keep everyone at arms length. I definitely desire the intimacy of closeness with others and the ability to share every bit of myself with someone else without fear of retribution, but doing so is super uncomfortable. It's difficult to do that even with people I am close to.

    So the process itself... I suppose the first step is becoming my friend, second making me actually feel comfortable around you, and then making me comfortable enough to initiate contact with you (and also making me want to). It sounds super simple, but it seems to take years which sort of sucks for me and anyone else who is semi interested in getting to know me. I guess situational stuff happens too, but that's rare.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    Romantically, I guess I look for someone I can talk to deeply, is open minded, and someone who is willing to go on little adventures with me. I love trying new things and get bored when life stagnates, so it's nice to have someone who, if not adventurous, is willing to explore and engage in the mysteries of the world. I also look for someone who is willing to give me the space that I need, but is also kind and sympathetic. Most of all though, I look for someone whom I feel that I'd like to go out of my way to be around them, do things for them, actually share things with.

    For a long term relationship, communication, cooperation, and motivation are probably the two most important things.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    I think the most meaningful relationship that I've made thus far would be between me and my mom. We've been through a lot of crap together and have really grown close in a way that I am capable of sharing mostly everything with her and she can share everything with me. It's nice because our personalities are complementary to each other, so usually what I am struggling to do something or understand something, she does and can help me and I am capable of doing the same for her. We've both grown immensely as individuals because of this. The relationship is nice because it's kept me alive, which means a lot considering that I've been pretty depressed for the last five+ years. I've yet to be able to replicate such a relationship.

  6. #26
    Type 6w7

    I self type as sp/so

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I have some passion in me and I have shown in on some circumstances, but it's something I often doubt. I yearn for passion but I'm not really sure if I'm going to embrace it once it's in front of me. I'm also uncertain if I'm able to offer it and if wouldn't be fair and also it wouldn't work if just one sided.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Not really. Or at least not how I think it's supposed to feel. I haven't got close enough. The closest was this big crush I had two years ago. He was beautiful and had warm expressive eyes and a voice I liked and we had things in common, similar taste in music and general geekiness, also similar beliefs and I felt we had similar personalities. And he was the first true crush I had, I was falling for him, despite not really knowing him. Also, I lived with him what I considered to be the most physically intimate moment I've had at the time and we didn't even have sex, I was a virgin back then. Those things gave it more weight than the weight it deserved. Partly because of the feelings he left in me, that have nothing to do with him and all to do with a general sense of loneliness and the urge to experience sex, I ended up losing my virginity to a nobody I met in an app. So, I think it's fair to say I will remember him, because of the things that happened to me at the time. Sometimes it bothers me because I don't think it's fair but I can't do a lot about it. I occasionally think about him now. What I was trying to say with all this is that it was intense but not as intense as I think it can get (out that I hope it will get) and I know it was as meaningful as it was because it was "my first", even if he wasn't.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    It is, but I don't focus on it.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    Not really important. I notice that I only have sex to feel intimacy with other person. We could cuddle and it would be enough for me.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Nothing comes to mind

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    Not easily. I rather be approached by others, so I subtly make myself noticed. It generally fails.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I have realized that one of the most important things is compatibility. Having interests or activities in common leads to stronger bonds. I look for someone that I can feel comfortable with and be myself with.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    Like romantic or sexual relationships? I haven't been in one.

  7. #27

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I experience strong passion, but only for a few things. I have a habit of hyper-focusing on one activity that I enjoy at a time and getting the most out of it before moving on to something else (or nothing at all) because I'm bored.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    No, I'm pretty detached when it comes to love.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Not really. I know I'm bad at being sexually desirable so I've given up in trying to keep up that image.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    I think about sex a lot and sometimes it can become something that I fixate on. Not sure if it's particularly important to me because I've never had it and can't be assed to actually have it because it's way too hard for me to get into that situation.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    I guess when people actually bother to include me in activities that sound fun to me, like games or whatever.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    I don't really get close to people in real life. If I feel them starting to "connect" with me I feel an automatic need to distance myself. Online it's a lot easier for me because I find it easy to be open, and it's mostly when we start sharing personal information about each other.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I value independence so I don't want a partner who is too clingy. I also look for a sense of humor, similar interests, and a decent level of intelligence. I don't really want a long-term relationship, to be honest. Commitment scares me.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    Most relationships aren't that more meaningful than others. I guess my relationship with my parents are important to me because they care for me and I care for them, it's mutual. Same with my siblings.

  8. #28
    Type 7w8

    Very amateurishly types myself So/Sp.

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    - I don't know how to approach it. I don't know what it is. Passion here, passion there, you "must have some passion?!", "find your passions!". Please shut up, I don't need passions and I've been doing OK by not being blind-sided by something. It all sounds BS to me.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    - No.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    - Yes. Sex is nice, good, healthy and fun. Hence I'd like people to want to have sex with me.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    - It plays a role, undoubtedly. It is a strong need for me.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    - What?

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    - I have few inhibitions hence the closeness is up to the other to perceive. "Closeness" is a confusing idealized word I cannot understand like "vibe", "passion". If given enough freedoms I can take people "too far" from their comfort zone.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    - I think respect of boundaries is important. I need a partner that can stand its ground! Since I have few, situational or loose boundaries it will fall upon my partner to tell me where the boundary is and when. Good sex is very important.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    - My cat I grew up with. Unconditional affection. I'm glad this cat could tell me when too much is too much. More personal than this I won't go over the internet.

  9. #29
    Type 8w7

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    1) describe your relationship with passion
    Aside from basics; almost 0.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Exhaustion.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    -

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    Yes.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Open, honest, socially simplistic, low-intensity, light, forward, clarity.

    6) how easily do you get close to people?
    Not easy.

    what is this process like?
    Slow.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    -

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    Good point.


     
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