Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct?

Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct?

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This is a discussion on Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; 1) describe your relationship with passion 2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like? 3) is ...

  1. #1

    Sp/So and So/Sp, how do you experience the sexual instinct?

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

  2. #2

    Honestly I don't know my instinctual variant, but someone suggested so/sp so here goes.

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I think life would be very washed-out and boring without passion, but at the same time, too much passion can be painful. If you're too invested in something or someone, you risk losing control. So the trick is to feel passionate without completely losing control. I don't know how good I am at this balancing act, though.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    Nope. Only crushes, and those were over fictional characters.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Yeah. I mean, if that component is missing, I don't know why I would be in a relationship in the first place. I'm not that eager to spend my life with someone else.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    ...Well, I've never actually had sex, but I'd still say it plays a size-able role. I might sound like I'm trying to imitate Animal here, but I rarely pay attention unless something turns me on.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Don't really think about that much. I'm not sure I even notice that sort of thing. There are some people I get along with, sure, but it's because we have something in common to talk about. I don't know if there's a difference between that and vibing with someone.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    I don't know. I can be pretty open, but I don't know how "close" I feel.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    I haven't really thought about that either, so I have yet to decide.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    In hindsight no relationship really feels that meaningful. If I were into risking my life, maybe I would go on a dangerous journey with someone so we could bond over that. I imagine that would feel meaningful.

  3. #3
  4. #4
    Type 6w5

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    I have very little? I am confused by others who have lots of passion for life, and sometimes feel uncomfortable when I am expected to prioritize passion and "what I want" over what's necessary and sufficient. I think in terms of what I must do, not what I want to do.

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?
    No. That's not to say I wasn't excited during the beginning of my relationship, but it was never a crazed obsession. It was a slow burn, a general warm feeling of content. Passion had very little to do with it.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?
    Nope. It's nice to have it but I rarely ever think about it.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?
    Similar to 3), it's fun and enjoyable, but I don't focus on it. Other things in my life have much more meaning and substance to them.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?
    Maybe concerts? Even then, there's a disconnect. I kind of flit in and out of it.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?
    If I don't yet know someone, I typically will make no effort to initiate contact. If contact occurs (by external catalysis), I am pretty open and friendly. I don't much look for interpersonal intensity at this stage, as it's rarely appropriate and unrealistic to be seeking during initial interaction. Over a lot of time, I can gain trust for others and begin to feel closer, but I prefer to let it happen on its own, and feel very strange if such things occur too quickly and especially if they occur asymmetrically.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?
    Stability and a comfortable atmosphere. I prefer when communication is open. I prefer things to be relatively casual and of low intensity when I'm not alone with the person. I really dislike PDA, and I feel that the amount of intimacy I should display with a partner should vary significantly with the environment. I'm perfectly willing to support my partner (and happy to receive support in return), but I dislike emotional manipulation or oversensitivity that makes me feel constrained and unable to express my actual thoughts. I think it's very important for both partners to remain distinct individuals with independent interests. I think it best to only rely on the relationship as something comforting and positive, not as a crutch. Some view their relationship as crucial to their survival, as if their life is a meaningless void without an intense, passionate romance. I don't understand this, and I am intimidated by it.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you
    I'm going to interpret this is as general relationships, rather than necessarily romantic relationships.
    ENFP 2w3-7w6-9w8 girlfriend: Someone I have felt very close to because she's always been really easy to talk to and very easy to establish trust with. This, along with some other things, helped me get out of a bit of depression. Interestingly, she is probably sx/sp, which does mean we have different views on romantic intensity (the Ti vs Fi increases this contrast). Nonetheless, we've figured out how to manage each of our needs and we've grown closer over time.
    ENTP 1w2-7w8-2w1 twin brother: We've always been very close, because we grew up together. We're simultaneously very different and very similar. I think my relationship with him has been one of the most influential in my personality, just because we were always together as children.
    INTP 9w1-5w4-4w5 good friend: Though we've only known each other for a few years, we are practically identical in personality (although he's just a little more passive in demeanor). It was a little awkward at first to get to know each other, because we had both never encountered someone so half-sarcastic and half-sincere and so like ourselves. We can't really help each other, because we both have the same problems and the same flaws, but we both totally understand each other.
    mushr00m, Julia Bell, o0india0o and 4 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Type 9


    1) It's something that saves the day. Actually, it's what I'm costantly looking for. It's a sort of indicator of what is true or not to me.

    2) Absolutely yes. I've been in the past and still am right now. The passion of a love just started is romantic, a more metaphyisical view of reality. Love fullfills reality.

    3) Yes at the lower istincts, when my life used to be poorer. A beautiful person used to have more value than an ugly one, but this was absolutely not filtered by my mind.

    4) There must be sex in my life, but it's not important. The thought "I can have sex if it's needed by my istincts/emotions" is enough. It's not important as love is.

    5) In challenges, in dangerous situations and in meditation. I can feel it everytime I have to face someone and argue with people.

    6) My approaches are pretty much instinctive. I don't ever think about that thing very much, everytime it's different but I use often humour to break the initial tensions.

    7) Actually I feel that Love decides instead of me. It's like something unspeakable has decided that my love has to be shared with that person and I couldn't be happier than that. I don't care about details, but what I'm often asking my partner (she's prolly Sx dom) is more time/space for myself and the possibility to talk freely about everything.

    8) I can imagine a lot of relationships, but I can't tell which of these has been more or less important. I suppose that it is not that important who I spend my time with, because every person can be interesting in some way. Some exceptions:

    1- A gay friend of mine with which I shared a lot of experiences from 16 to 20+ years. I am straight and we never felt any kind of barrier between us. I used to admire a lot his inner strenght, will and his clear ideas about what he wanted to do in life. It looks like our friendship ended when I became more assertive. We still are great friends but never see each other.
    2- My girlfriend is Sx dom as told before, and her enthusiastic point of view about life is completely (and positively) overwhelming. She helped (and helps) me a lot to paint my life with colours :)
    3- A 8w9 person who managed to help me to discover God again. He has been a Teacher to me and I could never be grateful enough.

    Thank you OP, really interesting questions :)
    mushr00m and Julia Bell thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Type 6

    Ah yes!

    1) describe your relationship with passion
    Embarrassing Okay, not that severe but it's something I hide as in, it's there for sure but it's overwhelming expressing it and potentially overwhelming for others or so I think. I'm a bit of a prude like that. Inhibition is a better word, holding on, almost retentive(except with significant others, even then I go all inhibited at times to unleashing the beast ) . When it comes to watching others get all passionate though, depending on who else i'm with, I tend to kinda enjoy it because its a real experience for them, i'm better with listening to others passionate details than talking about my own and as for experiencing it, these moments tend to fluctuate. I like things mostly on an even keel rather than constant passion, occasional passion is more accurate, earthiness and warm affection is something I generally feel more comfortable with and when I really trust them, that's when the passion is let out the bag!

    2) have you ever been madly in love? what was it like?

    Actually, only once, I have had close to love relationships but really they were quite superficial. The mad love I had was with the man I am with at the moment. I think he has some strong SX in his instincts, he has the on/off quality and just doing things with 100% intensity even when he chills, it's like he's doing that full on too Our relationship has moments of intensity, moreso in the early days, haha! Being in love with him was a type of intensity I found particularly grounding though, being both able to trust him which in turn strengthened the bond which enabled more intimacy and he's an ENFP, there's a lot of natural intensity which can both draw us both in and repel each other.

    3) is sexual desirability important to you?

    Demureness is what I try to aim for whilst maintaining an aspect of accessibility just to be polite. I like still having it but I don't want to be seen as a cheap shot. I just cringe when people come up to me and chat me up, they must pass the friendzone first! People have to work that bit harder to get to the next stage, i'm not easy by any stretch and have had guys get pissed when their efforts weren't immediately rewarded which made them look self entitled instead, you could say its a bit of test to see how genuine their attraction is and how easy they see me as. But I like just looking attractive and I want to attract the right kinds of people that are not in for a quick fumble. My big fear is being seen as a slab of meat.

    4) what role does sex play in your life? is it important to you?

    It depends on what is happening in my life. It gets put on the backburner when something more important comes up, it's not always a priority. When i'm first in a relationship, I tend to hold the sex off so I can get to know them better as people and then what happens is when we finally do get round to the magic, it's usually pretty amazing because we have a deeper bond. I went through a promiscuous stage in my early 20's and occasionally feel ashamed to thinking i'm glad I did all that then. I do have hang ups around the topic of sex sometimes, I blame a lot of that on my dad who was a big prude, tried to teach me that sex was wrong etc despite having his own sexual neurotics which I think was the inevitable result. I try to act like I don't do anything sexual as far as others are concerned, they all talk about their sexual exploits and I just rather keep that stuff to myself and with the person i'm in love with. I value it too much to talk about it in a general setting.

    5) describe a situation where you were really feeling the energy/"vibe"?

    Usually during the thrill of the chase or when I have a huge crush on someone, whether they are aware of it, I feel so much intensity, I become obsessed alternating with shame about it. If they turn out to fancy me also, there might not be a lot stopping me, ill go in for the kill, shy away or hope they will because it's a turn on when the other party makes the first move.

    6) how easily do you get close to people? what is this process like?

    Generally quite rarely. I'm very sealed off with many people, i'm shy tbh though I try to cover that up. I'm scared of getting close in case I get rejected or hurt. I need to have a few low key or low pressure situations with someone before I build up enough confidence to eventually bond with them, this can take some time. When it happens, its for real.

    7) what do you look for in a partner? what is important to you in a long term relationship?

    Mmm, compatibility, shared humour, kindness, stable in themself, consideration and respectful, has their own life aswell, passionate! Romantic, not a hedonist, somewhat sensible, similar values, similar class, responsible but able let their hair down too. Desire soulmate type intimacy.

    8) describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they were important to you

    My present relationship which has spanned about 7 years with good and bad times. What can I say, we have chemistry, we understand each other deeply, we both have creative interests so can help spur each other on. We have deep discussions that we can't always have with others about pretty much anything. We often consider ourselves to be soulmates to each other and i've never had that click thing with anyone else the way I have with him. So there!
    kaleidoscope, Herp and Julia Bell thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Oh I think I might have misunderstood one of the questions. Oh well.

  8. #8

    I'm so glad this thread was made! I'm very interested in SX-last's experiences with the instinct, as it's so rarely talked about. *lurks intensely*

    I'm not Sx-last myself, but I live with two Sx-last parents (and possibly an Sx-last sister) and they never understand how I can get so obsessed with something. To them, nothing is worth getting hooked on, really. There's enjoyment, there's even some excitement (though very very tempered and tepid) but it's never really.. sought out. If it happens, it happens. If not, it's not really missing. Thing is, there's very little incentive for any form of letting go. I doubt the opportunity even presents itself. My parents are both SJ 6's though, so the flavor of Sx-last may be more different than how it would be for a 2 or a 4.
    mushr00m, DomNapoleon, Julia Bell and 2 others thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by kaleidoscope View Post
    I'm not Sx-last myself, but I live with two Sx-last parents (and possibly an Sx-last sister) and they never understand how I can get so obsessed with something.
    Lol, I would say I get obsessed with things, but then I am aspie.
    bombsaway and FreeBeer thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Type 6

    As of late I've been too busy to be on PerC (and I've been trying to take a PerC break), but I've got some spare time and this thread is too interesting to resist. ^_^ Well, Sp/So here.

    1. Describe your relationship to passion.

    My sister always jokes about my lack of competitiveness. She knows she cannot compete with me in anything simply because I don't have that sort of temperament. I don't have that much of a competitive spirit when it comes to most things. I don't get heated up about things easily.

    I don't have that fiery sort of passion that everyone thinks of when they think of "passion". I have more of a reserved passion. A constant love for the things I find pleasant and interesting. And I'll pursue those things and they'll become dear to me. There are things that I am fiercely loyal to because they are meaningful to me.

    I don't often show my passions to other people because I'm always scared of being too much. Overly passionate.

    Like, who would want to listen to me go on about something they're not very interested in? Why would I want to burden somebody with that? I suppose the underlying assumption there, though, is who would be so interested in me? Usually I'm the one who gets interested in other people. Usually I'm the one quietly approaching and observing. Usually I get other people to talk to me about their passions. It doesn't tend to be the other way around.

    And when people ask me, "What do you want?" .... It is hard for me to answer. Going off what @RoSoDude said, that question makes me feel uncomfortable. There are so many other things to consider. Like other people. Like what makes sense considering all that is going on, circumstantial problems and such. I always find I ask what do they need? and what do I need? more. Far more often than "what do I want?". This mindset of mine is causing a bit of trouble now that I'm going off to community college and I'm beginning to start my own life.

    2. Have you ever been madly in love? What was it like?

    It depends on what you mean by "madly in love". I don't even think I've been "in love" with somebody. I don't like calling it "in love", as though love is some condition you can't help but randomly get. You can "fall into" it and "fall out" of it. Supposedly. I don't want to be "in love" like that.

    When I love somebody, I willingly give them love. It is something I actively do and choose to do. It is hardly different when it comes to romantic love. As of right now, I've only ever romantically loved one person and I still do (although we're not together). But there's not a lot of "heat" or "passion" there. Nor am I attracted to him because of chemistry or intensity (although I suppose some chemistry has got to be there). It was more a revelation of, wow. I trust you, and you trust me. And we both see the same truth. And there's no obsessiveness, no "I need this" from each other. We're friends first and foremost, and always will be. Even if our friendship becomes more. But that means so much to me, this foundation of trust. It's more like, I feel like I will respect and trust you and love you and listen to you always -- even when that becomes hard for me to do at times. Even when what you have to say isn't what I want to hear, or whatever.

    Although usually, most people don't call that being "madly in love". ^_^

    3. Is sexual desirability important to you?

    Considering how this is the first time I've had to ever even ponder the idea, I suppose it's never really occurred to me. Do I want to be desirable, as in "I hope you like me as a person"? Yeah, sure, to some extent. But sexual desirability? ... I don't know.

    4. What role does sex play in your life? Is it important to you?

    That awkward moment when you're a virgin. Well. Sex doesn't play an active role in my life right now. Is it important to me? Yes. But it doesn't really dominate my life (I suppose that's kind of obvious). It's not like I want to have sex just so I can have sex, or just so I can feel that sort of connection with a person. I suppose this is when the fact that I've got certain Christian values comes into play. ^^'

    5. Describe a situation where you really felt the energy/vibe.

    "The Energy"? "The vibe"? Not sure what is meant by that, first off. I've had different sorts of connections with different sorts of people, all meaningful in their own way. The person I currently love what I mentioned before is somebody who I've felt a strong connection with. A connection in how we see things and how we trust. But there's hardly ever been "intensity" there.

    When it comes to close friends, there's never really been that either. I have this one close friend of mine. We consider ourselves sisters. I could almost use the word "energy" to describe the connection we've got. As in, we're always there for each other and we stand shoulder to shoulder, facing life together.

    I don't think I give off much energy myself.

    I've felt "intensity" before coming from other people on a couple of occasions. I've got mixed feelings about it. There have been a couple of guys who have been really intense and approached me. I don't really like it. They looked at me like they wanted me, and that made me feel super uncomfortable.

    Still not sure what you mean by this question. I suppose that's pretty telling, though.

    6. How easily do you get close to people? What is this process like?

    I'm that sort of person who can get in conversation with a stranger and have a pleasant time and an interesting conversation -- without even knowing their name. Sometimes the conversation is with words. Sometimes it'll just be through body language. Smiles, nods, waves -- just acknowledging the other person's existence. That's kind of how I begin to get close to somebody. I see them, I approach them, and I talk to them. I take interest in who they are. Although it takes more than that to become true friends.

    When it comes to friend-making, well... friends just sort of happen. Like people just show up in your life and you find yourself close to them in a very special way. Like C.S. Lewis said, you become friends with somebody when you meet them and you both find yourselves thinking, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

    And when it comes to becoming close, you must give that friendship time and effort. You give them support and honesty and companionship and loyalty and trust. To me, a friend is also somebody who I will give unconditional love.

    7. What do you look for in a partner? What is important to you in a long term relationship?

    First off, here is the most important things: I want my partner to be my friend, not just my "lover" or "SO" or what have you. Because here is something interesting. Out of all the relationships you can have with somebody, a friendship is the most time consuming and selfless one (if the friendship is true). Your family has loyalty towards you and a duty towards you -- they don't have to like you. A person who is romantically interested in you, well, scientifically we know that attraction is there because sex and we all want to continue the existence of our species. Basically. But somebody who is your friend? There seems to be no rhyme or reason behind it. You simply give each other your time and support because you form a bond together.

    And I want that kind of friendship to be the foundation of the relationship I've got with my future partner.

    So I will want there to be honesty between us, and a willingness to listen to each other and communicate with each other. A willingness to love each other even when we're not at our most lovable. Even when loving becomes hard. A willingness to compromise. A willingness to see what is meaningful to the other person.

    8. Describe 1-3 of your most meaningful relationships and why they are important to you.

    Agh! There are far too many meaningful relationships that I've got. One I have already mentioned to you.

    I value very highly the relationship I have with my sister. She's a friend to me. Sure we fight every now and again, but if I didn't have her I don't know what I'd do. We're exact opposites in many ways, but I like that because we teach each other things. And we both totally trust each other.

    Also, I have mentioned the close friend of mine who might as well be my sister too. She is incredibly genuine all the time. She cares so much for so many things. She's got many traits I admire. And there is no topic that is off limits for us to talk about. We've never fought about anything, and that's not because we agree on all subjects (because we most certainly do not). At one point, we, well, liked the same guy a lot. Haha. Apparently when that happens to most friends, their relationship gets strained. Or worse, falls apart. Not us. We just talked about it briefly and in the end just shrugged. What happens will happen. It's not like either of us owned him anyways, nor would we ever. There was no jealousy. We even talked to each other about him. Laughed about the whole thing. Silly girl conversations. It was great.

    The list goes on.

    I suppose none of the relationships I have with people are generally formed because of some energy or vibe of passion. o.O
    kaleidoscope, bombsaway, Hespera and 5 others thanked this post.

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