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This is a discussion on SX Confessions, Rants, Vents, Rages, Purges within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by ukulele I love SO people. I genuinely repel them. When I was younger I used to wonder ...

  1. #3891
    Type 4w3


    Quote Originally Posted by ukulele View Post
    I love SO people. I genuinely repel them. When I was younger I used to wonder what's wrong with me, now I find it hilarious. Poor things look like they suffer just because I'm there.
    I love them not because I repel them (although there is sometimes a certain guilty pleasure in it) but because they tend to cultivate an image that looks better than reality. I love social types because the way they dress, talk, look has Sp second or Sp none. Thus, in a sense, they create a Baudrillardian hyper-reality in which my shallow emotions can bask. So it almost always ends up as a case of disillusionment. They look civilized, polite, in-your-service, but hidden underneath they hold resentment, meanness, guile. They give you their warmest Stepfordian smiles but would oust you as soon as their cronies arrived. They make typology appear as an organized community where people have a refined awareness of their personality structure, whereas in truth typology is a chaotic land with all kinds of cliques, where almost everyone fakes their type for social gain, if not their whole type but the part that does not fit with mainstream, more general cultural requirements. They make typology look like a libertarian, progressive place of freedom of speech and where one only has to know and manifest their true selves to attract or find their matches, whereas in reality it's a place where frustrated SJW (i.e. mercenary-like) or fascistic admins boycott conversations, where a number of types are not allowed to show their kinks because the "majority" gets offended and when you believe you've found your match or the subgroup to which belong and radiate your true colors, you end up "offending" other people because they, apparently, have "got" the definitions "wrong." Only to realize from subtle cues that nobody here really has the advertised idealism of "as accurate as possible matchmaking," rather they come in already scheming and compromising, with the pragmatics of "nobody could possibly accept my flaw" and settle down with other dispassionate compromisers, on a "what [type/behavior/opinion] the majority needs"-basis so in the end the forum is just like the society outside. Even if the attitude "typology is an awesome mission" is still as high as a flag could be, certain alternative readings of the theory become neglected and others are set in stone. But then at least you learn that this is the case everywhere, with every "social justice" project. There might be one swift, perhaps carnivalesque moment when the masks are, for an instant, down and you see everyone for who they really are, some even masking as themselves but then it's gone and nobody would admit what you had seen with them, in the cave, behind the fire, they'd joke about it, they'd trivialize it and the soon as you know, the free play has started over and you risk labeled as mad if you keep insisting on earnest ideals (vs. pragmatic ideals), poetry and truth. Because who wouldn't be if they failed to recognize that all this time they had actually been surrounded by fellow 100% idealists, ready to live and die for the cause? After all, we all want the same things, happiness, joy, contentment, we all are driven by lyrical ideals, esp. on this forum: the ideals of Psychology, the lofty study of the Soul! Everyone needs understanding, validation, their place in the world, love, a home, a family - and we're all here for that right? to provide and receive, to make the world a better place? ;) One for all, all for one, "everyone belongs to everyone else?"
    Last edited by Neokortex; 10-10-2018 at 01:48 AM.
    openend thanked this post.

  2. #3892
    Type 6w5


    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    I love them not because I repel them (although there is sometimes a certain guilty pleasure in it) but because they tend to cultivate an image that looks better than reality. I love social types because the way they dress, talk, look has Sp second or Sp none. Thus, in a sense, they create a Baudrillardian hyper-reality in which my shallow emotions can bask. So it almost always ends up as a case of disillusionment. They look civilized, polite, in-your-service, but hidden underneath they hold resentment, meanness, guile. They give you their warmest Stepfordian smiles but would oust you as soon as their cronies arrived. They make typology appear as an organized community where people have a refined awareness of their personality structure, whereas in truth typology is a chaotic land with all kinds of cliques, where almost everyone fakes their type for social gain, if not their whole type but the part that does not fit with mainstream, more general cultural requirements. They make typology look like a libertarian, progressive place of freedom of speech and where one only has to know and manifest their true selves to attract or find their matches, whereas in reality it's a place where frustrated SJW (i.e. mercenary-like) or fascistic admins boycott conversations, where a number of types are not allowed to show their kinks because the "majority" gets offended and when you believe you've found your match or the subgroup to which belong and radiate your true colors, you end up "offending" other people because they, apparently, have "got" the definitions "wrong." Only to realize from subtle cues that nobody here really has the advertised idealism of "as accurate as possible matchmaking," rather they come in already scheming and compromising, with the pragmatics of "nobody could possibly accept my flaw" and settle down with other dispassionate compromisers, on a "what [type/behavior/opinion] the majority needs"-basis so in the end the forum is just like the society outside. Even if the attitude "typology is an awesome mission" is still as high as a flag could be, certain alternative readings of the theory become neglected and others are set in stone. But then at least you learn that this is the case everywhere, with every "social justice" project. There might be one swift, perhaps carnivalesque moment when the masks are, for an instant, down and you see everyone for who they really are, some even masking as themselves but then it's gone and nobody would admit what you had seen with them, in the cave, behind the fire, they'd joke about it, they'd trivialize it and the soon as you know, the free play has started over and you risk labeled as mad if you keep insisting on earnest ideals (vs. pragmatic ideals), poetry and truth. Because who wouldn't be if they failed to recognize that all this time they had actually been surrounded by fellow 100% idealists, ready to live and die for the cause? After all, we all want the same things, happiness, joy, contentment, we all are driven by lyrical ideals, esp. on this forum: the ideals of Psychology, the lofty study of the Soul! Everyone needs understanding, validation, their place in the world, love, a home, a family - and we're all here for that right? to provide and receive, to make the world a better place? ;) One for all, all for one, "everyone belongs to everyone else?"
    Your paragraph game is weak. Gotta work on that. It proved an interesting read but I stopped 1/3 of the way because I constantly got lost due to the clutter.

  3. #3893
    Type 6w5


    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    Your writing style, if it's of any indication, suggests me So/Sx, though. But that's just a premature impression. Sx/Sps don't turn into butterflies. Because butterflies are light, colorful and do not carry the weight, the anguish of the deviant misfit's lonely, dark, grey, drab struggle of surviving or just trying to get ahead through the crowd without the emotional (and physical) support of a collective.





    Attachment 765850


    What's with this darkness bullshit every time I read something on Sx? My brother is an E7 sx dom ESFP and he's NOTHING about darkness. He's all in the moment and good fun. Sure, when shit got bad it got BAD. But now he's not at all darkness seeking. He's the opposite. He's often the center stage of attention without even trying or wanting to.

    But yeah, he does admit he rather dresses black/gray than colorful. I'm the opposite. I like to work in a lot of color and while I don't seek darkness I am drawn to it. All this while I'm sp/so. So this darkness theory is shit and holds no strong merit. Stop promoting it, it's annoying and causes confusion.

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  5. #3894
    Type 4w3


    Quote Originally Posted by Mammon View Post
    What's with this darkness bullshit every time I read something on Sx? My brother is an E7 sx dom ESFP and he's NOTHING about darkness. He's all in the moment and good fun. Sure, when shit got bad it got BAD. But now he's not at all darkness seeking. He's the opposite. He's often the center stage of attention without even trying or wanting to.

    But yeah, he does admit he rather dresses black/gray than colorful. I'm the opposite. I like to work in a lot of color and while I don't seek darkness I am drawn to it. All this while I'm sp/so. So this darkness theory is shit and holds no strong merit. Stop promoting it, it's annoying and causes confusion.
    Dude. Dark ≠ black. Capiche? Dark; adj.: less light, i.e. washed out colors. The point of that picture was the deformed lady, not the monochromatic color scale. And your friend could be an Sx/So for all I know, it's So blind spot what lacks the "lightness" of colors or the grace of proportions of shapes (such as neat paragraphs). So blind spot = inclusion of non-society-standard aesthetics and ideas from the immediate world (but of course every type has some So, since for me it's at my heart type, I actually love So aesthetics to a timely extent, while at the same time also like the dark sublime of Gothic art; socials may have it the other way around, they'd be a fan of Batman, watch horror films but they'd rather decorate their interiors with lively colors and enjoy that long term; but if not interiors, thinking now of working class or otherwise negligent people, then their own dress, their facade to the world; and if not dress, thinking again of menial labor, dirty work clothes, or beggars or some really non-colorful hippies, then their behavior, the way they omit the incongruities, abject side of life in their speech; and if their speech is still foul, foul with curses and the word "shit," thinking again of uneducated or anti-social/aggressive/E8 people, then their intention to one another may still be "pure" - E8 is an exception for its rawness, although Social 8s hide that underneath social customs and 8s usually are "anal expulsive," meaning that they spit these mental feces out only to get rid of them and perhaps intimidate the other person but not as an intellectual act of pointing out the underbelly motives in someone else's or a groups' behavior -, say, if they are heterosexual men, they may use the word "vagina" and "bitch" a lot, but they wouldn't say things like, "I find you sexy" to their friends; both Sx/So and Sx/Sp breach these boundaries but Sx/Sp is less concerned with So and sublimating it into sanctioned social norms; if the idea popped into my mind that we should cross hands and jerk one another's dicks off, then that doesn't mean I'm homosexual, it just means that I can forgo social stereotypes and what is considered disgusting; okay, that's disgusting but think of the coroners work, they get used to it, yet it still doesn't make them talk about it explicitly to their family, or make an aesthetic statement statement out of it, like a T-shirt depicting guts, reminding that life has more than just the spectrum of vivid, lively colors; you may know that fact, although you may not practice injecting that truth into the social; of course, I'm not dissecting corpses as a hobby, I'm also living life to appear a "normal" middle class guy as much as possible, yet time and again I remind people of society's colorblindness and that's why mods don't like me here). Alright? Don't like congested lines? Look up the original authors. Oh, and I remember, I deliberately looked for a b&w photo for the contrast, for the immediate effect for the person, not because I intended an overall theoretical explanation with all the exceptions, and hedges. Of course, a lot of So/Sxs and Sx/Sos may pretend "darkness" online, or in their speech may talk for "grit" and "uncompromising rawness," when in fact that's just a strategy for hiding their own compromises, weasel nature :P
    Last edited by Neokortex; 10-11-2018 at 02:22 AM.
    Mammon thanked this post.

  6. #3895
    Type 6w5


    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    Dude. Dark ≠ black. Capiche? Dark; adj.: less light, i.e. washed out colors. The point of that picture was the deformed lady, not the monochromatic color scale. And your friend could be an Sx/So for all I know, it's So blind spot what lacks the "lightness" of colors or the grace of proportions of shapes (such as neat paragraphs). So blind spot = inclusion of non-society-standard aesthetics and ideas from the immediate world (but of course every type has some So, since for me it's at my heart type, I actually love So aesthetics to a timely extent, while at the same time also like the dark sublime of Gothic art; socials may have it the other way around, they'd be a fan of Batman, watch horror films but they'd rather decorate their interiors with lively colors and enjoy that long term; but if not interiors, thinking now of working class or otherwise negligent people, then their own dress, their facade to the world; and if not dress, thinking again of menial labor, dirty work clothes, or beggars or some really non-colorful hippies, then their behavior, the way they omit the incongruities, abject side of life in their speech; and if their speech is still foul, foul with curses and the word "shit," thinking again of uneducated or anti-social/aggressive/E8 people, then their intention to one another may still be "pure" - E8 is an exception for its rawness, although Social 8s hide that underneath social customs and 8s usually are "anal expulsive," meaning that they spit these mental feces out only to get rid of them and perhaps intimidate the other person but not as an intellectual act of pointing out the underbelly motives in someone else's or a groups' behavior -, say, if they are heterosexual men, they may use the word "vagina" and "bitch" a lot, but they wouldn't say things like, "I find you sexy" to their friends; both Sx/So and Sx/Sp breach these boundaries but Sx/Sp is less concerned with So and sublimating it into sanctioned social norms; if the idea popped into my mind that we should cross hands and jerk one another's dicks off, then that doesn't mean I'm homosexual, it just means that I can forgo social stereotypes and what is considered disgusting; okay, that's disgusting but think of the coroners work, they get used to it, yet it still doesn't make them talk about it explicitly to their family, or make an aesthetic statement statement out of it, like a T-shirt depicting guts, reminding that life has more than just the spectrum of vivid, lively colors; you may know that fact, although you may not practice injecting that truth into the social; of course, I'm not dissecting corpses as a hobby, I'm also living life to appear a "normal" middle class guy as much as possible, yet time and again I remind people of society's colorblindness and that's why mods don't like me here). Alright? Don't like congested lines? Look up the original authors. Oh, and I remember, I deliberately looked for a b&w photo for the contrast, for the immediate effect for the person, not because I intended an overall theoretical explanation with all the exceptions, and hedges. Of course, a lot of So/Sxs and Sx/Sos may pretend "darkness" online, or in their speech may talk for "grit" and "uncompromising rawness," when in fact that's just a strategy for hiding their own compromises, weasel nature :P
    For what it's worth I sometimes peak into subreddits or places on the internet such as 'watch people die'. I do turn off the sound tho as not to have too much trauma lel Because Mexican cartels cutting people up while they're still alive and squirming is not something enjoyable but still I find I must somehow be aware of this darkness in the world. It is raw reality. It's human nature as much as all the nice social pretenses are.

    Oh what a nice gift thank you I love you!

    Very beautiful, very comfortable to have those feelings. That warmth. But where does this drive come from? What murky waters does it lurk?

    Same place as those that cut people up without thinking twice. No one likes it. But it's true. It's just the polar opposite, but one is pushing itself away from it, frantically scrubbing itself to the point its skin might come off. While some just go head first into it. And others are in between. This creates interesting results. It forces us to think about what it MEANS to be human. It forces one to look inside themselves and ask very uncomfortable and hard questions. It destroys as much as it creates.

    Dark and light go hand in hand. This is way I have this avatar. Because I'm nigh obsessed with it.

    Even the Japanese in my signature deals with it. 'who am I'

  7. #3896
    Type 4w3


    Quote Originally Posted by Mammon View Post
    For what it's worth I sometimes peak into subreddits or places on the internet such as 'watch people die'. I do turn off the sound tho as not to have too much trauma lel Because Mexican cartels cutting people up while they're still alive and squirming is not something enjoyable but still I find I must somehow be aware of this darkness in the world. It is raw reality. It's human nature as much as all the nice social pretenses are.

    Oh what a nice gift thank you I love you!

    Very beautiful, very comfortable to have those feelings. That warmth. But where does this drive come from? What murky waters does it lurk?

    Same place as those that cut people up without thinking twice. No one likes it. But it's true. It's just the polar opposite, but one is pushing itself away from it, frantically scrubbing itself to the point its skin might come off. While some just go head first into it. And others are in between. This creates interesting results. It forces us to think about what it MEANS to be human. It forces one to look inside themselves and ask very uncomfortable and hard questions. It destroys as much as it creates.

    Dark and light go hand in hand. This is way I have this avatar. Because I'm nigh obsessed with it.

    Even the Japanese in my signature deals with it. 'who am I'
    5 definitely has that nihilism, darkness in it. I have a YT video that which I will delete bc even there I did this confusion, use the word "dark," whereas the real dark ones are the 5s. But you sure you are, specifically, an Sp/So 5? My take of INTJs, for instance, that most that are out there, are somewhere between So/Sp and Sp/Sx. The very ability to dissect with logic, as a scientist does, is more Ni, more introverted, caring less of what others might think. They do these games that they even halt you in your speech by pointing out the logical flaws of language. That what you say, if compared to general syntax, morphology rules, makes on sense. That's, again, separating your intellectual process, which is, well, either Ni or Ti. Maybe overall social INTJs do it in bursts in less frequency and the full fledged Sp/Sx INTJs are more completely a-social, removing themselves from the world not just out of depression but because of schizoid tendencies too (?). Oh, and please return the favor and send me some of those brutal stuff, man, my counterphobia needs me toughen myself up.

  8. #3897
    Type 6w5


    Quote Originally Posted by Neokortex View Post
    5 definitely has that nihilism, darkness in it. I have a YT video that which I will delete bc even there I did this confusion, use the word "dark," whereas the real dark ones are the 5s. But you sure you are, specifically, an Sp/So 5? My take of INTJs, for instance, that most that are out there, are somewhere between So/Sp and Sp/Sx. The very ability to dissect with logic, as a scientist does, is more Ni, more introverted, caring less of what others might think. They do these games that they even halt you in your speech by pointing out the logical flaws of language. That what you say, if compared to general syntax, morphology rules, makes on sense. That's, again, separating your intellectual process, which is, well, either Ni or Ti. Maybe overall social INTJs do it in bursts in less frequency and the full fledged Sp/Sx INTJs are more completely a-social, removing themselves from the world not just out of depression but because of schizoid tendencies too (?). Oh, and please return the favor and send me some of those brutal stuff, man, my counterphobia needs me toughen myself up.
    I wouldn't go and call myself dark, I'd say I'm in the middle, that is, I'm cynical but appreciative. Way back in my teens in my search for how deep altruism goes in people I had to face and see the bad too. That's all there is to it. I ended with the conclusion that both stem from the same thing, which is self service. Altruism doesn't really exist. Whatever argument there is for it can be traced back to self service BEFORE it becomes service to others.

    I'm not a 5 either, I'm a 6 with a 5 wing. Sp/so 6w5.

    I'm also no INTJ. I'm an ISFJ with a morbid curiosity.

  9. #3898
    Type 4w3


    Quote Originally Posted by Mammon View Post
    I wouldn't go and call myself dark, I'd say I'm in the middle, that is, I'm cynical but appreciative. Way back in my teens in my search for how deep altruism goes in people I had to face and see the bad too. That's all there is to it. I ended with the conclusion that both stem from the same thing, which is self service. Altruism doesn't really exist. Whatever argument there is for it can be traced back to self service BEFORE it becomes service to others.

    I'm not a 5 either, I'm a 6 with a 5 wing. Sp/so 6w5.

    I'm also no INTJ. I'm an ISFJ with a morbid curiosity.
    Alright... uuh, what? ISJF 6w5? Man, if such variety exists, I've still got some to learn. So watching the videos I thought of the following. I'm not sure of your E9 if it has w8 or not, and what instinctual variant you associate with it. But. I've noticed that the more I go down the social ladder, the more crassness, as well as brutality the culture allows/suffers. But even there are differences: some people are religious, emotion driven, others are more raw. I think of the people who have taste for vids like this along the lines of E8 and E6, i.e. authoritarian right and more militaristic nationalists. So in that sense, if it is part of a culture (of pointing fingers), then people may well talk about "the other side of the spectrum" as an exterior topic. I'm not sure, though if they'd bring it up with their wives or during supper. Their communication, dispersal would still be structured by social rules - otherwise there would be anarchy.

    But then again, Sx manifests in interactions, more specifically the intimacy between two people. You wrote: "What's with this darkness bullshit every time I read something on Sx? (...) [T]his darkness theory is shit and holds no strong merit." I get you are ISFJ, but for the sake of example, let's assume that your use of the word "shit" is an instance of Te (perhaps your wing 5's assertion). Now, turning your favorite taste for these videos into Sx would be something like this: if I asked you as a question: "do you curse me with the same anger that with which they tore down the skin off the face of that Mexican?" or "Do you call my theory "bullshit" because that's what you want to do to me, pin me down and excrete your warm, glistening dump on me?" Or in other words: do you watch the videos because you are like the people doing those acts - or do you watch them because you want to persuade yourself (as in watching horror movies) that you would not commit such horrible acts and compared to them what you did commit was less horrible, not even worth a comparison?

    ... yeah, I haven't read the psychoanalysis of film studies behind horror films but I have a feeling they reinforce social solidarity, people watch them to refocus themselves on Fe, and distract themselves from the idea that Te is not just "tribe logic" but it comes with a shadow Se or Si. Or from the idea that the "monster" may be more about their own psychopathy and not some isolated genetical freak. And these unconscious Se/Si may reemerge covertly as a result of the repressed frustration that comes with subordinating one's own will to the collective's interest. In other words: Te users, as well as some Ti users tend to exploit the collective interest (Fe, Te) to be allowed to be bullies. And tend to be good at hiding that under the "the greater good needed it" excuses.

    So what differentiates between Sx blind spot and So blind spot spectatorship of these lurid videos? Well, let's tie it back to Fe. You recognized that altruism (or in biology called "competitive altruism") is actually self-service. Now the questions are, whether you watch these videos because you're attracted to the dark because you are aware of the dark in yourself? Or, do you watch them because you want to convince yourself that some altruism is evil, nobody is either black or white, and by watching them you become aware of and distance yourself from evil, which also entails the "evil (i.e. false, deceptive, self-serving) altruism" so that when you're again altruistic, that will not be self-serving, that will be true altruism? For sure, as an Sp/So you can't avoid Fe-trigger situations.

    We are all social animals, So blind spots included, but a one-on-one, intimate/vulnerable context is when trust is expect the most earnestly, when discussion turns intent. When exposed, when entrusted someone with your vulnerability is when instances of deviation from social interaction formulas have the most impact, significance. So yeah, you are right, anyone can be into scat porn privately but context makes the difference between a reference like that to be penetrative (intimidating other parts of the mind unrelated to the one that enjoys it) or just a matter of a jest. Or in other words: you not following up with the conversation I had with the intended recipient made, in the end, the difference between light and dark (of the pictures quoted).

    But anyways, I don't watch much dark stuff, even remember reading on 16types.info that Sp/Sx is more into the underbelly stuff, Sx/Sp is somewhat removed from that (because of syn-flow). So instead of "dark" I'm more into "cyberpunk" because it has both trash and E3 aesthetics.
    Last edited by Neokortex; 10-12-2018 at 03:50 PM.

  10. #3899
    Type 5w4

    Well, I normally don't jump into ranting, so... hopefully I'm doing this right when I start.

    Adding this now, I do have a strong 4 wing and much of this post may sound ironic to it, but other parts may make sense. Anyway, onward.

    Being an Sx dom is... challenging. Especially being a type 5. There's so much inner conflict between wants and needs. I crave the isolation that allows me to think and comfortably observe without involvement, yet at the same time, there's that inner nagging for closeness to someone that actually understands the perspective I hold--and being as much of my view is controversial in the eyes of many, it puts a major strain on this inherent desire for connection. I like to consider it much like a moth on the outside of a window, fluttering about, its wings beating just enough for it to be audible, but not so thoroughly distracting unless you move closer.

    I'm always sitting at the crossroads of letting it in to achieve its goal, or observing it--again, from that comfortable distance, while it's being held back--in its eyes, forcibly, and in my eyes, voluntarily.

    I'm a very emotionally disconnected person as well, but I know I'm not without them, so I wind up in a stalemate a lot more often than I'd like to admit. It all turns into a pattern, really. How frustrating.



    Well, that's my rant. I could probably do better if I were awake, but alas, I'm pretty sure my brain is still buried under my pillows somewhere.
    Dare, ukulele and L P thanked this post.

  11. #3900
    Unknown

    I went to my first enneagram workshop yesterday and found so much clarity. I feel a lot of tenderness for myself today and my challenges in life. My heart aches and my eyes tear up even now. Yesterday as I shared, my arms shook the way they shake when I get acupuncture -- rotating quickly at the elbows. My heart pounded in my chest. I went in, thinking I might be an SP, because as a single mom who doesn't have much money, I feel inundated with SP concerns that drain me. As I was talking about SP, someone said, what's the energy in the room right now? It was sexual. I had filled the whole room with my charismatic SX/SO energy -- all eyes were on me, engaged, as I shared my personal struggles with what I came to identify as my sp-blindspot. I left knowing I need to outsources as much of SP as possible.

    People love me when I am able to turn on a room like that. People seek me out. People want to engage and give me attention. But, I am not always ON like that. I see people fade away when I don't "turn it on". Turn MYSELF on for them. Like I'm a fucking TV screen, a flat screen, with nothing inside. I've spent a lot of my life managing my SX energy because my E3 tracks how so many of the SPs and SOs wilt one-on-one with me. I make myself small. I manage my own energy to take care of other people so I will be loved, so I can be perfect. I turn it on when other people want me to turn it on. I dampen it when I'm overwhelming other people. I love the attention I get when I'm on, but the pain of only being appreciated for that... might not be worth it.

    I don't want to fuck. I want to hold hands and breathe. I don't need intensity, because I know if I slow down, simple things like your hand in mine IS intense. Eye contact. Closing our eyes. Feeling what it feels like to BE in a room together. Change the distance. Notice subtle shifts. I don't want to rush into things because there is so much richness right here.

    Sexual energy for me is noticing there is a picture that we can take of the scene. Like Christmas Currier & Ives perfection. But. What is underneath? Is there really comfort & joy even while the chestnuts roast on the fire? Or is mom upset because no one is helping, but she won't let anyone help. And dad's biting his thumb the way he does as he chases me down the hall to beat me. Part of sexual energy is tracking the feeling in the room, the feeling in my body, noticing where my attention goes.

    Now that I am so much clearer about the names for some of the energies I experience, like I've learned the names for the flavors of wine at a tasting, what do I do with it? Manage? Not manage? Let myself be... Big? Charismatic? Bored? Sad? Small? Can I show up however I show up? How does SX/SO serve me? And how does it limit me?
    Stelliferous and Llyralen thanked this post.


     
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