Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot?? - Page 2

Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot??

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This is a discussion on Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot?? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; @ Father of Dragons However, it weirds me out that they seem to open up more to other people who ...

  1. #11

    @Father of Dragons

    However, it weirds me out that they seem to open up more to other people who are not warm at all.
    Perhaps this is a sign of the gain-loss effect in action (sometimes called the "law of infidelity"):

    "The 'law of infidelity,' derived from E. Aronson's (1969) gain-loss theory of attraction, predicts that when 2 evaluators compete for the affections of an evaluatee, the one whose evaluations begin negatively but then become positive (a gain evaluator) will be liked more than a consistently positive evaluator."

    "In a study performed by Gerald Clore from the University of Illinois, Clore performed an experiment in which he showed 338 people four videos of two people interacting. The videos were as follows:

    Video 1: Person A is pleasant to person B.
    Video 2: Person A is initially pleasant to person B, but becomes more standoffish as the conversation continues.
    Video 3: Person A is initially unpleasant to Person B, but mellows as the conversation continues.
    Video 4: Person A acts like an enormous, raging turd for the entirety of the conversation.

    When polled on which behavior was the most appealing, the majority of subjects chose video number three. Essentially, when someone is consistently unpleasant towards you, it establishes a behavioral baseline that colors your expectations. When that person becomes more pleasant, even if it's by a tiny amount, you interpret that as progress, which is psychologically stimulating."

  2. #12
    Type 7w6

    Um. Are you sure your problem isn't in the employee-manager relationship as opposed to the fact they are possibly Sp-dom? I like to think people have a wider array of conversational ability than topics related to their instinct.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by Spades View Post
    Um. Are you sure your problem isn't in the employee-manager relationship as opposed to the fact they are possibly Sp-dom? I like to think people have a wider array of conversational ability than topics related to their instinct.
    There are only three things an sp-dom can discuss: drapes, the Armageddon bunker they've built in their basement, and what's for dinner.
    MissyMaroon, Napoleptic, Spades and 5 others thanked this post.

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  5. #14
    Type 7w6

    Quote Originally Posted by Marlowe View Post
    There are only three things an sp-dom can discuss: drapes, the Armageddon bunker they've built in their basement, and what's for dinner.
    Omg is it sad that all three of those topics excited me greatly

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by Spades View Post
    Omg is it sad that all three of those topics excited me greatly
    Idk, I would say food at least is generally an exciting topic.
    MissyMaroon and Spades thanked this post.

  7. #16
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    I've realized that I am terrible at dealing with SP-first people. For example, I work 2 part-time jobs and 3 out of my 4 managers/assistant-managers are SP-firsts. I can barely hold a conversation with them. It kind of sucks that it's so hard to find any common ground with them. I am quite comfortable around SO-firsts because I at least feel a little involved in the things that are important to them.

    So, anyone have any ideas of how to make it easier? To some degree I can get something going if I ask them questions related to what I understand as Self-Preservation ("how's our budget this week?", "traffic was terrible today"), but really it is fake rapport because I am not invested at all in the subject matter...

    Honestly, even tips on how to get along with SP-types in general would be appreciated!
    I have exactly the same problem with sp-firsts. Wish I had some advice. It took me this long to realize that someone being sp-first is usually the biggest barrier in my relationship with them. I just try to save everyone some frustration by avoiding them as much as possible, lol.

  8. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by Spades View Post
    Um. Are you sure your problem isn't in the employee-manager relationship as opposed to the fact they are possibly Sp-dom? I like to think people have a wider array of conversational ability than topics related to their instinct.
    There could definitely be a bit of that with them. The thing is though I do find it challenging with my SP co-workers as well. I still chit-chat, but it's hard to build rapport.

    I do regret mentioning conversation topics in my OP because most people talk about a variety of things. We are all people, it turns out. The thing I've noticed though is that there definitely is a distinct difference in the emphasis and framing of the conversation topic. The 'why', the reason we talk about the subject.

    SP-doms seem more interested in the direct implications of the conversation topic whereas I am focused on making the conversation more about stimulating the participants. If I'm talking about budget it is a means to an end - connecting with the other person and getting some kind of excitement out of it. A SP person seems generally more concerned about the implications of the budget: are we making our goals, are our sales slipping, will our pay-roll be cut, etc. It feels like some difficult diplomacy to satisfy both of us in the conversation... it seems disadvantageous to building a relationship in a sense.
    Coburn and Spades thanked this post.

  9. #18

    I'm generally under the impression that while I don't easily open up to some people easily that if I can talk to a person about topics I'm interested in that I can hold a conversation.
    I don't like getting right into deep and close things and that would also depend on environmental settings.
    Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  10. #19
    Type 7w6

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    There could definitely be a bit of that with them. The thing is though I do find it challenging with my SP co-workers as well. I still chit-chat, but it's hard to build rapport.

    I do regret mentioning conversation topics in my OP because most people talk about a variety of things. We are all people, it turns out. The thing I've noticed though is that there definitely is a distinct difference in the emphasis and framing of the conversation topic. The 'why', the reason we talk about the subject.

    SP-doms seem more interested in the direct implications of the conversation topic whereas I am focused on making the conversation more about stimulating the participants. If I'm talking about budget it is a means to an end - connecting with the other person and getting some kind of excitement out of it. A SP person seems generally more concerned about the implications of the budget: are we making our goals, are our sales slipping, will our pay-roll be cut, etc. It feels like some difficult diplomacy to satisfy both of us in the conversation... it seems disadvantageous to building a relationship in a sense.
    Again, this *could* be the fact they are coworkers, but you *may* be onto something. Have you found this to be true with close Sp-first friends? Personally, I never bond with my coworkers. There's just something about our interaction being "forced" due to proximity instead of being together willingly that bugs me. Perhaps it's more being So-last than being Sp-first for me.
    Napoleptic, Father of Dragons and Bluity thanked this post.

  11. #20

    @Father of Dragons
    Sp doms typically aren't that hard to get along with. perhaps, as an Sx/So, you're simply used to more social reciprocation than they typically give. as long as you give them physical and emotional space and don't get in their way, all you have to do is find a topic of mutual interest and you should be good to go.

    SP-doms seem more interested in the direct implications of the conversation topic whereas I am focused on making the conversation more about stimulating the participants. If I'm talking about budget it is a means to an end - connecting with the other person and getting some kind of excitement out of it. A SP person seems generally more concerned about the implications of the budget: are we making our goals, are our sales slipping, will our pay-roll be cut, etc. It feels like some difficult diplomacy to satisfy both of us in the conversation... it seems disadvantageous to building a relationship in a sense.
    this has a bit of a xxTJ slant, but it's pretty much true (at least in my experience). Sp doms are typically very "what's the point?" in their interactions and activities, so perhaps work isn't the best time to chat them up?



    Paradigm, Coburn, Spades and 2 others thanked this post.


     
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