Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot?? - Page 3

Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot??

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This is a discussion on Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot?? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by Spades Again, this *could* be the fact they are coworkers, but you *may* be onto something. Have ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by Spades View Post
    Again, this *could* be the fact they are coworkers, but you *may* be onto something. Have you found this to be true with close Sp-first friends? Personally, I never bond with my coworkers. There's just something about our interaction being "forced" due to proximity instead of being together willingly that bugs me. Perhaps it's more being So-last than being Sp-first for me.
    Hmm, that is interesting to hear your take on it! For me, whenever I am trapped in a situation with people - school, work, etc. - I try to make the best of it, I try to make it fun. I find that I don't believe that any monotonous situation has to be boring or unpleasant, unless we let it be. So, I try to joke around and make friends even at work. That being said, if I have something important to do I do tend to be more anti-social.

    It might be that I don't take the work as seriously as them... I am a part-timer with plans for grad school, whereas many of my co-workers and obviously my bosses are in it for the long term, trying to get promoted etc. Although, even when I have a lot on my plate I still do make a bit of an effort to connect... but, that could be where the instinctual difference comes into play.

    With my SP-first friends, it definitely is quite different. There is an effort to connect, albeit often in a more sober style than with my other friends. There seems to be a much greater drive to discuss important topics such as career aspirations in a serious capacity, and to connect over them.

    I was actually with two friends last night who are likely both SP-firsts. These two in particular seem much more inclined to 'talk shop' than to just relax and joke around. This is in sharp contrast with my close Sx-first ENTP friend. With him it is pretty rare that the conversation gets super serious... the closest thing would be us having pretentious conversations about our passions, etc. Lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    @Father of Dragons
    Sp doms typically aren't that hard to get along with. perhaps, as an Sx/So, you're simply used to more social reciprocation than they typically give. as long as you give them physical and emotional space and don't get in their way, all you have to do is find a topic of mutual interest and you should be good to go.

    this has a bit of a xxTJ slant, but it's pretty much true (at least in my experience). Sp doms are typically very "what's the point?" in their interactions and activities, so perhaps work isn't the best time to chat them up?
    Yeah, it is likely that I am expecting too much from them. I guess they have their own shit to deal with. A number of the people I brought up earlier are actually STJs, so that is a good observation on your part. They definitely don't seem to like playing with facts like xxNPs are prone to. Work is work, play is play. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that approach.

    One of the other people I mentioned is an ISTP 9w8 sp/sx most likely. With him I am starting to get the feeling that he simply doesn't care enough to want to build many relationships in general. :P

  2. #22
    Type 6w7

    Meh, it all depends. SP cares a great deal about what they do with their energy and it's just not worth it to connect in every given situation or with any given person. I have a bit less boundaries than many SP firsts and many people find me comfortable to be around. I am my own kind of fiery spirit at times, but it's just an energy drain to connect with every person I meet, or even try to. Once you find something someone loves to talk about, that will universally get anyone to talk. I imagine I were at work, I'd just want to clock in and clock out. I might have some interesting interactions throughout the day, as I see life as an adventure, but I do keep a certain distance from people in different environments.

    I guess it's easier for you to connect with Sxs and Sos because of the shared instincts and also because those types are generally seeking things out. So to expand its network, understanding, knowledge, what have you, and Sx to engage with the things that charge it up. Sp is generally more closed. It wants to preserve what it has. Can't help it. That shit is survival! I'm down to talking to most people, but sometimes it feels like I have a certain amount of energy - should I really stretch it? In my case, I often do, but there is a great awareness of that energy and the little things that take from it throughout the day.

    *sighs* I don't know. It really all just depends. I'm Sp first, but I laugh hard, play hard, go nuts, etc. How I spend my energy is very important to me, though. It's hard to connect for the sake of connecting. Something has to draw me first.

  3. #23
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana View Post
    I've been using this tactic for about a year now. for example, when I'm talking to So/Sps at school, I talk about how everyone has useless degrees that aren't going to actually get them jobs and they're like "omg I know! ".
    That hits all the right buttons - social trends and a slice of self-pres job talk. They'd have no choice but to respond positively, or at least somewhat spiritedly.

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  5. #24
    Type 6

    Hello. I'm Sp/So. @Father of Dragons , are you sure you are getting these peoples' instinctual variants right? That's one thing you might want to consider. I know that when I talk, I usually talk because I'm interested in getting to know people. Topics like traffic and bills actually bore me quite a bit. I only like using small talk so I can work my way to topics of better substance. I love learning about what other people are passionate about.

    However, I suppose I don't speak a lot. For me, that is simply because I'm really focused on doing my job well. I'm a bit worried that I'll do something wrong. And I would just feel really guilty if I somehow make life difficult for any of my coworkers or managers. I really want to carry my own weight. So I just focus everything on doing what I'm told. ^^' I'll chat some with people who are making friendly conversation, though. My priorities at work are just a bit different. Outside of work, I'd be a lot less silent and more willing to talk about anything and everything.
    Paradigm, mushr00m, kaleidoscope and 3 others thanked this post.

  6. #25

    @Julia Bell

    Thanks for the reply, it is helpful. I'm curious though, what do you think their instinctual variants might be instead? I've understood SP types to have less motivation to build relationships but reading at the responses here I'm starting to think that might be an unfair generalization.
    Julia Bell thanked this post.

  7. #26
    Type 6

    @Father of Dragons, you're very welcome. :) I'm glad I could be helpful. I do not have any suggestions as to what instinctual variants your coworkers might have. I do not know them, after all. I was simply suggesting that perhaps you do not know what their instinctual variant stacking is either. Instinctual variants aren't all that transparent, and it only gets more difficult to type a person accurately the further away they are from you. It's hard enough to type yourself and the people closest to you. Perhaps the coworkers you think are Sp-dominant are not? Just something to consider.

    I've understood SP types to have less motivation to build relationships but reading at the responses here I'm starting to think that might be an unfair generalization.
    That's all right. ^_^ I'm pretty sure this is how most people understand the Self-Pres instinct. But I do not think Sp-types have less of a motivation to build relationships. If anything, Sp-types have a different motivation than other instinctual types -- but certainly not a lack of motivation. If that makes sense.
    Paradigm and Kabosu thanked this post.

  8. #27
    Type 5w6

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    "how's our budget this week?"
    Just to be safe you should begin every conversation with this question.

  9. #28
    Type 6w7

    While I would generally be at work just to work, I wouldn't be opposed to making friends. I have issues figuring out the difference between "colleagues" and "close friends." Like, I have no idea when people want to become close friends or when they want to just be friendly (at a job, it would be "friends at work but not getting together outside of the workplace.") But I have poor social skills, I don't expect all SPs to be this way.

    Because of this difficulty, I tend to default to what I jokingly call "SP friendly distance" mode. It's easier for me to assume that people want to be friendly rather than be friends. I understand that this looks like I'm disinterested to some people (in part because I suck at conversation, but that's a different issue altogether), but it's more of a defense mechanism. Once I know you're a safe person who wants to connect long-term, I'll open up more and more; if I don't have that assurance, I'll withdraw.

    Sx/So types are hard for me to get along with, or at least the younger ones are. There's that initial SX charge that lasts for a while, which is a great period. But it's followed by me getting frustrated at the lack of "solidity" from the Sx/So and--I assume--the Sx/So becoming bored by my "leisurely" ways. I hesitate to call myself a grounded person, but perhaps that could help highlight the difference between Sp/Sx and the more mercurial Sx/So.
    Julia Bell, Father of Dragons and Bluity thanked this post.

  10. #29
    Type 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Paradigm View Post
    Because of this difficulty, I tend to default to what I jokingly call "SP friendly distance" mode. It's easier for me to assume that people want to be friendly rather than be friends. I understand that this looks like I'm disinterested to some people (in part because I suck at conversation, but that's a different issue altogether), but it's more of a defense mechanism. Once I know you're a safe person who wants to connect long-term, I'll open up more and more; if I don't have that assurance, I'll withdraw.
    Haha, "SP Friendly Distance" mode. It is so true. As for my social skills, I suppose they're pretty all right. At least people tell me that I just get along well with everybody and anybody. My sister tells me that I'm like Jane Bennet. The world is sunshine and daisies and I just want to make friends with everyone. The thing is, it's not like I have this burning desire to be friends with everyone. I don't make friends that easily. I just find it extremely easy to get along with and talk to people. So I will be friendly with everybody. But I think that's where I draw the line. After that, if you want to grow close to me, you have to do it slowly. Otherwise I will back away.

    It's weird. I genuinely like people. But I have some sort of averse reaction to individuals getting close "too fast" I never noticed before.

    When I sense somebody who suddenly wants to get close, I withdraw. I never noticed this thing about myself until I went to a physical school building for the first time in about five or six years. The last time I was in a physical school building it was seventh grade. Now I'm in college, haha. Weird leap.

    Certain people also brought a sense of intensity when they tried to get close to me. Now that made me feel instantly uncomfortable. I'd immediately distance myself.

    I suppose this could be a Six thing as well as a Sp-dom thing. Not to mention I've got a Sx blindspot. Perhaps I am uncomfortable when an individual wants to try and form some sort of close bond with me.
    Paradigm, Figure, Father of Dragons and 1 others thanked this post.

  11. #30

    @Julia Bell
    That's interesting. I think I can be uncomfortable with people getting too close, but... that depends on who it is as well. Not that I often have people try to get close to me. Next time it happens I guess I'll have to observe how I feel/react.
    Julia Bell thanked this post.


     
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