Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot??

Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot??

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This is a discussion on Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot?? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; I've realized that I am terrible at dealing with SP-first people. For example, I work 2 part-time jobs and 3 ...

  1. #1

    Tips on dealing with people of your blind-spot??

    I've realized that I am terrible at dealing with SP-first people. For example, I work 2 part-time jobs and 3 out of my 4 managers/assistant-managers are SP-firsts. I can barely hold a conversation with them. It kind of sucks that it's so hard to find any common ground with them. I am quite comfortable around SO-firsts because I at least feel a little involved in the things that are important to them.

    So, anyone have any ideas of how to make it easier? To some degree I can get something going if I ask them questions related to what I understand as Self-Preservation ("how's our budget this week?", "traffic was terrible today"), but really it is fake rapport because I am not invested at all in the subject matter...

    Honestly, even tips on how to get along with SP-types in general would be appreciated!
    Cantarella, Figure and petite libellule thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 8w7


    i'm not SP first but i suppose getting along with them goes something like getting along with someone who shares your dominant instinct. the way i see it, it's a mutual recognition of being alike in some significant way. that's what makes it easier. you share certain common understanding and approach to life, which means you can already relate to the other without them having to explain themselves. it is the opposite with the ones who are dominant in your last instinct. you don't have this common attitude to life, so immediately you don't get one another at all. instead of having facilitated relations, you have a number of difficulties to overcome before you can relate to the other, if ever.

    instinctual variants don't base out of logic. you can't study them in order to be able to connect with them. i would think you'd need to start exercising your blind spot in order to be able to relate to them better.

    i don't know though. maybe there's another way.

  3. #3
    Type 9w1

    You could try to connect to their secondary instinct (which of course you must have one of them in your own stacking per person)? I've been able to feel some amount or another of connection to some SP-lasts (SP is my first) in that way alone, or just via other mutual topics of interest. I think some of them possibly don't want to connect for some reason, maybe just not feeling inspired for it, or they don't really want relations with employees, but the former situation could change and they may open up channels which have some potential for connecting. Unfortunately you all may just plain lack much in common :P.


    Dunno, just some thoughts.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Echoe View Post
    You could try to connect to their secondary instinct (which of course you must have one of them in your own stacking per person)? I've been able to feel some amount or another of connection to some SP-lasts (SP is my first) in that way alone, or just via other mutual topics of interest. I think some of them possibly don't want to connect for some reason, maybe just not feeling inspired for it, or they don't really want relations with employees, but the former situation could change and they may open up channels which have some potential for connecting. Unfortunately you all may just plain lack much in common :P.
    Dunno, just some thoughts.
    I've been using this tactic for about a year now. for example, when I'm talking to So/Sps at school, I talk about how everyone has useless degrees that aren't going to actually get them jobs and they're like "omg I know! ".

    when I'm around So/Sx, I talk about, for lack of a better word, "sleepover topics" (obviously you have to work your way into this. it's not something you would talk about at work or within the first 5 minutes of meeting someone). generally their expression of Sx is a bit "cuter" than mine (I often jokingly refer to So/Sx as "The Romantic Comedy Instinct ) while mine is a bit more obsessive and intense, but they're usually down with that. So/Sx~Darkside (So/Sx with strong Sx) and I typically hit it off pretty well because they have strong Sx, but they're still more subtle than an Sx/So (who are kind of a different beast altogether).



    Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Type 1w2


    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    So, anyone have any ideas of how to make it easier? To some degree I can get something going if I ask them questions related to what I understand as Self-Preservation ("how's our budget this week?", "traffic was terrible today"), but really it is fake rapport because I am not invested at all in the subject matter...

    Honestly, even tips on how to get along with SP-types in general would be appreciated!
    Yeah, don't force anything you don't feel comfortable with.

    If this helps, I find that it takes a long time to get close to other Sp doms, even as an Sp dom. I could talk about Self Pres things all day to other people - food, finances, vacations, career topics, deals, living conditions, etc - as these things become a path for shared interests, but this only happens when you can share the interest mutually, as a way of connecting. It's a sense that if your self pres needs are satisfied and mine are satisfied and we're both enjoying what we are doing, then there's a realistic, stable connection - but again, that takes awhile to get to.

    Just remember that your energy level will probably be different than that of an Sp. I'm fairly sure most Sx doms see me as lacking as much "pull" as they desire, and I often see them as being overwhelming with how much energy I am to put into something. They're still great relationships and I value them - but there is always an energy disparity.
    Father of Dragons thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Honestly, even tips on how to get along with SP-types in general would be appreciated!
    Support and respect their autonomy. They don't want people intruding upon or interfering with their independence. You can take an interest in their interests but don't expect them to take an interest in yours. Also,before they let you in, you may have to prove that you won't interfere with their world or place expectations upon them. Both socials and intimates have a tendency to make those demands and expectations and they may be wary of that.
    Napoleptic thanked this post.

  8. #7

    I'm not really sure how it could be difficult to converse with us?

    Being sp first doesn't mean we can't hold conversations beyond the daily traffic/weather report. It also doesn't mean we're incapable of talking about something non self-pres related.
    Spades, Julia Bell and Bluity thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Marlowe View Post
    I'm not really sure how it could be difficult to converse with us?

    Being sp first doesn't mean we can't hold conversations beyond the daily traffic/weather report. It also doesn't mean we're incapable of talking about something non self-pres related.
    it's hard for me because when i talk to my colleague about traffic or if there were many people in the shop today, the part i like to speak about is what those facts mean. i like to speculate, they don't. i find it hard to get passed the initial small talk with them. the most i get is them relating some fact to a story that happened to them. of course, it's also my social retardation at play. it's not all their fault.
    Coburn thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Ventricity View Post
    it's hard for me because when i talk to my colleague about traffic or if there were many people in the shop today, the part i like to speak about is what those facts mean. i like to speculate, they don't. i find it hard to get passed the initial small talk with them. the most i get is them relating some fact to a story that happened to them. of course, it's also my social retardation at play. it's not all their fault.
    It sounds less like an instinct issue and more like they aren't up for conversation. If you're pulling teeth to talk with them, you're probably better off giving up and just keeping things short. You can't really have conversations with people who aren't interested in taking part.
    Bluity, d e c a d e n t and Nothing1 thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Echoe View Post
    I think some of them possibly don't want to connect for some reason, maybe just not feeling inspired for it, or they don't really want relations with employees, but the former situation could change and they may open up channels which have some potential for connecting. Unfortunately you all may just plain lack much in common :P.
    I thought that at first, to be honest. However, it weirds me out that they seem to open up more to other people who are not warm at all. It might be that they find direct interest smothering, or too... direct? I actually seem to have the most success when I pretend to not care about them, in a sense playing "hard-to-get". It seems counter-intuitive to me, but I guess some people prefer a cooler interpersonal temperature...

    Quote Originally Posted by Figure View Post
    Just remember that your energy level will probably be different than that of an Sp. I'm fairly sure most Sx doms see me as lacking as much "pull" as they desire, and I often see them as being overwhelming with how much energy I am to put into something. They're still great relationships and I value them - but there is always an energy disparity.
    That is interesting, I can see that very much. Sometimes, in my more ignorant moments, I almost get offended by people who aren't open to me. I guess I have this irrational tendency to assume other people are as interested in connecting as I am. But, some people are more concerned about taking care of themselves... something I could probably learn from, as I never feel as I am on as stable ground as SP types.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marlowe View Post
    I'm not really sure how it could be difficult to converse with us?

    Being sp first doesn't mean we can't hold conversations beyond the daily traffic/weather report. It also doesn't mean we're incapable of talking about something non self-pres related.
    I don't know, perhaps it is that I have different expectations for conversations than most of the people I've met who I would guess are SP-first. I almost universally hit it off with other SX-doms if I get the chance to talk to them, and although SO-doms are a bit more of a challenge, it feels pretty natural. With other SX people I don't really need to think about it, it's easy to build a rapport.

    When I talk to many SP people I really have to almost strategize to make any ground with them. And I notice that there is a tad bit of confusion on their part as well. When I get to know them, it is not super different to maintain a relationship with them than with anybody else. My sister and one of my close friends are both likely SP-first and we get on well. It's just that... I would definitely say that it is more of a challenge for me to connect with SP people off the get-go than with people of the other sub-types.
    Figure thanked this post.


     
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