This is a discussion on Do you behave different when being with (around) a specific e-type? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by FranOL Just for curiosity. For example, do you behave different when being around a 3(or any other ...
I often try to cater myself to whoever I'm with in a way that helps keep harmony for both of us. Other times, people bring out sides in me that I don't let out often.
My responses may not be very generalizable because I haven't recognized the types of too many people in my life:
2s - If I notice they're stressed out by how much they've taken on but aren't asking for help, it brings out my altruistic side and I offer my assistance or at least more of a lending ear than I typically see other people offering them. I think I'm softer with them in part because I see some of myself in them.
3s - I don't know...I've only known one 3 and that was a strange relationship from the start. I suppose he got me excited to do things because he constantly had so much energy & enthusiasm.
4s - I act very myself with 4s. I just feel comfortable :) I don't get the sense that they're judging me.
5s - Hard to say because both of the 5s I know are family members, but I suppose I try to keep things superficial and also lighthearted and funny (both have great senses of humor). Also, I mean superficial in the sense that I don't try to have very emotional conversations with them because it's obvious that's not what they want to talk about, and I don't want to make someone uncomfortable. And in fact, I don't need to have emotional conversations with them because our relationships are such smooth sailing. No drama. :)
6s - I know one six, and I often say much less with her than I normally do with people I'm so close too. It's because I often take on the role of the silent, patient listener and brainstorm advice for her while she vents about her relationship/friendship problems.
8s - One close, extended family member is an 8, and I become more of a polite, more agreeable (not that I'm an impolite or unagreeable person), and more on-time person because I don't want to be a target and get my feelings hurt. When she's with my mother, I take on a mediator role, occasionally responding to the 8 with an opinion that passively shows her the 2's side while at the same time agreeing with her. I try to appeal more to her sense of humor and fun side because she can be hilarious.
I'll share my two cents! I hate the idea of appearing fake or different in relation to other personality types but humans are so naturally multifaceted that it was always bound to happen.watering us down to specific personality traits dehumanizes us because I don't believe for a minute that we're nothing but systems and other people's definitions. That said, I try to cater to the person I'm talking to too because I really dislike conflict.
1. My father. Well, let's say that I really don't understand a 1's way of seeing the world and no matter how much I try, I'll always reject the kind of societal norms and attention for details and control they seem to fancy. Around 1s I'm usually quiet but careful not to be guilt-tripped into following systems that conflict with my own morals.
2. My mother, an unhealthy one. I have a love/hate relationships with 2s, I don't really enjoy their ways of seducing people into their own idea of harmony and sometimes they can get a little bit too intrusive and overbearing. But I also appeal to their emotional side, much like them I have lots of empathy to share but unlike them I'm so individualistic, introspective and self centered that it's hard to express it or put it to good use. Usually we get along well, if they don't pry.
3. I love 3s, especially those with a 4 wing rather than a 2 one. We have similar ideas about how we perceive society and people in general but opposite ways to deal with it and defy their expectations. They're insiders, we're outsiders. Still, different enough to keep it interesting but with common grounds. <3
4. I love other 4s, I can be completely myself around them. There's this silent agreement that we get each out while not really getting each other and admitting that we're all individuals and there aren't two identical 4s out there. Sometimes we unconsciously try to compete about who's more unique. <3
5. I like 5s too, they're quietly withdrawn like I am but often their lack of understanding of their own emotions can create some misunderstandings and imbalances, still most of the people i often talk to are 5s and they always give me great insights and tickle my thirst for wisdom.
6. It depends on the 6, kind of conflictual. I like instability and constant evolving while they seek that kind of emotional security that makes me feel trapped, they want to relate at all costs while I pride myself in being unreadable. They're smart, concrete and much more reactive than I am. It can work good, I usually listen and let them lead.
7. The happy go-lucky ones. Uh oh. I envy their enthusiasm but most of the time they're a little bit too much for me, especially considered how (triply!) quiet and withdrawn I am. I can get along well with them if they respect my boundaries and my need for introspection and occasional sulking. Still a passive role!
8. Eights I don't know can intimidate me and whip me into submission in a pinch while still holding onto my views and my way of expressing myself. I keep it on the low because I don't want to be a victim or completely smashed but I have to say that 8s get a lot of unnecessary flack. My grandfather was an 8 and yes, he was strong willed and bold but familiarity sometimes tickled my pretentious side without fearing the consequences, although I still kept a quiet and peace oriented role. They burn up, I try to cool them down and show them different possibilities and try to appeal to their 2. Sometimes.
9. Favorite type other than mine! We get along quite well, we walk on similar grounds while reacting to things differently and they seem to have that empathy and agreeableness that I always adore. I'm very protective of them! Sometimes we end up hitting each other up with passive aggressiveness but it's alright. Sometimes they puzzle me because they're even more self restrained than I am and unwilling to speak up even if they feel the need to. I generally <3 them though, wish my gut type surfaced more often.