EDIT: whoops, wrong thread, nevermind...
This is a discussion on The Contemplative 459/549/945 tri type: What do you guys do with you lives? within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; EDIT: whoops, wrong thread, nevermind......
EDIT: whoops, wrong thread, nevermind...
Perhaps it is a generational thing? I am very private and though I can be fairly confessional on PerC so far, I am very aware that no one here knows my name, what my voice sounds like, what i look like, where i live... i am a sensory approximation of a tabula rasa. I know the odds are against it, but one of you could be a former student, or a friend's sibling or my next door neighbor. My mind just goes there of its own volition. Apologies if this is a histrionic overreaction.
Last edited by sittapygmaea; 10-31-2014 at 05:12 AM. Reason: grammar
Dang, am I late to join the party?... huh... party?
I'm an INFP 4w5 5w4 9w1 so/sx . Does that make me a unicorn? I think some people don't realize how reclusive I am just because I can be funny and make new friends feel at ease, but then I'll disappear from the face of the earth never to be heard from again. I have 1 friend I regularly talk to on video chat. Another friend I keep in touch with by e-mail with whom I can be totally honest, but he doesn't "talk about things". So I've been lonely pretty much all my life, but other people would be surprised about how long I can be "fine" with just cooping up all alone at home.
Speaking of contemplative, I was earlier "contemplating" for an hour about whether I should go out and get food, even though I was already starving. I know that 459 itself is very self-preserving in nature, but this is the sort of stuff that makes me think otherwise. I'm really bad at making sure of my own survival, stuff like going out to get things I need, finding a job, asking for help. I'd contemplate about doing that for hours, days, months, years until I miss the bus.
In the past year or so, I was actually (relatively) very good at facing people, finishing tasks, facing my fear. I did activities that required me to do things on schedule and to face awkward situation with other people all the time. Sure, they paid off, but now I'm just burnt out and really sick of being anxious 24/7, trying not to miss opportunities, which, regardless of how much I try to catch up, I seem to miss anyway. Plus just doing things without thinking enough about them (by my own standard of "enough") makes me lose/forget the purpose of why I was doing this in the first place (like finding employment). I know I need to go back to school eventually, but just thinking about how I need to get up on time or how fast I have to walk so that I won't be late just make me too nervous to get up. Every single nightmare I've had is either about being chased by some sort of monster or being late and unprepared to go to something important.
The one thing I want to do the most is music, but that enthusiasm has always co-existed with my fear of not being able to make a living and being rejected by my family, who disapproves of it. I have to admit that I was not disciplined about it in middle & high school, partly because I didn't know what I was doing (didn't have much guidance from people around me) and I didn't want to hear myself sound bad. I got much better at it during college, where I learned theory and was able to study things that weren't available through classes by myself. But I still wasn't good enough to catch up with other people, got worried, and majored in art instead, which seems like the 2nd best thing to me. I still wasn't very good at just doing/making the projects instead of thinking too much about the concept or the process and ending up trashing the entire plan. I don't regret majoring in art, because it was almost like the complete opposite of philosophy major (like 2 sides of the same coin). Really meta and interdisciplinary. In fact, a little too meta and interdisciplinary to convince employers that I'm smart enough to do jobs. Unless the reason why I can't get jobs is because I don't have connections. So I'm studying fashion right now, but at the same time trying to look for any entry level job that I can possibly qualify for. So that I can survive. And spend all my free time just doing music.
People are making me miserable. But at the same time I don't feel safe when I don't live in highly populated area, because I need to have people who sell food right next door if I don't want to starve all day.
Aside from those, yes, I find that I creepily can relate to all you guys. The whole studying other languages/cultures, being interested in human-computer interaction (it was part of my graduation art project), being terrible at finishing books but still can't help but collect books anyway, etc etc. you name it.
By the way, is anyone else interested in stuff like subcultures, crowd psychology, or mosh pits? I was wondering if that's the main factor that makes me so/sx. I do realize that I'm surrounded by SPs or "doers" who "live in the moment" in the culture that I choose to (sort of) participate in.
So I think my dad might be this type. I know he is an ISTP 5w6 9w8 ?w?. He's very quiet and intellectual, but more pragmatic and active as an ISTP. I find it difficult to see any of the heart triad in him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was triple withdrawn. Are there any ISTPs, or maybe ISTJs or even ISFJs or something that have this tritype? He is by no means the dreamy/romantic type, but he is also very much not altruistic or ambitious. Are there any 594s here? How strong is your 4 influence? How does it manifest?
Anyone else find it hard to motivate yourself to do anything physically? I find I can sit and dream and imagine myself doing the thing that needs to be done... but will never actually come around to doing it unless I literally shut off my mind and stop thinking. It feels so limiting and frustrating
I'm an INTP with my primary type 5w4, then 9w1, then 4w5 :)