Attraction to Those Who Are the Type of Your Wing

Attraction to Those Who Are the Type of Your Wing

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This is a discussion on Attraction to Those Who Are the Type of Your Wing within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Hello fellow enneagram enthusiasts! I was wondering if it is particularly common to be attracted to others whose main type ...

  1. #1

    Attraction to Those Who Are the Type of Your Wing

    Hello fellow enneagram enthusiasts!

    I was wondering if it is particularly common to be attracted to others whose main type is your wing and vice versa. Generalized, this would mean an XwY attracted to a YwX.

    Do you have any experience in relationships (friendship/romantic) with your "opposite"? Have you heard of any compatibility theory like this? Do you have any random thoughts on the subject? If so, please share.
    ertertwert, WamphyriThrall and biscuit20 thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 3w4

    Mirrored I suppose, I do not know a 4w3 other than my sister.

    I'm an ENTP 3w4
    Her an ENFP 4w3.

    Incredibly volatile teenage/preteen years, as adults we get along fantastically.

    By Enneagram type; I'm technically closer to a 4w5 (consider my 3w4(sw4w5)), I could easily love/friend a 4. I love how similar we can be, but have a completely unaligned center.

  3. #3
    Type 4w5

    I have many random thoughts on the subject. My sisters last boyfriend since 7 years was a 9w8. My last girlfrient was a 9w8. My mums last two guys were 9w1's. My sister is a 7w6. I've found it hard/impossible to be attracted to 7w6/6w7.

    I think because familiarity & predictability kills attraction. There are also a set of completely non-sexual behaviours acquired over a lifetime rigged into my nervous system against somone of that type. It's really hard to break out of.

    Thats why attraction can still be present to non bloodrelated cousins, they don't know so well. Humans can smell whether immune systems are compatible or not. Compatible means "different". There are 6 switches that can be ither "this" or "this", if all of them differ, attraction is maximum. If all the same (like with ur brother/sister), its at its lowest
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncutter View Post
    I have many random thoughts on the subject. My sisters last boyfriend since 7 years was a 9w8. My last girlfrient was a 9w8. My mums last two guys were 9w1's. My sister is a 7w6. I've found it hard/impossible to be attracted to 7w6/6w7.

    I think because familiarity & predictability kills attraction. There are also a set of completely non-sexual behaviours acquired over a lifetime rigged into my nervous system against somone of that type. It's really hard to break out of.

    Thats why attraction can still be present to non bloodrelated cousins, they don't know so well. Humans can smell whether immune systems are compatible or not. Compatible means "different". There are 6 switches that can be ither "this" or "this", if all of them differ, attraction is maximum. If all the same (like with ur brother/sister), its at its lowest
    Interesting. I've heard something like this before, with regards to the MHC. But then again, do you think such biological things are related to type? I assumed enneagram was a largely "nurture" theory, while MBTI was largely "nature". Thus, there is likely no correlation between enneagram type and MHC dissimilarity (and thus attractiveness). Which also seems to disprove my hypothesis, but I'd still like to hear from others about their personal experiences.

  6. #5

    Okay, well I guess I'll share my observations.

    The reason I say this is because I believe my parents are ISFJ 6w5 and INTP 5w6 (although my mom could be 6w7). On Myers Briggs terms, they seemingly wouldn't get along very well at all (and they don't) but they are still together after all of these years. I think part of the initial spark could have been the fact that they saw a little bit of themselves in each other's wing, as well as being intrigued by their almost-opposite.

    As a 9w1, I seem to get along with 1w9s, but they also can stress me out sometimes with their superego. I am always striving to increase the strength of my 1 wing.

    What are other theories? That you get along with your others of the type you integrate to? (That doesn't sound right because one person's integration is the other person's disintegration.)
    Mooncutter thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I'm a 1w9, and 9w1s and I just don't really click for relationships. I had one long-standing friendship with a 9w1, but eventually it fizzled due to the superego stuff you mentioned. I've had one relationship with a 9w8, and it was a bit better (though conflict often was a bit rocky).

    My friends tend to be E5s and E4s, for the most part.

    Also, this chart might help you out with regards to marriage statistics, at least.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Type 4w5

    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast View Post
    Interesting. I've heard something like this before, with regards to the MHC. But then again, do you think such biological things are related to type? I assumed enneagram was a largely "nurture" theory, while MBTI was largely "nature". Thus, there is likely no correlation between enneagram type and MHC dissimilarity (and thus attractiveness). Which also seems to disprove my hypothesis, but I'd still like to hear from others about their personal experiences.
    The enneagram is VERY inheritable. VERY. IMTB is also very inheritable. Of all relationships that I know both enneagram types. I know 1 that share 1 wing. 0 that shares pure type. The sharing ones are man 8w9, wife 9w1. So they dont SHARE wing, but they have E 9 in common.

    They talk a lot about upbringing
    so on in the theory of Enneagram. I a sense, it should be NURTUE since it the EGO we are talking about. I think that is the thought.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  9. #8

    I do think I am very attracted to Type 7s (which I should integrate to as a type one). So maybe there is something to the theory about being attracted to the type you integrate to. Maybe I could also be attracted to Type 4s, but I don't know of any to see if that is true.

    I couldn't really answer for you if I am attracted to any 9w1s though, because I am not sure if I know of any in real life.
    MBTI Enthusiast and n2freedom thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by MBTI Enthusiast View Post
    What are other theories? That you get along with your others of the type you integrate to?
    Noooooo! D: I don't get along with the Sixes I know in real life at all. Not an issue of "I hate the type because of the few people I know of that type," but of "So many of these people repel me, and they just happen to be an unhealthy mutation that type."

    I've heard of idolizing people of your second fix, which makes a lot more sense to me.

    As for 4w3... I've never typed anyone irl 4w3. My subwing is 3w2, though, and a huge chunk of my friends are that type.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  11. #10
    Type 4w5

    Quote Originally Posted by kittychris07 View Post
    I do think I am very attracted to Type 7s (which I should integrate to as a type one). So maybe there is something to the theory about being attracted to the type you integrate to. Maybe I could also be attracted to Type 4s, but I don't know of any to see if that is true.

    I couldn't really answer for you if I am attracted to any 9w1s though, because I am not sure if I know of any in real life.
    Don't care about sevens. Ask yourself: were you ever attracted to a 1? Second question: were you even attracted to someone (after knowing their personality) who had a 1 wing?

    I've found attraction can be there, as it is very physical for guys. It's just hard to get "it on" in a conversation. The sassy back-and-forth conversation is hard to get. Takes a lot more energy/work. You seldom get the VERY UNEXPECTED comebacks you often get from types that differ, since their whole way of function is different.
    kittychris07 thanked this post.


     
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