@mrrrmaid
Stalked your profile/post a bit there. You seem amusing. You do some sort of activist journalism, stand up comedy or maybe soft porn animations?
Let me reveal something that works like a serial thriller.
I was married to an intj sosx 5w4 for half a decade. Then she pushed for a philantrophy project that kinda took her. Kids, a (considerable) business debt and lots of sorrow plus a disease was what I had to handle with alongside depression, desire for total alienation and PSTD from ex military missions which were my pals for a pretty long while.. So not that rose at all.
Fast forward few years. Our kids assistant nanny, and (enfp - sxso) is currently 4 nautical miles behind us guys sailing around the North Pole taking care of the needs of the wives of my lads and the groups kids of our honeymoon guests on our research vessel. Everything is rather relaxing. Im ok. Better now. Way better, actually. So how did that happen?
I liked hitting it hard when younger. Loved the exciting side of life. Lived EVERYTHING I ever could to maximum of the experience. Freedom was a second name for me. At one point met my now passed away wife. Loved her, married her, supported her dreams, and let her hire our house staff. One day, she got ultra excited about this young girl she used to call the indian spice market. So she introduced her to me in order for me to double check and test (HEAVILY) this teenage girls competence to support the main nannies in secondary tasks but from a long term potential perspective as her role was to make part of the reserve team if one of the main nannies would later pass away from age related issues or unexpected accidents. So, my ex kinda gave me the fullest freedom to guide this youngster around the mission impossible 1 delicate version.
First I wanted to give the kid some slack, as the girl was meant to occupy only a secondary role in a consistent monitoring of the older nannies so, I thought why the heck should I push her more than 10% of my total assholeness anyway. So, took her to drive some cart cars. Cars was smt new to her and I wanted to test how shed integrate to anything brand new to her. To my max surprise, in 15mins I realized we might've miscalculated her type and it could be instead entp. She just wouldn't function like an enfp. Like at all; The drive for competition was just ... like what one can see with adult men receiving live fire - the measures of action arising exponentially from the rush I mean. She just wouldn't cut off the risk taking. Shed push the minicart to their max. We have 12 y of age difference, and as I used to love fast bikes (and cars) around race only environments, kinda never guessed this kid would start to actually test my skills with those corner entries and ultimately lap times. I could see she had limits in terms of technique but fuck me didn't she learn FAST how to manage that cart car. I mean I knew she did some lame semipro snowboarding on a daily basis, but this was an entirely new domain to her so, yeah IMPRESSED by the attitude. That was smt my ex wife specifically asked me to look for. It was smt she wanted our kids to learn. The attitude of a winner that is. So after a while, I noticed she started to friendly poke fun at my competence. Like the fact that she was able not only to turn around the unadvantageous new scenario into her favor, capitalize on it but also show signs of leadership in a Ill prep you if you'll just let me. Again. 12 y age difference, a kid vs. a military veteran, trading prop house founder, a husband and a father. And shed challenge ME to learn from HER?!??!? Had some great laughter with this JUST kid, took her to a restaurant to eat some vege food and tried to be as uncomfortable with her as possible. Shed just smile and tell stories. Liked the positivity. Wanted to be a kid again. She was exactly as my wife described her. Perfect match for that particular role from character POV.
So after dropping her off, called my wife and her father and asked for a permission to test a little bit harder during the next few days. Psychologically this time. Took her to a nursery, to a cancer department of a hospital, to an military air base, to our firm, to a university my wife used to co-sponsor, to our sailing club, to a agility competition, to a shooting range, to our house, to a self defense course and ultimately to my ex wifes non bono projects. During all of that I wanted to see if shed loose it, if shed get arrogant or lazy, if shed offer the support with 100% empowerment related to her age back then or not. And yes. She wanted the role more than anything in the whole world. Later I discovered that what she really wanted was our life. She found that our life so desirable she just wanted to make part of that. She loved the felinity of my ex-wife and (might ve somewhat admired a bit my commitment to support her no matter what too) my apparent masculinity. As many times I have to admit I was more a kid than even a woman, not to mention a man.
So, she got in. For me, for 6-7years she was just another member of the house staff. She was the teen learning how to take over the main support for child edu programme, just another person who would help us immensely. I would meet her daily for years and years in a row and as I was in-depth emotionally attached to my ex-wife wouldn't even consider the adult sex bombs running in n out my office and irl social contexts not to mention some 15.16.17.18.19 y old kid. But, every now and then what the both of us, me and my ex noticed was that this particular nanny was starting to become increasingly attached to the kids, she loved that I started to doubt her motives and intentions, but after she was kept away for a few days period for the sake of some testing and shed come to the house to hang out in the yard to to see the kids as she was really missing them, it was clear that the nanny was in love with our kids. And the other nannies too. So after that particular test.. ..as my wife started to call me a ruthless and heartless stone, kinda had to stop the tests right there. So again the enfp was in the house. We have some hidden cams installed in the house and after the pushing of the barriers I naturally stalked her reactions for few weeks and the rest of the nannies too, but as they were just caring and passioned about their jobs I got bored of it all and switched attention elsewhere.
After some years later, as problems of larger calibre arouse in the hemisphere.. I realized there was a position I was now either deciding to fill or not. The vacuum was immense after my ex wife passed away. It was so huge bc of the merge there used to be, I was sure I wouldn't ever meet that fix again. Especially being ill myself too. But in those moments, this 19y girl would silently hold my reality together. She would love the kids, shed manage my staff, shed visit my office and inspire our executive team to support me even more than what Id expect them ever to do naturally, she would visit the parents of the ex and support them too, and shed just .. make everything heal perfectly. But silently. She wouldn't ever go for the fame of it. So after some time that started to draw my attention. I mean, shed ease my tasks while I was still scattered as hell. So, one night, as my physical condition started to show some serious progress as I was checking for what ever my options were at that point my whole world kinda just went to slowest motion EVER.
Sat down on a couch and looked at her playing with the kids and asked my self WHY, why didn't it all collapse. How was it possible for us parents to slide in such a bad condition and zero condition and for life still be acceptable? Was is the preps? Was it the resources? Was it what, the great relationships? What the hell was it? WHY is everything still rather ok? And then it just clicked to me. It was her. It was our assistant nanny, a kid, who had made this enormously hard time become as neat as it ever could've been. And there I was, looking at her, and then I kinda just rose up pointed my finger at her, called other nannies to take the kids for a swim and wanted to called her to take a seat. And trust me, I can give orders, no problems. But I just couldn't. I just fucken started to pour tears like .. endlessly. At that point she started to cry too, and slowly came towards me and just kinda held me gently in her embracement. She had got it that my head had been removed by the Creator from my own arse. And right there, at that moment I fell in love with her. We are almost the same hight so I kinda just wiped off her tears and asked her for how long had she felt like this for us ... she didn't answer but just merely stood in that hug with me getting the feeling of her never wanting to let go. So there I was thinking that .. that was the 2nd time I ever touched her during the 7 years I had her in our house. And I was thinking about never ever finding a person to share the rest of my life with, and there she was, in my own house, DAILY!
Ive been lucky. I look at my entire life and Ive been sooooo lucky I can't even count it all. But this, this, this one was just overwhelming. So after that hug, she went to the kids, and kinda just dissed me for the day. In the evening she would normally go home if it wasn't her overnight but she would just let the other 2 nannies take the night off, with them coming to get my confirmation for the reschedule and just sleep with my kids. In the morning when the nannies would come to take the kids to the daily activities she would then just come to me to the library and well yeah, make me feel 20 again. That was a session I will remember as shared nb 1 love making experience of my entire life. I would like very much to enter the details of it in order to reveal what can exist in terms of emotional connection but that would risk the sacrality of that day in the library, so Ill let that to your imagination. That was the day she never ever left the house again for her parents home. That was when I got hooked to her. Passion, obsession and addiction. We are both sxso. intjenfp. And our set up works miracles.
At the beginning, before we got married she got slightly overturned on by pushing the limits of our intimate life, but after discussing the theme need-for-sleep things have started to steer off from hardcore towards sensuality, love, and depth. And if you want to believe, I was a pretty naughty fellow when I was in my teens and early 20s. I never refused any type of set up at all. Ive seen it all from the givers perspective. Some friends told me I should prohibit kama sutra internationally and sell my own version of it, that it would be a tril times the trip k.s. offers. But the depth an xnfx sxso woman brings in is just ... pure heaven. It goes so deep one gets just lost in the merging process. Its a higher level. Its like xntx sx-xx times the infinite. Its not breath taking, its heart stopping! Its the only moment I can't literally think at all.
She later said she had been in love with me since the first second she ever saw me. She said my eyes were the most fierce and warm she had ever seen any to have. That she found me infinitely intimidating and endlessly safe at the exact same time. She said I look terrifyingly lovable. Ha, she even mentioned once that if you would listen to the most intense work out or war music from the underworld and the most delicate music from the upstairs you'd probably get the feeling that I generated in her for almost a decade before that day in that library. That I drove her internally insane and that she just wanted to find any other man like me from anywhere at all. And yet she hid all of that fully, FOR YEARS. She then said that when she thinks about us in intimacy, she needs cold water on her face just to be capable to practically stop day dreaming. Ive seen her do that before we go out so.. Maybe its really just to dodge future wrinkles.
Ive made love only to two women in my whole life. Both of them I married. Both of them have carried or carry my children in them. Therefore I really have lived the most there is for a man to live relationship wisely. The only thing Im ashamed of even embarrased of is the few hundreds, more towards 1k I gave the experience and especially the standard of an sxso man without offering them the chance to keep that around. It is only now, at 32yo that I realize and heavily repent that. Bc if having an sx(so) shag is that amazing (lacking a better word here), I really feel sad for those who can't have that too, daily at least thrice a day. Actually, if fully open, I miss my daily portion like hell right now. Fucking sailing with men.
Then again. Im just a subjective objective POV. Nothing more, nothing less. And even this relationship. Even a 9/10 relationship is not why we are here. WE are here for that 10/10 relationship. But thats already hardcore as 10/10 is no longer human: that the relationship between us and Him that Created us. Comparing to that, all is vain. Even the top notch max of this life. Dust.
Some grasp that now, many dont want to. But all of us will get the notion of eternity the moment we pass away. That second, one has a particular level of consciousness from those 17 that exist. And that is a fix one. Wont change. That is our only baggage into the infinitum of eternity.
Good luck ya all. And God bless you.