[ENTJ] Any ENTJs relate to this?

Any ENTJs relate to this?

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This is a discussion on Any ENTJs relate to this? within the ENTJ Forum - The Executives forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; This is not an ego thread. Do you find themselves to be genuinely de-sensitised & find it hard to be ...

  1. #1
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Any ENTJs relate to this?

    This is not an ego thread.

    Do you find themselves to be genuinely de-sensitised & find it hard to be empathetic towards others?

    This is what happened to me earlier this week.

    I had done a job interview. After my interview, I entered the elevator so that I could leave the building. A woman around my age got in.

    She was in tears & I asked her how she went. She said that they drilled her very hard & they didn't expect for the interviewers to get so deep into her. Looking back on it, perhaps I should've pat her back or done something a long those lines. That didn't flow naturally to me. Instead, I was perhaps too hard on her. I hate it when people drown in their own self-pity I guess...

    I told her, perhaps a bit too intensely, that now was not the time to drown in her own self pity. I told her to stop crying & no good would come of it. I then asked her if the interviewer gave her any feedback & I told her that if she wanted the job as much as she claimed, she would let nothing stop her & I told her to let all the tears out, but when you stop crying, it is then that you should put your game face on.

    I find it so hard to show my emotions, the only way I know how is through action. It is also a burden for me to be the person to provide emotional support. Do you ENTJs relate to this?

    On a side note, The older I get, the colder I feel I am getting. Is it possible to turn from E to I?

    Thank you for replying if you choose to do so.
    Rainbow, ENTJam, Enfpleasantly and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Interesting. I am going the opposite direction in my old age. I am learning to empathize more and am beginning to show symptoms of having real feelings. I was actually accused a few weeks back of beginning to grow either a "soul" or a conscience.

    Go back a few years and I am betting you could find those who would bet the farm that there was ZERO chance of that ever happening.

    I am pretty sure these feelings are genuine, not a learned response to enable me to mimic them. It's inconvenient at times, but there do seem to be upsides.

    In the situation you described, I would have offered to give her a hug and asked to buy her a cup of coffee.

  3. #3
    ENTJ - The Executives

    When I was in my early 20s I would just ignore such people. But I'VE IMPROVED! lol I do exactly what you did. I thought I was being more friendly/sociable/caring that way. You gave her a motivational speech which is considerate of you. And no, the older I get the warmer I seem to become.
    MisterD, ENTJam and sanari thanked this post.

  4. #4

    MBTI aside,

    I think when I was younger, I would have had the same reaction as you, @MisterD , kind of a -YIKES, I really don't want to hear about this- reaction.

    That's not a criticism of you. I'm not saying your reaction was improper.

    I think a younger person has more of a tendency to see the situation you described like this:
    How does this affect me? It doesn't, so I don't want to deal with it.

    As you get older, you still ask the question - how does this affect me? (same answer - it doesn't),
    but you realize two things:

    It's not going to kill you to be nice to someone who is having a bad day

    and

    every experience is either an opportunity to learn something or teach something (or both)
    (she might have blurted out something about the company's practices that may later be helpful to you; you may have been able to show her it wasn't the end of the world to not get that job)

    Like @JJ Yossarian , I would have tried to help her out. At least offered to have a cup of coffee with her and get her calmed down a bit.
    MisterD, ENTJam and 2eng thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    Giving advice is an expression of empathy, actually, which negates the premise that you can't express emotion.

    I would have the same internal response that you did, though. Work situations (or any competitive environment) wouldn’t provoke empathy in me, mostly because it’s a game. I wouldn’t feel sorry for a poker player who lost a pot or an investor who underperformed, for example. Recheck your strategy and keep it moving.

    Other than this, I have no issues with empathy.
    MisterD and Enfpleasantly thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ENTJ - The Executives

    On the bright side, at least you didn't see her vulnerability as an opportunity to try and sleep with her.

    Yes, I can relate.. and I can understand where @JJ Yossarian is coming from too so there is definitely some contrasting interests in me (the building coldness and impatience towards the average person because time has revealed that they do not meet my standards vs the development action of improving Fe... because any decent human being should do something if you are on an elevator with a crying person).

    The fact that you recognize its a delicate situation is good. The problem is that it was in retrospect. I think I was worse at it when I was younger because I was actually completely oblivious that I was making things worse with my "help". So I've come to learn that avoidance is sometimes the best policy. There is a time and place for the honest truth, but maybe after they calm down first and can think rationally again (else it might fall upon deaf ears).

    I would have just abstained from a lot of commenting. I wouldn't dare touch her - irrational, crying women is like my kryptonite - but I would maybe have said something less direct and vague. "Cheer up. Maybe it didn't go so bad." In my mind, she's a stranger so you aren't obligated to say anything at all, but any pleasantry is a good gesture. Just keep it simple.

    What I would really want to say... "Take it as a learning lesson for the next interview. Just don't get intimidated because of this one. You have to retain your confidence." Save this for after she cheers up and you buy her coffee.
    MNiS and Mr Canis thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ENTJ - The Executives

    I would agree with many of the posts in here. The older I get the more empathy I have towards people, however it is still very limited unless it's a direct friend or family member. I would have one more thing to add to this... I am much more likely to empathize with a woman than a man. Do you guys do this as well? Women do you empathize more with men or women or the same? Men same question for you.
    sanari and Mr Canis thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by 2eng View Post
    I would agree with many of the posts in here. The older I get the more empathy I have towards people, however it is still very limited unless it's a direct friend or family member. I would have one more thing to add to this... I am much more likely to empathize with a woman than a man. Do you guys do this as well? Women do you empathize more with men or women or the same? Men same question for you.

    Great question!

    The first thing that popped into my head was - men. But the more I thought about it, I realized that I was playing into the stereotype: men tend to show emotion less. That's not exactly what I think. It's more like this:

    I tend to empathize/sympathize with someone who is more like me (someone who doesn't generally lose it). When they do, it means that some thing reeeeeally awful is going on. You could put Hubby's picture in an illustrated dictionary under "stoic". He vary rarely shows emotion. So, if he says something with a catch in his voice, I know he is having trouble holding it together.

    The flip side of that is my brother who cries more often than a hormonally challenged junior high school girl having boy trouble. When he loses it, I tend to laugh at him. He's kind of a drama queen.

    This works the same way with women. So, I would say it's more about the type of person, rather than the sex of the person.
    wiarumas, Monkey King and 2eng thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    Great question!

    The first thing that popped into my head was - men. But the more I thought about it, I realized that I was playing into the stereotype: men tend to show emotion less. That's not exactly what I think. It's more like this:

    I tend to empathize/sympathize with someone who is more like me (someone who doesn't generally lose it). When they do, it means that some thing reeeeeally awful is going on. You could put Hubby's picture in an illustrated dictionary under "stoic". He vary rarely shows emotion. So, if he says something with a catch in his voice, I know he is having trouble holding it together.

    The flip side of that is my brother who cries more often than a hormonally challenged junior high school girl having boy trouble. When he loses it, I tend to laugh at him. He's kind of a drama queen.

    This works the same way with women. So, I would say it's more about the type of person, rather than the sex of the person.
    I would also agree with this. Regardless of man or woman, if they are a drama queen I can not relate at all and it can get on my nerves pretty bad.

    And the part about your brother... I laughed out loud, great description!! :)
    MsSpookyPants thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by 2eng View Post
    I would agree with many of the posts in here. The older I get the more empathy I have towards people, however it is still very limited unless it's a direct friend or family member. I would have one more thing to add to this... I am much more likely to empathize with a woman than a man. Do you guys do this as well? Women do you empathize more with men or women or the same? Men same question for you.
    I think that what empathy I have is distributed pretty equally. Okay, maybe it's 60/40 in favor of women, but that is only because the comment earlier in the thread about finding a vulnerable woman to hit on, struck home and reminded me of some past lives... hahahah not so much anymore, but there was a day... hahahahha
    2eng thanked this post.


     
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