[ENTJ] Dating/liking an ENTJ: tips?

Dating/liking an ENTJ: tips?

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This is a discussion on Dating/liking an ENTJ: tips? within the ENTJ Forum - The Executives forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hey guys, I've always had this instant attraction to ENTJ males but up until now I had only gotten to ...

  1. #1

    Dating/liking an ENTJ: tips?

    Hey guys, I've always had this instant attraction to ENTJ males but up until now I had only gotten to know just one really well. He was gay so that didn't really work out lol. The second ENTJ, I've met through my best friend. She has been friends with him since they were teenagers.

    So basically I started texting him about politics a couple weeks ago and we had some interesting conversations. The annoying thing is that he always takes a week or more to answer because his job is so demanding. I understand why and he always answers eventually but at the same time I don't really know if he's really interested. Does he just want to be friends? When I suggested meeting up and talking about politics he turned it into a group thing. We did go for a drink just the two of us afterwards but I have the feeling that that didn't go as smoothly. Mostly I was just very tired, I had been up since six and we had already been talking for three hours. As an introvert, this can get kind of too much for me.

    Then two weeks later I started texting him again. I have the feeling that we have this funny bantering kind of relationship. And I love it. I just have no idea if he wants to pursue me. We are still doing this group discussing politics thing though. So I will definitely see him again.

    Also every time he flirts, he makes a joke out of this. He does this with everyone it seems. Or at least he also does it with my best friend. But they have been friends for such a long time so... is this just him being friendly? Is this his humor?

    I know as an INTJ I should just be up front and honest about it (which is always my advice to people approaching INTJs) but I don't like confrontation and I would like more insight into this before I ask such a direct question. AND I have been pretty out right flirting with him, but as his flirting style seems more like joking I don't even know if he's flirting back with me. Considering I usually have a pretty good gauge on whether or not a guy likes me this is pretty frustrating.

  2. #2

    I can’t speak for other ENTJs. But when I met my husband, he talked to me every day. We were long distance. I got long emails from him, every day. We have now been together 20 years. If he goes somewhere without me, he texts me. I talk to him on our lunch breaks at work.

    Usually when ENTJs are in, they are all in. They don’t play games. It is worth it, with anyone, to give things a bit of time to see if he warms up to you. It is true that many are more career-oriented than my husband is, but they are work hard/ play hard people.

    If he is borderline on the I/E dichotomy things might be very different. There would be some INTJ traits if that were the case, and INTJs can forget people exist.

    My husband flirts with everyone. His flirtations with me were qualitatively different. More forward, more direct. ENTJs will treat “their” people differently than others. They tend to be very outgoing and friendly with everyone, can be helpful just for the sake of it as they love to be useful. My own experience is if an ENTJ likes you, you are likely to be quite certain of it.

    Again, that is just my own. ENTJs are not that common and they don’t make time for people outside their circle of interest so I don’t have experience with any others.

  3. #3

    Hm I do flirt with everything that moves when I'm single. When I'm not single I don't purposefully flirt because I find that disrespectful with my partner, although sometimes I slip into it. This isn't necessarily out of sexual desire. It's a mixture of flattery and power play. I'm not sure how to explain. To some people, it's cause I want them to feel desired. To others, it's just that I lowkey like to throw them off their cool and make them squirm a little.

    That's with friends, of course - particularly the ones with whom I have a low risk of causing a misunderstanding with. Namely, the gay guys and straight girls. I don't go off hitting on strangers that I'm not interested in.

    Though I really relate to the joking tone. I'll say that to me at least, it's not exactly just joking, it's a bit like fishing. You throw the bait and wait for the reaction.

    "I'm definitely not into you but if you're down I'm down"
    Cobble, Eu_citzen, Battlelina and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Since only gals responded.
    If I am single and I am interested in a girl I will talk to her as often as she wants to talk to me unless I am busy at work but then I'd talk to to her as soon as I was off. It's not going to take a week - no one even works for a week straight anyway so that's kind of silly.

    If he is so bad with with his job that he can't even find time to contact a person of interest then he's not an ENTJ to begin with. I don't get burnt out from work on a level where I can't contact a person of interest for a week.

    As far as flirting goes I will usually make a comment about them being attractive. If those types of comments are reciprocated it's established that we should go date. If we go on a date then it's likely to escalate. But I don't "flirt with everyone" I don't need physical attractive validation from people I have no sexual interest in and I also don't seek advances from them because I was flirtatious with them. In other words I don't run around telling unattractive people they are cute because I'm just a big ol' flirt - to me that'd be dishonest.

    The only things that could change a quick and intense courtship would be the intertwining of the potential relationship. If we have sex and it goes south what is the fall out? Could I get away from said person with a clean slate or would there be a huge blow out involving friends and family. The more entangled the more caution, the less entangled the more likely I am to move quickly.

    I have a friend that I liked many years ago, we made out and the like. She's known me for many years by now, I had considered pursuing her again a few times when I was single. On paper we're a great match and she's attractive however we've known each other for many years and we know a few of the same people. The impression I get is that sex would be great but we'd fizzle and then it would ruin our friendship which I value the way it is. She's one of the few strong and determined women I know and I value being her friend and I just don't see us being a couple that wouldn't clash eventually. We're both dismissive attachment styles as well so that's not likely a good thing for longevity.

    My advice would be to consider if there is entanglement that is preventing you from taking a next step and if there isn't his behavior and lack of contact stands out as odd for someone who is interested in you.
    Mr Canis, Cobble, buttons1 and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    I went out with a couple very attractive ENTJ women, the first of whom I thought was amazing but sadly she didn't want a second date.

    From ONLY my personal experience I think ENTJs are perhaps one of the extroverted types least likely to pair with another extrovert. When I asked out the first ENTJ to a second date, during our first date since I thought it was going so well, she calculated in her mind for 5 seconds before turning me down and then saying that we both needed someone more introverted. She found my "umms, ahhs, likes" in conversation unattractive and displaying to her a lack of thought and clear thinking.

    I just loved the fact she broke down a denial of a second date to such logical and understandable segments. Even if I disagreed and really wanted to go out with her again.
    Battlelina thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by buttons1 View Post
    To others, it's just that I lowkey like to throw them off their cool and make them squirm a little.
    Okay, that's what happened to me. I couldn't figure out what some people were doing and I'd end up like:

    buttons1 and Kitagawa Megumi thanked this post.

  7. #7

    To date an Entj is like marriage because of the loyalty and hidden passive, passion of lusty, love. How we choose a lifetime partner is determined by the long term investment in a union of trust and support so we (men) and them (women) to take command and be in charge of whatever we think are positions of hierarchy and for executing the productivity of all in specializations or skills of any kind. I’m personally, also a 4w3 sx/so, too. So, I’m the executive, aristocrat in charge of inventing for military affairs and investing for corporate cooperatives. In a nutshell, acting is something we detect and will assume it means nothing but empty empathy and would prefer a female who lives through her body as instinctual as possible to seem real or authentic behavioral language like talk if we talking in front of our mothers because then it only means comfortablity between mates of now.

  8. #8

    Like one othe the previous commenters said, if and ENTJ likes or loves you, they will initiate pretty consistently. Example, long phone conversations, frequent invites. They are not afraid to ask you on a date. They are pretty straightforward but will probably never discuss how they feel about you, they show it in their actions. They take charge and take care of you if you are interesting or special to them ( which is literally a very select few). But they are nice to most people, and can be very easily misunderstood to sound line they are flirting when really they are probably trying to gain the upper hand or get some leverage in a situation. They can learn to be quite manipulative in some ways to get what they want. Im not ENTJ but married to one and this is what I have observed. I use this to my advantage and tell him what I want to happen in a given situation and he makes it so. Be it in a social situation or if I have a problem. Its like a super power and I love that he can do that.
    But he cant use it on me. I call him out on it.
    Also ENTJs love it when you can both play hard to get and engage their brain at the same time. Almost like peaking their interest and then walking away.


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