[ENTJ] Where do families and important connections place in your lives?

Where do families and important connections place in your lives?

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This is a discussion on Where do families and important connections place in your lives? within the ENTJ Forum - The Executives forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I'm just curious how wide the spectrum is and what ENTJs define as family? I was in this LTR with ...

  1. #1

    Where do families and important connections place in your lives?

    I'm just curious how wide the spectrum is and what ENTJs define as family?

    I was in this LTR with an INFP and he had an older ENTJ sister. She really took me in, showing me around where she worked, introducing me to people, and showing way more enthusiasm for this business I was running than anyone else, including my ex. He was as surprised as I was with how fast she took to me. During that time I really felt like one of her family members.

    I have also had experience in the past where ENTJs have actually been the ones who wanted to step closer to me and I've been the one to push them out. (I was oblivious until too late as I am not used to people caring about me or trying to be a positive force in my life.)

    It's left this impression on me: if some other types have these boundaries about family vs outsider, ENTJs don't seem to, and are willing to close gaps that these other types will always have in place.



  2. #2

    I think this is a Fe vs Fi thing, where Fe is more likely to attempt to harmonize the group and Fi is more likely to evaluate the value of the individual.

    For me:
    Individuals are judged as individuals.
    I made no assumptions about anyone based on their perceived stature or other’s subjective opinions of them.
    I don’t feel societal pressure to accommodate herd mentality.
    Genetic family is an accident of birth.
    Chosen friendships are a conscience decision of who is worthy of my trust and love.

    I ask myself, “if this person weren’t my [parent, sibling, etc] and I met them randomly, would I choose to be friends with them based on their behavior toward me.”

    and conversely

    ”is this random person of interest or value to me? Do I feel an affinity with them although we share no familial connection?”

    In this way, I don’t speak to my mother. Her behavior and actions toward me have earned her this consequence.
    I’m closer to my bestie than I am to my only sibling.
    Last edited by MsSpookyPants; 05-16-2019 at 10:55 AM. Reason: typo

  3. #3

    Kinship type relations hold true to entjs. we just don’t base it on something arbitrary such as who is family.

    It’s earned (sometimes easily) certain favors I’ll give to anyone who has shown me respect family or not and others I will bar from anyone family or not.

    I have my own standard for weather or not someone is deserving of something and if you’re part of my family or not doesn’t really matter. It’s more so about if you meet the requirement to be treated in that way.
    Duo, Blue Flower and Battlelina thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Honestly, we entj's would naturally view the situation of values and merits like a family, mafia business. As an ENTJ we are the Police, Military and Spy Institutions for a type of survival of the leadership in city, community counties. WE, Love the follower of order because, if not, then we are lost of any habitual affirmations of heart felt connections. For example, when, first getting to know someone, I'll, or we are fast to determined judgment and discrimination to what is lies and deception from the subject at hand. Criminology is in our environment so we just check the balances of neutral causes differing from the symptom of effects. When connected with an ENTJ, be frank, to the point and no excuses. Unefficient systems of the economy is a waste of earnings to serve the markets with valuables, precious bimetallics, GOLD & SILVER, Vaulted safe. Anyway, us, ENTJs, executives of the personality realm, would probably hire anyone we speak to, not talk. So, share all your inspirational ideas with factual evidence to make it a reality, next time seeing any ENTJ at work for like 247.
    Battlelina thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Battlelina View Post
    I'm just curious how wide the spectrum is and what ENTJs define as family?

    I was in this LTR with an INFP and he had an older ENTJ sister. She really took me in, showing me around where she worked, introducing me to people, and showing way more enthusiasm for this business I was running than anyone else, including my ex. He was as surprised as I was with how fast she took to me. During that time I really felt like one of her family members.

    I have also had experience in the past where ENTJs have actually been the ones who wanted to step closer to me and I've been the one to push them out. (I was oblivious until too late as I am not used to people caring about me or trying to be a positive force in my life.)

    It's left this impression on me: if some other types have these boundaries about family vs outsider, ENTJs don't seem to, and are willing to close gaps that these other types will always have in place.
    Ok, so I don't care about family, in a biological sense. The people I call family are the people I choose. So, close friends are more family to me than people who do have the same blood as myself. My parents? I appreciate them not because of biology, but for what they did for me and the same things applies to friends. So I choose the people I see as family.
    Blazkovitz, Blue Flower and Battlelina thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Battlelina View Post
    I'm just curious how wide the spectrum is and what ENTJs define as family?

    I was in this LTR with an INFP and he had an older ENTJ sister. She really took me in, showing me around where she worked, introducing me to people, and showing way more enthusiasm for this business I was running than anyone else, including my ex. He was as surprised as I was with how fast she took to me. During that time I really felt like one of her family members.

    I have also had experience in the past where ENTJs have actually been the ones who wanted to step closer to me and I've been the one to push them out. (I was oblivious until too late as I am not used to people caring about me or trying to be a positive force in my life.)

    It's left this impression on me: if some other types have these boundaries about family vs outsider, ENTJs don't seem to, and are willing to close gaps that these other types will always have in place.
    My family is defined as my blood related family.
    There are different tiers.
    1) I am related to them but I have never really known them
    2) I am related to them and knew them pretty well but don't anymore and that's ok
    3) I am related to them and wish we were closer
    4) I am related to them I have good amounts of contact with them, we are close
    5) My closest family members composed of a couple cousins, grandmother, parents and sister

    Maybe it's not about them treating you like you're part of their family and more about having a disposition that is receptive to the type of feedback an ENTJ would give. I've never told a friend they are like part of my family.
    Battlelina thanked this post.

  7. #7

    So, which is preferred for ENTJs: multiple quotes in one post to respond to posts, or multiple posts with one quote?

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    I think this is a Fe vs Fi thing, where Fe is more likely to attempt to harmonize the group and Fi is more likely to evaluate the value of the individual.
    While your whole post was eye-opening, this part stuck out to me because ISTJs aren't really like this. They tend to be like, "I stick with my family, I don't know you." Even if they do get to know someone really well, their blood relationships will always take priority.

    What would be the difference with ENTJs? Is it that ISTJs are primarily based in experience/Si?

    Also, *thank you* for not accommodating herd mentality.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Battlelina View Post
    So, which is preferred for ENTJs: multiple quotes in one post to respond to posts, or multiple posts with one quote?
    meh. whatever works and seems appropriate to the post


    While your whole post was eye-opening, this part stuck out to me because ISTJs aren't really like this. They tend to be like, "I stick with my family, I don't know you." Even if they do get to know someone really well, their blood relationships will always take priority.

    What would be the difference with ENTJs? Is it that ISTJs are primarily based in experience/Si?
    I’m married to an ISTJ, Type6 Enneagram. I would say his attitude is more grounded in loyalty rather than blood. But, it’s true that he does tend to “stick with what he knows” in all aspects of his life. So, he has very few people he “lets in”, and most are family, but not exclusively. So a Fi-user, but his options of what’s acceptable are more limited in scope.

    And,I think you’re right about that being Si-related, but I see it more as less likely to want to explore new options — not that he isn’t open to the idea. So, his introversion may play into that, as well.

    Here is what I mean ... he doesn’t generally approach new people, he sticks with who he knows, but if I drag him over to meet someone, he’s open to the idea, and might find that person worthy of a second look.

    As far as his blood relationships taking priority, he doesn’t speak to his sister. It took him a long time to reach that point, but he did get there. Again, not really about blood, but more about loyalty and worthiness.


    Also, *thank you* for not accommodating herd mentality.
    Thanking me for that beyond thanking my post is kind of a herd mentality thing.

    Blue Flower thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by NT the DC View Post
    Maybe it's not about them treating you like you're part of their family and more about having a disposition that is receptive to the type of feedback an ENTJ would give. I've never told a friend they are like part of my family.
    She actually did say that to me. I think it was from the fact I was her younger brother's long-term partner, showed up at the family holidays, came with him to visit her and her family, was trying to help better my ex's life and contribute to the family... that kind of thing. So I was like unofficial sister-in-law, not neatly fitting into a friend/casual status.

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    Here is what I mean ... he doesn’t generally approach new people, he sticks with who he knows, but if I drag him over to meet someone, he’s open to the idea, and might find that person worthy of a second look.
    Ok, given my close ISTJ friend, this makes sense. I can just tell I will never cross whatever line he has, family is blood only, whereas ENTJs are something of enigmas for me in the sort of pioneering they're willing to do beyond the stereotypical business aspects.

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    Thanking me for that beyond thanking my post is kind of a herd mentality thing.
    Hu? How so? ...Wait, are you trolling me? :P

    Actually, tangent, this is a thing I run into a fair bit. I don't pay attention to what is popular or herd mentality, then I go and do a thing. Someone goes, "Wow Battlelina, I thought you were aware and avoiding these things."

    "No? I'm just, like, doing the thing I feel like doing."

    I thank posts when I appreciate that someone responded at all, but I may not necessarily be reading things intently. But if I really like something in particular I will quote it and thank you for that particular thing.

    Otherwise, social stuff has too many heckin' rules, then you got certain group preferences, then individual preferences... ugh. People be complicated. Too complicated. It's why I go play video games.
    MsSpookyPants and s2theizay thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Battlelina View Post
    She actually did say that to me. I think it was from the fact I was her younger brother's long-term partner, showed up at the family holidays, came with him to visit her and her family, was trying to help better my ex's life and contribute to the family... that kind of thing. So I was like unofficial sister-in-law, not neatly fitting into a friend/casual status
    That's cool. I wouldn't say it speaks to type though.
    I have told my ex that she felt like family to me but that was after being with her for 6 years.
    I wouldn't tell her that within a few months of knowing her, her immediate family feels like extended family to me which makes sense because I've known them for like a decade and they are her family.
    Battlelina thanked this post.


     
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