Some of you may remember me as that one silly, highschool girl who had a crush on an ENTJ at my school for a while. Suffice to say, it didn't work out. I was rude to him because I didn't want to idealise him anymore and put him on a pedestal, and he took it the wrong way and shut me out completely. And by completely, I mean blocking me on Facebook. It was a harsh blow. But then again, ENTJs are known for that, aren't they? *smiles sadly*
The troubling thing is, four years later, he still intrudes on my mind every now and then. I guess he was my first love. And the thing is, the more I think about it, the more I feel as though he and were weren't compatible. We were from two different worlds. For the first time in my life, I realised the heart wants what it wants, you know? Oh, and by different worlds, I mean his is more on Earth, while mine sort of just floats in the clouds. It was kind of like...a human and a faerie getting together. It just doesn't work. He was logical, blunt and firmly rooted in reality and I am, and will always be, a daydreamer who writes fantasy novels and imagine things like waking up to find the clouds purple or hearing the trees whisper secrets to one another.
This is going to be a little long. I know you ENTJs like things to get to the point but I feel as though I have a lot to say. I am afraid of how some ENTJs will respond to this, because you don't seem to like displays of emotion much and sometimes find what I'm writing now to be just "blather". But maybe this will give you some insight into how this slightly burned INFPs feel about ENTJs.
We're not really compatible. At least the ENTJs with really strong functions. Over 50% of each function, I would say. Last time I posted on this thread, an ENTJ told me I was a woman in love with the idea of a person, not a man, and just someone prey to my neurotransmitters, and you know what? That's probably exactly what this ENTJ I loved was thinking. He thought I was another silly highschool girl who had a crush on him and would grow out of it. I'm kind of afraid of ENTJs now. You're like war machines sometimes. INFPs don't stand a chance against you. And that vulnerability deep within...well, I blew it by being rude to him, so I guess I'll never be seeing a glimpse of that again.
I don't know if what I am feeling is love, but I suppose if someone crops up in your mind on a regular basis four years after the last time you saw them, maybe they meant something to you. I'm not sure why I'm posting on this thread. After all, the ENTJ I knew was intimidating and prone to verbal outbursts that frightened me and when ENTJ logic lashes out at me, I can't help but feel very hurt and in pain. How can I love someone who is so incompatible? Why does the heart want what it wants? Why would I love someone who is actually a little bit awful for me?
ENTJs and INFPs are from two different worlds. A little bit like someone from the dark side falling in love with someone from the light. And INFPs can be from the dark side, in this scenario, if you want. We're not great all the time. Or it's like someone who works with numbers falling in love with someone who loves words. Like...a unicorn falling in love with a dragon. It just doesn't work. You can call me stupid or delusional for holding onto this love all these years (and I have a feeling, as ENTJs, you probably will, and I mean that kindly) but sometimes, your first love sticks with you. It just does.
Or I guess it's just my stupid neurotransmitters acting up again, huh?