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Relationship Questions

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This is a discussion on Relationship Questions within the ENTJ Forum - The Executives forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; If I remember right, I think @ Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married....

  1. #11
    ENTJ

    If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.
    MsSpookyPants and Not Mis Taken thanked this post.

  2. #12
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Relationship Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by maust View Post
    If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.
    Not married but have in my dating track record: INTJ, INFJ, and currently an INFP

    Edit: the successful ones have been with introverts.

    The painful dramatic ones were with extroverted thinkers: 2 entjs and an ESTJ

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by maust View Post
    If I remember right, I think @Duo is with an INTP, but I'm not sure if they're married.

    I forgot about @Duo . Yes, I think she's with an INTP.

    Thank you.

    ***edits post***
    maust and Not Mis Taken thanked this post.

  4. #14
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Also L'Enfant Terrible has referenced her Introvert boyfriend in several threads; don't quote me on the current marital status or his other three letters.
    Not Mis Taken thanked this post.

  5. #15
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Not Mis Taken View Post
    The past 15 years or so, I've been mostly focused on my son, parents, and business...I think I'm ready to make time for someone. So I ask again...other than a male ENTJ what personality type works well with a female ENTJ in a long term romantic relationship?
    Let me ask you this:

    What do you value in a partner? Your triage of core values? Start with that, then seek to bring men who value that into your sphere of influence.
    Sangoire and Not Mis Taken thanked this post.

  6. #16

    Not a question, more of an observation about how ENTJs relate to others in a work environment. Feel free to comment if you care to:

    I think the older and more experienced you get, the more you learn to be flexible, get better at dodging bullets, and gain more confidence that you can handle what gets thrown at you. It becomes less false bravado and arrogance and more true confidence and wisdom. For me, it was somewhere around my mid 30s or so when that really started to gel. (I'm in my 50s now)

    At about 35, I started to feel this weird sense of calm about my life. I really think it's the Fi getting more and more fine-tuned. You have a sort of epiphany somewhere around then where you just sort of wake up and realize that you haven't been blazing a trail, you've just sort of been indiscriminately using a flame thrower.

    What you've really been doing is playing defense, slogging it out in the trenches, fighting over stuff that really doesn't matter ... and now that you've figured out what really matters to you, what's truly worth fight for (and about) - have gotten your priorities in line - it's time to get your shit together, kick it up a notch, chart a course, and start playing offense - to truly lead.

    I watch some of the younger members here struggle with that. I see my younger self in them. I see their attempts to step up and flex the muscle to lead manifest with all the subtlety of Hitler invading Poland. Spoiler: It ultimately doesn't end well. For you or anyone around you.

    We all go through that, my own journey wasn't pretty to watch, and sometimes the lessons come from the last place you expected them, but eventually it all falls into place and just sort of becomes the ultimate "AHA" moment. Watched a fellow ENTJ have one of those this morning.

    Made my day. Well done, Grasshopper. Godspeed.
    Last edited by MsSpookyPants; 07-18-2015 at 04:47 AM. Reason: typo
    Vanitas, Ryosuke93, Elistra and 8 others thanked this post.

  7. #17
    ENTJ - The Executives

    True words MBP, hard part is being able to pull your head out of your ass far enough to see the bigger picture. For me that has been a long struggle as when you are in the midst of it, forcing yourself to try and see if there is another perspective is very tough. Couple that with the ENTJ need to execute the solution once the "solution" has been determined makes taking this step back counter intuitive.

    The thing that helped me a long time ago was a book called the "Lucifer principle." Book is rather controversial but the take away I got from it was maintaining an uncrossable line in the sand takes effort, so make sure the cause matters.

    For example as teenager, I would not associate myself with anyone who had ever had a cigarette. If you had had one we couldn't be friends. I wish I was joking, but that's how I was. So that took a lot of effort to weed these people out of my life and then bar them from ever being a part of it. I even got actively angry at them for the mistake/choice. For what? Why was this so important that I spent so much energy on it? In the end I realized it wasn't it was stupid. I was stubborn and just had to have everything black and white. I couldn't let myself compromise on anything. Yes, I still don't date girls who actively smoke cigarettes, but that's because I don't like kissing an ashtray, but as just a friend, hey it is your life you do what you like.

    I learned to let things go that don't matter, to not get as fired up and STAY fired up about the little shit as all it did was take time and energy away from things that would really matter to me that I should be more focused on.

    I was also a lot happier as I wasn't fighting mini wars over a billion different lines in the sand.
    MsSpookyPants, Ryosuke93, maust and 2 others thanked this post.

  8. #18
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Relationship Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    Not a question, more of an observation about how ENTJs relate to others in a work environment. Feel free to comment if you care to:

    I think the older and more experienced you get, the more you learn to be flexible, get better at dodging bullets, and gain more confidence that you can handle what gets thrown at you. It becomes less false bravado and arrogance and more true confidence and wisdom. For me, it was somewhere around my mid 30s or so when that really started to gel. (I'm in my 50s now)

    At about 35, I started to feel this weird sense of calm about my life. I really think it's the Fi getting more and more fine-tuned. You have a sort of epiphany somewhere around then where you just sort of wake up and realize that you haven't been blazing a trail, you've just sort of been indiscriminately using a flame thrower.

    What you've really been doing is playing defense, slogging it out in the trenches, fighting over stuff that really doesn't matter ... and now that you've figured out what really matters to you, what's truly worth fight for (and about) - have gotten your priorities in line - it's time to get your shit together, kick it up a notch, chart a course, and start playing offense - to truly lead.

    I watch some of the younger members here struggle with that. I see my younger self in them. I see their attempts to step up and flex the muscle to lead manifest with all the subtly of Hitler invading Poland. Spoiler: It ultimately doesn't end well. For you or anyone around you.

    We all go through that, my own journey wasn't pretty to watch, and sometimes the lessons come from the last place you expected them, but eventually it all falls into place and just sort of becomes the ultimate "AHA" moment. Watched a fellow ENTJ have one of those this morning.

    Made my day. Well done, Grasshopper. Godspeed.
    Yea that's me.
    Damn.

    Good stuff though; there's hope.

    Cheers to silver linings and shit-togetherness!

    EDIT:

    I'll leave my snarky response up. Because that's how I get... Defensive. Sometimes most defensive in front of a mirror of well-worded advice and observation.

    With this, yes; I mostly agree. Up to this point, I've been described as 'fair....BUT, opinionated, bitchy, snarky, cold, bossy, heartless; and otherwise not one to take any bullshit.'

    By colleagues and family alike. Hell; even my mom called up one day:

    "So I got called a cold bitch at work today! Figured I'd vent to you, as you have experience with that.'

    That's not exactly the legacy I want to lead.

    I want to be viewed as a pioneer; trailblazer. But I don't want to get there leaving a pile of dead carcasses in my wake.

    Shoot first; ask questions later... But what good does that do if the gun is pointed at my foot the whole time? Destroying my foundation isn't leadership; and you're right.

    And I am in my early 30s and can relate to that. But that it's evident there's a pattern, it's up to me to do something about it. To listen, more and talk less, as @lordmercurio said. Or to not exactly put myself out there if I can't handle the backlash, as @scelarat has eluded to a few times.

    So yes, there's being defensive; but there's seeking truth, and not being afraid to stand behind it.

    Proactive, not reactive.
    Last edited by Lesuhlee; 07-17-2015 at 01:59 PM.
    MsSpookyPants, Ryosuke93, maust and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #19
    ENTJ - The Executives


    Quote Originally Posted by Lesuhlee View Post
    -do they stimulate my mind? (Big one)

    -am I attracted to them?

    -do they challenge me and satisfy me?

    Now for the less- immediate stuff:

    -trying to figure out if I see them fitting into my long term gameplan;

    -trying to figure out if they fit into my short term gameplan;

    -is what I want to take negotiable equal to what I'm willing to give;

    -is it fun;

    -is it feasible?

    Usually problems fall along the lines of the issues addressed in these questions. I am more than willing to work through them; I see them as challenges, until it's not worth my time or energy and I discover that it just isn't a good fit. Then I move on.
    Thanks Thinking back, I don't actively look for a smart/intellectual guy, but with guys I can't at least have a pretty decent conversation with I get bored quickly even if they're nice.

    Do you reckon we do better with "challenging" partners? Might just be me personally (parents have a horrible relationship) but I tend to go for guys who are as nice and low drama as possible, even "boring" I guess you could say.

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants
    Something that I find interesting is that the married female ENTJs, or those in stable, long-term relationships here in the forum have introverted partners.
    (sorry if I forgot anyone)

    me: ISTJ
    stiletto: ISFP
    Elistra: INTP
    Tea Path: INTJ
    Duo: INTP

    All introverted. Anecdotal and small sample, but might be something to consider.
    Interesting. Not married by a long shot, but though I'm really extroverted, most of my guy friends are extroverts, and I have more hobbies in common with extroverts (team sports, etc.), I've always found introverted guys more attractive as an ENTJ. Wonder if there's a reason?

    Also, thanks to you and @myGTI for the advice on picking battles at work.

  10. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by Lesuhlee View Post
    ... Up to this point, I've been described as 'fair....BUT, opinionated, bitchy, snarky, cold, bossy, heartless; and otherwise not one to take any bullshit.' ...
    I would take the first part of that as a positive. "Fair" implies that your conclusion is viewed as correct and your reasoning, sound. You just need to work on the delivery system.
    Zenobia Kael and Lesuhlee thanked this post.


     
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