[ENTJ] Relationship Questions - Page 3

Relationship Questions

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 3 of 232 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 53 103 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 2318
Thank Tree2432Thanks

This is a discussion on Relationship Questions within the ENTJ Forum - The Executives forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Disturbia Thanks Thinking back, I don't actively look for a smart/intellectual guy, but with guys I can't ...

  1. #21
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Disturbia View Post
    Thanks Thinking back, I don't actively look for a smart/intellectual guy, but with guys I can't at least have a pretty decent conversation with I get bored quickly even if they're nice.

    Do you reckon we do better with "challenging" partners? Might just be me personally (parents have a horrible relationship) but I tend to go for guys who are as nice and low drama as possible, even "boring" I guess you could say.

    Interesting. Not married by a long shot, but though I'm really extroverted, most of my guy friends are extroverts, and I have more hobbies in common with extroverts (team sports, etc.), I've always found introverted guys more attractive as an ENTJ. Wonder if there's a reason?
    1) Once I honestly start giving a damn about them as a person -- not as a data point or some kind of case study, not as some kind of function or service provided, but as a person -- I become vulnerable. This occurs whenever there's an "Fi Fortress" breach, whether it is alloyed with romantic feelings or not. But in the case of a romantic relationship, there is ALWAYS an accompanying breach. Granted, my romantic relationship sample size is pretty small -- only two, and I'll be 39 this September -- but both were like this, and the dynamic (romantic relationship = requires trust and giving a damn about them as a person = Fi fortress breach) is the main reason why there's only been two.

    Anyhow, and to be brutally frank, I don't need someone that's either going to try to redecorate the place to their liking, or trash it like it is just another hotel suite and they are some kind of drugged out heavy metal band. I need someone that is relatively low-key, which does NOT describe most of my fellow extraverts. (Or myself either, for that matter. lol.) Even my INTJ ex was too much on that scale, mostly for his attempts to try and redecorate it to his liking. I'd get pissed because of his presumption and tell him where the hell he got off, and the necessity of a very pointed assertion of personal boundaries on my part was becoming repetitive. I shouldn't have to schedule, "Tell INTJ the facts about himself." every month or so, as if it was some kind of routine chore.

    October:
    Decorate for Halloween.
    Buy candy for the door to door lils.
    Finish repairing the hem on the evil sorceress costume.
    Tell INTJ the facts about himself.

    November:
    Get up the remainder of the dead leaves from the flower beds.
    Clean out gutters.
    Drain the water hose and take inside to store.
    Tell INTJ the facts about himself.

    December:
    Put up Christmas lights.
    Clean out the downstairs closet.
    Finish Christmas shopping.
    Tell INTJ the facts about himself.

    January:
    Put the Christmas stuff away.
    Clean that godawful back corner in the basement.
    Buy plenty of rock salt for the sidewalk.
    Tell INTJ the facts about himself.

    Fuck that. If his views, priorities, attitude, and values had been even remotely correct or healthy, this would not have been necessary. So, I dumped him.

    2) You don't have to fight for the conversational floor quite as much, with an introvert. Well, unless it is an INTP and they're off on some kind of pedagogue rant about whatever they've been thinking about lately, but I have learned a bit of tact, and he has grown accustomed to getting periodic audience input, which was not always the case 20 years ago, back when we first met... lol.

    Elistra (19 years old, not exactly a natural born diplomat): If you don't want me to respond after several minutes of you going on and on, then go somewhere else and talk to yourself!
    INTP (also 19 years old, limited understanding of conversational flow): Like you don't rant enough as it is!
    Elistra: Yes, and when I want to rant for hours without anyone else getting a word in edgewise, guess what I do? I go somewhere else and talk to myself!
    INTP: Fine! <departs>

    I had a word processor back then, and we had a loooooooooooong file that we ranted about psychology and metaphysics on. He'd respond to mine and add some, then the next section, I'd respond to his and add some of my own, then he'd respond to that, and so on. Initially, it was easier this way for very extended and elaborate debating, because it prevented it from degenerating into filibustering/ranting/pedagogy with attendant frustration on both sides. After awhile, this stopped being necessary, even for extended debates. I was beginning to learn tact, and he was beginning to understand how to take conversational turns, even when the topic is a very engrossing one. Lol.
    Last edited by Elistra; 07-17-2015 at 05:55 PM.
    MsSpookyPants, maust, Intpee and 2 others thanked this post.

  2. #22

    Quote Originally Posted by Elistra View Post
    I need someone that is relatively low-key, which does NOT describe most of my fellow extraverts.
    This ^^^.

    I come home from work, I'm talked out. I'm ready for some quiet time. Am looking forward to having a nice low-key evening - quiet companionship with someone who isn't going to throw a wall of sound at me.

    Hubby on the other hand, has spent his day being silent for the most part. (He's a quality control manager. Think: paperwork and inspection tasks) He's ready to chat a bit in the evening.

    We meet somewhere in the middle. It's a good balance.

  3. #23
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    This ^^^.

    I come home from work, I'm talked out. I'm ready for some quiet time. Am looking forward to having a nice low-key evening - quiet companionship with someone who isn't going to throw a wall of sound at me.

    Hubby on the other hand, has spent his day being silent for the most part. (He's a quality control manager. Think: paperwork and inspection tasks) He's ready to chat a bit in the evening.

    We meet somewhere in the middle. It's a good balance.
    What's strange is that it doesn't seem to extend to text for me. Like you, when I get off work I don't want to be talked into the ground, and if the phone starts ringing I'm more prone to roll my eyes and not answer it than anything else. But if it is taking place via the printed word instead, not only does it not bother me, but I actively enjoy it. No idea why on the difference.
    MsSpookyPants, maust and Lesuhlee thanked this post.

  4. #24

    Quote Originally Posted by Elistra View Post
    What's strange is that it doesn't seem to extend to text for me. Like you, when I get off work I don't want to be talked into the ground, and if the phone starts ringing I'm more prone to roll my eyes and not answer it than anything else. But if it is taking place via the printed word instead, not only does it not bother me, but I actively enjoy it. No idea why on the difference.
    I understand that. It's why I like chatting on PerC.

    You can walk away for bit and come back. Respond when ready. Have a bit of downtime while you wait for someone to respond to you - the pace is slower. And, you get to talk about whatever you want and ignore conversations that have no interest to you. Choose your level of involvement. I find it sort of relaxing.
    Elistra, maust, Zenobia Kael and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #25
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Relationship Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Elistra View Post
    1) Once I honestly start giving a damn about them as a person -- not as a data point or some kind of case study, not as some kind of function or service provided, but as a person -- I become vulnerable. This occurs whenever there's an "Fi Fortress" breach, whether it is alloyed with romantic feelings or not. But in the case of a romantic relationship, there is ALWAYS an accompanying breach. Granted, my romantic relationship sample size is pretty small -- only two, and I'll be 39 this September -- but both were like this, and the dynamic (romantic relationship = requires trust and giving a damn about them as a person = Fi fortress breach) is the main reason why there's only been two.
    Approaching that now. Feels like I'm peeling back an onion layer. The logistics of the relationship have proven sound, she's survived the first round; now I'm scratching at vulnerability's door. But I welcome it; I see there's an equal exchange of it, or so it seems. Therefore I don't feel taken advantage of.

    Anyhow, and to be brutally frank, I don't need someone that's either going to try to redecorate the place to their liking, or trash it like it is just another hotel suite and they are some kind of drugged out heavy metal band. I need someone that is relatively low-key, which does NOT describe most of my fellow extraverts. (Or myself either, for that matter).
    Perhaps this is why my most formidable friendships have been with extroverts and my most formidable intimate relationships have been with introverts?
    Last edited by Lesuhlee; 07-18-2015 at 02:55 AM.
    Elistra, Disturbia and steviesinclair thanked this post.

  6. #26
    INFP - The Idealists

    There is this guy, I think he is ENTJ, and I really can't stop thinking about him. It's his fault as well as he texts me several times a day. (This is a lot for me as I in normal circumstances text once a week) :) He has also invited me to several events, which I had to decline because it was really unpractical for me to go and it wasn't my cup of tea (He should have known that in advance, though).
    There are some important issues (ideological) on which we think differently and that must be sorted out if I would want to even start a relationship. But we also have a lot of common ground on points that I find very important which is probably one of the reasons I feel some attraction to him.

    Anyway, so I don't know where I'm heading to, but I like to think about the possibilities. :)

    Here are my questions:

    - How do I know for sure he is in to me and is not just a friendly extrovert?
    - Are there typical (INFP) mistakes I must watch out for?
    - Will he understand if I keep cool in order to protect myself? (Until I know this really might work out on the long term)
    - What do ENTJ men generally find attractive in women? ( in other words: If he likes me, why is that?)

  7. #27
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by maust View Post
    I went through 120-ish pages of the old ENTJ relationship and advice thread, and here are the types I found:
    INFP: 23
    INTP: 12
    ENFP: 9
    ENFJ: 6
    INFJ: 6
    INTJ: 4
    ENTP: 4
    ISTP: 2
    ISFP: 1
    ISTJ: 1
    ESFJ: 1
    First, thank you for the quick response and all that work. This is exactly the type of information I needed. I wrote the post the day before yesterday and started reading all the responses late last night. There's so much good information here that I'm going to go back and address the responses individually.

    I had googled the ENTJ in a relationship status and it lead me to entj-articles/110051-entj-relationship and then I saw high_heels post and was sucked in by the responses to her initial post regarding her relationship. I was shocked by the number of people who thought "just like me." So I joined PerC for answers...it's been very rare for me to find other ENTJs.

    Anyway, I'm not going to waste my time trying to fit a "square peg in a round hole" as myGTI so aptly pointed out in high_heels thread. I accept that I'm a middle aged ENTJ woman who is clearly "polar opposites of what most cultures consider an ideal woman." The pool of available men is much smaller for me than when you're in your twenties and thirties. Add to that, as we all mature, we do "soften" or adjust as MsBossyPants stated. Men have consistently smoothed over (adjusted) who they are and after the three month honeymoon stage, their true personality starts to show. I don't have time for that anymore, there are very few fishes in the pond and I'm going to sort more efficiently this time around.

    I've decided to take a more scientific approach to dating for a little while and see where it takes me. It may or may not work; but, I'm going to take advantage of the initial interest in me to have them take a quick personality test. The results are good conversation anyway...most people love to talk about themselves.

    Thank you again, maust!
    Windblownhair thanked this post.

  8. #28
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by MsBossyPants View Post
    Something that I find interesting is that the married female ENTJs, or those in stable, long-term relationships here in the forum have introverted partners.

    All introverted. Anecdotal and small sample, but might be something to consider.
    I am certainly considering it...as I think back, the one relationship that really worked was the classic strong, silent, type.... Thank you, MsBossyPants!
    MsSpookyPants thanked this post.

  9. #29
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Lesuhlee View Post
    Not married but have in my dating track record: INTJ, INFJ, and currently an INFP

    Edit: the successful ones have been with introverts.

    The painful dramatic ones were with extroverted thinkers: 2 entjs and an ESTJ
    Thank you for your input, Lesuhlee. I had been thinking that ENTJ males might be best because they think alike...but, the last thing I want at home is drama.

    If I may ask, was the pain due to the ending of the relationship or do you mean painful butting of the heads during the relationship?

  10. #30
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by Lesuhlee View Post
    Let me ask you this:

    What do you value in a partner? Your triage of core values? Start with that, then seek to bring men who value that into your sphere of influence.
    Over the years, what I value has changed little; however, gone are the days of a laundry list of the "perfect man." I've always valued intelligence, resourcefulness, generosity, kindness in a package that at least takes care of his appearance and surroundings.


     
Page 3 of 232 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 5 13 53 103 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] Relationship Questions
    By refugee in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 07-25-2015, 07:09 AM
  2. [ISFP] Relationship Questions
    By Snow in forum ISFP Forum - The Artists
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-19-2013, 12:33 PM
  3. [ENTJ] Relationship questions
    By DJArendee in forum ENTJ Forum - The Executives
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 05-28-2012, 03:57 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:29 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0