[ENTP] Looking for help deciphering an ENTP's interactions (with an INFJ)

Looking for help deciphering an ENTP's interactions (with an INFJ)

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This is a discussion on Looking for help deciphering an ENTP's interactions (with an INFJ) within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hi there! I'm a female INFJ, and I am completely new to this site. I just wanted some insights from ...

  1. #1

    Looking for help deciphering an ENTP's interactions (with an INFJ)

    Hi there! I'm a female INFJ, and I am completely new to this site. I just wanted some insights from ENTPs about this one ENTP who I have feelings for and have been trying to decide if he reciprocates these feelings. I'm sorry if this is a bit long, but here it goes.

    I got to spend 4 days with this ENTP guy who is a friend of my brother. This ENTP came and stayed at my house over Thanksgiving break, and I didn't know him whatsoever up to that point. Long story short, within 2 hours of him arriving at my house we got into a lengthy debate about whether or not cats constitute real pets, and by the end of it I was completely smitten by his ability to debate so intellectually on something so stupid. Witty banter is one of the biggest turn ons for me, and he totally dominated at it.

    So it turned out that he and I have tons in common -- both middle children, both home schooled, both sing and play piano, and he's currently studying music in Nashville while I'm just about to begin studying music at college myself. All of our interactions after that first evening involved playful banter about something or another -- with him frequently making fun of me/being sarcastic towards me. We even debated for 10 minutes about this metal spring he'd accidentally knocked to the ground after I'd put it on a desk, with him saying it was my fault for putting it there in the first place. At one point he sat and played our piano and we sang 'I'll be home for Christmas' together, and then we talked about music for a while and he said he admired a decision I'd made regarding practicing music for a while before applying to college.

    All this to say, on his last day with us we were debating something dumb once again when someone called him away, and he stood up and said 'Okay, enough weird flirting!' and walked off, and then came back a few minutes later only to start trolling me just like before. He even got me to play this weird game with him involving connecting dots....anyway, he sent me a friend request on facebook before he left to go back to Nashville, and he hugged me twice when saying goodbye to everyone...I'm wondering, does it sound like he reciprocates my feelings, and if so, would it be worth it to try contacting him on facebook to see if anything will come of it? Thank you in advance, and once again I'm sorry that this was so long!



  2. #2
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    @SophaDivine

    Hmmmmmm interesting...

    So you both sing piano eh! Well that's a great start!

    Also, unsure what side you were on but cats are clearly not pets....just saying.
    I can elaborate if necessary.

    Sarcasm aside....

    Cats really are not pets...okay I am done for real now.

    It looks like this here if I am to go off of stereotypes.
    ENTP as a stereotype will have a hard time with long distance as we
    constantly need that stimulus to well, stimulate us. If it is absent we
    will typically fill the void and move on.

    This is not to say that infatuation and long distance cant work it is
    to say that it is like trying to herd cats (to stay in keeping with the cat theme).

    ENTP, especially during youth are pretty (again stereotyping) sporadic and are in
    a constant state of flux. Moving through new items as fast as we can.
    Gleaning what we feel we need to and then moving on.

    That said, he did ask to add you to social media. I tend to think that
    ENTP do not arbitrarily add people to their groups. Usually there is a reason
    to do so. That reason can just be for fun but for the most part it is because they
    see value, actual value to do so. So I would tend to lean towards him seeing you
    as valuable to him, for whatever that is worth to you.

    So what now? You have the lead in. What are you going to do about it?
    If he is smitten with you? You will hear from him in no time flat. If he is
    interested yet cognizant of a respectful distance due to not knowing how
    far he can push then the onus of communication will land squarely on you.

    My advice would be to poke the bear. Also as a point of fact.
    If at a certain point you feel as if you like him enough to try
    something more than online communication it is in your best
    interest to not hide that feeling. At all. For no reason. We like and appreciate
    honesty when it comes to emotions especially. We tend not to see what is right
    in front of us. I could never tell when a girl was hitting on me for example.
    Also, as forward as we seem we tend to be guarded emotionally because we have
    a hard time reading our own emotions and tend to concentrate on the symptoms
    of emotions and their effects. So that leaves us to guess, and with forming relationships?
    Guessing is a scary proposition.

    Be forward with him.

  3. #3

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post, it means a lot to me!
    Cats ARE pets, thank you very much (sarcasm intended) and I even got him to admit after spending his first night snuggling with our cat that at least our cat was acceptable as a pet despite his opinions otherwise. :P

    I see all of what you are saying, and was also slightly hesitant as to how he might feel about a long distance relationship, since obviously we don't technically know each other terribly well and the few ENTP's I know would probably not be too interested in something long distance. However, that's no reason not to test and see since I don't actually know. I really saw him sending the request as a potential invitation for more, and am wondering if perhaps he is now just going to see if I do anything with that, so I'm going to try establishing communication via messenger and see how that goes.

    I just wanted some reassurance from an actual ENTP (because I second guess everything regarding others feelings towards myself constantly) that I was hopefully reading the signs accurately. Thank you once again, your thoughts are much appreciated!
    grandpa2390 thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post, it means a lot to me!
    Cats ARE pets, thank you very much (sarcasm intended) and I even got him to admit after spending his first night snuggling with our cat that at least our cat was acceptable as a pet despite his opinions otherwise. :P
    Typically with pets, the human is the master. With cats I find the opposite to be true.
    So I say to you...anyone with a cat is the pet. The cat is the master. There is my
    argument. Now I would like that to be undone.

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    I see all of what you are saying, and was also slightly hesitant as to how he might feel about a long distance relationship, since obviously we don't technically know each other terribly well and the few ENTP's I know would probably not be too interested in something long distance. However, that's no reason not to test and see since I don't actually know. I really saw him sending the request as a potential invitation for more, and am wondering if perhaps he is now just going to see if I do anything with that, so I'm going to try establishing communication via messenger and see how that goes.

    I just wanted some reassurance from an actual ENTP (because I second guess everything regarding others feelings towards myself constantly) that I was hopefully reading the signs accurately. Thank you once again, your thoughts are much appreciated!
    Very astute observations. You are on the right track.

    Have some fun with it and try not to let the eventual gaps in communication
    creep you out. I find that online communication with ENTP to be down right nonsensical with
    no social etiquette (at least so far as the norm is concerned). It is just are way.
    By this I mean he may talk your ear off for 3 days straight and then ...poof... he is
    gone for two weeks. It is nothing personal. He just found some new trinket that
    got his attention for the moment.

    Good luck and feel free to ask anything you would like. I will help where I can.

  6. #5

    Once again, I am very grateful for your willingness to help me with this situation!

    It's funny, but with the whole cat thing, his take on cats was very similar to yours, except that he claimed cats did not constitute pets because a pet has to have the desire to be petted, and in his experience cats didn't exhibit that desire enough. Ha. Now regarding your stance, I would say that my definition of a pet is anything that you have the desire to take care of/that you derive pleasure from being around. I appreciate the independence that cats often exhibit (which you seem to interpret as them feeling superior to their owner) and I even appreciate the fact that cats often do not rely on humans to be happy/content. This is a trait I often wish I myself had possession of. There are my views. :P

    As for the ENTP, I did message him online because he ended up leaving a sweater at my house accidentally, and I saw this as a good opportunity to strike up a conversation via messenger. I asked if he wanted the sweater back (I said I could mail it to him) but he said not to bother, since he has other sweaters and will just make due until he comes again to my town, which will be for my brother's wedding next summer (the ENTP is going to be a groomsman). After this exchange the conversation basically turned into me sending him something with a question and him giving a relatively brief answer and leaving it at that, or twice now he's seen my message but hasn't responded at all.

    While I can't read his mind, he's certainly not giving me a lot to go off of/helping me keep the conversation up, and I don't want to bother him by constantly messaging him, so I'm going to cool it for a bit and maybe try again in a couple of weeks. My reasons for this are that he's graduating from college in 2 weeks and I'm guessing he's quite flooded with schoolwork, and I know from the fact that my brother was his roommate back at college a couple of years ago that school/papers often stressed him out quite a bit, and there's a possibility that he's just booked at the moment and doesn't want to be getting into time-consuming conversations until he's less occupied. I understand that this is the very optimistic take on the current situation. :P

    My other theory is that perhaps he's just not interested in pursuing any form of long distance relationship/never intended his friend request to be interpreted as a desire for communication once he was back at college. I understand that this is also equally probable, if not the more likely of the two scenarios.

    To be fair there is also a third potential, which is that he's not yet made up his mind about what to do/if he wants to actually try for anything relationship-wise and he's simply waffling with that at the moment, but I'm not sure how likely that is considering that he appeared to make up his mind pretty quickly whenever i interacted with him....

    So, I just wanted to see what your thoughts might be regarding the current situation. Do you think I should try taking a break from messaging him since he's not responding too positively right now, then maybe try again after he's graduated and got less on his plate? Or maybe just leave the ball in his court and see if he even will try establishing communication in case he's trying to reach a decision currently? Or just let it go because it probably won't happen?

    Normally when I like someone but they don't give positive feedback despite my attempts to connect I would take that as a sign that I should back away and just get over it, but I've never had a scenario like this where it's long distance and I only had 4 solid days of interaction, and my intuition was very strongly inclined to believe that he really did (at least to some extent) like me as well, because my intuition is usually pretty reliable. But just maybe not in this case.

    Anyway, thanks again for being so generous with your responses and helpful insight!!

  7. #6
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    Once again, I am very grateful for your willingness to help me with this situation!
    My pleasure. I am glad I can help. I joined PerC for just such conversations.
    I have a hard time with emotions and recognition of. These conversations
    are my way of schooling myself, learning about emotions and how they effect
    people to the extent that they do. I find it all very interesting. In a way it is I
    who should be thanking you for the soul food.

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    It's funny, but with the whole cat thing, his take on cats was very similar to yours, except that he claimed cats did not constitute pets because a pet has to have the desire to be petted, and in his experience cats didn't exhibit that desire enough. Ha. Now regarding your stance, I would say that my definition of a pet is anything that you have the desire to take care of/that you derive pleasure from being around. I appreciate the independence that cats often exhibit (which you seem to interpret as them feeling superior to their owner) and I even appreciate the fact that cats often do not rely on humans to be happy/content. This is a trait I often wish I myself had possession of. There are my views. :P
    pet1
    /pet/
    noun
    noun: pet; plural noun: pets

    1.
    a domestic or tamed animal kept for companionship or pleasure.
    "the pony was a family pet"


    Okay so I can get on board with cats being domestic (or so I thought) but tamed?
    Doubtful. So I looked into domestic....found this here....


    "Domestic animal means an animal of a species of vertebrates that has been domesticated by humans so as to live and breed in a tame condition and depend on humankind for survival."
    Cats most certainly do not depend on us. Rather it is we who depend on them.

    I digress... I cant fight the tide. Most consider cats pets and you will win that
    argument 99 times out of 100. (HEY! I am a 1%'er)


    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    As for the ENTP, I did message him online because he ended up leaving a sweater at my house accidentally, and I saw this as a good opportunity to strike up a conversation via messenger. I asked if he wanted the sweater back (I said I could mail it to him) but he said not to bother, since he has other sweaters and will just make due until he comes again to my town, which will be for my brother's wedding next summer (the ENTP is going to be a groomsman). After this exchange the conversation basically turned into me sending him something with a question and him giving a relatively brief answer and leaving it at that, or twice now he's seen my message but hasn't responded at all.
    I would like to say he purposely left the sweater as a lead into a future conversation.
    That old tactic. Yet he is ENTP and most likely it was just an aloof mistake. :/
    Sometimes I forget where my hat is until I touch my head.


    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    While I can't read his mind, he's certainly not giving me a lot to go off of/helping me keep the conversation up, and I don't want to bother him by constantly messaging him, so I'm going to cool it for a bit and maybe try again in a couple of weeks. My reasons for this are that he's graduating from college in 2 weeks and I'm guessing he's quite flooded with schoolwork, and I know from the fact that my brother was his roommate back at college a couple of years ago that school/papers often stressed him out quite a bit, and there's a possibility that he's just booked at the moment and doesn't want to be getting into time-consuming conversations until he's less occupied. I understand that this is the very optimistic take on the current situation. :P
    Good plan. Knowing typical ENTP style, he is probably having to do half a years work catch
    up for the last two weeks. We tend to procrastinate on uninteresting items. He may be
    all over the map the next few weeks and even if he has an inclination to reach out to
    you it will be fleeting and almost forced until he has that leeway to just chill a bit.


    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    My other theory is that perhaps he's just not interested in pursuing any form of long distance relationship/never intended his friend request to be interpreted as a desire for communication once he was back at college. I understand that this is also equally probable, if not the more likely of the two scenarios.
    I cant be certain, of course, but I dont believe this to be so.
    If he wasn't interested in the first place (I am not implying what type of interest, just an interest)
    I stand by that he would not have mentioned the meeting up on social media. As
    a generalization, again, ENTP typically dont do face value hollow social norms.
    If we join a group or ask to be part of ones group it is because we see value to said
    group. Whatever that may be. Lip service is not our thing (again generalizing)
    Polite is typically not our MO either. Not to say we cant play that game. We can.
    Yet employing that method in the situation mentioned seems arbitrary and not needed.
    I suppose he MAY have... as to not seem like an ass hole to your bro or something
    but now I am reaching.



    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    To be fair there is also a third potential, which is that he's not yet made up his mind about what to do/if he wants to actually try for anything relationship-wise and he's simply waffling with that at the moment, but I'm not sure how likely that is considering that he appeared to make up his mind pretty quickly whenever i interacted with him....
    With ENTP there are third to the power of 100 options in allllll things. You have but
    scratched the surface of what it may be. Possibly you are correct in one of the
    three as they are the most obvious to understand. Therefore making them the most
    common. I would not hang my hat on what he may be thinking when you can actual
    find out....in time.


    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    So, I just wanted to see what your thoughts might be regarding the current situation. Do you think I should try taking a break from messaging him since he's not responding too positively right now, then maybe try again after he's graduated and got less on his plate? Or maybe just leave the ball in his court and see if he even will try establishing communication in case he's trying to reach a decision currently? Or just let it go because it probably won't happen?
    Well that depends. First I think your train of thought is incorrect.
    It reads as if his opinion of what is happening/may happen is the only
    opinion that should be counted. I disagree. What do YOU want?
    That is much easier to work with as you know yourself much better than he knows you
    or you know him. We can speculate on his reactions yet we should not project his
    decisions. Clear as mud? Okay Ill say it like this.... To enter into a relationship
    with an ENTP (any type of relationship) it is better to just move forward with
    what your expectations are. I mean this stands true for any type really.
    This, to my mind, has less to do with him and his decisions and so much more to do with
    you. You can control you (I hope).

    Back to generalizing for an entire type..... If one was to send me a message
    during a hectic time in my life such as he is going though that read something akin
    to this here..... "Being that you are an ENTP I know you have this panic covered.
    That said, if you need a body to bounce some ideas off of or just someone to vent
    some frustrations to? Please get in touch. I know end of year can get crazy.
    I have many (un)biased :) opinions for days if ya need them. Or I can put you
    on speaker and you can yell at my PET cat. Talk soon and I got you on my mind"
    After which allow the year end to play itself out. I think something like that works.
    Not to intrusive yet leaves doors open for him to guess. Almost seems like a
    lead into your interest in him yet it does not say it exactly. Leaving him to ask for
    potential clarification.


    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    Normally when I like someone but they don't give positive feedback despite my attempts to connect I would take that as a sign that I should back away and just get over it, but I've never had a scenario like this where it's long distance and I only had 4 solid days of interaction, and my intuition was very strongly inclined to believe that he really did (at least to some extent) like me as well, because my intuition is usually pretty reliable. But just maybe not in this case.
    I appreciate what you are saying and most say items similar.
    I am of the opinion that with relationships of the heart (I am not saying that is the end game)
    that one person usually starts as a driver and the other a passenger. It is only recently that
    people have started this new thing where by both people have to just downright adore
    each other to move forward. That is a fallacy. If you enjoy this man and would like
    to try and have more time with him then that is damn welll okay and it may take work.
    It may even take you showing him what is in front of him. This is the way it usually goes.
    Its called courting (certainly not for marriage..I am just using it as a useful term in this aspect).
    This is why I mentioned at the start. Think about you. He will make his own decisions.
    You have nothing from him that says you are being anything but a cool person.
    Why assume otherwise until it is straight from the horses mouth.

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    Anyway, thanks again for being so generous with your responses and helpful insight!!
    -Your friendly neighborhood ENTP working on Fe.

  8. #7
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by SophaDivine View Post
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post, it means a lot to me! Cats ARE pets, thank you very much (sarcasm intended) and I even got him to admit after spending his first night snuggling with our cat that at least our cat was acceptable as a pet despite his opinions otherwise. :P
    @FueledByEvil cats can definitely be pets. Hamsters, snakes, and fish etc. aren't pets. they are more decoration. especially fish.I would argue that "Domesticated" is a relative term. while cats are not as domesticated as dogs, they are domesticated. and they can be tamed.

    my cat is most certainly tamed.

    I don't agree with that definition anyway. a wolf can't be a pet by that definition and yet there are people who have pet wolves. A lion could not be a pet. but a house cat most certainly can be.

    that definition of pet only works if you view "tamed" and "domesticated" as relative terms. to be used loosely. Trained would be a more appropriate term than tamed. for example. but since tamed means "not frightened by people", I would say it works too.

    at any rate, your splitting hairs over the definition of pet. While we may not agree on the term, the spirit of the word we can agree I'm sure. when using the word pet, while technically any cow or pig could be a pet, I bet its a rare person that would considers their cow or their pig (some pigs are kept as pets in the spirit of the word) a pet.

    When people use the word pet, what they are saying is usually an animal companion. Cats, Dogs, Birds, hamsters, etc. all fit that definition while only dogs really fit the technical definition of pet. I am always surprised by how often the definition listed in the dictionary doesn't match up with the realistic use of a word. it's like looking at your favorite movies on Rotten Tomatoes. always surprised at how out of touch the critics are.
    Last edited by grandpa2390; 11-29-2018 at 10:53 PM.

  9. #8
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by grandpa2390 View Post
    @FueledByEvil cats can definitely be pets. Hamsters, snakes, and fish etc. aren't pets. they are more decoration. especially fish.I would argue that "Domesticated" is a relative term. while cats are not as domesticated as dogs, they are domesticated. and they can be tamed.

    my cat is most certainly tamed.

    I don't agree with that definition anyway. a wolf can't be a pet by that definition and yet there are people who have pet wolves. A lion could not be a pet. but a house cat most certainly can be.

    that definition of pet only works if you view "tamed" and "domesticated" as relative terms. to be used loosely. Trained would be a more appropriate term than tamed. for example. but since tamed means "not frightened by people", I would say it works too.

    at any rate, your splitting hairs over the definition of pet. While we may not agree on the term, the spirit of the word we can agree I'm sure. when using the word pet, while technically any cow or pig could be a pet, I bet its a rare person that would considers their cow or their pig (some pigs are kept as pets in the spirit of the word) a pet.

    When people use the word pet, what they are saying is usually an animal companion. Cats, Dogs, Birds, hamsters, etc. all fit that definition while only dogs really fit the technical definition of pet. I am always surprised by how often the definition listed in the dictionary doesn't match up with the realistic use of a word. it's like looking at your favorite movies on Rotten Tomatoes. always surprised at how out of touch the critics are.
    Truth be told I am having fun. I am least concerned what people consider what animal.
    That said... Tame is the conversion of one way of being for an animal to
    another. Would you say cats are tamed? Again I am doubtful about that.
    I believe that they can be docile yet the is not assured it is most likely
    hereditary and may be bread in/out. Although, to tame does not have a
    definitive action to cause so even through breeding we may consider that the
    taming of the animal over large swaths of time.

    HHmmm interesting.



    you do bring up an interesting point that I quite often use
    against. and for arguments. Definitions.

    We typically use words properly. Yet to pick apart an argument based on factual
    definitions (factual in as far as the subjective truth based on the supposed wisdom
    of whatever company eg; Merriam Webster) is fairly easy and is a good lead into
    confrontation. I do agree that culturally we use words to an end that suits all but the
    lingual purist among us.
    That is the proper way of parlance in my opinion. Lord only knows I am one of the
    most guilty of using ill defined words in ill fitting places during my rambles.

    So in a sense...I pick apart definitions to shore up
    arguments and to start conversations of all sorts.
    Usually when you see this done (by me) it is because I have
    no argument yet want to continue conversation. Or to add
    levity to what may be a more serious feeling based line of conversation.

    In reality I am very unlearned in language as my grammar and spelling so clearly
    shows with flying colors.

    The rotten tomatoes bit? To true my friend.

    You know my wife and I typically look at the ratings as backwards.
    If they rate it low? We will most likely enjoy it. So when we see adds
    and what not about movies and they lead in with something like this here....
    "It got an abysmal 17% on rotten tomatoes"? Well we basically want to
    watch that movie almost for sure.

  10. #9
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Easy @Haldir ....Your cats are awesome!

    Every other cat? Nope.

  11. #10

    @SophaDivine The important issue first: Cats began their relationship with humans as symbiotes since we, as the filthy animals we are, attract vermin. We require pest eradication and they like the easy access to a food source. The fact that they are cute and little warm furry delights was just a bonus! Whether you want to call that a pet or not these days is really immaterial to the amount of joy you can derive from them. There is much debate about how “domesticated” they are, but it is widely agreed that they certainly don’t “need” us to survive in their current state of evolution barring some of the eugenically created breeds.

    To your specific question: I would take this situation thusly: He likes you, he’s interested in maintaining some sort of connection, but the word “relationship” has probably not crossed his mind long-term or otherwise. It may at some point happen depending on circumstances, but I wouldn’t in any way hang your feelings on that. He’s a nice guy that you find attractive that may show up in your life from time to time. Whether that means hooking up with him at the wedding or as someone you keep in touch with and get closer to slowly until both of your lives settle a bit no one knows!

    I would caution you that graduating from college does not remotely equal “less on his plate”. It represents a huge change in most people’s lives, and for a lot of folks a move to somewhere entirely new. Let’s not even cringe at the thought of all the actual adulting that will hit him all at once. You’re just starting college which brings a whole bunch of changes for you too. Think of this as going from jr. high to high school and wanting to date a guy who is heading to college with an exponent added onto it.

    None of that means you should give up on the idea, but getting your hopes up for something remotely resembling what you recognize as a romantic relationship in your life so far is a mistake. This is a “let’s see where it goes” type of situation.

    You like him, he likes you, be cool with that for now and stay in touch with him. If you don’t try to put undue pressure on things to fit a model that doesn’t apply things may work out beautifully - ya never know!
    elight and SophaDivine thanked this post.


     
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