For so long now I've had this "vision" of what I want my life to be. This vision has been so persistent and vivid it sometimes feels like its all waiting for me rite outside a little window but which of course its not.. Then when my attention shifts back to reality and I see what I have is nowhere close to what I need to get me to where I want/yearn to be, I shut down. I don't know about how y'all might feel when you shut down but for me it feels like a "dance with the devil".
The saying "You're your own worst enemy." can feel like an understatement to me. Sometimes I feel like not am I only trying to destroy my thoughts, or someone elses but I'm also trying to destroy the concept of thought in general and that almost everything is falsifiable. I.e If everyone "conciously" started calling up - down then how long would it take before that became universal truth..
I hate though... and I don't know how many of you played the old Xbox game "Star Wars KOTOR 2" but there was a character named kreia who was a sith lord and she hated the force both Light & Dark and well.. I feel that way too I love and appreciate emotion but I don't feel like my emotions are activated unless some serious stimuli is applied.
I don't know if my current thought process is inspired by the information I contain or the wisdom that I know and I would like to know how you can tell the difference.