[ENTP] Complimenting an ENTP to tears?

Complimenting an ENTP to tears?

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This is a discussion on Complimenting an ENTP to tears? within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I think I did good? I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how ...

  1. #1

    Complimenting an ENTP to tears?

    I think I did good?

    I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how incredibly brilliant his ideas are
    Because they are
    And telling him how he was the most special person I've ever met

    And he was sort of half smiling, then started tearing up

    ENTPs, have you ever done this?
    What exactly did I do?
    I compliment him all the time, but this one shook him
    series0, The Disciple and Shrodingers drink thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Nah I dont do well with compliments when they start to lose ground and when they become unrealistic ill try to ground them myself. And usually I always see more room for improvement so even if ive accomplished something big by the time i reach there even if im aware of it its gonna seem small compared to whats left to do ahead. So yeah I can be touched when someone compliments me about a side o myself i never noticed before (never moved to tears but half smiling sure) but if its something im already consciously working on I wont feel it much.
    I dont think this has anything to do with ENTPs especially the tears part, Its possible none has showed him openly how deeply he is appreciated before so someone doing that has really moved him to the point of tearing up. Either way to be so sensitive to compliments means that he spent a great part of his life without receiving any of the sort, at least not around the traits you told him you value.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Anathae View Post
    I think I did good?

    I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how incredibly brilliant his ideas are
    Because they are
    And telling him how he was the most special person I've ever met

    And he was sort of half smiling, then started tearing up

    ENTPs, have you ever done this?
    What exactly did I do?
    I compliment him all the time, but this one shook him
    It's possible. @SirCanSir made an astute observation in us more or less brushing off some compliments, especially since we focus on growth more than attention-seeking. With that said, the fulfillment of these conditions will raise the likelihood of moving us to tears:

    1.) Disable his defenses/any objections to you: Before all else, he must feel as though he can trust you, which you appear to have done well in this instance. There's an ample amount of resources online on how to accelerate the building of trust, it's just a shame that many people abuse such things for love-bombing and such. Plenty of ENTPs are enneagram 7w8. I myself am a 8w7. A paradoxical characteristic of 8s is that they're guarded against the outside world, but soft under the shells, making them particularly prone to someone in the "in-group." Either you've hung with him for a little while, or he likes you.
    2.) Tailor your compliments to his abilities, his progress towards his dreams, and whatever about him he values the most: With you being an INFJ, your auxiliary Fe enable you to tailor your speech well. In whatever department he's the most attention sore for, it' up to you to observe and (ab)use.
    3.) He may have been in desperate need of that rousing series of compliments: This goes for most other people. Words that value him too highly when he feels low are likely to have a great impact.

    Ultimately, the insight I provided has been mostly one-size fits all, with some tailoring towards a maximized impact towards ENTPs. Nonetheless, it should serve you well.
    SirCanSir thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Been with the love of my life for 20years now.
    Compliments especially en-masse make me think this here..."but anyone can choose to do what I do...who cares and if
    what I am doing is so great...why don't they do it? Seems suspect".

    I have had but a few tears over my relationship through the years.
    All them are exclusively tied to my wifes illness and the amount of pain
    I have seen her endure. My fear of losing her a little as well.


    When I get complimented that much by anyone it makes me feel as if there is
    an implication to not fail in whatever the complimented area was. I do not like that.
    I fail a lot to learn. I like to leave my humanness intact.

  6. #5

    Yeah I tend to do the same. Between a negative family, bullying and a tendency to under achieve I don’t know how to handle compliments which can lead to being triggered and overwhelmed by either positive or negative emotions.
    I would tend to think its more self esteem related than an ENTP thing, although a thinking preference would contribute.

  7. #6
    ENTP

    Quote Originally Posted by Anathae View Post
    I think I did good?

    I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how incredibly brilliant his ideas are
    Because they are
    And telling him how he was the most special person I've ever met

    And he was sort of half smiling, then started tearing up

    ENTPs, have you ever done this?
    What exactly did I do?
    I compliment him all the time, but this one shook him
    I think it is hard to compliment most ENTP's as we put things in perspective quite fast.

    => Looks? DNA
    => Style? Anyone can buy it.
    => ...

    I think to successfully make a compliment you'd have to:
    - Be something we have active control over and actually care for (care for = we placed in an effort to develop)
    - We need to be able to accept the judgement of the compliment bringer (a dumb person calling you smart is not you beďng smart but rather their lack of observation). This can be with anything (creative, friendly, ...).
    - The bringer needs to actually fully believe it themselves
    - It cannot be a planned compliment. Most compliments I receive (and actually feel) are indirect. I see when people are trying to compliment for the sake of complimenting. That is just fake.
    - No expectation for a certain response (!)
    - Not be generic/vague

    To make us cry it probably needs some extras:
    - Be about something that was neglected by others although we were seeking some form of validation
    - Emotionally trust the one who brings the compliment
    - Not be around other people

    P.S. I find INFJ's the best in giving compliments. Your post here doesn't really surprise me. Especially the part of "but I've complimented him before". Yeah but non of those counted probably xd.

    Example of a compliment for me:
    - Why the fuck does every cat like you??? (I love cats. I want to pet them all so this is a king compliment)

  8. #7

    I cry internally when the flattery cringe is too strong.

    Some compliments are flattery, some are honouring. One sure thing, compliments on one's inborn tendencies, or ownership, aren't honouring anything that I do.

  9. #8

    Imagining the scenario..

    Youd need to be extremely insightfull and exeptionally creative in your obs to make any of the entp's Im sharing my time with move emotionally. But's there, Ive seen it, rarely, but its there.

  10. #9
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Anathae View Post
    I think I did good?

    I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how incredibly brilliant his ideas are
    Because they are
    And telling him how he was the most special person I've ever met

    And he was sort of half smiling, then started tearing up

    ENTPs, have you ever done this?
    What exactly did I do?
    I compliment him all the time, but this one shook him
    U B U!

    If you are consistent and really feel that way genuinely, all will be great. ENTPs tend to be grans skeptics at first and as they get to know someone they open up more and more, so, usually the other person is the limiting factor after a relationship is well underway.
    yrjo thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Anathae View Post
    I think I did good?

    I was telling him about how amazing of a human being he is, and how incredibly brilliant his ideas are
    Because they are
    And telling him how he was the most special person I've ever met

    And he was sort of half smiling, then started tearing up

    ENTPs, have you ever done this?
    What exactly did I do?
    I compliment him all the time, but this one shook him

    We don't need to be showered with praise. Most of us already know we're a strange mix of weirdly flawed and brilliantly competent. No need to overstate it. This person probably cares what you think of him, but doesn't know what to do with someone who excessively fawns over him. You might actually drive him away.

    It would be overwhelming for me. I would like it when you acknowledge when I've done something brilliant and move on. That's usually enough. I like to know when I'm doing good, regular positive feedback is nice, but I don't need it in large doses. Then I start to think you're buttering me up for something unpleasant.
    Geonerd thanked this post.


     
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