[ENTP] confirmation seeking/ attention seeking/ approval seeking

confirmation seeking/ attention seeking/ approval seeking

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This is a discussion on confirmation seeking/ attention seeking/ approval seeking within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I hate to admit to this, that I constantly seek for others' approval. I've read somewhere that this is an ...

  1. #1
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    confirmation seeking/ attention seeking/ approval seeking

    I hate to admit to this, that I constantly seek for others' approval. I've read somewhere that this is an unhealthy ENTP trait. This occurred a lot more before than now, however, reflecting on my course of life thus far, I find that I had constantly tried to seek the approval/confirmation of others in almost everything that I do. There has been times where I don't care about what others think and just do whatever that is that I feel like doing at the time but there has also been times where I really care about others opinion and I want to hear that "you're doing a good job" or any praise along those lines. I've also found that I tend to seek this approval from the person that I may be interested in forming a more than a friend relationship with.

    While I understand that this could be a developmental thing, possibility a skill that I am lacking, I am not okay with this daunting and constant urge to seek approval. I am in no way shameful or unconfident -- Or what's a better way to describe the situation is that I am confident in myself but am not confident in the decisions I can potentially make for fear or messing up?

    My question to you is that...how can I be a better, more confident person, who would rely on others opinions and praise less and listen to myself more?
    Last edited by ches; 08-29-2015 at 06:30 PM.
    Jagbas, aliceinbrc and mangodelic psycho thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown

    Yeah, I've noticed a lot of unhealthy ENTPs (and people in general) can be this way. Partially I think ENTPs are just naturally show-stoppers and enjoy praise a lot, but that can lead to feelings of emptiness.

    I'd suggest finding some hobbies and talents. Get very good at something and you'll start to feel more confident. Also, introspect more. Find some positive traits that you have an assure yourself that they exist. Remember that not everything you do has to be perfect or over-the-top I guess.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    I think praise is addictive.
    If you're insecure about something you want affirmations that nothing is wrong with you, but then it's not like one person says something nice and that's all you need, the praise has to be constant for it to make you feel more secure. That's the problem with seeking approval, even if you get it the good feeling doesn't last.
    And y'know, never being able to please everyone blah blah blah.

    I guess my only tip is to focus on the stuff you really do like about yourself. I think that's part of why I pick up hobbies and work on things. I knit for example. On the one hand it's nice because when I knit people are really impressed, and a little praise is always nice. But really the best part is completing a long project and being happy with how it looks. I think that you'd find that if you spend hours making something and are happy with the end result you could care less what other people think, because really, let's see them do better. Don't spend hours on things you don't like for other people's approval, work with yourself in mind first.

    I also think looking at other people realistically kinda helps. A friend of mine once said something along the lines of "You'd care less about what people think of you when you realize how rarely they think of you at all"
    Everyone is self-centered. We're all our own main characters. Everyone you know has insecurities and talents and they're as worried about these things as you are. Some are probably worrying a lot more than you are. You just have to realize that none of these people is going to have a huge effect on your life. They're just people. They'll forget about that embarrassing thing you did that you'll remember years from now, and they'll think you're smart even if you say something stupid every once in a while. Just like you're not going to judge someone based on one or two of their actions. You're probably doing better than you think.

    It's impossible to avoid insecurities, but you can at least be happy with yourself most of the time.
    ches, Rillian, Scarlet_Heart and 2 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    I can relate to you @ches but generally I do it when i need to make a choice since i overanalyze the problem and then i get confused etc... someone who sees the problem from the outside can be more objective. Or when i have to create a graphic for something (poster/invites/book) and have a lot of possibilities for the colours, fonts, and I necessarily have to eliminate something even if i like it! We are ENTP's, maybe a bit of J could help

  6. #5
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by ches View Post
    I've also found that I tend to seek this approval from the person that I may be interested in forming a more than a friend relationship with.
    This to me is the most important bit you have written.

    Here is a guess.

    As an ENTP although you are always able to join groups of people you are never fully part of this group.

    As a result we develop a knack for not really caring too much if people accept us or not.

    But that changes when we like someone, all of sudden they hurdle everything and become part of our inner circle, and that means what they think matters to us.

    When that happens, the doubt of not being accepted starts to nibble at us, and a part of our self worth ends up in the hands of somebody else.

    If this is whats happening I don't think the answer is that easy.

    You basically are putting that person on a pedestal.

    My advice is to reframe it logically.

    You are a smart, logical, interesting unique individual. In other words, rare. So, to be honest, another person should have to be pretty impressive to catch your attention.

    If not, should they really be part of your close circle?

    Part of this is judging them.

    Are they doing the right things to have your approval? You also have standards and requirements, are they a peer?

    When you take people off there pedestal, things become much easier. You relax, they relax and they accept you far easier. You also stop needing their validation.

    I know its easier said than done, but just think to yourself, if they weren't on a pedestal, how would your actions or feelings be different.
    Crimplene for men, reptilian, ches and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    You are asking simple questions but are hard to answer. You have found your main question, now, you have to start splitting it into newer question with newer observations on what it is that you do that displeases you. You can only help yourself with filling the wisdom mana bar as an ENTP. The red bar should not be the focus ;)

  8. #7

    @ches Can you think of a personal achievement that would make you proud of yourself ? Something unrelated to anyone.

  9. #8

    My question to you is that...how can I be a better, more confident person, who would rely on others opinions and praise less and listen to myself more?
    I's not about being confident in your ideas (and your idealized self), your decisions, but in the fact that only obstination and prudence can achieve, over time, a decent understanding, leading to proper decisions. Put your trust in that time and doubt those who don't, or the only thing you will achieve is arrogance as well as being mislead by people's arrogance.

    However, seeking approval is fine, when it is relevant. It's common wisdom. Trust people's senses, don't trust their intuitions. It's fine relying on their senses to gain some insightful knowledge, but when it comes to understanding and concepts, people suck. The more abstract and popular, the more dubious. The more concrete and popular, the more reliable.
    ches thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Unknown Personality

    Seeking approval from others is good way to undermine your self confidence, because that approval can be taken away.

    I agree with @MCK I think we do develop a thicker skin as we get older. Hopefully we start to recognise our own strengths and don't need others to bolster our confidence.
    Scarlet_Heart and ches thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by NurseCat View Post
    Partially I think ENTPs are just naturally show-stoppers and enjoy praise a lot, but that can lead to feelings of emptiness.

    Remember that not everything you do has to be perfect or over-the-top I guess.

    Good luck.
    Yes! On the first point -- being someone with an inflated sense of confidence on the exterior who prides herself on her ability to be funny, it is disappointing and discouraging when her company does not feel the same way. When this happens, a few subsequent responses can occur. The first response that occurs most often is that she doesn't care and move on to the next, find someone who would share her sense of humor and would laugh at her jokes. The second response is that she does care (regardless of the reasons behind why she cares) and because she cares, continuously tries to derive the responses that she wants and expects. What she wants is to be accepted...

    On the second point, it's such a struggle to move on to the next when one knows that he/she is capable of so much more and that he/she knows that improvements can be made. It's enraging to see less than adequate work.
    @sighcantthinkofaname sending my heartfelt gratitude -- thank you.
    @Jagbas -- I don't even know if I am even capable of analyzing anything but what I do know is that I am confused all the damn time. I have tried to develop some "J" characteristics and resulted in being a total douche bag.
    @MCK Teach me how to be like you. How do you come up with all of these insightful sage wisdom?
    Last edited by ches; 08-31-2015 at 02:02 PM.
    MCK thanked this post.


     
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