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Love Types: ESFJ

53K views 59 replies 33 participants last post by  MisterYellowFace 
#1 ·
If You Are the ESFJ: Dutiful Host
"Love is based on serving others."



You Are Someone Who:

Values harmony in your relationships.
Displays goodwill toward others.
Is a great party organizer.
Is the perfect host.
Is very family-oriented.

If You Are Female, Your Best Matches Are:
ESFJs: Dutiful Hosts
ESTJs: Traditionalists

If You Are Male, Your Best Matches Are:
ESFJs: Dutiful Hosts
ISFJs: Caretakers

If You Want to Win the Heart of Your Ideal Mate, Do the Following:
For ESFJs:
*Help your perfect host plan a party, wedding, or bar mitzvah.
*If you're planning the date, fill them in on the details and make sure you don't deviate from your schedule (unless you give them plenty of notice).
*Talk about everyday topics such as the latest trends in fashion, finances, or entertainment.
*If you invite your ESFJ over, make sure your home is neat, tidy, and aesthetically pleasing.
*Join your ESFJ on social outings to restaurants, nightclubs, comedy clubs, and anywhere else people are enjoying themselves.
For ISFJs:
*Show as much caring, tenderness, and respect as you possibly can.
*Express your gentle, family side: talk about the kid brother you love or the eccentric uncle you adore.
*Woo your ISFJ with good, old-fashioned courtship; giving and receiving flowers and candy, taking long walks along the beach, and cuddling by the fireplace.
*Go slow with them, especially in the area of sex.
For ESTJs:
*Keep the conversation practical and down-to-earth.
*Let your ESTJ decide where to go and what to do on dates; then join him or her for the ride.
*Avoid excessive sentimentality and a "touchy feely" attitude--keep it real and straightforward.
*Express your interest, affection, and loyalty in practical ways such as buying groceries and cooking for your date.
*Spend time with their family and friends and become a part of their inner circle.
 
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#3 ·
lol, hopefully my friend will come post on this today :)
 
#9 ·
Skewed idea of reality he said.
 
#51 ·
SFJ's are not boring, you just have to find the right one. Just because we're doormats doesn't mean we don't have a sense of humor. Don't judge all by one please. :)
You aren't doormats, you are teddybears! All the ESFJ's I have met are awesome. The temper thing, well, no body is perfect. My family are ESTJ and they EXHAUST me. At least ESFJ's have a sense of humor. HUGS to all ESFJ's.
 
#16 ·
When I say "doormat," I don't really mean that people can just walk all over me. I don't let just anyone have their way with me, I have boundaries. There are a few things that really tug my heartstrings though, and I'll fall all over that. However, I'm not going to tell you people what those things are. Wouldn't want people taking advantage. >.>
 
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#17 ·
When I say "doormat," I don't really mean that people can just walk all over me. I don't let just anyone have their way with me, I have boundaries. There are a few things that really tug my heartstrings though, and I'll fall all over that. However, I'm not going to tell you people what those things are. Wouldn't want people taking advantage. >.>
I do understand where you are coming from. No, i don't want to know your weak spots, lol. I've been there and done that, doormat is not a quality i find attractive in myself. For me, it is a case of show me some respect or i am gone. :)
 
#18 ·
ENFP for ESFJ

I feel like the enfp is made for the esfj.
ENFP can act as the sort of champion representative for the ESFJ party.
The enfp knight in esfj court.

If esfj organized a Twister party, the enfp would say "alright, guys, it's Twister time."

Also, they seem to have a natural inclination to balance and help each other:

Where the esfj is much more organized in their thoughts, the enfp's intuition might help pick up certain things that the other didn't see immediately.

With the enfp's sensitivity, they would respect and appreciate the esfj's warm and nurturing qualities, while the latter would respect the enfp's boldness and attention to others.

With enfp's more amorphous sense of perception, it is comforting in times of doubt for them to see a more structured sense of the world, and vice versa.

This pair would make for a very interesting and multi-facetted parenting style as well.

Ultimately, they make a nurturing, expressive, bold, and challenging pair, AS LONG as they maintained a very open and costructive means of communication, a trait that comes naturally to both types.
 
#37 ·
The problems with ENFPs is that they are needy of attention which pisses of the ESFJ in no time. Go wallow with your anti-social duals ISTPs.

I feel like the enfp is made for the esfj.
ENFP can act as the sort of champion representative for the ESFJ party.
The enfp knight in esfj court.

If esfj organized a Twister party, the enfp would say "alright, guys, it's Twister time."

Also, they seem to have a natural inclination to balance and help each other:

Where the esfj is much more organized in their thoughts, the enfp's intuition might help pick up certain things that the other didn't see immediately.

With the enfp's sensitivity, they would respect and appreciate the esfj's warm and nurturing qualities, while the latter would respect the enfp's boldness and attention to others.

With enfp's more amorphous sense of perception, it is comforting in times of doubt for them to see a more structured sense of the world, and vice versa.

This pair would make for a very interesting and multi-facetted parenting style as well.

Ultimately, they make a nurturing, expressive, bold, and challenging pair, AS LONG as they maintained a very open and costructive means of communication, a trait that comes naturally to both types.
 
#19 ·
my sister is intj and her boyfriend is esfj. they are the perfect couple and i think they will be together forever. according to socionics they are the perfect match. i've been taking notice of everyone around me since i found out about socionics and it all seems to be ringing true so far. she was a nutcase before she met him. he has mellowed her so much it's amazing.
 
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#21 ·
my sister is intj and her boyfriend is esfj. they are the perfect couple and i think they will be together forever. according to socionics they are the perfect match. i've been taking notice of everyone around me since i found out about socionics and it all seems to be ringing true so far. she was a nutcase before she met him. he has mellowed her so much it's amazing.
I think that is it ultimately .. Time, patience and self growth can do wonders for any person, throw into that mix a good man/woman .. and well, the flower may one day wilt but beforehand it will blossom into a beautiful flower. I can see the allure.

ESFJ will never be understood by asking them why they thinking process work like that?......the more INTPs tries to push them into telling, the more hair splitting happens....coz they think we(INTP) to darn stupid to understood their action and behavior.

so is up to INTP geniuses find out why from else where.....seek input elsewhere on how their thinking process works.

it happens to me before....I've meet a hardcore ESFJ girl...at first ware a hell to me....dont know why she's behaving or doing some foolishness over what they should'nt really care about.....ahh WTF...if you(ESFJ) cannot give me the answer....I'll looked some place else.

the darn answer is they are to caring obout others until they cant even notice which and who's you should pay more intention....so fucking self sacrificing they put them selve into miserable situation....gets me pissed off when you see somebody you care about, gets hurt.
Ouch, Maybe this person was unwilling to give the answer as 1) you may not of been openminded enough to hear what she was saying or 2) She may not of known the answer herself.

Just remember darling .. None of us come with manuals, we have such ample opportunities to fuck things up and we all do it with style on occasions .. Don't let one person dictate how everyone one else will behave, treat everyone as an individual .. people do grow, change and become better within themselves .. We just need to learn some hard lessons sometimes.
 
#20 ·
ESFJ will never be understood by asking them why they thinking process work like that?......the more INTPs tries to push them into telling, the more hair splitting happens....coz they think we(INTP) to darn stupid to understood their action and behavior.

so is up to INTP geniuses find out why from else where.....seek input elsewhere on how their thinking process works.

it happens to me before....I've meet a hardcore ESFJ girl...at first ware a hell to me....dont know why she's behaving or doing some foolishness over what they should'nt really care about.....ahh WTF...if you(ESFJ) cannot give me the answer....I'll looked some place else.

the darn answer is they are to caring obout others until they cant even notice which and who's you should pay more intention....so fucking self sacrificing they put them selve into miserable situation....gets me pissed off when you see somebody you care about, gets hurt.
 
#29 ·
Curiosity killed the cat .. Or the ESfj :crazy:

I don't know how to handle one but i wouldn't mind finding out how it works .. As long as i don't look down the barrel (do i have that correct?) i should be OK .. Now should i mess up, well someone is going to cleaning up my mess ..
 
#31 ·
For INTPs, alone time is a necessity. Even though I enjoy being with my friends and like having funny conversations and what not, it's exhausting to constantly do it.
During this time, we tend to pursue whatever happens to capture our interest at the time. We do this to have a sense of competence; we like to feel like we are intelligent and thus can take up any skill that happens to catch our attention, and in doing so, can be self-sufficient.

Cuz I know I have to leave him alone for like a day or two for him to recharge, haha it's so funny how I can tell in his eyes when he needs alone time to be with his music and laptop :laughing:
Hah, that's me right there.
 
#32 ·
ahh I have a friend who is a INTP who is acting the same way with me. I mean I dont really want to date him but we're close and we do seem like an old married couple. I'm mad at him right now because I am feeling taken for granted and used as well! Like he had a hard time recently and I helped him with it, and then after that he stopped being close to me and so i feel like he's really only interested in being friends if I'm helping him. That must be a ESJ thing. When I am not helping someone and they're being really quiet I feel like they stopped caring about me. I said that once to my ISFP friend and he just told me that he doesn't know what to do with me when I say that and that it was silly for me to think that he stopped caring about me just because he doesn't need me. Sometime introverts are very difficult...
 
#33 ·
I don't have enough evidence to draw anything conclusive, but he may have felt led on.
He may have found you attractive (and did not express it) while you did not share attraction, and thus has decided to withdraw to avoid further hurt/awkwardness/humiliation/etc.
 
#39 ·
I'm an INTP. i have been dating a n ESFJ for over a year now, and I couldn't be happier. Most of this "I'm being taken for granted" problem comes from a basic misunderstanding. Your significant other does not understand your needs. An ESFJ need attention and complements and to feel needed. As an INTP I need none of those, (or at least not in the massive doses others might.) My girlfriend and I had to set out some rules.
1.) I (an INTP) will try my hardest to tell you what my feelings are.You (an ESFJ) will not harass me about them, because honestly, I don't really understand them and ignore them most of the time.
2.) You will tell me if I am being insensitive to the point of rudeness.
3.) I need my alone time. Just let me be for a couple of days, but do remind me if I forget to eat. I get very preoccupied.
4.) I always care about you, no matter what you may perceive. If that changes I will tell you.
5.) Subtle hints are invisible to me; think bigger.
 
#56 ·
Ha, sounds very familiar to me and my INTP boyfriend. I'm very direct to him. Sometimes I can tell if he isn't getting it... subtle hints don't work well. I just tell him to say that he loves me sometimes and to work on being affectionate. He's been improving, but it's taken quite a bit of time -- sometimes he can be very in the moment.

I have yelled at him for being stupid and grouchy. About 15 minutes later he apologizes, but then I do too, because I was also likely grouchy as well.

Alone time... unforunately yes. I like being with others, but sometimes just alone time with computers help us both. He watches things, programs, etc, and I screw around on forums.

This is really spot on what goes on in the ENFP and INTP relationship that can work. We've been living together for 3 years already. :)
 
#42 ·
The ISFP or ESFP..or INFP are the kinds of people whom I have liked. I have not been able to handle J's. Everyone has different interests, but from what I have seen the P's and J's seem to work best together. Not J and J. Ofcourse just my experience..... :happy:
 
#43 ·
I'm an INTP. i have been dating a n ESFJ for over a year now, and I couldn't be happier. Most of this "I'm being taken for granted" problem comes from a basic misunderstanding. Your significant other does not understand your needs. An ESFJ need attention and complements and to feel needed. As an INTP I need none of those, (or at least not in the massive doses others might.) My girlfriend and I had to set out some rules.
1.) I (an INTP) will try my hardest to tell you what my feelings are.You (an ESFJ) will not harass me about them, because honestly, I don't really understand them and ignore them most of the time.
2.) You will tell me if I am being insensitive to the point of rudeness.
3.) I need my alone time. Just let me be for a couple of days, but do remind me if I forget to eat. I get very preoccupied.
4.) I always care about you, no matter what you may perceive. If that changes I will tell you.
5.) Subtle hints are invisible to me; think bigger.
I have been married to an INTP for over five years, and all of the above is SO applicable to our relationship...
 
#44 ·
These are recommended matches for ISTJ according to Socionics.

ESFJ +

Attractive relations:
+ INTP - Duality description is under LII-ESE
+ ENTP - Activity Relations
+ ISTP - Semi-duality Relations
+ INFP - Mirage relations
+ ENFP - Benefit relations where ESFJ is benefactor and ENFP is beneficiary
+ ESTP - Benefit relations where ESTP is benefactor and ESFJ is beneficiary

Medium level relations:
+ ISFP - Extinguishment Relations
+ ISFJ - Mirror Relations
+ ENFJ - Kindred Relations
+ ESTJ - Business Relations
+ ESFP - Quasi-identical Relations
+ ESFJ - Identity Relations

Difficult relations:
+ INTJ - Conflict Relations
+ ENTJ - Superego relations
+ INFJ - Supervision-relations where INFJ is supervisor and ESFJ is supervisee
+ ISTJ - Supervision-relations where ESFJ is supervisor and ISTJ is supervisee

These compatibilities are based on correspondence in cognitive functions: you and your romantic partner will find it easier to understand each other if your jungian types have all or at least some of the cognitive functions in common.

Profiles of erotic attitudes.

Jungian type is not the only factor that influences compatibility. Enneagram type and instinctual stackings also hold their sway.
 
#49 ·
These are recommended matches for ISTJ according to Socionics.

ESFJ +

Attractive relations:
+ INTP - Duality description is under LII-ESE
+ ENTP - Activity Relations
+ ISTP - Semi-duality Relations
+ INFP - Mirage relations
+ ENFP - Benefit relations where ESFJ is benefactor and ENFP is beneficiary
+ ESTP - Benefit relations where ESTP is benefactor and ESFJ is beneficiary

Medium level relations:
+ ISFP - Extinguishment Relations
+ ISFJ - Mirror Relations
+ ENFJ - Kindred Relations
+ ESTJ - Business Relations
+ ESFP - Quasi-identical Relations
+ ESFJ - Identity Relations

Difficult relations:
+ INTJ - Conflict Relations
+ ENTJ - Superego relations
+ INFJ - Supervision-relations where INFJ is supervisor and ESFJ is supervisee
+ ISTJ - Supervision-relations where ESFJ is supervisor and ISTJ is supervisee

These compatibilities are based on correspondence in cognitive functions: you and your romantic partner will find it easier to understand each other if your jungian types have all or at least some of the cognitive functions in common.

Profiles of erotic attitudes.

Jungian type is not the only factor that influences compatibility. Enneagram type and instinctual stackings also hold their sway.
I know that is what is reported but I hope they are not always right. I'm INFJ and I love ESFJ. It sometimes takes effort for me to word things properly for us to be on the same page but it's worth it. I say exactly how I feel, he finds that harsh. He says how he feels in a round about way and I get confused. But holy crap is he sexy and funny and loving and yummy. I'm in love, I can't help it, it's true. I have never ever felt this way before in my life!!! I know what the songs and poems and movies are about now. He looks in my eyes and I shiver...
 
#54 ·
I've always been drawn to the introverted level-headed types with a sense of humor. I never seem to come across ISTPs, but their character is usually appealing to me. Aside from that I constantly am drawn to INTPs.

Also the versatility of pairings in this thread pretty much shows that any two people can find compatibility in each other despite recommended pairings. Usually I would think that S/N differences might cause some disconnect, but I suppose that would require factors of compatibility outside of typology to decide what works and what doesn't.
 
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