[ESFJ] A Dissapointing Experience With An ESFJ

A Dissapointing Experience With An ESFJ

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This is a discussion on A Dissapointing Experience With An ESFJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hey guys, So I met this guy in the college I was applying to, we related to a couple of ...

  1. #1

    A Dissapointing Experience With An ESFJ

    Hey guys,
    So I met this guy in the college I was applying to, we related to a couple of thing, so we became friends. It got pretty mundane because we were mostly talking through texts and I am more of a face-to-face type of person. Yet, I understood because we had our exams at the time. A lot riding on them and so. During the time we talked, he'd tell me about his plans for us in the summer. Working out together, forming the band we always wanted, going to parties every week, he even promised he'd teach me how to drive (Yes 18 and I don't know how yet, the agony )

    So, I got excited, because even though I have a very "I never want to stay at home" tendency, all of my friends were house bugs, and I never went out much, as to not force them out of their shell-like homes. "Someone to make me experience new things" is what I thought.

    Following the end of the year, we finally met again because we were taking a crash course at my house before the exam, and again he'd tell me 'we're gonna spend the summer together, you went out without me, ah man' and similar stuff. After the course, I never saw him again. We'd set up band meetings, and he'd make up excuses. i'd invite him to my outings and again excuses. It got very frustrating, and I was disappointed. Having honestly lost hope today, because I asked him what he was up to these days, and he says "He hasn't been doing much, because his friends still had exams, and others were lazing around the house."

    At that point I just said, they're done, enjoy yourself, he said to say hi to my friends and that was that I deleted the chat. I was disappointed because of promises that I actually believed.

    Sorry about that I was just upset and wanted to vent to someone. I feel down when people can't live up to the expectations they set to themselves. I also feel like I was used, what do you guys think?



  2. #2
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Ahhh that is shitty.

    Vent away. I have to admit, ESFJ do have knack for being able to emotionally
    destabilize people, be it know to them or not.

    The story even given the quick version sounds kinda like the ESFJ
    mentality of trying too hard to keep everyone happy. I think he may
    have just spread himself and his time too thin. Which really means that
    unfortunately he was most likely feeding you lip service as appose to outright
    just telling you what was up. Lame.

    Although I cant be certain based on a few paragraphs.

    So...if he reinitialized contact. Would you entertain it?

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by FueledByEvil View Post
    Ahhh that is shitty.

    Vent away. I have to admit, ESFJ do have knack for being able to emotionally
    destabilize people, be it know to them or not.

    The story even given the quick version sounds kinda like the ESFJ
    mentality of trying too hard to keep everyone happy. I think he may
    have just spread himself and his time too thin. Which really means that
    unfortunately he was most likely feeding you lip service as appose to outright
    just telling you what was up. Lame.

    Although I cant be certain based on a few paragraphs.

    So...if he reinitialized contact. Would you entertain it?
    Umm, well if by entertain you mean responding to idle conversation or not, I'd never shun people away. But if you mean entertaining the ideas and believing in them again, It's not likely. No one likes to be cast aside, or placed as some sort of option. Whenever I find myself in this category, this person is removed from my close circle, to someone I know.

    If you were put in a similar situation, would you?

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  5. #4
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by JustTima View Post
    Umm, well if by entertain you mean responding to idle conversation or not, I'd never shun people away. But if you mean entertaining the ideas and believing in them again, It's not likely. No one likes to be cast aside, or placed as some sort of option. Whenever I find myself in this category, this person is removed from my close circle, to someone I know.

    If you were put in a similar situation, would you?
    Depends on my infatuation level. I have in the past, yes.
    I look at it like this; Just because I may have been shunned does not write
    the book on the person. It is but a chapter. If I had feelings for them
    in the first place, even a little, I could take some rejection and
    return.

    I disagree that no one likes to be cast aside. Sure its not the going trend
    but I know people who thrive off of rejection and use it as a learning tool.
    Not for me unless I am really, really enamored by them.

    I would not do it for face value and entertain someone thats forsure.
    It would only be if I had actual feelings.

    Some of my best friends and some people I dated when I was young
    started out very contentious. Or with someone doing me wrong and in
    the vein of trying to sort it out we grew closer.
    JustTima thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by FueledByEvil View Post
    Depends on my infatuation level. I have in the past, yes.
    I look at it like this; Just because I may have been shunned does not write
    the book on the person. It is but a chapter. If I had feelings for them
    in the first place, even a little, I could take some rejection and
    return.


    I disagree that no one likes to be cast aside. Sure its not the going trend
    but I know people who thrive off of rejection and use it as a learning tool.
    Not for me unless I am really, really enamored by them.

    I would not do it for face value and entertain someone thats forsure.
    It would only be if I had actual feelings.

    Some of my best friends and some people I dated when I was young
    started out very contentious. Or with someone doing me wrong and in
    the vein of trying to sort it out we grew closer.
    Using rejection as a learning tool, huh. How would that go for example?

    And yes, I tend to close the book once I've tried a couple of times because disappointment somewhat weights me down. However, I should start giving people more chance IF, and I highly doubt, but IF they choose to come back. So thanks for that thought

  7. #6
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by JustTima View Post
    Using rejection as a learning tool, huh. How would that go for example?
    I will disambiguate the meaning for clarity.

    Some people learn by failing. It is really that simple. If someone says
    they cant or should not they look at that as a challenge. This leads
    to a lot of missteps. The same can be said for relationships.

    Throughout the missteps new items are obtained thus lending to
    furthering the persons personal agenda...growth albeit through loss.


    Quote Originally Posted by JustTima View Post
    And yes, I tend to close the book once I've tried a couple of times because disappointment somewhat weights me down. However, I should start giving people more chance IF, and I highly doubt, but IF they choose to come back. So thanks for that thought
    Smart idea. If you surround yourself with "yes men/women" (meaning they only ever appease and pleasantries
    are the run of the day) then you are going to have a lot of superficial relationships.

    Depth of relationships is two fold. What we want and what is. You will always have both.
    No one is exactly what we want. But they may be just what we need.
    JustTima and Ky0shi thanked this post.


     

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