[ESFJ] Non-ESFJs, what do you love about ESFJs?

Non-ESFJs, what do you love about ESFJs?

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This is a discussion on Non-ESFJs, what do you love about ESFJs? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; So I saw a similar thread in the INTP tag, and figured ESFJs don't get much love (especially from many ...

  1. #1

    Non-ESFJs, what do you love about ESFJs?

    So I saw a similar thread in the INTP tag, and figured ESFJs don't get much love (especially from many NTs). That said, care to boost ESFJs' morale, anyone?

    I'll start.

    What I love about ESFJs is their ability to love and care for others so deeply, it's like the people they love are part of themselves. They don't know how to stop but I feel like they don't know how to love and take care of themselves too. So I guess that's a double edged sword for them.
    Taileile, mcnn4, SummerRoads and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTJ

    Omg no replies XD
    Anyways I'll start..My grandma is an ESFJ so I'll judge based on her.Even though we are really not compatible at all,I do find sweet how she tries to make everyone around her feel comfortable 24/7 to the point that she will firstly make sure that everyone else is satisfied and then she is gonna think about herself,I like how active and hard working she is,she is extremely responsible,she DEEPLY cares about everyone that is around her,she loves knowledge and I find it awesome how her feelings are written always all over her face...That's all of it I think.

  3. #3

    Maybe a little but.. uhm let’s say selfish, since I am an ESFJ myself.

    But I like ESFJs to speak their mind, like their true feelings. I actually find it weird when people don’t do this, because it wont hurt anyone, right? The only thing you can get is help, understanding or feedback. But when most ESFJs speak their mind, it is considered to be overwhelming and just too much.

    ESFJs, be open to people, thats what I like.
    orion83uk thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    What? Many people love ESFJs.

    Personally, I love how warm and welcoming they are to others. Feels genuine.
    mcnn4, SummerRoads and orion83uk thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    O good god...where to start...

    Emotional outburst. Most will read that and think negative.
    I do not. I see both sides to emotional outburst. You take the good with the
    bad.

    General awareness
    (intuition) for others emotions. Empathy/Sympathy
    (totally envious of this skill)

    Selfless actions. No type to my mind can be as selfless as ESFJ.
    They can even be selfless while being pissed about it. Its straight up
    paradoxical.....but it works for them.

    Organizational skills. I mean this may be not ESFJ specific but
    it is pretty damn close to being one of the main traits from my observations.

    Sense of duty and commitment
    . Speaks for itself. They live it. People in
    their life essentially become their life. For better or worse.

    Their need to please their partner. Again this may just be the ESFJ I know.
    But the ones I do know are all about making sure they do whatever their partner
    needs and most things they want. Truly a force when it comes to treating
    their partners right. (if not a little smothering).

    Ability to conform. They do it, they like it! If thats what is good for the group.
    I will fight conformity even if I agree with it. I do not like this trait about me
    and I am envious of ESFJ who just put the blinders on and gooooooo.

    Drive. When they decide something needs to be done? That shit is getting done.
    No excuses.

    Forgiveness.
    They almost always forgive. (they never forget though)


    Lastly (for now....I could go on for days) and most certainly not least:
    Their Hearts. They live love. They love life. They are cuddly and lovable.

    A lot of what I see in the ESFJ in my life may be a lot of what I am not
    as compared to them. Although I believe that my list is pretty spot on.
    mcnn4, INTP Lurker and SummerRoads thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Sometimes I feel like I don't give a flying fuck about anything. ESFJs (the ones in my life) care very deeply about a lot, especially the people around them.

  8. #7

    I've had a love hate relationship with ESFJs for a long time, but now I've figured out there are certain subsets of ESFJs I like (based on specific characteristics) and certain I don't (based on other characteristics). So, I'll write about the ones I like here. They deserve a little appreciation!

    1) Their ability to feel other people's emotions.

    2) Ability to understand human nature easily, and then give advice based on that.

    3) Their instinct to protect me from other people in subtle ways or overt ways, if necessary.

    4) They take care of me on a day to day basis, and let me plan the future.

    5) Their ability to understand physical stuff, whether it is cooking, skincare, the human body, painting, or sports. I dig that. They're also extremely good at putting me at ease when it comes to physical stuff.

    6) They're informed about everybody! I know there's a tendency to gossip. I don't mind it much. (I enjoy a little gossip too). I like having information at my fingertips so that I can spot patterns and trends, but it doesn't mean I want to go and accumulate it all by talking to 300 people. They do that part for me. How can I not appreciate that?

    For example, an ESFJ could be talking to me about 10 couples getting married in a 2 year time span. ESFJ talks about details of the weddings, who flew in from where, what they bought from the registry, etc. I notice products purchased, ages of the couples, their financial situations, expenses, what potential opportunities lie in the wedding industry, what potential products/companies to research for investing, etc. So you see, even if we're talking about the same thing, our takeaway is different. But it's different in an useful way.

    7) We both like to throw parties or get people together. I don't do it as much as them, but I definitely like that part of them.

    8) They make me feel very welcome in any environment. They do it so naturally! This applies to ISFJs as well.

    9) IME, ESxJs fall on a spectrum. (I say ESxJ because I've noticed this point in ESTJs as well).

    <--- Foodies ---- mostly foodies, slightly active ---- 50/50 ---- mostly active, a little into food ---- extremely active people --->

    My personal preference is for "mostly active." I can't explain it, but their movements (male or female) are incredibly graceful even when they're just walking or turning or doing something normal. I notice very subtle movement in their body language which continue to amaze me (and shut me up in awe). I notice that ESxPs too, but it doesn't shut me up like that. So, that's what makes ESxJs interesting.

    10) I like explaining stuff to ESFJs. I like it when they understand it and they say "why doesn't everyone else explain it like that?" I also (secretly) enjoy it when it bounces over their head and their eyes glaze over. It would be different if Ti was any lower in my stack, but it is at the top. So, if someone else doesn't understand, it isn't the end of the world for me. I can work around it or try a different approach to simplify the content.

  9. #8
    Unknown


    My grandfather was looking back an achetypical ESFJ. I didn't really know him (he passed away when I was 7 or 8) but according to my mother and everyone else they really admired and loved him. He was the consummate family patriarch, open minded, religious but not controlling. He used to hold a weekly family dinner at his house, take us out to watch movies. He was a brilliant man according to my mom and everyone else I've ever spoken to about him and he's sorely missed.

    Not thread related but maybe some healthy ESFJ's on here can help me make sense of the madness of my ex-in-laws:

     
    At the same time however, I ended up with a couple of ESFJ ex-inlaws and that ended in a huge disaster.

    I think it really depends on how healthy they are as individuals and whether they really care about you or not. With dominant Fe there can be a LOT of fake love if you're related to them. At first they'll ingratiate you with love, and gifts and invite you to parties and stuff but over time you can start seeing the kinks in their love. You can see that they really just care about themselves, their methods, their values and if you reject those values and want to do your own thing you're essentially evil incarnate. They'll still pretend to love you, but you can spot how fake it really is.

    Anyways, again it depends. I have 3 examples of ESFJ's in my life and I've experienced everything from deep love to fake love, to resentment and hate from two of them. At this point in my life, I'm unlikely to have any future dealings with ESFJ's (as no one in my or my wife's family are ESFJ's) so I'm probably set for life without any emotional dramas. My current Mother in Law is a bit of a disaster, but at least her being an unhealthy ESFP, I don't have to deal with her often because she disappears for months at a time only to roll back pretending that nothing has ever happened - which is fine by me as consistent, prolonged drama is something I cannot deal with and it's something you end up with ESFJ's as many simply cannot avoid it.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Reap View Post
    how healthy they are as individuals and whether they really care about you or not. With dominant Fe there can be a LOT of fake love if you're related to them. At first they'll ingratiate you with love, and gifts and invite you to parties and stuff but over time you can start seeing the kinks in their love. You can see that they really just care about themselves, their methods, their values and if you reject those values and want to do your own thing you're essentially evil incarnate. They'll still pretend to love you, but you can spot how fake it really is. [/spoiler]
    Hi Reap, sorry to hear about your experience with your ex-inlaws. Just to get more clarification, can you explain a bit about why you think they're ESFJs? I ask because from what you wrote it just honestly confuses me. As an ESFJ myself, I actually feel like we're a very selfless group (if I may say so without sounding immodest). We have huge hearts and try to bring peace to groups and look out for other people's well-being, even people we don't even know very well. We find joy in helping others and creating a harmonious living environment in our homes and try to bring consistency and stability to those around us by being consistent people ourselves. I am not saying we don't have mood swings etc. I just mean that we are consistent in the tasks we complete for our families and in our services towards others. We want to do what is "right" and be good citizens in our communities.

    I can't really relate to your ex-inlaws as the fake love thing just (to me at least) doesn't sound very ESFJ. We have genuine love for seriously almost anyone out there who is kind to us. I would ask you to maybe expand on your story a bit and give more information. Can you give more specific examples? Again, I know nothing other than what you wrote but they don't sound very ESFJ to me but perhaps they're just very unbalanced.

    In the end, ESFJs are one of the most common types out there so I'm sure you'll cross paths with many more in the future. Hopefully you'll get to see their warm hearts and realize we aren't all drama queens. Dom Fe can be a beautiful thing!
    Last edited by SummerRoads; 03-28-2018 at 09:15 AM.
    Jawz thanked this post.

  11. #10

    My mom is an ESFJ and possible the most incredible person ever. (I understand that's biased, but it's my opinion, anyway.) I am just in loving awe of her all the time.

    She's warm, friendly, bright, organized but adaptable, very resourceful, extremely diplomatic, generous to a fault, humble, emotionally calm and collected but simultaneously energetic and optimistic, responsible, fun, spirited, independent, practical, knowledgeable, courageous, persistent, dedicated, an infinite fount of deep, pure love - I could go on.

    I've also had crushes on two great ESFJ males and have a great friend who is an ESFJ female. They are all loyal, warm, humble, dedicated, practical, intelligent, social, outgoing, compassionate, joyful, and genuinely fun.

    I really haven't ever met anyone where I've been like definitely an ESFJ and a terrible person. Not that I don't imagine there could be a person or two out there like that, but generally I feel like the positive ESFJ traits easily outweigh whatever other negative traits a person has going on.


    Quote Originally Posted by Reap
    With dominant Fe there can be a LOT of fake love if you're related to them. At first they'll ingratiate you with love, and gifts and invite you to parties and stuff but over time you can start seeing the kinks in their love. You can see that they really just care about themselves, their methods, their values and if you reject those values and want to do your own thing you're essentially evil incarnate. They'll still pretend to love you, but you can spot how fake it really is.
    What I find with unhealthy Fe users is less that it is "fake" as much as I see them often faithfully going through the motions of being polite/doing the sort of giving social-behavioral exchange that is the language-through-actions of Fe, but then it is tainted by the complications underneath. In other words - I don't think the ingratiating/giving is done with conscious bad intent, especially not initially, but that it can become twisted by personal flaws and selfishness. Because they do the give-and-take... it then gets wrapped up in a complicated web of "you owe me" and attempts at control. From the outside, to those of us who are much lower in Fe use, it looks hollow or falsified, but I think from the inside it is a deep struggle of trying to do what "should" be done while falling prey to personal demons.
    Last edited by angelfish; 03-27-2018 at 08:42 PM.
    Jawz, INTP Lurker and SummerRoads thanked this post.


     
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