[ESFJ] ESFJs, how you do know you have fallen in love?

ESFJs, how you do know you have fallen in love?

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  • 1 Post By Guardianangel93
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This is a discussion on ESFJs, how you do know you have fallen in love? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Maybe this is a weird question, I dont know. People enter my heart almost immediately and become important to me. ...

  1. #1

    ESFJs, how you do know you have fallen in love?

    Maybe this is a weird question, I dont know. People enter my heart almost immediately and become important to me. When I get to know somebody knew I want to spend a lot of time with them and I think about them a lot.

    Honestly, how do I know the difference to when I fall in love? I sometimes almost become obsessed with the new people I meet, especially if they need help in some way I cant get them out of my head.

    Falling in love would be the same, in a way. Wanting to spend tons of time with that person, thinking about that person constantly,...

    No, I do not have the "butterly feeling" anymore. Haven't felt that in years and I dont trust that feeling either.

    Maybe this is simply because of what happened in my past, but I wanted to see how other EFSJs know they have fallen in love and wether or not people in general capture your heart super quick.

    Thanks :)
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  2. #2

    I'm not sure if I've ever fallen in love yet. I know of a lot of people who have shown romantic interest in me and I've been told that I'm easy to love.
    I read somewhere that ESFJs end up noticing people that they find out like them and I can be counted in that for sure. I'm romantically uninterested (note: NOT oblivious) and when someone is hard-core pursuing me ... it gets weird.

    Lots of thoughts go through my head: I don't want to be in a relationship right now in my life -> this person is being extremely forward therefore, I must be not be like my friendly self and instead be more reserved (which I really dislike because it means that because of this person, I have to now restrict my own behaviour so as to not let things develop and go the wrong way) -> person thinks this is me playing hard-to-get (no, I am not playing; I AM hard to get) -> find out info about them so to help me assure myself that this is a bad idea -> avoid them enough until they get the message

    And to clarify, I don't have any commitment issues. I want to be in a relationship ... eventually. Just not now. But for some reason, a lot of men see unavailable as a green light and you become a greater "prize" in their eyes because of your lack of interest.

    If I do love someone (platonically and romantically) then I do like spending time with them and they will always know how I feel because it'll be obvious by the 5 hour phone calls, regular gifs I send via messenger, "I'm checking in on you" text messages, happy birthday wishes, by the fact that I remember and ask questions about your family and others you care about. And if I schedule time with you, that's also huge because I'm always booked (I really am, my agenda says so) and if you make it on the list then you're important to me. I can use that time for myself to sleep, do chores, go skateboarding or some thing that I do to destress and organize my life but instead I'm using that time on you.

    It's like sacrificial acts are my currency and I am really generous to those I care for.

    And if we're real friends and even if we don't talk in a while, if anyone says something about you or does something to harm you: I am there.

    The titles I give out like friends and partners are a privilege because they mean a lot, they have to be earned and they can also be taken away depending on your behaviour. It means that I am holding myself to a standard that I will do this, this and this for you no matter how much effort, time, money or large of a sacrifice it takes because I have decided that you are worth it. And I also expect the same from you.


 

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