[ESFJ] ESFJ Interaction with INTJ/ENTJ

ESFJ Interaction with INTJ/ENTJ

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This is a discussion on ESFJ Interaction with INTJ/ENTJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ...

  1. #1
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    ESFJ Interaction with INTJ/ENTJ

    I'm curious about ESFJs' experience with INTJs and/or ENTJs.

    1) What differences do you notice (besides the obvious...I知 not looking for function vs. function comparison, etc. I知 looking for real-world examples of things you do differently or moments in which your differences are most evident)?

    2) What traits, tendencies, etc. do you have in common?

    3) What do you think of them?
    lenabelle thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I feel like I should split this up into two posts because I have slightly different views on INTJs versus ENTJs.

    Regarding INTJs: I know quite a few. My dad is one, as are many friends of mine (and some former love interests). I generally get along pretty well with them. I think there's a natural attraction between INTJs and ESFJs because they're such opposites and both appreciate the unique strengths that the other has. Also, an INTJ in love is quite adorable. We're similar in that we both tend to be control freaks. We can both be manipulative, though we go about it in different ways (Te vs. Fe). We can both be creative with our solutions, and we are both good with managing money. We both like to analyze things to death before making a decision (like doing endless research on a car before buying it).

    As far as differences go, there are the obvious introvert vs. extrovert differences (though I have met some very outgoing INTJs in my day too). INTJs tend to be amazing at long-range planning, which I am terrible at myself. The biggest difference I have noticed between my dad and me is that he has a much more flexible ethical code. He has no qualms about bending the rules or stepping on people to get what he wants. He thinks of it as taking advantage of every opportunity available. I think of it as cheating the system. I can't bring myself to do any of that. He has a more "win at any costs" approach, while I am more of a "win the honorable way or not at all" person. That has been hard for us to reconcile. Also, most of the INTJs I know have been super non-conformist in direct contrast to the traditional, conservative ESFJs. My mom is also an ESFJ and there are so many times where we do things just because "that's the way they're done" while my dad will just flat-out refuse to do it. A good example is returning shopping carts after grocery shopping. My dad will leave it in the middle of the parking lot right next to someone's car instead of walking the extra distance to return it. He doesn't care that it might hit someone else's car or block a parking space; he just doesn't feel like returning it. He also sees driving laws as "suggestions" rather than what they are--the law--and therefore is a godawful driver. Because of all of this, INTJs can often be accused of being selfish or uncaring of others. I know that deep down they know what is right, but if what is right is not what is most efficient or practical, you can bet they will do things their own way. I admire that, but I'm also perpetually mystified by it. I am convinced that with their drive, ambition, work ethic, ability, and ruthlessness, INTJs will eventually conquer the world.

    As for ENTJs, I only know a few. I'm almost positive my boyfriend's close female friend is one, as is my current boss. We get along alright, but I find that they are not my favorite people to spend time with. They tend to complain a lot, and we just don't seem to have that much in common. And then the areas in which we are similar cause us to butt heads. We both like to be in charge and hate being bossed around (I seem to fight the most with xNTJs when they try to micromanage me. Drives me up the wall.). We're both great at running a household or managing other people. We're both good with money, like making connections with others, enjoy running our mouths until everyone else gets sick of it. We're both dependable and responsible, willing to pick up the slack and do the things no one else wants to do. One specific example I can think of was after a party at a friend's house, the ENTJ and I were the only ones in the kitchen washing dishes while everyone else was having fun. We are both good at taking care of others though we go about it in different ways. We can also come off as pushy and overbearing by others due to our habit of trying to take care of everything. That's no surprise because unhealthy ESFJs can take on some ENTJ-like qualities because of our inferior Te.

    We are different in that ENTJs are more driven, strategic, ambitious, and make more long-term plans. I have a lot of admiration and respect for ENTJs because they usually know exactly what they want, how they will get it, and no one has any doubt that they will. They seem to succeed at anything they put their minds to. INTJs are good at this too. ENTJs are less tactful and are less likely to conceal their true selves in favor of harmony and pleasantness. They usually don't really care if others like them, except when it impedes their goals. For ESFJs, our main goal often is just to be liked and to be happy. I find that ENTJs crave success and excellence instead. One ENTJ I know is planning on going into neurosurgery, which is demanding and rigorous, but also considered to be at the top of the field. I have no doubt that she will succeed. I'm not even considering neurosurgery because as a neurosurgeon, you don't have all that much time for a family, and family is most important to me. Whew, I've written a lot, so I'll let someone else fill in the blanks. I fear my response was a little too specific, but I'd be happy to answer any more questions!

  3. #3
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    With the INTJs I've come across, the things we usually have in common are seriousness (although more consistently with them) and efficiency.

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  5. #4
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I have an ENTJ friend and I just love her! She is a natural leader and she's also a creative and a very determined person with a lot of goals that she want to achieve! So she's serious and ambitious but at the same time she's funny and adorable!
    I have in common with her the determination and the sense of humor! A difference is that she can't stop herself for a second and that she loves to take part on politics meetings\ debates!

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I know two ENTJs well. Both complain a lot and are pretty judgmental. One ENTJ was a former love, and our relationship had very serious issues. We were young and neither of us understood each other's personality, much less our own at the time. His mind was lonely, and my heart was lonely. And because of the Te vs Fe difference, there was a lot of hurt and confusion in the end.

    The other ENTJ that I know well is one of my best friends. Because it's not a love relationship (no expectation of each other satisfying our Te or Fe), we actually function quite well together. I love how we are both very on top of things and are quick and at doing what needs to be done. He takes care of the long-range logistics that can require quite the mental power, while I take care of the smaller, short-range tasks which can require a lot of personal detail. We are both very extroverted and enjoy cutting loose and having a good time, but he would rather die while judging us a million times over before ever being as rambunctious and easy-going as what my ENTP best friend and I can be.

    Oh, and I have an ENTJ girl friend but we're not as close. I like her and don't really have anything against her (except for my opinion of how she treats her ISFJ bf sometimes but really it's not my business and I stay out of it). But again, pretty judgmental seems to be the consensus.

    So ENTJs as friends, definitely. As lovers, no way.

    And I have a crush on someone who I think is an INTJ. Not sure, but he's definitely completely opposite of me and it's alluring.

  7. #6
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    1) What differences do you notice (besides the obvious...I知 not looking for function vs. function comparison, etc. I知 looking for real-world examples of things you do differently or moments in which your differences are most evident)?
    i'm emotional & more friendly and love interacting with every one limitlessly! but he's practical and mixes with people only upto a limit. he likes to keep a personal space for himself.
    2) What traits, tendencies, etc. do you have in common?
    actually nothing as such ..... both of us like to do researches 'bout human mind and personality type....... both of us are creative!
    3) What do you think of them?
    the perfect words to describe him are independent, visionary,original, global & practical

  8. #7
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    1) Besides the obvious I've noticed I am more sociable and amicable toward people. My INTJ boyfriend, @DoctorSkywalker , tends not mingle with others unless approached. My ENTJ father is similar. He does not seem to care about any individual's feelings not taking them into account in a a decision.

    2) My INTJ boyfriend and I are both very liberal politically, both have similar tastes in literature, and similar distastes in music. Overall we get a long very very well: he really likes/appreciates my Fe as I admire his Te. MMy father and I disagree often with our conflicting views but nothing I can say specifically.

    3) INTJ's and ENTJ's are self sufficient and unique.
    DoctorSkywalker thanked this post.

  9. #8
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by lenabelle View Post
    stuff
    My mom is probably an ESFJ, and my dad is strong INTJ. Interestingly enough, most of their behaviors are completely opposite from what you highlighted in your post.
    I.e. My dad's the more idealistic and the one with a strong "code of honor" while my mom is more practical and more willing to bend the rules if no one's watching. (There was once when I realized I'd accidentally cheated on something in school, and the teacher didn't notice. My dad was like "That's wrong, you should turn yourself in" and my mom said "That's stupid, why would you get yourself in trouble on purpose?") Although my mom is much more risk-averse than my dad, and hence she's the one with a cleaner traffic record. :P

  10. #9
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Intj is fun. Cant recall entj. Talking to an intj was kind of exhilarating and I'm not sure why.

  11. #10
    ENTJ - The Executives

    As an ENTJ, one thing I've noticed with ESFJs is that they tend to like my humor in a "that's so wrong, and I'm so naughty for laughing at that" way.
    Elistra, Elistra, Elistra and 13 others thanked this post.


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