Suntide - I suggest digging into Enneagram and any high quality personal development material you can get your hands on.
I have a few ESFJs in my life and if one thing is certain about them, is y'all are prone to getting deeply convinced of things about yourselves or others that simply aren't true. I know conclusions are a big deal to you all, but you need to allow yourself to be a bit open about those "root causes". There are likely a few conclusions you've settled about yourselves and others surrounding those that you need to change your mind about.
Affirmation is part of your MO, no shame or fear should be tied up in that. Finding a dimension of satisfaction within yourself is pretty critical for any type, and being on the hook for others to fill your bottomless pit will never work, but its healthy to give and receive affirmation.
I do know sometimes esfjs have a hard time feeling comfortable expressing yourselves. learning how to communicate your needs is critical and it doesnt rob people of their sincerity if they respond to what you say you need. some types are keen to pick up on stuff but we dont have a crystal ball lol
i really adore the esfjs in my life not sure any of this applies to you but I typed this as if I was talking to them lol