[ESFJ] A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ - Page 2

A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ

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This is a discussion on A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; @ chelon Recently we had to coordinate at work, he had no proper endorsement, so initially I was okay with ...

  1. #11

    @chelon

    Recently we had to coordinate at work, he had no proper endorsement, so initially I was okay with it coz I didn't want to have a lengthened conversation with him. Though I wasn't able to understand his handwriting, so with a tone of slight agitation I asked, "What's this word?", I was surprised when he rebutted with an abrasive sound, "Just wait I'm doing something". I had an impassive reaction, then he immediately approached me trying to tell me the word, which I selectively didn't pay attention to. I was still talking with the client trying to get my own assessment instead of clarifying things with him, when he suddenly placed his hand at the back of my shoulder trying to talk near my ear. I felt awkward of his action not only that he rested his hand instead of just nudging it, but due to the long history we had that should cause him not to do that. Well, I have to cite too that he asked me to help him with something of all people, sharing that he's nit feeling well blah blah blah....
    Ah ok. I can picture the situation and, while I generally don't mind someone being a bit 'touchy feely' around me, I would also have felt awkward in the same situation given the history.

    Unfortunately it's looking like any advice I gave when we chatted last year hasn't really been sufficient though. I don't entirely agree with everything @Sensational has stated about ESFJs, BUT the advice has to be worth a go none the less?

    What isn't correct regardless, and I know I've said this before, is you shouldn't have to keep feeling awkward in work because someone else is making it that way for you. It's unacceptable (putting it diplomatically)!
    chelon thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by orion83uk View Post
    @chelon



    Ah ok. I can picture the situation and, while I generally don't mind someone being a bit 'touchy feely' around me, I would also have felt awkward in the same situation given the history.

    Unfortunately it's looking like any advice I gave when we chatted last year hasn't really been sufficient though. I don't entirely agree with everything @Sensational has stated about ESFJs, BUT the advice has to be worth a go none the less?

    What isn't correct regardless, and I know I've said this before, is you shouldn't have to keep feeling awkward in work because someone else is making it that way for you. It's unacceptable (putting it diplomatically)!
    I really agree on not allowing others to make me feel bad. I do what I can to be apathetic about it. And I know, all the more it bothers him that I can go this long despite his actions.

    I feel bad tho that I had to put the last nail on the coffin, coz I know I'll do well setting aside the likes of him, but I know him being an SF will damage his emotions.

    I guess I play the role that one can't just bitch up anyone just because they can.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by chelon View Post
    I feel bad tho that I had to put the last nail on the coffin, coz I know I'll do well setting aside the likes of him, but I know him being an SF will damage his emotions.
    Nobel, but in this instance it's more important how you feel. Do you think he still has these closeted feeling towards you which is why he continues to act like he does?

    What do you think might happen if you use some Sensational's suggestions?

    By the way. I think I've mentioned my INTJ friend to you before who also works in the medical profession. He called me for a rant a few weeks ago about some stuff in work in relation to work colleagues. It sounded like he may also be surrounded by SF gooeyness
    chelon thanked this post.

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  5. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Do you think he still has these closeted feeling towards you which is why he continues to act like he does?
    Honestly, I think he still does. Because given the fact that he had to abandon what good we had started before, just to show others that he is not a social deviance; it would be utterly unreasonable to continue extending an effort towards me for any sort of reconciliation or closure.

    What do you think might happen if you use some Sensational's suggestions?
    But, what if he still does? How would you suggest a response to it, knowing that he committed himself to another relationship which he has to maintain currently?

    By the way. I think I've mentioned my INTJ friend to you before who also works in the medical profession. He called me for a rant a few weeks ago about some stuff in work in relation to work colleagues. It sounded like he may also be surrounded by SF gooeyness
    Yes. You have mentioned him to me before. Lol. It could be he's surrounded by SF's that causes some rifts or just by some Ns or Ts with contrary preferred reality.

  6. #15

    Quote Originally Posted by chelon View Post
    Honestly, I think he still does. Because given the fact that he had to abandon what good we had started before, just to show others that he is not a social deviance; it would be utterly unreasonable to continue extending an effort towards me for any sort of reconciliation or closure.

    But, what if he still does? How would you suggest a response to it, knowing that he committed himself to another relationship which he has to maintain currently?
    Ah right. See the problem here then might be that you are still 'hoping' there could still be a chance. What Sensational has suggested could be the way to get him to stop 'bugging' you for good, but is there a bit of you (even if it's just a little bit) that doesn't want him to stop coming to you?

    Unfortunately if he has committed himself to the other relationship, regardless of how he may actually feel, he can't have it both ways. It's as simple as that.

    If it's ok to ask, what are other colleagues doing that makes you think he may be saying things behind you're back?


    Yes. You have mentioned him to me before. Lol. It could be he's surrounded by SF's that causes some rifts or just by some Ns or Ts with contrary preferred reality.
    I don't think its so much disputes/rifts as he just, unfortunately, finds it difficult to relate to them. Hes actually leaving this job soon anyway and has decided to move back here. I'm looking forward to him being back in all honesty. Just hope he manages to re-settle ok - I've already lined up a load of cycle routes for us to explore

  7. #16
    INTJ - The Scientists

    There's really not much hope in me for it. It's more of a matter of, me seeing his pain and eagerness to be in good terms, that causes me to think I should give him a leeway to ease it. Tho knowing that it will be his access to initiate romanticism again, which will put me thru the cycle again.

    I pity him. He put himself in this situation. Rightly so to point out that typical esfj doesnt have a good sense of consequential actions.

    I do relate to your friend. Sometimes I just socialize with SF even tho the situation is so mundane - in my personal view, not saying they are, just for me not to be left out or cause a misunderstanding with them.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

  8. #17
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Whew. I just read my old post. I feel stupid posting about him again. Same old same old. lol

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

  9. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by chelon View Post
    There's really not much hope in me for it. It's more of a matter of, me seeing his pain and eagerness to be in good terms, that causes me to think I should give him a leeway to ease it. Tho knowing that it will be his access to initiate romanticism again, which will put me thru the cycle again.

    I pity him. He put himself in this situation. Rightly so to point out that typical esfj doesnt have a good sense of consequential actions.
    I think you can probably be 'neutral' with him. Maybe there is an element of him getting wound up to an extent because you're not on good terms (not your fault I know). I also wonder if maybe it is like what @Nicomendes MacIdriss said - is he venting to other colleagues because he is upset/annoyed/wound-up without meaning for it to become such a big deal...but then those colleagues are then acting like it is and acting like they are taking his side?

    I do relate to your friend. Sometimes I just socialize with SF even tho the situation is so mundane - in my personal view, not saying they are, just for me not to be left out or cause a misunderstanding with them.
    That is pretty much identical situation to my friend what you've described.


    Whew. I just read my old post. I feel stupid posting about him again. Same old same old. lol
    Never feel bad for having a bit of a blow out / rant on the ESFJ part of the forum. That's partly why we're here - to be that metaphorical shoulder to cry on blah blah :-P
    chelon thanked this post.

  10. #19
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Thank you so much, you and the others for enlightening my heart.

    I'm sorry for those SFs that were dismissed by NTs like me. It's just that, the issue here is a matter of character. It's not just an action or behavior, but a mode of living and perspective in life.

    Until the next fuss - hopefully no more.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

    Edit: just a last thought, he actually talked to me earlier asking about a coworker. I was surprised, but felt obligated to reply coz he asked my while there were others around. Oh well, he didn't have to talk to me, but I guess he just wanted attention.
    Last edited by chelon; 03-11-2019 at 11:42 AM.
    orion83uk thanked this post.

  11. #20
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I didn't expect that I'll be posting here again. I think he's trying to get to me thru common friends. Initially, he befriended them then he enrolled at the same class where I'm at with our common friends. He's now part of our study group.

    I think these common friends know something and maybe scheming on me.

    Is it all coincidental? If not, why is he doing that despite all the self shame and rejection he put me thru? Is he just feeling lonely coz he's in a long distance relationship with his gf? Why would he even attempt to befriend me knowing how much hate I have for him?

    A sane person would not do this right? He should avoid me and anything that would cross our paths. I really don't get why he acts the opposite.

    Sorry to sound nonsensical.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


     
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