This is a discussion on A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by chelon Is it all coincidental? If not, why is he doing that despite all the self shame ...
Still, from what you've written, if I were you, I'd stay away. It sounds like he's very unhappy in his long distance relationship and may want to try to use you to get his girlfriend to break it off and have you to blame for it.
Hi. I'd like to ask how one would react to this:
So, as previously mentioned he's already part of our study group. I felt like our friends are trying to bridge us - reconciliation perhaps, which could be primarily coming on his end. Evidently, they know something, I just don't know how or from whom.
The thing is, they're teaching him on how to approach me. For instance, when he's around they'll do certain things with me that makes me open up socially or brighten my mood. If he's not around, they'll try to mention him in passing on a conversation.
Now, unintuitive as he is, lacking enough foresight, he is mimicking them. To make things more difficult, he does it when people are around. It could be he's displaying to others that we're in good terms or maybe so I can't ignore or snap at him.
I'm just afraid he'll try to manipulate me again for his goody goody ego or romanticize things and drop me like a hot potato again. Why is he trying to redeem things?
It's so petty for me to ask, but how would one deal with it?
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I'd say you can try to build a small support group of people who can vouch for your reputation if that's required. That's what I do to survive. This way, even if he badmouths you to someone important, you can have people to back you up.
Confrontation isn't a bad idea depending on how much crying and drama and apologizing you can take. I personally have low tolerance for that. Best advice I can give is just ignore him.
Maybe you could just try to form another study group, if that works? A solid plan would be you can tell the ESFJ "everything is okay" without actually meaning it. He could just be a kind person being unintentionally rude. In which case, he would back off. I would only start worrying if it escalates to bullying, in which case you should start worrying about self preservation.
It's silly but I thought it would be good to get some thoughts on this:
I was on my way to study, buying coffee to start the morning. When somebody poked my shoulder, to my surprise it was him. He kinda smiled with an ambivalent expression, though as a natural reaction I immediately said Hi. He also bought coffee, which is unusual because it makes him uncomfortable with raised blood pressure and palpitations. I didn't want to be blatantly rude, so I casually asked where he'll sit so we can join. To make the story short, he helped me study that day.
These are the points I want to dig further:
1. He had the courage to approach me.
2. He pretended to drink coffee despite its effect on him.
3. He voluntarily offered his notes for me to read at home.
4. He reviewed my work and gave feedback.
5. He had to take a selfie with me and post it on our groupchat.
6. He privately messaged me despite me saying to send notes in the groupchat.
7. I don't know if it's fitting to say, but he generally acts too kind to me.
8. What's off though is he hides his phone away when using his messenger. I sometimes see him chat with his girlfriend, but sometimes I'm not sure if it was some other girls - trust issues here.
9.1 Maybe he's bored with LDR and wants the goody feel from me.
9.2 Maybe he wants to make things right with me again.
Should I put this to an abrupt halt or do I let things flow? I'm sure though he will romanticize sooner or later, which will put me in a disadvantage again. I don't have much hope this anyway.
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