[ESFJ] A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ

A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ

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This is a discussion on A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I'm sorry if I'm posting a rant against an ESFJ, particularly the same person. I just feel it's so unfair ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    A conniving ESFJ against an INTJ

    I'm sorry if I'm posting a rant against an ESFJ, particularly the same person.

    I just feel it's so unfair that he is conniving with other S and F types against me, to the point that they make vague and shady jokes and comments that pertain to me.

    Ive been avoiding this person eversince my first post about him, he got that to his senses already and I can certainly recognize his dilemma when we're exposed to each other at work. From time to time I can see that he still reaches out, but as an intj I see no point of restoring what he chose to let go for the sake of the crowd; so I'm unrelenting.

    Why would he talk things about me to others while I've never talked shit nor mention his defiled being to anyone else out of hate.

    Fook him sheet fooking pretentious bus tard.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk



  2. #2

    Who is this?

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelgoatalliance View Post
    Who is this?
    You mean my relation with this person? He's a co-worker with a convoluted history.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by chelon View Post
    Why would he talk things about me to others while I've never talked shit nor mention his defiled being to anyone else out of hate.
    I used to wonder this about people. It seems some people just socialize/bond very differently than others do. However, I can imagine someone being frustrated about something minor that you did (regardless of your intent), wanting to vent, and the venting going too far in the heat of the moment. It's hard to know what's going on with acquaintances.
    chelon thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by chelon View Post
    You mean my relation with this person? He's a co-worker with a convoluted history.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk
    Huh.

    I don't know the story here, but you make it sound like you've written about it before?

    If he's spreading shit behind your back, I'd confront him. Air everything out into the open.
    Sensational and chelon thanked this post.

  7. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelgoatalliance View Post
    Huh.

    I don't know the story here, but you make it sound like you've written about it before?

    If he's spreading shit behind your back, I'd confront him. Air everything out into the open.
    It's been advised before, but I said he's deny it, since he's a liar.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

  8. #7

    Hi @chelon . Long time no speak. I remember our conversation from before about "Mr ESFJ". Sorry to hear this is still an on going issue too.

    Is this causing more issues in your work now too?
    Sensational and chelon thanked this post.

  9. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by orion83uk View Post
    Hi @chelon . Long time no speak. I remember our conversation from before about "Mr ESFJ". Sorry to hear this is still an on going issue too.

    Is this causing more issues in your work now too?
    Hi, it's nice to hear from you again. Sublimely it does affect work because of relational barriers brought about by him and the others.

    I really don't understand his ESFJ thing to "have no identity to stand on", that results to him being passive aggressive towards me in lieu of his inherent displeasure to my aloofness with him.

    His abrasiveness is all but a facade, as an example:

    Recently we had to coordinate at work, he had no proper endorsement, so initially I was okay with it coz I didn't want to have a lengthened conversation with him. Though I wasn't able to understand his handwriting, so with a tone of slight agitation I asked, "What's this word?", I was surprised when he rebutted with an abrasive sound, "Just wait I'm doing something". I had an impassive reaction, then he immediately approached me trying to tell me the word, which I selectively didn't pay attention to. I was still talking with the client trying to get my own assessment instead of clarifying things with him, when he suddenly placed his hand at the back of my shoulder trying to talk near my ear. I felt awkward of his action not only that he rested his hand instead of just nudging it, but due to the long history we had that should cause him not to do that. Well, I have to cite too that he asked me to help him with something of all people, sharing that he's nit feeling well blah blah blah....

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

  10. #9

    You two might as well be on different planets

    My only suggestion is one that I know is almost impossible for INTJ
    Can you try and mimmick some Fe

    When I say this I don’t mean in every interaction to act like Fe user.
    But in this case I don’t think simply calling anything out will do much good. That kind of approach is lost on many dom Fe users. They have this innate need to see vulnerability from others as a means to receive their message. I am not saying put your entire heart out there and open yourself up completely.

    But in order for him to have anything register it will actually be having to level with him in a way he understands. Which isn’t going to be with Te.

    I am suggesting you be the bigger person here. Should you have to make yourself vulnerable in order to co exist peacefully with a coworker who is respectful, No. you should not have to. But it’s the realty. At least if you want things to change. It actually means POLITELY using his dom function against him and doing something completely foreign to you. Which is open up (just enough and nothing more) and level with him.

    Don’t attack him, do not challenge him. Do not correct him!!!!!!!!
    I repeat: ^ “

    How you get through to an ESFJ who is being a shit head is by using their Fe back on them. BUT with tact and no attack!
    I.e. guilt the mother fucker.
    That requires you tap into your Fi, assign vaguely what he is doing that upsets you.
    Now when you talk with him use words like, I feel, this when ‘that’ happens (not when ‘YOU’ do such and such).
    Seriously Fe’s wrote the fucken hand book on this sorta work place exercise crap spin the shit right fucken back!
    Semantics is key here!

    But you gotta be able to address at least vague feelings here
    Play a martyr (Lol) haha I guess I am now demonstrating where clearly ESTPs can be effectively manipulative
    But the shit fucken works

    “I feel, such and such, and all I am trying to do, is contribute such and such, I know we all do not see eye to eye, I know I can be assertive and have a harsher delivery to some but my intentions are meant well”


    (telling ya, this has been my success in managing many many FJs). They are VERY accepting and forgiving of others if they just get a hint of vulnerability from you is all it takes.

    If you want this bullshit to stop (that you don’t deserve no but is a reality) and to go away, then flip that fucken script, and throw his book back at him, use his language against him skillfully and respectfully (instead of attacking it or challenging it). But it’s really going to require a HUGE compromise from you which is to get over yourself, make yourself vulnerable just a little bit.

    Just to be clear here I can relate to ya. I can think of two distinct times I dealt with workplace conflict from ExFJ imposition. Dom Fe in the work place can be a bitch to cope with until a successful combative tool to keep harmony is realized.

    Also I am not shocked that an ESFJ would be an INTJs krytonite. My mom is INTJ, and my lil bro is ESFJ, he is probably one of the only people who hits her hard and can provoke pain from her on a consistent basis. (Even my ENTP stepdad doesn’t come close to trolling our mom for a reaction as much as my ESFJ bro does). He is my moms youngest child and way younger than the rest so he is that kid who was coddled on top of the conflicting personalities. My mom totally enables him though unintentionally, because he knows how to shame her and challenge her ego (he thinks he is being funny because he is just about to turn 21 and is a total bro dude, punk). That is the key here you must realize is that they can sense your weakness which is your strength as well. Which is self preservation. And they will taunt it and mock it if they do not feel control. I.e. If I had to guess; you piss him off because you’re probably the alpha in this scenario (my mother is clearly to my bro), the only defense then to feel control for the Fe dom is to attack you personally (you should take some of it as a compliment because it means he is not even on your playing field work wise and he is threatened by you if he hasn’t taken an even shot work directed but instead is reverting to the social triumph). That is where I am saying until you make yourself human to him and do not snap back by putting this guy in check in ways he has no defense he will continue. Guaranteed!
    Last edited by Sensational; 03-07-2019 at 02:20 PM.
    chelon, Eysan and contradictionary thanked this post.

  11. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    @Sensational Hi there, I appreciate the inputs and would really be helpful. I have to mention though that because I functioned as an SF before I was taken lightly by them. Thus, the reason why I had to revert back to my natural functions and show them what their dealing with.

    And uh, just to give you an off the bat history, it's a semi-romantic past.

    Thanks.

    Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk
    Sensational thanked this post.


     
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