This is a discussion on Who Are The ESFJs? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ...
@Love interesting video!
Do you know the person that created it, or was it just something you found on YouTube?
I found this really off putting honestly. Well, at least the first 5 minutes I've watched. I don't think it's true that ESFJs don't know what they want and outsource that all the time to others. And having an ESTJ tell us what we should do since we can't come up with our own to-do lists and ideas is super insulting. Like come on...
Sure we do things out of our feelings of responsibility and duty but that doesn't mean I need someone else telling me what those duties are. I know what they are. An ESTJ coming into my space telling me what to do is not going to end well.
Also, this idea that if an ESFJ does ever express what they do want to do that you better "run for the hills" because it's going to be something terrible. I totally disagree. I think if an ESFJ gets to the point where they are asking for your help or stating their needs that means they are maxed out and need your help. Free up their responsibilities so they can go out and have a day for themselves to recharge. Take it seriously when an ESFJ mentions their needs to you.
I don't know if I have it in me to watch the rest of this video but so far the beginning is very disappointing (and condescending at times).
.....okay watched some more...
Oh my gosh: "ESFJs are really built to take abuse and take punishment..." "Eventually if they're not in a state of suffering they'll eventually approach life as if there's something wrong....and they won't actually feel normal."
I'm sorry... but no.
Last edited by SummerRoads; 06-07-2019 at 11:33 AM.
I think I need to watch this again LOL. I'll be honest (and shame on me for this), I had it playing while I was doing some DIY tasks so was only catching snippets.
The section on "ESFJs are really built to take abuse and take punishment..." was the bit that stuck with me the most weirdly, but I fear we've taken that in different ways. I took it as a compliment because, for me, it implies we are tougher than people think and will endure bad times for longer whilst others will have crumbled. It also implies, to me, we can pick ourselves back up and get on with it - I actually believe ESFJs (and ISFJs) are good at that regardless.
"Eventually if they're not in a state of suffering they'll eventually approach life as if there's something wrong....and they won't actually feel normal."
I did think that was an exaggerated statement, but just kinda thought "meh" and on the video went. I think it's safe to say that if someone is in that state of mind, something is going very wrong for that person, and its not something to be made light foolery of.
I decided to open it in YouTube. The comments section has a good turn out from the "My mother is an ESFJ..." crowd. It's like reading through a copy and paste of the "Why do people dislike ESFJs?" thread (now relegated to page 2 by the way...). I'd have a laugh, but I'd probably be accused of being passive aggressive
I hear ya! I think if what he meant to say was "ESFJs can hold a lot of space for people and difficult emotions" then that would be a fine thing to say. Saying we're built to just be "punished and abused" is pretty messed up for someone to say on a "who is an ESFJ personality video" touting to be an "expert." And I don't think anyone who walks around thinking being punished and abused is "normal" is in a mentally healthy state...so why lump that into a video describing all ESFJs (which we would usually assume are a healthy expression of the type, you know?).
So yeah, just felt like there are many more accurate and thought-out ESFJ typing videos than this one. And yeah the comments are super annoying...total "my mom is an ESFJ" stereotype crowd...
Last edited by SummerRoads; 06-08-2019 at 06:39 AM.