Just wanted to get a neutral perspective from ESFJs out there. I've had some issues and falling out with a female friend who I'm pretty sure is ESFJ (albeit more unhealthy), or maybe a ESTJ. A quick summary of our interactions in the past:
She seems insecure at times and overly seems to ask for advice from others or take direction from her mom. She also seems a bit needy and has to always be around people or doing something from my perspective, and she has made it clear in the past that she is more interested in having fun/a good time than helping out or doing the non-fun parts of friendships. I left a music venue really upset one night, and she was more concerned about me not embarrassing HER rather than me being in a painful situation. She also did not follow up to see how I was doing later.
The last straw was yesterday. We met up at a festival, and starts with a lot of insecurities it seems. Her birthday party was later in the day, and she told me she just completely took the idea for her party from someone else because she didn't know what to do. Then she starts talking about dating and liking a guy going through a divorce, but who doesn't seem to want more kids, which means, not what she wants, but is still seeing him because she has fun with him and likes his company. She said she missed him, which is rare for her to miss a guy, and she won't see him for her party or her birthday because it is the weekend he has his kids.
I follow her lead and talk about men things, and mention how I thought it was really inappropriate that a mutual friend of ours waited a month to respond to a text (note that I am 40 and she is 32). She suddenly snapped at me for always talking negative about men. I will say that in the past she was privy to some of my anger vents when a male friend of hers really hurt me and led me on, and she really couldn't understand why I felt so hurt and angry (again a bit insensitive). But part of me is like WTF, because I listen to her stupid dating stories and had just listened to her latest drama.
Anyway, I'm not perfect, but I didn't think it was out of line to make a comment about someone taking that long to text back, and maybe because I'm an introvert, not an extrovert, so my automatic response was not "oh how nice someone is reaching out" but rather "not sure why I'm hearing from this person who didn't seem that invested previously."
On top of that, I told her I found something to wear to her Hawaiian themed party and she started harping on me to wear something different (when I liked the outfit I had chosen), which was totally out of line, especially as who gives a fuck, especially since she took the Hawaiian theme from someone else anyway. And she asked if I could bring some snack to her party in lieu of a gift because she thinks she has to convince people to like her by feeding them and providing alcohol, which she doesn't even drink. Part of me is just like relax the fuck out and stop trying so hard, including with her extreme healthy eating and exercise.
Long story short. We parted ways not long after and I totally decided not to go to her party and no plans to talk to her anytime soon. I did tell her I was bothered by the snapping and badgering me about what I was going to wear, and a negative comment she had made another time about my shoes.
Just wanted a gut check or alternate perspective. Just pissed me off as I've listened to her whine about her dating experiences and then she suddenly can't hear the same shit back at her... and it always seems to be about her, meeting up when she is bored or doing something near her place. I'm too old for that crap behavior.