[ESFJ] Love advice

Love advice

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This is a discussion on Love advice within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hi guys im an esfj 17 year old boy and im trying to get this amazing girl to like me ...

  1. #1
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Love advice

    Hi guys im an esfj 17 year old boy and im trying to get this amazing girl to like me back, i've known her since 8th grade and she is really nice for the most part, but she doesnt like me back because she says she doesnt date in high school because she doesnt have time and i told her i like her but i dont want to put pressure on her and i actually dont have her personality type sorry but i need advice i think im for the most part a nice sweet guy i've never dated before either so im not a player and my other friend girls say im good looking so idk what to do! advice?



  2. #2
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I love to impart wisdom to my younger peers, but i also hate to be the one the burst your bubble but the chick said that she doesn't want to date in high school so unless you want to be put in the creeper category by her, then I'd say thats your queue to leave her alone. I mean, I understand that some people can be very attractive and what have you, but if someone is saying "no" in those words or in other ways, its best to respect that. BUT, an exception (that I just remembered) is that you actually should pay more attention to what a person is doing rather than what they say. You've told me what she's saying, but if she's giving you some other sign that shes into you, then take that sign over what she said. Good luck kid! And don't let the opposite sex drive you crazy lol. Trust me it ain't worth it.

  3. #3
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Doesn't have time to date in High School? Drop her and go date one of the other girls you know. You'll find someone who appreciates what you have to offer.



    -ZDD
    iemanja thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Quote Originally Posted by brittauzenne View Post
    I love to impart wisdom to my younger peers, but i also hate to be the one the burst your bubble but the chick said that she doesn't want to date in high school so unless you want to be put in the creeper category by her, then I'd say thats your queue to leave her alone. I mean, I understand that some people can be very attractive and what have you, but if someone is saying "no" in those words or in other ways, its best to respect that. BUT, an exception (that I just remembered) is that you actually should pay more attention to what a person is doing rather than what they say. You've told me what she's saying, but if she's giving you some other sign that shes into you, then take that sign over what she said. Good luck kid! And don't let the opposite sex drive you crazy lol. Trust me it ain't worth it.
    Thanks man well I was actually in a rush earlier when I posted this so I couldn't fully type out everything. I'll give a brief background. She has only dated one other guy back in middle school and she is fairly conservative (christian) and I am fairly sure she isn't into me but I was wondering if I could turn it around some how and do you have any tips for a hopeless-in-love esfj? Like maybe any key weaknesses that I exhibit that I am unaware of because I'm trying to ignore my own flaws but maybe that is the problem? And Zombie Devil Duckie, I've tried to get into other girls and its really hard I feel really attached to this girl, despite my young age I really do love her, and so is that normal such an obsessive love? for esfjs i mean.

  6. #5
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Quote Originally Posted by Ilovepeople View Post
    Thanks man well I was actually in a rush earlier when I posted this so I couldn't fully type out everything. I'll give a brief background. She has only dated one other guy back in middle school and she is fairly conservative (christian) and I am fairly sure she isn't into me but I was wondering if I could turn it around some how and do you have any tips for a hopeless-in-love esfj? Like maybe any key weaknesses that I exhibit that I am unaware of because I'm trying to ignore my own flaws but maybe that is the problem? And Zombie Devil Duckie, I've tried to get into other girls and its really hard I feel really attached to this girl, despite my young age I really do love her, and so is that normal such an obsessive love? for esfjs i mean.
    Oh okay boy, well then, you may want to start ripping yourself from her. and to answer your question yes- its totally possible for esfjs to be obsessive. i think i may just be growing out of that kind of thing and I'm 21 (i have always been the somewhat boy crazy type as there is just something about an tall dark and handsome young man that i just cant let go of), but understand that there's a lot of fish in the sea! i dont know what you like about this girl so much, but if its beauty, then kid, you can definitely find that in another place- theres billions of people on this earth, just scan the room in one of your classes, i bet there's someone else that you can try to talk to :] and have u heard that Frank Ocean song "Bad Religion"? Theres one lyric it says - "its a bad religion to love someone that doesnt love you", so yeah man. i hope you dont waste your time! but i can totally relate. i have a long ​history of crushes- good and bad. feel free to keep me updated.

  7. #6
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    thanks! I'll try my best to get away from her but she is so amazing its hard. and honestly there are a lot more girls that I find personally more attractive than her its her personality im in love with and I know that at my age for a guy, that might sound like a load of crap but it is the reason I like her. I do think she is really pretty. And I wish I could identify her personality type by knowledge of her because I don't think she'd want to take the test because even if she did she wouldnt want me reading her personality type because she likes to be a mystery. maybe that right there can indicate something on her meyer briggs type? I'm not good enough to guess yet.

  8. #7
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Honestly, from an outside point of view, if she wants to be a mystery, then she's probably not the best girl for you. Excuses for why she can't date is also a huge red flag. Move on, and find someone who appreciates you (but I realize that's easier said than done for ESFJs).

  9. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Um hi! :)
    I'm dating an ESFJ, and I'm an ENFP (ENFPs also can be obsessive and find it very hard to let go) so maybe what I say will have some weight.
    You might think "she is special, she is the one for me", but there are many other girls who can and are willing to make you feel happy, and you should give them a chance. Thinking that she is special (when, from a detached perspective she technically isn't), will only cause you more pain and you'll waste your time.
    For example, I thought there was this INTJ guy I really loved and I thought I'd never get over him. But then I gave it some time and now I am quite happy with my ESFJ partner.

    You may always have a special place in your heart for her, which is ok, but don't let her get in the way of a happy relationship you could have with another, even more special girl who is willing to love you back.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    If she really does not want to date in high school, you have to respect that. Maybe you should just change how you think about her. Focus on the friendship (with no ulterior motives - that's the hard part). If she's really as important to you as you say, then you at least get to have her in your life as a friend. If she's a really conservative Christian, she probably doesn't want to date in high school because she is trying to stay pure for marriage and/or does not want a relationship to get in the way of her faith/school responsibilities. That's actually really mature and admirable in her case. If you find that you can stay in her life on her terms and be happy, then do it... If not, put some distance between you just for your own sanity... And seriously, just focus on being the best version of yourself right now. Someone will be attracted to that when it is right, whether its her or someone else.
    petitpèlerin and gurlygurl thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    I think it's awesome that what you really like about her is her personality and I hope you always keep that quality about you. That's what makes you different than a lot of/most guys and is going to help you get together with the right girl someday, whether it's this one or another one you like as much or more. She sounds like a really special girl. I love the advice to always keep a place for her in your heart. Personally, when there's one person who shines that brightly in my life it feels like an insult when people tell me to give others a chance. I like who I like and I don't want a consolation prize, and that's not fair to anybody. Rather, it helps me to think that right now is just not the right time, and to wait until the situation changes or I meet someone else I like just as much and the timing is right. A good relationship is all about a) the right person and b) the right time. You have to have both and you have to have patience and faith. I also like the advice to pursue just a friendship with her, which can be hard, but if you feel it's worth it and you want to do it, you may develop a valuable friendship. If it helps, I'm in a similar situation with someone who's off-limits but who is so worth it. It's a struggle, but the friendship is one of the best of my life. I'm determined not to let my feelings screw it up, and it makes me think and learn a lot about what it means to be a true friend: to care for someone unselfishly. And to keep myself open to what the future will bring, rather than obsessing over him (which is something IxTPs can do very well, too).
    gurlygurl thanked this post.


     
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