[ESFJ] Am I ESFJ?

Am I ESFJ?

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This is a discussion on Am I ESFJ? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I get questioned about my type a lot just from my posts. And I'm curious as to what you all ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Am I ESFJ?

    I get questioned about my type a lot just from my posts. And I'm curious as to what you all really think I am. I posted this in the what is my personality type called "Am I really ESTJ?" and I thought it might be helpful to re-post in the specific forums which I've been suggested might be my type.

    If you've read some of my posts please have your say!

    Those who haven't, here are a few pointers which I think are the basis of my personality preferences:

    - I'm family oriented. I'm not typically traditional but I follow mostly what my parents out of respect/to please them.

    - I'm a serious daydreamer, I think A LOT about events that have happened and over-analyse/breadth of thought - what I make of them, what they mean and if needed, prepare how I'm going to handle a situation in the best way - what I want to say, how I'm going to say so that I'm considerate of the other person's feelings but still be assertive.

    - If I have a crush on someone I idealise them, I imagine being with that person and how it's going to be, what they're like, what we'll talk about. I find it hard to express to someone I like that I like them, I'm actually very quiet at the beginning of a relationship - I've been told that I seem like I don't want to be in the relationship but in fact I really really like them, and I have constant butterflies just thinking about them.

    - I want the world to be a better place, I believe everyone can get on well with each other if we took the time and patience and understood each other.

    - I really hate it when people say unnecessary unkind words - "Hey, that's not a nice thing to say, that's a human being there, they have feelings, you're not perfect!"

    - I like to be organised and plan things, but I'm not controlling of anyone, although if I spot that someone might get hurt/in danger then I let them know.

    - When I'm in a relationship I love spending time with my bf and love physical affection but not overly so, although I'm not emotionally clingy, I actually like my space, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about them a lot.

    - I love asking people questions about them, and learning more about them. I get really excited (internally and externally) when I've hit that point when that person opens up and I see what makes them tick, when they are happy I laugh, when they're sad I feel kind of hurt inside.

    - When meeting someone for the first time I can usually tell what kind of person they are in their interaction/how they're going to be.

    - When in a sticky situation I can be objective and still make a decision as well as considering the other person's feelings. Actually it's the emotions that get my attention first.

    - When meeting new people/making new friends, I'm quite quiet at first because I'm cautious, I want to get to know the other person first before opening up. So basically I go through a warm up stage, although I can drive myself to be more open if I am really in the mood and consider it important.

    More info! thought I'd paste some more from my original thread.

    When I was in my teens, I loved reading tons of books, I could read a book in 2 hours and then go onto the next one, I spent a lot of my pocket money on books. I also loved writing poetry, stories, and daydreaming - I used to rush through my homework or even in class just so I could spend the rest of the time thinking and dreaming about things, I loved being in the school plays, singing and dancing, loved music, always wanted to learn the piano (I'm now learning the guitar cos piano lessons are too expensive). I loved talking to my friends over the phone for hours on end. I hated school in-groups and out-groups - I was in the middle group. I hated the brash bullies and the tacky girls, and I really hated it when they were mean to me and others.
    I hated being told by my parents that I should do this, or be like so-and-so's kids....no one seemed to understand me, and I felt like no one else in my family understood me. I always wanted my own way - not in a spoilt way, but I somehow always got what I wanted because I asked nicely.

    The subjects I loved most was English Lit and Lang, Art, Geography, Music and strangely enough Religious Education (probably because I started making up elaborate stories about Jesus and found it sooo much fun).

    Then when I turned 15 I started going clubbing and LOVED it...dancing and dressing up and having a laugh with my girlfriends - YES I was that young tut tut.

    I've always been very lucky - there's always someone willing and want to help me out - through thick and thin. Not sure if that's anything to do with type though.

    I did all of those things because I loved them...hmmm...I can't think of any other concrete reason except that they made me happy...I could spend a whole day thinking...and also people-watch and wonder what their lives were like, or I would make up stories in my head.

    How do they relate to me as a whole now? I probably don't read as many books now and I do want to and intend to just that been so busy swotting up on career changing, I still love dancing so I incorporate it as a workout. I don't really sing anymore. I still don't like fake people, and all sorts of pretentiousness.
    I went through a period of not having many close friends (just cos of some bad times), but now making some new friends and getting close to them I really like spending time with them, I like organising get-togethers with my work friends so we can spend some quality time together.
    I have a better relationship with my parents, they're still very hell-bent of how I should behave etc and this annoys the hell out of me, and my mum and I can have quite heated debates sometimes - she thinks I look into things too much and am too sensitive, I think she's too controlling and doesn't think about me as an individual. I do get hurt easily if someone pushes the wrong button, work-wise though I am quite emotionally-resilient.

    Weird thing is, I don't really feel the need to belong (which is essentially one of ESTJ preferences), what always seems to be in the background is wondering whether I am liked by people, because I never like to be misunderstood. This isn't as strong as it used to be, I'm definitely more accepting of myself and I've learnt that I don't need to be best buddys with everyone.

    Note: I have been told I come across as ESFJ, INFJ or even ENFJ.
    My assessment results were ESTJ/INTJ.

    Anyway, looking forward to your views x
    Last edited by lantern; 04-25-2010 at 11:47 AM.
    firedell, azrinsani and PrankyButSaintly thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Hmm.... I'm not good at typing people... But I figure I can provide you with the insight of what I can relate to in your post...

    - I'm family oriented. I'm not typically traditional but I follow mostly what my parents out of respect/to please them.
    I am the same way. I'm not necessarily a traditional person, but respect those in my family/friends that are.

    - I'm a serious daydreamer, I think A LOT about events that have happened and over-analyse/breadth of thought - what I make of them, what they mean and if needed, prepare how I'm going to handle a situation in the best way - what I want to say, how I'm going to say so that I'm considerate of the other person's feelings but still be assertive.
    I do this A LOT. I play out several scenarios in my head and usually end up driving myself nuts over it.

    - I want the world to be a better place, I believe everyone can get on well with each other if we took the time and patience and understood each other.
    This statement is actually what made me want to go into my current major. And why I'm gearing my education towards a counseling position.

    - I really hate it when people say unnecessary unkind words - "Hey, that's not a nice thing to say, that's a human being there, they have feelings, you're not perfect!"
    I get so defensive when people make fun of others! I am especially defensive of people who cannot help the way they are... I nearly punched a group of teenagers making fun of someone with MD last year on our river front....

    - I like to be organised and plan things, but I'm not controlling of anyone, although if I spot that someone might get hurt/in danger then I let them know.
    Same for me. I'm a control freak, but not controlling if that makes sense. I never tell anyone what to do... hence why I've been dodging manager positions!!!!

    - When I'm in a relationship I love spending time with my bf and love physical affection but not overly so, although I'm not emotionally clingy, I actually like my space, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about them a lot.
    I used to be a very unaffectionate person.... But since being with my boyfriend that's changed... I guess I just wasn't with the right guy before.

    - When meeting someone for the first time I can usually tell what kind of person they are in their interaction/how they're going to be.
    This is also why I have quite the diverse group of friends. I often wonder what would happen if I put all my friends in one room.... I'm sure there would be one helluva argument...

    - When meeting new people/making new friends, I'm quite quiet at first because I'm cautious, I want to get to know the other person first before opening up. So basically I go through a warm up stage, although I can drive myself to be more open if I am really in the mood and consider it important.
    This is soooo me! I am very quiet during the first encounter with someone... I do a lot of observing and listening... And the next time they think I'm a totally different person because my chatty side comes out.

    When I was in my teens, I loved reading tons of books, I could read a book in 2 hours and then go onto the next one, I spent a lot of my pocket money on books.
    That was me, and still is. =D I have been quite the avid reader since I was a little kid.

    Then when I turned 15 I started going clubbing and LOVED it...dancing and dressing up and having a laugh with my girlfriends - YES I was that young tut tut.
    When I was in my early 20s I loved this too... As I get older I've out grown it now.

    Take that how you wish, just my little bit of insight into the similarities.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Gosh, we are soooo similar!!

    What were you like as a child?

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by lantern View Post
    Gosh, we are soooo similar!!

    What were you like as a child?
    Hmm... I was a very serious child. I mean, I would laugh and smile, but my normal facial expression was a very serious look. I used to like to read a lot. I was really athletic, into gymnastics type stuff and baseball. I was very shy around adults growing up... But when I was around kids my age I was kind of the leader of the group... I would decide what we were going to play and who was going to do what... Oh, and I had a serious obsession with animals. Anytime I came across a stray animal I would say "mine."

    In school I had good grades, but I got a lot of comments about talking too much. I didn't really apply myself, I had an A/B average, and probably could have had straight A's if I would have studied and applied myself. I was more interested in sports and other activities though. I have always been a doodler and a writer, so I had a tendency to draw in all the margins when taking notes.... Hmm, now that I think about it, my notes for my Ethics class all have drawings down the margins.
    lantern thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISFP - The Artists

    You sound a lot like my ESFJ mother, if that counts for anything.
    lantern thanked this post.

  7. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Various traits from your description indicate ESFJ. In summary though, you seem to primarily deal with the outer world through feeling and, when introspecting, your thinking seems most analytical; that better matches with Fe Ti (ESFJ) than with Te Fi (ESTJ). Interestingly, when taking a "defensive approach" you appear to summon your auxiliary pair (Ne and Ti, observe and analyse). Even more interestingly, I appear to do the same.
    lantern thanked this post.

  8. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Korvyna - I was a good student too, I wasn't the 'leader' type though...I was more quiet but I was chatty with my close friends. My teachers described me as quiet and bright, something along those lines anyway from what I can remember.
    I did apply myself in class but I had a huge tendency to daydream, I used to read the books ahead of everybody else so then I could use the time in class to daydream haha. I hurt easily as well, although I wouldn't show it. I'm much better now, and can stand up for myself so much more! I learnt to be gentle and assertive. I wouldn't call myself a 'hostess' of a party as the ESFJ description says. I say that ESFJ and ENFJ can seem very alike.

    Rafael - yeah I agree with you...I do observe and analyse but it would start from how I felt about a situation or someone...if that makes any sense.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by lantern View Post
    Korvyna - I was a good student too, I wasn't the 'leader' type though...I was more quiet but I was chatty with my close friends. My teachers described me as quiet and bright, something along those lines anyway from what I can remember.
    I did apply myself in class but I had a huge tendency to daydream, I used to read the books ahead of everybody else so then I could use the time in class to daydream haha. I hurt easily as well, although I wouldn't show it. I'm much better now, and can stand up for myself so much more! I learnt to be gentle and assertive. I wouldn't call myself a 'hostess' of a party as the ESFJ description says. I say that ESFJ and ENFJ can seem very alike.
    Hmm, I blocked that part of my past out... I was very easily hurt growing up. I didn't get why people called others names and picked on others. So if it happened to me it hurt me pretty good.... In grade school I'd cry in front of them... In middle school and high school I held back until I got home. Now it just doesn't phase me. I just tune it out.
    lantern thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Unknown Personality


    I am not sure how much this will be helpful .. I was once an Hardcore ESFJ but i think divorce possibly mellows you out a little. Anyway .....



    - I'm family oriented. I'm not typically traditional but I follow mostly what my parents out of respect/to please them.

    I am not so family oriented anymore .. I feel obliged to attend barbeques etc at my parents house but as my mum (ESFJ) recently pointed out to me 'You never call me Sarah' Lol .. Why? To find out nothing has happened or that i'll hear something for the 3rd time .. How lovely.



    - I'm a serious daydreamer, I think A LOT about events that have happened and over-analyse/breadth of thought - what I make of them, what they mean and if needed, prepare how I'm going to handle a situation in the best way - what I want to say, how I'm going to say so that I'm considerate of the other person's feelings but still be assertive.


    I am a big day dreamer. I do over-analyse situations to look for multiple outcomes .. I have mentioned on here before, i am continuously trying to connect dots and make connections. Do you suffer from foot in mouth syndrome? I do big time. :(


    - If I have a crush on someone I idealise them, I imagine being with that person and how it's going to be, what they're like, what we'll talk about. I find it hard to express to someone I like that I like them, I'm actually very quiet at the beginning of a relationship - I've been told that I seem like I don't want to be in the relationship but in fact I really really like them, and I have constant butterflies just thinking about them.

    I don't do that .. Too realistic. If i like someone i make the move, i'm a bull in a china shop. I am not necessarily quiet but i am observing the situation. I have been told i can be very objective.
    Relationships for me are neither here or there.

    - I want the world to be a better place, I believe everyone can get on well with each other if we took the time and patience and understood each other.

    I used to think like this .. Again more realistic these days. People are out for themselves.

    - I really hate it when people say unnecessary unkind words - "Hey, that's not a nice thing to say, that's a human being there, they have feelings, you're not perfect!"


    I am a crusader .. I very much believe in justice and will take the corner of the underdog and put them under my wing.

    - I like to be organised and plan things, but I'm not controlling of anyone, although if I spot that someone might get hurt/in danger then I let them know.

    I am no where near as organised as i used to be in the past .. I think that's a good thing though.
    I have a good balance on the J/P front.

    - When I'm in a relationship I love spending time with my bf and love physical affection but not overly so, although I'm not emotionally clingy, I actually like my space, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about them a lot.

    Exactly the same.

    - I love asking people questions about them, and learning more about them. I get really excited (internally and externally) when I've hit that point when that person opens up and I see what makes them tick, when they are happy I laugh, when they're sad I feel kind of hurt inside.

    Oh yeah .. I work with people who have barriers that stops them getting into employment and i love my job (well the people part) .. When they leave with a smile on their face, it does bring me the greatest joy.
    I also LOVE speaking to strangers .. The interesting conversations i have had with some people, well you can never judge a book by it's cover, i say.

    - When meeting someone for the first time I can usually tell what kind of person they are in their interaction/how they're going to be.


    Yep .. But i also very naive and i don't spot immediately when people are taking advantage.

    - When in a sticky situation I can be objective and still make a decision as well as considering the other person's feelings. Actually it's the emotions that get my attention first.

    Yes but i don't consider the feelings of the other person .. If someone asks for an opinion, then they'll get it. I try not to come across as rude but maybe my bluntness along with the objectivity can make others feel uncomfortable.

    - When meeting new people/making new friends, I'm quite quiet at first because I'm cautious, I want to get to know the other person first before opening up. So basically I go through a warm up stage, although I can drive myself to be more open if I am really in the mood and consider it important.

    Sometimes .. Depends on the vibe i get from them. If positive then i wear my heart on my sleeve and i am willing to talk to just about anyone .. Although i do have difficulty making friends outside of work. Maybe i come across as too harsh or something.




    Anyway, good luck, not that you'll need it
    lantern thanked this post.

  11. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Yeah I do believe as I've grown up/matured (in my early 30s now) I am better at dealing with my emotions, and have learnt to be more assertive. I also am so much more aware if I feel someone is taking advantage of me, so I am more cautious if I get a negative vibe about someone. I'm just more observant at first if I am put in circumstances where I have to deal with someone over a period of time, and I don't reveal so much of myself, not in a cold way but in a formal way. If it was just small talk over and over again, say with some work colleagues then I'm okay with that....keep the talk innocent and have a laugh.

    I'm very aware and intuitive with people's moods straight away. I can almost always tell if someone is trustworthy. I do accept that people are the way they are, most of the time, if someone is bitchy then someone is bitchy as long as they don't bother me. But I do believe that everyone has some good in them, and I like to give people chances to redeem themselves. I cannot help but be forgiving of peoples mistakes and can easily understand their point of view, as long as they didn't keep hurting and hurting over and over again - so I do draw a limit though.
    saslou thanked this post.


     
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