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What kinds of people are ESFJ's naturally drawn to?

[ESFJ] 
33K views 81 replies 48 participants last post by  surgery 
#1 ·
I am curious as to what kinds of people ESFJ's are naturally drawn to.

Pretend as if you were at a party in which you did not know anyone except the host. You have to choose which kinds of people to interact with and get to know first. What would your ideal person look like, be having conversations with others about, etc?
 
#49 ·
One my closest friends is an ESFJ... and, she can be social with everyone on some level, in a way that as an INFP, I can't... i need to feel a "connection" with that person, an affinity, they get my humor, but she can just play the game and puts people in the limelight and just puts people at ease, which I really admire. She takes to people with senses of humor... and mean/gossiping/cruel people just turn her off.
Also, she socializes in different ways, her "group" self where she tries to get along with everyone on a superficial level, and then when she's with me alone or with a small group, we can be a lot more serious and she can express anger or sadness and we just have a really good humorous banter... we can almost read each other's minds sometimes. she's told me, "we're totally different but we get along on so many levels"... I don't think we would have been drawn to each other at a party, however, because I do not come off as a social butterfly and she is kind of status oriented. but because we did sports together and were put in a situation where we were really given the chance to get to know one another, we became super tight. so I think what someone was saying about getting along with IxFxs is true, because I think I'm kind of the safe harbor she can vent and know I won't judge her, just because I am laid-back with a kind of bitter/ironic humor she totally gets. And we have similar beliefs and get upset at the same kind of injustices in the world.. hope this helps.
 
#58 ·
Hi, everyone! First post on these forums. :)

I'd say I'm really drawn to introverts. Most of my previous relationships have been with I's and my boyfriend is an ISTJ. I think it's because as an ESFJ, I naturally adapt to whatever trait is missing in whichever group I'm hanging out with (I can be quiet around other E's and loud around I's), so being with an I brings out the true extrovert in me. That said, I get along best with ISFJ/INFJs.
 
#59 ·
I'm definitely more drawn to introverts. The vast majority of my meaningful relationships in life have been with introverted individuals. I'm strongly attracted to IxFx, for sure. That said, I've also enjoyed great friendships and relationships with IxTJs. I think I'm too 'quiet' of an extravert for most extraverts, so I tend to not gravitate towards them much (especially ExTx). I also have trouble reading introverts and naturally forge deeper relationships with them in order to get to know them at their core. I think that's why I like INFJs so much.

That said, I'm not really a typical ESFJ, either...I'm always typed as such, but I feel that I am more withdrawn and more scientific than most. It's possible that my more reserved tendencies allow me to connect better with introverts, but I'm kind of just waving my hands with that one.
 
#60 ·
I am an INFP and my boyfriend of over 2 years is an ESFJ....he's had two other serious girlfriends before me and, from what I know about them, it seems like they were INFPs as well (so obviously he must have a thing for quiet, artsy girls with their heads in the clouds). However, most of the time when I show my INFP-ness around him (anything that is not considered "normal" in our society) all he does is sarcastically call me a "weirdo" or "psycho."
My question is: Does he do this because he's simply attacking my "non-normal" behavior...or because he actually finds it endearing and attractive & is just affectionately poking fun at me???
 
#77 ·
I am an INFP and my boyfriend of over 2 years is an ESFJ....he's had two other serious girlfriends before me and, from what I know about them, it seems like they were INFPs as well (so obviously he must have a thing for quiet, artsy girls with their heads in the clouds). However, most of the time when I show my INFP-ness around him (anything that is not considered "normal" in our society) all he does is sarcastically call me a "weirdo" or "psycho."
My question is: Does he do this because he's simply attacking my "non-normal" behavior...or because he actually finds it endearing and attractive & is just affectionately poking fun at me???
It depends on your esfjs personality as well as the tone of his message. Is it playful? Or is it a Condesending tone? Also for esfjs, although we judge, we want to avoid conflicts and stay clear or disharmony. We also do not want people to have a bad impression of us. We like to get into other people's good books. As such, most likely, it's an act of endearment and he is simply teasing you.

Now I wonder, is it just me or do male esfjs love to tease?
 
#62 ·
Congrats on finding one of the rare male ESFJs out there =) I can't read your b/f's mind, but when I call people weirdos/dorks/nerds, it's meant to be endearing and not offensive. I'm a bit offbeat myself, so I'm not about to seriously call anyone out for being a little different.
 
#68 ·
I don't think ESFJs are controlling unless they are totally unhealthy (any J for that matter, esp. SJ). At least not the ESFJs that I know of and I'm married to one. He is most attracted to the fact that I am a woman who thinks for herself and usually these are the kind of people ESFJs admire. Anyhow, ESFJs have a need to help and want to be needed. Sometimes giving unwanted & unneeded "help" and they blurt their opinions on everything, this is what people find to be controlling. ESFJs may force what seems good for themselves on others. I find that it's unintentional and when made aware in a non-aggressive way they will back off. They completely think they are helping and sharing in the matter meanwhile the other person just thinks the ESFJ is being pushy. They don't want control it's just another stereotype.
 
#72 ·
I seem to be naturally drawn to INTJ's and ENFP's................:O)
 
#76 ·
Because they are usually intelligent and witty. They are really really fun to talk to and are usually popular among their friends. Being intelligent and witty, you would expect them to be successful in life. As such, they give females a sense of security, which is what i think the ladies look out for subconsciously/consciously.
I think i'm right. LOL
 
#74 ·
esfj is a solid match with enfp. it is not as intense as more opposite types but there is enough difference to compliment and offer intrigue. it seems well balanced and good feeling match even though one is i and one is e. just my opinion.
 
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