I've come to bother you ESFJs again. I need your help.

I've come to bother you ESFJs again. I need your help.

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This is a discussion on I've come to bother you ESFJs again. I need your help. within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Me and my father don't have a good relationship, I am an INFJ and he is an ESFJ and we're ...

  1. #1
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    I've come to bother you ESFJs again. I need your help.

    Me and my father don't have a good relationship, I am an INFJ and he is an ESFJ and we're totally different. I feel like whatever I do weakens the relationship rather than strengthens it and I just wanted to ask how do you ESFJs like to be treated and how do you not like to be treated. Also, do any of you know an INFJ? What do you not like about them? What would you want to change? I know I sound silly but I really want to make it work. I love him and he loves me but there is no connection and I know I can't force one but I want things to be better. Any advice you can give would really help. Thank you.

  2. #2

    I think the biggest thing is to make him feel appreciated for anything he does for you; I'm pretty sure most ESFJs hate feeling taken for granted. Also, he would probably like to be involved in your life quite a bit, depending on how much of that your personality would allow. (Sorry for such a short post; I'm having a brain fart, lol.)

  3. #3
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    I kind of shut him out and don't let him care for me because I'm independent. I don't tell him things either which hurts him, but it's only because I'm private.
    I'll try to include him more in my life, and let him know that I do appreciate him.
    Thank you for your advice :)
    And enjoy your brain fart :) LOL

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  5. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I've noticed mostly just make sure they feel appreciated. Thats big for ESFJs.

    Also, they do want to be personally close in the lives with others and feel hurt if you don't tell them stuff. I know this can be tough as an INFJ because you still want your privacy, but I guess you can still try to make the attempt to share as much as you feel comfortable with. Then just tell him that you'd still like your privacy too - he should be able to understand that.

  6. #5
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    I recently found out my Dad might be ESFP. He keeps testing for both ESFJ and ESFP.

  7. #6

    I'm not sure if this would apply because I am not quite sure of my mothers type. I'm trying to type her and think she may be an ESFJ. But I love her dearly and admire her ways, although they are many times very different from mine! She tries to get my deep passions and thoughts but there never really is that connection. Lately though, instead of trying to talk to her about ideas and plans and "crazy" things, I just joke with her. Try joking about things maybe. It's become a pleasant relationship, not as deep as I would like, but I think we have come to a respectful place...

  8. #7

    oh lol! didnt realize how old this topic was...

  9. #8
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I love the INFJs I know and the best thing about them is that they're so genuine.
    The thing I would change is that they won't tell me when sometimng's obviously bothering them. Maybe they're trying to be independent, but it's a massive insult that they don't trust me enough to tell me and plus it just makes me worry about them more.

  10. #9
    Unknown Personality

    I know this topic is really old, but maybe this could still be useful.

    I went out with an INFJ, although he originally got INTJ. I agree with the above - I loved it when he opened up to me and told me how he felt. It didn't even need to be anything major, just little things would do. I really enjoyed listening to his ideas, even if I had little knowledge of whatever it was he was talking about - as long as he took the time to explain things, that was fine. So, maybe help them understand where you're coming from?

    What bothered me was when he thought he was right - he didn't seem like he was open to accepting your opinion on the matter, or if he was, he didn't always give that impression. Very stubborn! I wouldn't have minded if he were right, but I just wanted him to properly take in my opinion and assess it, instead of almost rejecting it immediately.

    Make sure you show/tell him you appreciate him. Sometimes you need to be a bit obvious about it.


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