[ESFJ] Why are ESFJs deemed as the 'Mean Girl'?

Why are ESFJs deemed as the 'Mean Girl'?

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This is a discussion on Why are ESFJs deemed as the 'Mean Girl'? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ...

  1. #1

    Why are ESFJs deemed as the 'Mean Girl'?

    I started an ESFJ blog if anyone is interested :) Anyway, for real- such a dumb stereotype!

    I think this is the stereotype that has bothered me the most, because I canít see the truth in it in contrary of other stereotypes. I mean, SINCE WHEN DOES EXTROVERTED FEELING = EVIL BITCH???

    Iíve seen ESFJís hate threads, I ainít kidding. So many people (looking at you, INxxís) tend to type the mean girls who picked up on you in school as ESFJ without thinking much while not considering he actual behvaior- is that really ESFJ, or just unhealthy? It seems like emotional, whiny, annoying bitches are typed as ESFJ while cold, angry and basically evil bitches are typed as ESTJ. However, I noticed that many times ESFJs really arenít the mean girl- quite the contrary, they might even be nerds.

    My first example is myself, an ESFJ. Let me say this- I was never bullied. But as a kid, I didnít really liked anyone and I preferred to be alone. I was quite socially avoidant actually. As I grew up I opened up and now while I have many friends (both close and not so close) I wouldnít classify myself as popular, while more well liked probably. Though let me tell you this- I donít like going out to parties like ESFJs might do, I enjoy staying at home watching American Horror Story and Parks and Recreation. I like it when friends come over, I like it when they donít I donít depend on social interaction and definitely not on being mean and making sure my reputation still has Queen B written on it. I have another ESFJ friend whoís just like me, and all she does is watching Law & Order: SVU and meeting mainly with her boyfriend. She doesnít care for social events or status one bit. But to tell you the truth on why Iím not a popular girl? Because my friends are the outcasts, the weirdos. Yep, me, an ESFJ, befriending the weird kids. Iíll tell you why- other than the fact theyíre interesting as shit, all of my friends are pretty troubled. They have deep problems, while I donít. And what I do? I help. ESFJs generally enjoy helping others and Iím an extreme mother hen to everyone around me. I enjoy helping them, fixing them, and if that means giving up status, so be it.

    But if Iím not enough, let me provide you with some more examples:

    Melanie Moretti from the show Hot In Cleveland (a show you probably donít watch but you should if you want to see some non-stereotypical ESFJís, as Joy is definitely not a stereotypical ESFJ as well, but thatís for another post).

    Anyway, Melanie is blatantly ESFJ. Leads with extrovert feeling, a care for the group and being kind and polite paried with introverted sensing which causes her to be detail oriented, freak out over the unknown and rely on her experience. If youíve ever watched the show, youíd notice she constantly references her high school experience, which wasnít very good. She suffered from all kind of physical diseases, was teased about it and was the subject of gossip among her peers, and when it was time for her prom what did she do? She stayed home with her mom and played Scrabbles. Not something youíd expect from an ESFJ, right? But you know, bullying happens to ESFJs too, not only INxxís.

    Anyone here remembers the show Victorious?

    Tori was also an ESFJ. Definitely not a mean girl. Probably one of the nicest girls out there. Creative as well! A very good example of how an ESFJ in real life would look like, actually. On the other hand, who is the mean girl? Jade, interestingly an ISFP. Talking about ESFJ x ISFP pairs-

    Come on, how can you say Leslie can be a mean girl? Iíd say April, an ISFP, is a lot meaner. Not to be a bitch to ISFPs (theyíre honestly my best friends), but Iím just making a point- ESFJs in general really isnít a popular mean girl stereotype.

    More examples are Mia Thermopolis from Princess Diaries (sheís had pretty much one friend during high school and was unpopular), Bernadette Rostenkowski from The Big Bang Theory (was probably more of a nerd rather than popular, especially when compared to Penny, an ESFP), Jenna from 13 Going On 30 (wasnít that how the movie started?), and a lot more.

    Of course, thereís always the Regina Georges and Gretchen Wienersís, but what type doesnít? Any MBTI type when unhealthy is a mean girl. Why is ESFJ any different?
    Noctis, xraydav, Lady D and 3 others thanked this post.

  2. #2

    (I'm sorry, I was waiting to see what others would say, but so far there haven't been any others! Hopefully my response isn't too bad;;;)

    It basically has to do with the dominant Fe, which corresponds and sometimes shows itself through others in wanting to fit in, to be liked. We are an assertive type, that speaks its mind and can be a bit bossy, or at least that's how we may be perceived. God I feel really dizzy and the words seem to be sounding weird to me right now, but I hope I'm conveying the right idea, like how people may see us like this.

    In high school, I was a bit nerdy and quirky myself. I used to think I was an introvert because I would be alone a lot and too shy to approach others, which may have made me looked stuck up. (Though I was always very excited and did my best to be as polite as possible to anyone who spoke to me, I really do love people~) Another thing is that I used to get comments during and after high school about seeming like a "queen bee", in simplest terms. How? I'm not very sure, it could be the eyebrows! Hehe but seriously, I somehow give off this sort of vibe, just by how I looked and carried myself. It's the simplest things, the most subtle, that can really create an impact, one I really wasn't aware of until I received these curious words from others, which makes me blush, laugh and apologize simultaneously.

    And I won't even lie. Before I had a better understanding of cognitive functions, I used to label "mean girls" as Fe doms. I knew of characters of the personality type who are really healthy and sweet and just all the wonderful things we could be, but just always saw how the stereotypical mean girl could be one too. Like, pertaining to the ones looking for popularity specifically, being fake and wanting to win favor of everyone and needed to be adored. There is a stigma associated with Fe that it means we're fake, because we generally wish for harmony among others, some taking it farther than others. (If that makes any sense??)

    And honestly, I feel embarrassed and apologetic for my personality type, which is pretty sad. I'm really happy I'm with someone who favors ESFJs, but in general, I feel like we are one of the least liked type, and either others have had awful experiences with one, or they had awful experiences with people they mistyped as ESFJ because of stereotypes like this.

    And ooh my god yes, I was really excited when I found out characters like Jenna from 13 Going on 3O, Kitty from That 7O's Show, Steven from Steven Universe and Starfire from Teen Titans were ESFJs, just because of how genuinely fun and sweet they were, and truly themselves, not being two-faced, but being the side of ESFJ that is expressive of their thoughts and emotions, because that's what I relate to. Hopefully there'll be more wonderful and true portrayals of our type that'll help people to realize we really aren't as bad as some characters make us seem!

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Iipstain View Post
    And honestly, I feel embarrassed and apologetic for my personality type, which is pretty sad. I'm really happy I'm with someone who favors ESFJs, but in general, I feel like we are one of the least liked type, and either others have had awful experiences with one, or they had awful experiences with people they mistyped as ESFJ because of stereotypes like this.
    Don't feel bad about your type! On these forums I've seen more people bitch about ESFJ's than any other type, but I've yet to see ESFJ's bitch. The formation of these stereotypes, and the bitching says more about the other types than it does ESFJ's. Be proud, there don't seem to be many of you guys here.

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  5. #4
    Unknown Personality

    To be honest, I definitely feel you. Most people don't even bother to really examine the person who is being mean or hurtful towards them. "They hurt my feelings so they must be an ESxJ!!!" <- People who don't have a good grasp on what MBTI actually is, lmao. Most of them end up being mistyped Sensors who actually end up realising that they are, in fact an ESFJ themselves!! It's sometimes hilarious to watch them go from being totally aggressive towards ESFJ to desperately try to cover up previous hateful and typist statements towards the entire type.
    Lord Fudgingsley, Adena and Beatriz thanked this post.

  6. #5

    ESFJs are always so kind and appreciative. INXX are just bitter about being bad at communication, honestly.
    Lady D, Gossip Ghoul, Adena and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #6

    I like to see people here are appreciative of ESFJs <3

    Oh @Iipstain don't feel apologetic for your personality type! But I feel you, ESFJs has a bad rep :/

  8. #7

    ESFJs are actually kinda cute, in terms of mannerisms. Now, these can get annoying, but everything in mediation.
    I know a male ESFJ who:
    1. Constantly gets excited about technology and tries to figure it out.
    2. Really likes helping you out.
    3. Makes these awkward jokes, and tries to catch your eye in order to get you to laugh.
    4. Is very warm and effusive.
    Adena thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    My lovely lovely ESFJ's.

    Never change ! .... I dont care what stereotypes or whatever people put on you!

    Keep being you! You make the other types work properly!

    Whats wrong with being adamant about social zen? (some people would say bitchy)
    But they just dont understand that is needed from time to time.
    I do believe that is an absolute MUST in social interactions.

    My Wife is an ESFJ I post in this forum from time to time just to get opinions from people like her.

    I can say without a doubt that because she is a stereotypical ESFJ we work awesome as a team.

    I have long excepted the fact that without ESFJ and similar types social structure would be
    a mess at best.

    I have said it before .. and I will say it again ESFJ's are the social glue.

    So I say F' the nay-sayers cause they dont mean a thing just keep doing your own thing.
    Last edited by FueledByEvil; 09-23-2015 at 04:10 AM. Reason: cuase spell check sux :/
    Adena, Norina, a peach and 1 others thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I never really typed people in high school or give it any thought to what kind of type a person might be if they are mean spirited. I always thought that no matter what type you are in there is always a sense of wanting to fit in or belong somewhere.

    Then again I was bullied for numbers of reasons, from color of my skin to what I wore.

  11. #10

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