I started an ESFJ blog if anyone is interested :) Anyway, for real- such a dumb stereotype!
I think this is the stereotype that has bothered me the most, because I canít see the truth in it in contrary of other stereotypes. I mean, SINCE WHEN DOES EXTROVERTED FEELING = EVIL BITCH???
Iíve seen ESFJís hate threads, I ainít kidding. So many people (looking at you, INxxís) tend to type the mean girls who picked up on you in school as ESFJ without thinking much while not considering he actual behvaior- is that really ESFJ, or just unhealthy? It seems like emotional, whiny, annoying bitches are typed as ESFJ while cold, angry and basically evil bitches are typed as ESTJ. However, I noticed that many times ESFJs really arenít the mean girl- quite the contrary, they might even be nerds.
My first example is myself, an ESFJ. Let me say this- I was never bullied. But as a kid, I didnít really liked anyone and I preferred to be alone. I was quite socially avoidant actually. As I grew up I opened up and now while I have many friends (both close and not so close) I wouldnít classify myself as popular, while more well liked probably. Though let me tell you this- I donít like going out to parties like ESFJs might do, I enjoy staying at home watching American Horror Story and Parks and Recreation. I like it when friends come over, I like it when they donít I donít depend on social interaction and definitely not on being mean and making sure my reputation still has Queen B written on it. I have another ESFJ friend whoís just like me, and all she does is watching Law & Order: SVU and meeting mainly with her boyfriend. She doesnít care for social events or status one bit. But to tell you the truth on why Iím not a popular girl? Because my friends are the outcasts, the weirdos. Yep, me, an ESFJ, befriending the weird kids. Iíll tell you why- other than the fact theyíre interesting as shit, all of my friends are pretty troubled. They have deep problems, while I donít. And what I do? I help. ESFJs generally enjoy helping others and Iím an extreme mother hen to everyone around me. I enjoy helping them, fixing them, and if that means giving up status, so be it.
But if Iím not enough, let me provide you with some more examples:
Melanie Moretti from the show Hot In Cleveland (a show you probably donít watch but you should if you want to see some non-stereotypical ESFJís, as Joy is definitely not a stereotypical ESFJ as well, but thatís for another post).
Anyway, Melanie is blatantly ESFJ. Leads with extrovert feeling, a care for the group and being kind and polite paried with introverted sensing which causes her to be detail oriented, freak out over the unknown and rely on her experience. If youíve ever watched the show, youíd notice she constantly references her high school experience, which wasnít very good. She suffered from all kind of physical diseases, was teased about it and was the subject of gossip among her peers, and when it was time for her prom what did she do? She stayed home with her mom and played Scrabbles. Not something youíd expect from an ESFJ, right? But you know, bullying happens to ESFJs too, not only INxxís.
Anyone here remembers the show Victorious?
Tori was also an ESFJ. Definitely not a mean girl. Probably one of the nicest girls out there. Creative as well! A very good example of how an ESFJ in real life would look like, actually. On the other hand, who is the mean girl? Jade, interestingly an ISFP. Talking about ESFJ x ISFP pairs-
Come on, how can you say Leslie can be a mean girl? Iíd say April, an ISFP, is a lot meaner. Not to be a bitch to ISFPs (theyíre honestly my best friends), but Iím just making a point- ESFJs in general really isnít a popular mean girl stereotype.
More examples are Mia Thermopolis from Princess Diaries (sheís had pretty much one friend during high school and was unpopular), Bernadette Rostenkowski from The Big Bang Theory (was probably more of a nerd rather than popular, especially when compared to Penny, an ESFP), Jenna from 13 Going On 30 (wasnít that how the movie started?), and a lot more.
Of course, thereís always the Regina Georges and Gretchen Wienersís, but what type doesnít? Any MBTI type when unhealthy is a mean girl. Why is ESFJ any different?