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This is a discussion on Ask an ESFJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by Pinina There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already ...

  1. #111

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinina View Post
    There's an ESFJ I know, who tends to ask for advice, even though she has already made up her mind. And if the advice goes against what she's planning to do, she starts to argue against it.

    How should I tell her, and that it's frustrating and she should stop it, for best effect/without hurting all of her feelings?
    What helps a lot is phrasing it in such a way where you express your own feelings on the matter without expressing blame so much as what you feel about the situation--while affirming that you value your ESFJ friend. Something like "I genuinely am interested in showing you support, but it's hurtful for me to offer advice that is rejected every time. Is this your intention? Can we talk about some ways to avoid this kind of situation?" In general, involving the other person in that kind of discussion by asking for their own feelings and their own contributions to the solution helps to avoid them feeling attacked--instead of a confrontation, then it can be a discussion between the two of you, which helps to share that you value the other person and your relationship with them.
    petitpèlerin, MissAverage and Pinina thanked this post.

  2. #112
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by KingShadow View Post
    What helps a lot is phrasing it in such a way where you express your own feelings on the matter without expressing blame so much as what you feel about the situation--while affirming that you value your ESFJ friend. Something like "I genuinely am interested in showing you support, but it's hurtful for me to offer advice that is rejected every time. Is this your intention? Can we talk about some ways to avoid this kind of situation?" In general, involving the other person in that kind of discussion by asking for their own feelings and their own contributions to the solution helps to avoid them feeling attacked--instead of a confrontation, then it can be a discussion between the two of you, which helps to share that you value the other person and your relationship with them.
    This is such a great reply. I admire you


     
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