This is a discussion on Ask an ESFJ within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by A Temperamental Flutist I love ESFJs! I had an ESFJ band teacher. He was the nicest guy ...
Personally I find it easier to befriend Fe-doms than any other type. Since I tend to keep my distance from people, and ExFJs tend to bridge distances from people, they're some of the only types I tend to actually build relationships with. Other types often remain just acquaintances, even if I like them a lot, I just don't know how to get closer unless life puts us together somehow.
@inregardstomyself That is so encouraging, since I'm convinced that I like my ESFJ friend more than he likes me. But I'm keeping an open mind, because I realize that he works totally differently than me (such as what you just described), and I'm learning as I go. We have the slowest-developing friendship in the world, I think, spanning many years and many time zones, but he seems to want me in his life for the long haul, so I'm optimistic. I love your insight, as always.
Last edited by petitpèlerin; 12-09-2015 at 07:36 PM.
What does it mean if an ESFJ (guy) tells you you're friends forever, from now into eternity? (A strong belief in a Judeo-Christian afterlife is a solid basis for your friendship.) Does it mean that he wants to be your friend that long? Or does it mean that he senses that you want to be his friend that long?! You ESFJs are so hard to figure out. ;)
Our function stack actually looks like this:
So we are extraverted dominant, and sensing. However, we don't have Se (extraverted sensing) in our top functions. We have Si (introverted sensing) as our second function, which is similar, but also very different.
If you want to learn about Se, here are the types to ask: ESFP, ESTP, ISFP, and ISTP. Those are all Se dom or Se secondary.
Hope that helps! :)
My friend and I are both very heterosexual. :) But he's a monk (well, a member of a religious community) and wants to become a priest. As much as he's attracted to women and capable of truly loving a woman (he has a huge heart, of course, he's an ESFJ!) he's given up that possibility to do what he really wants to do with his life . . . I'm probably going to end up a member of the same community. Well, their sister community. (I was for a while but I left for a while, but I'll probably go back when I can.) I know he would be very happy if I did, I know he cares about me deeply (which is hard for me to believe with my very inferior-Fe insecurities but I have to be realistic and understand that he's this strange FJ breed!) I just can't quite figure out what his feelings are for me, because he's not very open with them. It would be helpful for me to know and would help me overcome my insecurities because I'd have a concrete experience of someone I really love who really loves me. Maybe they'll become clearer in time.
I'm still working out what it is to have a true, good, and healthy brother-sister relationship with someone you really love but do not want to have anything like a romance with, not because the feelings aren't there but because it wouldn't be appropriate, and in this case love means sacrificing something for a greater good. Maybe he's working out similar things? He's probably several steps ahead of me at any given time, just because he's an ESFJ and you guys are very, very good at sorting out the social and emotional stuff.
I don't know what it is, my Fe goes haywire over this guy. My rugged individualism goes out the window . . .
Umm...do you have any tips on where can I find male ESFJ or even ISFJ? Like places where you usually hangout? I can't seem to find these two anywhere around my place
Yes for the most part I am very concerned about the way people feel and think about me. I want people to like me so they will be nice to me. Plus, I have this thing called a conscience so if I am ever not nice or well-mannered I give myself an inner guilt-trip that on the outside probably only looks like a sad face.
Social status to me means that you are aware of your own reputation and consider it to be important. That's all I can think to say about it. Don't want to feel like I'm over-thinking it, bleh.