[ESFJ] Are ESFJ prone to self-victimization?

Are ESFJ prone to self-victimization?

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  • 1 Post By Norina
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This is a discussion on Are ESFJ prone to self-victimization? within the ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ^^^...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    Are ESFJ prone to self-victimization?

    ^^^



  2. #2
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Hmmm... Can't speak for anyone else, of course. But personally, I'm too concerned with helping those around me to be very self-victimizing. Do I feel overwhelmed because of the things I take on sometimes? Of course. Si is a constant to-do list in my mind of what I have to get done-- 1 thing is taken away, and 5 more things get added. The pressure I put on myself can feel enormous sometimes. But I'm self aware enough to know that those feelings are self-imposed (typically), and they're my responsibility.

    I ask for help if I'm feeling too buried, and I've learned to decline some things, even though it often feels like I'm letting people down. But these things are my responsibility, and I try to deal with them on my own. Complaining about things or dropping the ball on something are two of the worst things I could imagine doing. I can't stand to add any burden to those I care for.

  3. #3

    Examples? I feel like everyone, regardless of type, could have a tendency for self-victimization. I could see this as a thing for Fe-dom/aux's ("I do everything for you and you do nothing for me") and Fi-inferior ("Everyone is out to get me")

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  5. #4

    Unhealthy ESFJs are prone to act like the victim more often than not- also accompanied by a lot of complaining. Just think of Donald duck when he gets mad because that's pretty much it lol. My brother and mom are both ESFJ so i know this from personal experience unfortunately But I also know healthy ESFJs and they aren't like that at all! It all just depends on the mindset.
    Norina thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Dementedbliss View Post
    Unhealthy ESFJs are prone to act like the victim more often than not- also accompanied by a lot of complaining. Just think of Donald duck when he gets mad because that's pretty much it lol. My brother and mom are both ESFJ so i know this from personal experience unfortunately But I also know healthy ESFJs and they aren't like that at all! It all just depends on the mindset.
    But I think an unhealthy anything would be prone to victimization. My mom's an INFJ, and there was a good period when she was extremely stressed and would frequently go into victimization rants. My dad's an ESTJ and is prone to do this too when he's pushed to his stressful limits.

    So that's why I'm asking for specifics OP, because your question as is could apply to anyone.

    EDIT: @Dementedbliss I hope it doesn't seem like I'm attacking you, because I'm really not.
    Last edited by inregardstomyself; 01-21-2016 at 04:54 PM.

  7. #6

    @inregardstomyself Oh not at all. I was thinking the same thing, actually. Many unhealthy people personality aside feel like they're the victim in negative situations. Just human nature. We become self absorbed when the emotional needs we have aren't met by our own standards, whether those standards are realistic or not. But the OP was pretty general so naturally i gave a general answer.
    inregardstomyself and nannuky thanked this post.

  8. #7
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by inregardstomyself View Post
    Examples? I feel like everyone, regardless of type, could have a tendency for self-victimization. I could see this as a thing for Fe-dom/aux's ("I do everything for you and you do nothing for me") and Fi-inferior ("Everyone is out to get me")
    Well my ESFJ and I have been betrayed by the same person, I personally don't care about it while she tells almost everyone about what happened to us and pressures me into "admitting" that I'm hurt aswell and comfort me

    Now that I think about it, maybe it's not self-victimizing but telling others is her way of dealing with it by presenting herself as a strong individual as that person was a huge part of her life
    Maybe that?

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by TapudiPie View Post
    Well my ESFJ and I have been betrayed by the same person, I personally don't care about it while she tells almost everyone about what happened to us and pressures me into "admitting" that I'm hurt aswell and comfort me

    Now that I think about it, maybe it's not self-victimizing but telling others is her way of dealing with it by presenting herself as a strong individual as that person was a huge part of her life
    Maybe that?
    Ah ok, this is different from how I interpreted it! I don't think that is self-victimizing either, but I do think this might be Fe. Fe sometimes finds the need to vent out everything they are feeling, and I'm assuming in this case it's a lot of hurt, feelings of violation, betrayal of trust, etc. By wanting you to speak out your own feelings, perhaps this makes the ESFJ feel, "yes, see, it's not just ME this person hurt, but [TapudiPie] too! What this person did WAS wrong" Getting all those feelings out is so much better for us than keeping them bottled within us, where they continue to grow and fester and make us feel miserable. Just speaking it out to someone else makes us feel that our feelings have been acknowledged and validated, and that helps us work towards moving on.

    Hope that helps somewhat
    Norina thanked this post.

  10. #9
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by inregardstomyself View Post
    Ah ok, this is different from how I interpreted it! I don't think that is self-victimizing either, but I do think this might be Fe. Fe sometimes finds the need to vent out everything they are feeling, and I'm assuming in this case it's a lot of hurt, feelings of violation, betrayal of trust, etc. By wanting you to speak out your own feelings, perhaps this makes the ESFJ feel, "yes, see, it's not just ME this person hurt, but [TapudiPie] too! What this person did WAS wrong" Getting all those feelings out is so much better for us than keeping them bottled within us, where they continue to grow and fester and make us feel miserable. Just speaking it out to someone else makes us feel that our feelings have been acknowledged and validated, and that helps us work towards moving on.

    Hope that helps somewhat
    It does help, thank you


     

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