[ESFP] ESFP Relationship

ESFP Relationship

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This is a discussion on ESFP Relationship within the ESFP Articles forums, part of the ESFP Forum - The Performers category; ESFP Relationships ESFPs are fun and delightful to be with. They live for the moment, and know how to make ...

  1. #1

    ESFP Relationship


    ESFP Relationships





    ESFPs are fun and delightful to be with. They live for the moment, and know how to make the most of each moment. They are genuinely, warmly interested in people, and love to make others happy. They're usually very kind-hearted and generous, and are always going out of their way to do something nice for someone. Their affection is simple, straight-forward and honest. They dislike theory and complexities. They often resist forming relationships which require them to function on a high Intuitive or Thinking level. They prefer for things to be light and happy, although their warmth and affection runs deep. Their potential downfall is the tendency to live entirely for the present moment, and therefore to sometimes be unaware of the direction that their relationship is heading, or to be easily distracted from long-term commitments.


    ESFP Strengths




    • Enthusiastic and fun-loving, they make everything enjoyable
    • Clever, witty, direct, and popular, people are drawn towards them
    • Earthy and sensual
    • Down to earth and practical, able to take care of daily needs
    • Artistic and creative, they're likely to have attractive homes
    • Flexible and diverse, they "go with the flow" extremely well
    • They can leave bad relationships, although it's not easy
    • Try to make the most of every moment
    • Generous and warm-hearted



    ESFP Weaknesses




    • May be frivolous and risky with money
    • Tend to be materialistic
    • Extreme dislike of criticism, likely to take things extremely personally
    • Likely to ignore or escape conflict situations rather than face them
    • Lifelong commitments may be a struggle for them - they take things one day at a time
    • Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
    • Tendency to neglect their health, or even abuse their bodies
    • Always excited by something new, they may change partners frequently



    ESFPs as Lovers


    "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May


    ESFPs embrace their love relationships in a Big way - similar to the way they approach their lives in general. They love to be in love, and will try to make the most of each moment. They take things on a day-by-day basis, and are uncomfortable thinking too much about the future, or making plans far in advance. For this reason, ESFPs are not natural long-term commitment people. They may feel tremendously committed on a day-by-day basis, but they do not naturally plan for their futures.



    This commitment issue is a potential pitfall for the ESFP. Many people of this type overcome this potential weakness, and become involved in truly satisfying, lifelong relationships. Others do not address this weakness, and move from relationship to relationship without forming real commitments, convincing themselves that this is what they truly want.



    Sexually, the ESFP is a very earthy and sensual individual who seeks and enjoys intimate contact with their partners. Living in the here-and-now, they throughly embrace and enjoy the experience with all five senses. They are generous and warm, and highly interested in making their partners happy.



    ESFPs tend to be materialistic, and somewhat caught up in "what others think" of them. They should take care that this doesn't interfere with their personal relationships, since many of the others types will not be able to relate to their perspectives on these matters.



    ESFPs do not handle conflict well at all. They take any sort of criticism very personally, and consider it to be a general indictment of their character. They may react with anger and harsh words which they would later like to take back. ESFPs would do themselves a favor if they would come to realize that criticism can be looked at constructively, rather than destructively. If they can hear criticism without feeling personally threatened, the ESFP will have come a very long way towards greatly improving the strength and health of their relationships.



    ESFPs are extremely literal and concrete when communicating. They say things in a very direct, abrupt manner, and can sometimes even unintentionally seem quite harsh. They like things to be communicated to them in a similar, concrete fashion. They dislike theory and abstraction, and will frequently misunderstand the jist of a communication if it is not communicated in a factual, present-tense manner. Discussions regarding the future or the past are not the ESFP's strong suit, and in fact they're likely to miscontrue future-looking statements as something that needs immediate attention. When they discover that the discussion is not regarding an immediate concern, they become disinterested.



    ESFPs are in general very warm and giving people, with simple needs and demands from their partners. They just want to be happy, and want to bring happiness to others. They are energetic and popular individuals who will liven up the social life of the couple, and keep many new experiences on the horizon.



    Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFP's natural partner is the
    ISTJ, or the ISFJ. ESFP's dominant Extraverted Sensing function is best matched with a personality that is dominated by Introverted Sensing. How did we arrive at this?




    Source: The Personality Page
    Stelliferous thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I need insight. I will try to be as brief as possible.
    Me: 36, INFJ - living in Georgia looking for a job to move to Colorado, longest relationship was 5 months, which ended December last year.
    Him: 41, ESFP - living in Colorado, job, has his shit together. divorced 6 years ago, was with the woman 9 years, married 1.5.

    We met via Bumble while I was out there visiting 3 months ago and we were just chatting as friends with suggestions of where to go, we hadn't met face to face. When i left, we continued to talk and talk, and talk. It started to become romantic but we needed to actually meet, he flew to Georgia for a weekend and we hit it off. Instant chemistry. I planned a great weekend which he loved. He opened up about some personal stuff, as did i, We slept together. He gave me an old shirt of his to have with his smell. We decided to be exclusive and try this since i was planning to move to Colorado.

    So, He decided to get busy with work to help make time go faster before i visited a month later. we talked everyday, it was a bit routine but we still were happy to talk. Id send sexy pictures when i knew he was stressed and he loved it.
    my visit (this past weekend) went great, despite a handful distractions, he had some work interruptions (which he intended to have finished before i got there) then including his work computer wasn't connecting, so he was a bit stressed about figuring that out, some of his plans he made didn't turn out to be what expected (hiking trail he researched was closed, hotel room wasn't what he hoped, shower didn't have hot water) there was some drama with friends that were moving and instead of us hanging out we were helping move. he was stressed. he dropped $400 for dinner one night, we ate well, drank well and were intimate. I also met his friends of 20+ years and we all got along great, they said we looked great together, had great chemistry, i passed the friend test, yada yada. so, we were still making the best of it and having a good time. i was a bit withdrawn, you know, introvert and all, giving him space with work stuff and meeting all these important people, his stress was noticed tho, and i was hoping for some talk about how we felt on this visit but we didn't. side note: i did notice that he had a bottle of the same shampoo i use in his shower (he doesn't have much hair), he is big on smells... the morning i left we were intimate, on the drive he even made suggestions for next time i was there...met another friend for lunch and talked about how we met and caught up with her.

    Evening after i get back, he called like normal (he had texted a bit earlier that day) and said he wanted to end it. Blindsided i was in shock and was so upset and hurt. He said that he felt like his romantic feelings were fading these past couple weeks. I don't understand. How could he be all sweet, touchy, intimate and everything all weekend and say that? he said everything that he did this weekend was real and genuine. I was upset. he said that he had a great time with me this weekend but it he felt like i was more like a friend. said we share the same love for adventure, laugh together and we have great communication..im honest, loyal and sincere and he respects that. He said that finding a partner is important and if he isn't sure, he doesn't want to waste time. said that he still wants to talk, keep in touch and be friends especially when i get to colorado.

    I'm so sad. Is there any hope? at this point, Im not going to reach out to him, which is so hard, its been 3 months of constant communication with a man i have fallen in love with and has become one i consider a close friend...long distance definitely sucks and i feel like he has a lot of stressors right now and with the weekend not being perfect it caused more stress. in the back of my mind i hope that it would rekindle after i move out there, but maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic. I told him that i was a bit embarrassed after just meeting his friends and now it ends and he interrupted me telling me that they loved me and to look at it i have gained more friends in colorado when i move there. ughhh

    if you read all of this. I really appreciate it. I have never dated a man like him, and i don't want to let him go. looking for a perspective from a ESFP male...

  3. #3

    I'm really thinking about ESFPs as a partner for INTJ. We would share the same functions but have reversed priority. Though I understand ENFPs are great fits too... not sure which would be better for INTJ honestly but ESFPs do seem like great fits. I know I really like ISFPs and ENFPs but I haven't actually met many ESFPs. I'm thinking I'll definitely be paired up with one or the other at one point in time.

    edit: oh this was necro. Yeah nvm just talking to myself then.
    ametan thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Unknown

    @lfgermyINFJ is there an update on this?

  6. #5
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Stelliferous View Post
    I'm really thinking about ESFPs as a partner for INTJ. We would share the same functions but have reversed priority. Though I understand ENFPs are great fits too... not sure which would be better for INTJ honestly but ESFPs do seem like great fits. I know I really like ISFPs and ENFPs but I haven't actually met many ESFPs. I'm thinking I'll definitely be paired up with one or the other at one point in time.

    edit: oh this was necro. Yeah nvm just talking to myself then.
    Not a necro... I adore INTJs. You should give an ESFP a whirl.... you might like what you find. XD

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Not a necro... I adore INTJs. You should give an ESFP a whirl.... you might like what you find. XD
    I identify as INFJ now however it's not so easy to just "give an ESFP a whirl"

    I may like what I find but I'm not finding any. They are always out doing their own thing. It's exhausting trying to find an opportunity to date them so I'm just trying to work on myself really.
    ametan thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Stelliferous View Post
    I identify as INFJ now however it's not so easy to just "give an ESFP a whirl"

    I may like what I find but I'm not finding any. They are always out doing their own thing. It's exhausting trying to find an opportunity to date them so I'm just trying to work on myself really.
    I adore INFJs as well... one of my best friends is an INFJ and she knows just what to say to me to make everything okay. (^^

    I think the problem is that not enough ESFPs know about MBTI. We haven't been exposed or educated and so go on living blissfully but tragically ignorant. Actually, I think it should be your life's work to find us and save us. Or find and save at least one of us.

    We make up 12% of the population. You should be able to throw a rock and hit us... hmmm... yes, why don't you try that tomorrow. Throw a rock. You have a little over a 1:10 chance of hitting an ESFP.
    Stelliferous and Yoda thanked this post.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    I adore INFJs as well... one of my best friends is an INFJ and she knows just what to say to me to make everything okay. (^^

    I think the problem is that not enough ESFPs know about MBTI. We haven't been exposed or educated and so go on living blissfully but tragically ignorant. Actually, I think it should be your life's work to find us and save us. Or find and save at least one of us.

    We make up 12% of the population. You should be able to throw a rock and hit us... hmmm... yes, why don't you try that tomorrow. Throw a rock. You have a little over a 1:10 chance of hitting an ESFP.
    But their blissful yet tragic ignorance is exactly what I need in order for myself to be saved from knowing too much...

    Maybe what's really going to happen is that I find a bunch of ESFPs who carry me away to a land I know nothing about - a land of purity, entirely separated from my world of painful cerebral existence.

    I have rocks. And a park nearby..
    ametan thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Stelliferous View Post
    But their blissful yet tragic ignorance is exactly what I need in order for myself to be saved from knowing too much...

    Maybe what's really going to happen is that I find a bunch of ESFPs who carry me away to a land I know nothing about - a land of purity, entirely separated from my world of painful cerebral existence.

    I have rocks. And a park nearby..
    How did the rock-throwing go? (^_^
    Stelliferous thanked this post.

  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    How did the rock-throwing go? (^_^
    I ended up staying inside cleaning, eating, and reading instead..

    I know I'm bad :(


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