[ESFP] heartbroken INFP in love with an ESFP

heartbroken INFP in love with an ESFP

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This is a discussion on heartbroken INFP in love with an ESFP within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; We had an ongoing sexual relationship for a month. I thought it was so much more than a hookup, we ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    heartbroken INFP in love with an ESFP

    We had an ongoing sexual relationship for a month. I thought it was so much more than a hookup, we discussed ex lovers, families, watched a lot of youtube together, stayed up extremely late talking after sex (to the point where we were tired, he always tries to continue the conversation with me even as Im falling asleep and I find that so cute and childlike).. I really really like this guy, even though he's not "deep" or really capable of deep analysis or deeper emotions. I like him for his positivity. I dont generally know this type, nor do I hang out with a lot of ESFPs, but I like that he's so open to learning.

    Then I got a lip sore, and he being a health nut in general freaked out, and our sexual relationship was cut short. I was hoping that wouldn't happen but as soon as I saw his reaction my heart sank I knew it was over. I was so upset by his reaction that I wrote him a long email message, explaining my feelings, which he ignored. He ignored it for days and days and I thought - thats it he doesnt care and I was so hurt by it I deleted him off facebook. After I deleted him I still didnt hear from him, no call no text, nothing.

    One day I just texted him "whats up" and we ended up meeting with some of my friends at a park. He acted like nothing was wrong, talked casually. And after that I never heard from him again. I then sent him long text messages which he did not reply. He only said this "I need some time to organise myself as Im going through a crisis". He said he had some financial things to sort out and he needed to look for a job and had made too many impulsive choices.

    And I assume the impulsive choices included me? Me= booty call? Does that mean he only ever used me for sex and now regrets it? I can only read it that way.

    I cant work out if he ever wants to see me again. I have sent him some heartbroken texts which he did not bother to reply. I cant get over this guy. He kept telling me I was amazing and he does this. I dont fucking get it. I feel really sad if the basis of our relationship was mostly sexual, I was really starting to fall in love with him..

    Can anyone give advice especially if you've dated an INFP? You can say whatever you want I promise I wont be offended I know INFPs can be really intense sometimes. I dont really want to change myself for this ESFP but all I want to do is communicate with him.. but he doesnt even want to and Im stuck and lost. I dont want to write him off as a jerk.

    Im just really stunned at how suddenly he cut me off.. How do I get him back? I feel like its a lost cause. I cry at night because of this. In the day Im fine. But not at night. I dont hate him, I just want to know whats going on in his head.
    Last edited by nandos; 06-03-2012 at 01:23 AM.
    snowbell thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ESFP - The Performers

    Well, you didn't say how long you knew him before you started having sex with him, but my advice is don't have sex with dudes you barely know. When you say "get him back" do you mean revenge or do you mean you actually want a relationship with this dude? If it's the latter, my advice is DON'T. If you sent him tons of messages, and he never responded, then you're obviously not that important to him. You're only hurting yourself if you keep holding out hope that he's gonna change his mind.

  3. #3

    I think that INFP's expect too much from relationships. Take it easy, move on, find someone else :) Good luck.
    Brian1, quadrivium, Kyandigaru and 1 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thanks guys..yeah we didn't know each other well, but both of us wanted the same things, or at least I thought so. I should probably move on :( :(

  6. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by reckless summer nights View Post
    I think that INFP's expect too much from relationships. Take it easy, move on, find someone else :) Good luck.
    :O
    We only expect the most full, undivided attention of our partners, for their entire world to revolve around us, to be dedicated for life, understand our overly-complicated mindset, give us what we want, for them to recognise that sometimes we say we don't want things when we actually do and sometimes we say we don't want things we actually don't, AND be able to tell the difference.
    ...Is that so much to ask?
    Raewyn, Kyandigaru and Kasitera thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ESFP - The Performers


    He seems like a shallow prick. You seem like you are confusing love with lust and it seems like you need to meet a guy who knows the difference.
    Last edited by Saguaro; 06-05-2012 at 08:52 PM.
    firedell and nandos thanked this post.

  8. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by saguaro View Post
    He seems like a shallow prick. You seem like you are confusing love with lust and it seems like you need to meet a guy who knows the difference.
    I always thought I was a good judge of character. (A+ literature student if that counts! :p) This is the first time Ive ever been so confused by someone.
    am just completely confused by how he dropped me so quickly. wtf.

  9. #8
    ESFP - The Performers


    Some people are good at conning others, and I don't mean to sound judgmental, but especially ESFPs. Okay he's good at school, that just proves that he might be smart enough to con you out of your wits. He might be one of those guys who works his charm in every way he can in order to get what he wants physically. I dated an ESFP for a year. Throughout my time with her, I was disturbed with a reoccurring thought that I would involuntarily conjure up in my meditations.

    [GRAPHIC CONTENT] This thought was an image of her naked on a bathroom floor crouched down in a Gollum-like position, mouth and hands covered in blood, holding a beating heart as she gorged it away. Then I came to another realization - her name, Monica, is an anagram for "I'm a con", and this wouldn't normally have been a big deal, but the time that this thought came to me was right as I had a premonition of her cheating. As it turns out, she cheated shortly after all of this happened. This taught me to listen to the insight that my subconscious gives me. I thought I was a good judge of character too, and all she showed was good character, until her disgusting intentions became clear to me. I could go on and on about her.

    ...this sounded kind of like a horror story, but I am warning you, if this guy is showing all of these shallow and negative signs already, it's best to drop him now and move on. Don't take his bullshit personally either, he does not think you are gross, he thinks cold sores are gross. And if his hate for cold soars outweighs his love for you, then he is not someone you want to be around.
    Last edited by Saguaro; 06-05-2012 at 10:55 PM.

  10. #9
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by nandos View Post
    We had an ongoing sexual relationship for a month. I thought it was so much more than a hookup, we discussed ex lovers, families, watched a lot of youtube together, stayed up extremely late talking after sex (to the point where we were tired, he always tries to continue the conversation with me even as Im falling asleep and I find that so cute and childlike).. I really really like this guy, even though he's not "deep" or really capable of deep analysis or deeper emotions. I like him for his positivity. I dont generally know this type, nor do I hang out with a lot of ESFPs, but I like that he's so open to learning.

    Then I got a lip sore, and he being a health nut in general freaked out, and our sexual relationship was cut short. I was hoping that wouldn't happen but as soon as I saw his reaction my heart sank I knew it was over. I was so upset by his reaction that I wrote him a long email message, explaining my feelings, which he ignored. He ignored it for days and days and I thought - thats it he doesnt care and I was so hurt by it I deleted him off facebook. After I deleted him I still didnt hear from him, no call no text, nothing.

    One day I just texted him "whats up" and we ended up meeting with some of my friends at a park. He acted like nothing was wrong, talked casually. And after that I never heard from him again. I then sent him long text messages which he did not reply. He only said this "I need some time to organise myself as Im going through a crisis". He said he had some financial things to sort out and he needed to look for a job and had made too many impulsive choices.

    And I assume the impulsive choices included me? Me= booty call? Does that mean he only ever used me for sex and now regrets it? I can only read it that way.

    I cant work out if he ever wants to see me again. I have sent him some heartbroken texts which he did not bother to reply. I cant get over this guy. He kept telling me I was amazing and he does this. I dont fucking get it. I feel really sad if the basis of our relationship was mostly sexual, I was really starting to fall in love with him..

    Can anyone give advice especially if you've dated an INFP? You can say whatever you want I promise I wont be offended I know INFPs can be really intense sometimes. I dont really want to change myself for this ESFP but all I want to do is communicate with him.. but he doesnt even want to and Im stuck and lost. I dont want to write him off as a jerk.

    Im just really stunned at how suddenly he cut me off.. How do I get him back? I feel like its a lost cause. I cry at night because of this. In the day Im fine. But not at night. I dont hate him, I just want to know whats going on in his head.
    This guy sounds like an immature dick.

    Forget about him. Move on.

    Quote Originally Posted by saguaro View Post
    [GRAPHIC CONTENT] This thought was an image of her naked on a bathroom floor crouched down in a Gollum-like position, mouth and hands covered in blood, holding a beating heart as she gorged it away. Then I came to another realization - her name, Monica, is an anagram for "I'm a con", and this wouldn't normally have been a big deal, but the time that this thought came to me was right as I had a premonition of her cheating. As it turns out, she cheated shortly after all of this happened. This taught me to listen to the insight that my subconscious gives me. I thought I was a good judge of character too, and all she showed was good character, until her disgusting intentions became clear to me. I could go on and on about her.
    firedell, sparkles and quadrivium thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ESFP - The Performers


    Quote Originally Posted by Marac View Post
    This guy sounds like an immature dick.

    Forget about him. Move on.


    You just read a fraction of a potentially helpful post, which is about dealing with the worst of ESFP. I know most of you are not all corrupt like that, but I was trying to emphasize the fact that she needs to look past the "charm" this guy puts off. Let me know if you need any more clarification ;)
    nandos thanked this post.


     
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