[ESFP] I need ESFP advice on a ESFP friend

I need ESFP advice on a ESFP friend

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This is a discussion on I need ESFP advice on a ESFP friend within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Hello! I need advice from any esfp's who could possibly help me in a situation with an esfp friend. A ...

  1. #1
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I need ESFP advice on a ESFP friend

    Hello!

    I need advice from any esfp's who could possibly help me in a situation with an esfp friend.

    A little background: This esfp is a very good friend for years.

    The current situation that I'm experiencing with her is that she tends to think that guys are fair game. If there is someone I'm interested in, I can be fairly certain that she might go after him. If I express that I'm somewhat interested in a guy, but don't think it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with him (difference in political or religious views for example) she wastes no time in pursuing something with that guy. I'm not the only friend that she's done this to. To me, there is an unspoken "girl friends code" that you just don't step on your friends toes so-to-speak. There was a time when she wouldn't have done this, but at this point, I've almost come to expect this type of behavior from her. She's even told me that she has a problem, that she needs every guy to like her. She recognizes the problem, but doesn't want to change the behavior. I really am at a loss as to how to proceed.

    Thanks in advance for the insight!
    Yardiff Bey and Seamaid thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ESFP - The Performers

    If she doesn't want to change, you can't force her. So you either accept that about her or you stop hanging out with her, it's that simple.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    It bothers you that she goes after a guy that you've decided not to go after yourself?

    Tell her the behavior hurts you and you want her to respect the friendship more than that. If there was a time she wouldn't have done this then maybe something happened to her that made her become this way. Try to help her help herself heal from whatever that was.
    Seamaid and Yardiff Bey thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    If it's really really bothering you, just be brutally honest. Tell her that you can't be friends with her if she keeps doing this. I'd like to think she only does it because she thinks that she can get away with it i.e. that you'll always forgive her so she's not really losing anything.

    If you say that she can only keep doing this at the cost of your friendship, you'll find out if she is really a good friend or not.
    Yardiff Bey and Seamaid thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Hi, my sister is an ESFP and wanted me to tell you "Unless you expressed what you just said to us, she won't know how you feel. Once you do, i believe she will have no problem backing off. Approach her as you would a sister, not confrotational."
    SugarForBreakfast, Yardiff Bey and Seamaid thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by misstress002 View Post
    Hi, my sister is an ESFP and wanted me to tell you "Unless you expressed what you just said to us, she won't know how you feel. Once you do, i believe she will have no problem backing off. Approach her as you would a sister, not confrotational."
    Well, we're not quite sure that she has or hasn't told her friend this, BUT;

    Assuming you have told your friend what you've just told us, if she's still blatantly disregarding your feelings and going after what she wants, that would be a rather selfish discourse and not really what a good friend does. I mean, I understand the need to have guys fancying you, but I notice this in a lot of girls - well, even in people in general - the need to get the romantic/sexual interest of many, many people. I know she must be hurting, but despite that, she could at least try and aim for the ones you're not trying to grab for yourself.

    If you haven't told her how you feel, you might want to give it a shot. That's just us ESFP's as the types who directly attack the problem at the source; I mean, us saying it sounds very to the point, but you're going to have to find the exact way to say it.

    And actually, it's also a bro-code to not steal the girls your male friends are aiming for.
    Seamaid, Seamaid, Seamaid and 13 others thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Thanks so much for all the responses thus far. I really appreciate your help. I know ESFP's are a sensitive sort, and being an ENFJ I can really understand that myself, so I wanted to know the best way to proceed. I have talked to her about how it hurts, but she still in some ways seems determined to do her "thing".
    I'd like to think she only does it because she thinks that she can get away with it i.e. that you'll always forgive her so she's not really losing anything.
    I thought about this, and it's frustrating. I think the only right thing to do would be to distance myself if the behavior continues.
    And actually, it's also a bro-code to not steal the girls your male friends are aiming for.
    Exactly. :)

    Thanks again, everyone.
    Yardiff Bey thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ESFP - The Performers

    I'm an ESFP and I personally never ever go after any guy that a friend of mine might be interested in/dated. Being the ESFP I am, I want to be at the forefront of something new. Dating a guy my friend likes or dated in the past is like old news/used goods to me.

    I think there is something other than her MBTI to blame. She could possibly have a personality disorder like "Histrionic Personality Disorder" or just currently be really depressed. I know many women of all different MBTI types that go after other women's men so I don't think this is so much an ESFP problem.
    Seamaid thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ESFP - The Performers

    encourage her

  11. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Ew...that's no friend. No friend would be that inconsiderate towards your feelings. That's not an MBTI problem, that's just her being rude and refusing to change. You can do better.


     

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