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This is a discussion on Ask an ESFP within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by Rivulet Hello there! I would like some advice. My younger 15-year old brother is clearly an ESFP. ...

  1. #501

    Quote Originally Posted by Rivulet View Post
    Hello there!
    I would like some advice. My younger 15-year old brother is clearly an ESFP. I'm not sure how to handle him and I'm also a bit worried about him/his future. He's intelligent but doesn't do any effort for school and cannot stay focused. He also doesn't like advice. He's extremely social and wants to talk to everyone, even if he doesn't know what to say. Yesterday he was giving someone directions about how to get somewhere - in French- while he didn't really know the way himself. He has quite some talents, but lacks discipline to develop them further: he is good with music (he hated the pianolessons though), writing stories, cooking, tasting, remembering names (especially of nature related things), tunes, movie quotes. He loves cartoons and playing with Lego (the only moment of the day that he is calm and concentrated). How can I stimulate him to concentrate or focus a little more? I understand that everyone is different, and the way he is is not just the result of his personality type. But I think it might help to know what kind of things stimulate other ESFP's to concentrate on something and develop their talents.
    It sounds like he has problems with authority and being told what to do, or at least being on a schedule. I am familiar. I think maybe finding a way to make it fun or entertaining would help. Don't actively try to get him to focus but make it so he wants to focus. For example with music, say he plays guitar, maybe put on some Led Zeppelin and comment on how great the guitar playing is. Do something to inspire him to focus on an activity.

    Another thing, maybe the lessons didn't work because they were one on one. We are social people and I personally like group classes, it's fun to learn along with people who are also enthusiastic. So see if that is a possibility.

    Hope this helps.
    Rafiki and Rivulet thanked this post.

  2. #502
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thanks. What you say is so true. He becomes much more enthusiastic when there are other, new people around and will always try to impress. I'll think about how to apply this...

  3. #503
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by Rivulet View Post
    Hello there!
    I would like some advice. My younger 15-year old brother is clearly an ESFP. I'm not sure how to handle him and I'm also a bit worried about him/his future. He's intelligent but doesn't do any effort for school and cannot stay focused. He also doesn't like advice. He's extremely social and wants to talk to everyone, even if he doesn't know what to say. Yesterday he was giving someone directions about how to get somewhere - in French- while he didn't really know the way himself. He has quite some talents, but lacks discipline to develop them further: he is good with music (he hated the pianolessons though), writing stories, cooking, tasting, remembering names (especially of nature related things), tunes, movie quotes. He loves cartoons and playing with Lego (the only moment of the day that he is calm and concentrated). How can I stimulate him to concentrate or focus a little more? I understand that everyone is different, and the way he is is not just the result of his personality type. But I think it might help to know what kind of things stimulate other ESFP's to concentrate on something and develop their talents.
    Se doms need Ni. I was lucky to grow up with an Older INTJ friend, and I still had these issues when he wasn't pushing me.
    ESFPs do not lack focus. We only focus on the things that we deem worthy, usually fun. Our school system doesn't cater to sensors which is why we get bored and simply DON"T CARE. The inferior Ni makes us NOT CARE about the future. We are in the moment people.
    I just noticed that your an ISFJ, look... When you tell an esfp they NEED to do something they recoil. Phrase it in a 'you should do this' kind of way. Why do you think INTJs can focus ESFPs? You have to logically manipulate them. You can't emotionally manipulate them, That's there thing. Duty won't motivate either. Goals will motivate them, but they have to be goals they want to achieve; there's no getting around that. ESFPs are the hardest to dogma. You have to intuitively see their potential in whatever area, then tell them it directly. Then you can guide them.

    In short, Foresights "Woh Bro! You could be rock star if you keep practicing! just do this this and this" Logical manipulation. ESFPs are vulnerable to that. Don't abuse it. And i intentionally gave a simplistic example.

    And I wanna say this, you don't have to worry about his future. If he's intelligent, he'll be fine. He's also a people person(which is normal for esfp) which will help him alot in life. In this world, when your socially adept, people help you to survive. As long as he has friends, he'll be fine. And he will have friends.

    Also, you being an ISFJ, he probably won't listen to you. His Fi probably has you in negative override. He may think you are deliberately going against him. Your communication AND judging styles are different, You both will have trouble understanding each other.

    And if you didn't know, you know now. You're ISFJ. Congratulations.
    Rivulet thanked this post.

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  5. #504

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucius View Post
    ESFPs do not lack focus. We only focus on the things that we deem worthy, usually fun. Our school system doesn't cater to sensors which is why we get bored and simply DON"T CARE. The inferior Ni makes us NOT CARE about the future. We are in the moment people.
    I would not say that, on the contrary the entire school system is focused on sensors, particularly SJs, since we sensors are the majority of the population (70%).
    Sela and PurpleAmy thanked this post.

  6. #505
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by Yeahright View Post
    I would not say that, on the contrary the entire school system is focused on sensors, particularly SJs, since we sensors are the majority of the population (70%).
    Agree... except uni seems to be reverse of that and geared toward NT's. At least that was my experience.
    Yeahright thanked this post.

  7. #506
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucius View Post
    Se doms need Ni. I was lucky to grow up with an Older INTJ friend, and I still had these issues when he wasn't pushing me.
    ESFPs do not lack focus. We only focus on the things that we deem worthy, usually fun. Our school system doesn't cater to sensors which is why we get bored and simply DON"T CARE. The inferior Ni makes us NOT CARE about the future. We are in the moment people.
    I just noticed that your an ISFJ, look... When you tell an esfp they NEED to do something they recoil. Phrase it in a 'you should do this' kind of way. Why do you think INTJs can focus ESFPs? You have to logically manipulate them. You can't emotionally manipulate them, That's there thing. Duty won't motivate either. Goals will motivate them, but they have to be goals they want to achieve; there's no getting around that. ESFPs are the hardest to dogma. You have to intuitively see their potential in whatever area, then tell them it directly. Then you can guide them.

    In short, Foresights "Woh Bro! You could be rock star if you keep practicing! just do this this and this" Logical manipulation. ESFPs are vulnerable to that. Don't abuse it. And i intentionally gave a simplistic example.

    And I wanna say this, you don't have to worry about his future. If he's intelligent, he'll be fine. He's also a people person(which is normal for esfp) which will help him alot in life. In this world, when your socially adept, people help you to survive. As long as he has friends, he'll be fine. And he will have friends.

    Also, you being an ISFJ, he probably won't listen to you. His Fi probably has you in negative override. He may think you are deliberately going against him. Your communication AND judging styles are different, You both will have trouble understanding each other.

    And if you didn't know, you know now. You're ISFJ. Congratulations.
    Thanks for the advice! I am trying to inspire him and tell him what he's good at...

    Now I'm of course wondering about the isfj-thing. How did you get to typing me ISFJ?

  8. #507
    Unknown Personality

    Why are you ESFP's all so awesomely cool?

    Marry me?
    Fat Bozo and MNiS thanked this post.

  9. #508
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden View Post
    Why are you ESFP's all so awesomely cool?
    It's what we do best.

    Marry me?
    Link to pics?
    ScarlettHayden thanked this post.

  10. #509
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Fat Bozo View Post
    Link to pics?
    Only if you join in

  11. #510

    1. How strong is your libido?
    2. Do you enjoy risky things?
    3. If you were told you were going to die tomorrow what would you do?
    4. Have you done any drugs?



     
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