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This is a discussion on Ask an ESFP within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by Fat Bozo So, wait, the problem is that he didn't respond to your last question on a ...

  1. #61
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Fat Bozo View Post
    So, wait, the problem is that he didn't respond to your last question on a text message?
    The problem is because he does it on a regular basis, and he's always the one that starts the convo. I could understand him just not feeling like talking to me, or being busy, but he's the one that is texting me. I feel like he's just trying to prove that he can get a reaction out of me.

    I may be a little more sensitive when it comes to him in particular because we used to text almost every day and then I found out that he was telling several people I was soo obsessed and just wouldn't stop... ever since then I just never call/text/email unless he does so first. He is a fun person to have in my circle(I mean come on, ESFP is practically synonymous with "good time"), I just don't like the feeling of being played around with.

  2. #62
    ESFP - The Performers

    Quote Originally Posted by HamsterSamurai View Post
    The problem is because he does it on a regular basis, and he's always the one that starts the convo. I could understand him just not feeling like talking to me, or being busy, but he's the one that is texting me. I feel like he's just trying to prove that he can get a reaction out of me.

    I may be a little more sensitive when it comes to him in particular because we used to text almost every day and then I found out that he was telling several people I was soo obsessed and just wouldn't stop... ever since then I just never call/text/email unless he does so first. He is a fun person to have in my circle(I mean come on, ESFP is practically synonymous with "good time"), I just don't like the feeling of being played around with.
    You didn't really answer my question on what the actual problem is though. All I can gather from what you posted is that you have a problem with him not answering a question that you send him in a text message. If there's something I'm missing, then clue me in, but if that's all it is, I don't really see why it's a big deal.

    The last two sentences you write there don't seem congruent with each other to me. You say he's fun but you don't like the feeling of being played around with. I don't get that.

  3. #63
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Fat Bozo View Post
    You didn't really answer my question on what the actual problem is though. All I can gather from what you posted is that you have a problem with him not answering a question that you send him in a text message. If there's something I'm missing, then clue me in, but if that's all it is, I don't really see why it's a big deal.

    The last two sentences you write there don't seem congruent with each other to me. You say he's fun but you don't like the feeling of being played around with. I don't get that.
    Sorry for talking in circles. I'll try to be more precise.

    Problem: His actions do not make sense to me.

    Why would you contact someone and then ignore them when they respond. If it was something that just happened every once in a while, then you are right, totally not a big deal. There are many reasons why you might get distracted, forget about it, whatever. I do that too. But in the past few months he seems to have developed an inability to complete a conversation, even when he is the one to initiate it. I do not understand why someone would keep reaching out in this halfhearted manner.

    Ah, you're so straightforward! You took me totally literally :) I'll try to be more clear. He's fun because he's lighthearted, irreverent, spontaneous... he brings a lot when he joins a party. But I can't shake the feeling that he also is dishonest in some way. By "being played around with" I mean mind games, malicious manipulation, that kind of stuff.

    I want to understand. I can't decide whether he's just a standard class slightly inconsiderate and/or absentminded person or a real jerk that I'd be better off never responding too again.

    edit: the other two posters probly have it right, he's just "one of those guys." I just figured I'd ask if ya'll had any insight to a logical reason he might be acting that way before I just stopped talking to him.
    Last edited by HamsterSamurai; 08-05-2012 at 12:35 AM.

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  5. #64
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I don't understand you guys. Can you explain some of your actions to me?

    I know an ESFP and honestly he is a very nice person. For more than once I considered something serious between two of us, but for more than once I considered giving up as well, because you are just confusing!

    He asked for companion to a music concert, featuring a Soprano, and I am a Soprano, so I naturally asked him to let me be his companion and he said okay. But just a few days before the concert when I wanted to confirm with him, he said he's too busy ... and I was fine with it.

    Then for once again we both had to attend the wedding party of a teacher. Since he got my invitation for me, I suggested to go there with him, and promised to give him a call in the afternoon that day. So when I called him that day, he said he was already heading there and I had to go there myself! :O

    He is very good. He remembers my rants and such, and he can talk both light-hearted matters and serious matters (he likes languages, and me too). He will give me a word or two of courage through facebook when I am evidently down.

    But this really confuses me. I always take that he is not interested so I really want to give up -- I don't want to annoy him if this is his sign of "no". But on the other hand, if this is simply part of his personality, it would be stupid of me to give up.

    Is it common for you to be a little ... er ... scattered? Will you be scared if I suddenly give you a song as a birthday present? Does it mean he is simply not interested if I am the one who dial the number? (Well he is willing to talk to me though.)

    Thanks a lot. I have a really hard time reading you ESFPs. But you are fun.
    HamsterSamurai thanked this post.

  6. #65
    INFP - The Idealists

    I really want an ESFP friend for some reason. Or at least to talk to one. They seem so happy and fun-loving. It intrigues me.
    So my question is, where can I find you guys, and how do I pick you out from billions of others?
    Milkshakes thanked this post.

  7. #66
    Unknown Personality

    I like that question. ^ ;)

    Anyways. So. I have a big problem. And I hope ESFPs have the knowledge to help me with it.

    It all starts with a girl. An INFP girl, though that shouldn't really matter, who's dating an INFP guy and left a relationship with a rather possessive ESTP that lasted ALMOST two years. He causes quite a few problems with them. But none of that's what I'm trying to focus on here. The real question I'm posing to you guys, has to do with the ESFP best friend of this girl.

    I've been asking around a bit as to how ESFPs act when they like someone, and I have to admit, this guys showing the signs (although his closest friend has already confirmed what I suspected) of liking this INFP girl as well. Has been crushing on her for quite a while- started sometime during her relationship with his ESTP friend. My question is, what can I/we do to stop this? It's unhealthy for him to be wanting her, when she's so determined to make things work out with her INFP boyfriend. He's needlessly torturing himself with longing and jealousy (so I suspect).

  8. #67
    Unknown Personality

    Milkshakes, be direct. Tell your friend, you think he might like this girl, and out of respect for both of them you're intervening to say he needs to let it go.
    Milkshakes thanked this post.

  9. #68
    Unknown Personality

    ThatOne, it's a really common type. You can find plenty of them at bars. We also like hands-on stuff, so sports clubs, running groups, hands-on creative stuff, that kind of thing.

  10. #69
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkles View Post
    Milkshakes, be direct. Tell your friend, you think he might like this girl, and out of respect for both of them you're intervening to say he needs to let it go.
    Is there anything I'll need to watch out for- any way I could possibly step wrong and hurt his feelings? A lot of people already know he likes her (the INFP girl and her boyfriend included)- he's not exactly shy about it. I'm concerned he might have heard this thing before, as he's liked her for quite some time now: probably for more than a year. The only reason he never struck up a relationship with her, I believe, is because the ESTP ex probably would've slaughtered him. -.-

  11. #70
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Milkshakes View Post
    Is there anything I'll need to watch out for- any way I could possibly step wrong and hurt his feelings? A lot of people already know he likes her (the INFP girl and her boyfriend included)- he's not exactly shy about it. I'm concerned he might have heard this thing before, as he's liked her for quite some time now: probably for more than a year. The only reason he never struck up a relationship with her, I believe, is because the ESTP ex probably would've slaughtered him. -.-
    You will probably hurt his feelings. At the very least he's liable to be embarrassed. Start out with a one-on-one conversation, more than one person there will make him feel ganged up on.

    Any chance you're misreading general ESFP flirtiness as a crush? We can be misinterpreted sometimes.

    Besides, at a certain point it's also on the people in a relationship to defend the relationship. If I get pursued by someone and I"m with someone, it's up to me to say yo, don't bother, I'm with someone and I respect them.


     
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