[ESFP] What does an ESFP want from friendship?

What does an ESFP want from friendship?

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This is a discussion on What does an ESFP want from friendship? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I'm friends with an ESFP who picked me out awhile ago. She's really nice. Anyway, she talks to me about ...

  1. #1

    What does an ESFP want from friendship?

    I'm friends with an ESFP who picked me out awhile ago. She's really nice. Anyway, she talks to me about stuff, like dating and whatever is going on in her life, and we get along pretty well, but I don't really want to ruin this friendship and I am not absolutely sure what I have to do actually be a valuable friend to her. If it doesn't matter to her I don't want to do it, because I'm incredibly low energy and avoid action when possible.

    Does it matter to her if I don't really talk about myself much?

    Does it matter to her if I do/don't seek her out to speak to her sometimes?

    Would it matter to her if I make an effort to speak to any of her friends?

    At the moment I know she values me for my strength/protective/brain qualities because she says so sometimes if she's going somewhere or doing something she wants my help with or whatever, but is that enough for her to feel like it's a good friendship?
    Blue Ribbon thanked this post.



  2. #2

    ESFPs typically maintain very good close relationships. You don't really have anything to worry about. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't be talking to you.

  3. #3

    Yeah, I'm sure she wouldn't be. I just don't feel comfortable being a deadweight and want to make sure I'm not. Thanks for the reassurance though.

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  5. #4

    Every ESFP is different and probably will have different opinions, not to mention I'm an INTJ, so what do I know? lol. Still, I hope my answer will help you.
    Just like Blue Ribbon said, if she didn't like you, she probably wouldn't even try to maintain this friendship.
    1. Does it matter to her if I don't really talk about myself much?
    Yes, it probably does, even as an INTJ, I may get to some extent "offended" (I don't really mean it, but I can't find any better word for now), if someone who I consider as my friend, doesn't really want to talk about themselves, it kind of feels like they don't trust me.
    Of course, if you are willing to open up, don't rush with it, just do it slowly on its own natural speed.
    Does it matter to her if I do/don't seek her out to speak to her sometimes?
    Yes. One short text/call won't hurt. :P
    Would it matter to her if I make an effort to speak to any of her friends?
    She probably would be happy, although imo it isn't as important as previous problems.
    Blue Ribbon thanked this post.

  6. #5
    Unknown

    It sounds like she probably just wants a friend to talk to. Just keep doing what your doing and things should go well for you both.

  7. #6

    For a friend, I want 'with benefits'...

  8. #7

    I have generally seen esfps with estjs, and it always seems that estj is the one who chases them.
    Estj have so much anger, as an intj I get hurt easily. Probably this is the reason why they love the chilling, happy, energetic esfps who are willing to execute estj’s orders about work and stuff in daily life without making them angry.
    An estj complains easily about how you are eating their brains, showing ego by not setting yourself to physical work fast and on time, or arguing or demanding a change.

  9. #8
    ESFP

    Hi, as an ESFP, if I didn't want to be friends with you, I wouldn't make an effort to hang out with you. So the fact that she's picked you out and worked at the friendship a while back is a good sign. To get to your questions, here are my thoughts:

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkHasufel View Post
    Does it matter to her if I don't really talk about myself much?
    It depends. Do you answer her questions honestly? I don't need my friends to talk about themselves often, but I do need them to be willing to answer my questions. I'm curious about people and what makes them tick, so I don't mind doing the work as long as the other person responds positively to my probing and prying.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkHasufel View Post
    Does it matter to her if I do/don't seek her out to speak to her sometimes?
    I love being sought out by my friends. It shows me that they miss me or that they're thinking of me, which is always a nice feeling to have. As such, I reach out to people without much thought if I want to speak with them. If I know a friend is an introvert, I try to keep that in mind and sometimes let them initiate a conversation so I can be sure that they have enough energy to interact with me. I don't want to be a drain on my friends, if I can help it.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkHasufel View Post
    Would it matter to her if I make an effort to speak to any of her friends?
    I would love it if a friend made an effort to speak or become friends with my other friends. It helps me simplify friend groups and adds more possibilities to what we can do together (i.e. group activities versus one-on-one interactions.) I really like it when my friends get along because I tend to believe that all of my close friends are amazing people and I love connecting amazing people. Who doesn't need more amazing people in their lives.

    That being said, if I'm your friend, I appreciate and accept you for who you are. I prefer authenticity and I don't every want you to feel like you need to be anyone but yourself around me. I like people and believe that it's our individuality and uniqueness that make us interesting. So just be you and don't worry about ruining your friendship. It takes a lot for an ESFP not to like you. But if you're worried, you can totally sit her down and ask her these same questions. We're a lot like INTJs in that we will be completely honest with you when it comes to our needs and desires. (^_^
    Jawz thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkHasufel View Post
    I'm friends with an ESFP who picked me out awhile ago. She's really nice. Anyway, she talks to me about stuff, like dating and whatever is going on in her life, and we get along pretty well, but I don't really want to ruin this friendship and I am not absolutely sure what I have to do actually be a valuable friend to her. If it doesn't matter to her I don't want to do it, because I'm incredibly low energy and avoid action when possible.

    Does it matter to her if I don't really talk about myself much?

    Does it matter to her if I do/don't seek her out to speak to her sometimes?

    Would it matter to her if I make an effort to speak to any of her friends?

    At the moment I know she values me for my strength/protective/brain qualities because she says so sometimes if she's going somewhere or doing something she wants my help with or whatever, but is that enough for her to feel like it's a good friendship?
    Well let me try answer this with regards to the ESFP friend I have, shes about 20 tho keep in mind.

    Does it matter to her if I don't really talk about myself much?
    It shouldnt as long as you are letting her talk a lot about herself

    Does it matter to her if I do/don't seek her out to speak to her sometimes?
    You have to try bit in at least a little bit of effort, but thats with people in general imo, regardless of mbti

    Would it matter to her if I make an effort to speak to any of her friends?
    No? As long as youre not excluding her

    Im a guy ESFP... but if I didnt want to be friends with anyone they would know, there would be no communication and id just ignore them irl or pretend idk them

  11. #10
    ESFP

    just good people


     
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