ESFP guys look over here!!! *tits *ass pic lmao ;p Analyze what an ESFP guy want

ESFP guys look over here!!! *tits *ass pic lmao ;p Analyze what an ESFP guy want

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This is a discussion on ESFP guys look over here!!! *tits *ass pic lmao ;p Analyze what an ESFP guy want within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I currently am interested in the ESFP personality because I'm interested in an ESFP guy. I'm an INTP girl who ...

  1. #1

    ESFP guys look over here!!! *tits *ass pic lmao ;p Analyze what an ESFP guy want

    I currently am interested in the ESFP personality because I'm interested in an ESFP guy. I'm an INTP girl who is extremely shy, super logical, and super intuitive as well.

    I was new in this school and I have one class in common with this ESFP guy(btw I made him take the test) and we never really talked until I added him on snapchat by mistake(I thought he is someone else)he added me immediately and bombarded me with questions(like what I like and made me introduce myself a little bit). Then I asked him what tv show is good to watch then we made a deal to watch the show we recommanded to each other in 1 week. sometimes when he has abundance of time he watches the chat window waiting for my reply which made me feel really special like having an one on one face to face conversation instead of just mass texting. And when I ask a question(not directed to him its like on a story where everyone can see) he went out of his way to help me even when he didn't know much about the subject either which I find really cute.

    I think he is not as boisterous, or shallow, or stupid as he acted on the surface but it's really hard to get to know him at a deeper level as the conversations are mostly about everyday school stuff(he would text me and ask me how was my day and stuff) and they are all kind of dry and close ended making me doubt whether he truly wants to talk to me or is just being polite. He seem to reply all my texts even if its just a emoji and he makes sure he sends the last text(usually like yep to reaffirm what I said but just dry words that you can't really extend the conversation). He also doesn't seem to reply to group sent snaps which made me think he is a very personal guy since few weeks ago was thanksgiving(at that time we only started talking for about a week) and he texted to me individually 'thankful for you' when most people just made a snap and group sent it.

    After I got to know more about ESFP personality I'm more torn on whether he is just just super nice or he is interested in me. How he go out of his way to help me, make sure his text is the last text, taking me seriously unlike his joking attitude he shown to most people, and compliments my intelligence, art, and sometimes appearance when I sound unconfident, thoes all made me think that he likes me but on the other hand he no longer initates conversations about who I am personally(I don't really ask either because I don't want to sound prying and the situation never comes) and everything he did for me is never really out of the friend zone(I'm still really grateful and appreciated all.). I just want to know your opinion on this and how can I perhaps get to know him in a more intimate way if he is indeed interested.

    we only known each other for about 20 days, I'm super shy and we don't see each other often and people would probably never associate me and him together but oddly I did hear his friends mention me and during the first week when he texted me and asked me how I am there's this friend of his would cross the hallway and ask me how I am doing. I didn't make the connection until later because I had this happened to me before and I think its because the way I respond to people's greeting is kind of weird and robotic and they find it funny. He once texted me asking how I am doing twice with the two texts only minutes apart so I kind of shaded on how his friend would ask me how I am doing multiple times a day and he apologized immediately.

    So yeah this is basically the situation and my question is he just being his nice esfp self or is he interested? And what approach should I use to get to know him more and not seem too prying? Thankyou very much for reading this.



  2. #2
    ISTP


    Moved to Esfp

  3. #3
    ESFP

    Not a guy, but hopefully I can help. I feel that I'm super obvious when I'm interested in a person. My attention with be focused on that person, even when we are in a group. I will be extra flirty, extra touchy, extra sarcastic and teasing. I know pretty much right away if I'm interested in a person or just want to be friends and will be extra friendly towards them. I will message them more, message them longer... I don't always ask open-ended questions since sometimes that can just feel forced. I'll text my opinion or thought on something and fully expect the other person to chime in and add their own (since that's what I would do.) If I know another person is introverted, I don't mind carrying the conversation more as long as I get some sort of response. I also adore introverts and kinda find that I'm very attracted to NT-types. INTJs are my kryptonite.

    So considering how I behave, I definitely think there is some sort of interest. I can't tell you if it's just friendly (Oh look, shiny new girl!) or if it's romantic. So watch him when you guys are in a group together. Does he seem to be giving you more attention than others? Or is he spreading his attention around equally? If he flirts with you, flirt back. If he's into you, that'll be all the greenlight he'll need to hit GO. XD

    Good luck! Keep me posted on how it goes! (^_~
    artofbalance and deadassINTPgirl thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Not a guy, but hopefully I can help. I feel that I'm super obvious when I'm interested in a person. My attention with be focused on that person, even when we are in a group. I will be extra flirty, extra touchy, extra sarcastic and teasing. I know pretty much right away if I'm interested in a person or just want to be friends and will be extra friendly towards them. I will message them more, message them longer... I don't always ask open-ended questions since sometimes that can just feel forced. I'll text my opinion or thought on something and fully expect the other person to chime in and add their own (since that's what I would do.) If I know another person is introverted, I don't mind carrying the conversation more as long as I get some sort of response. I also adore introverts and kinda find that I'm very attracted to NT-types. INTJs are my kryptonite.

    So considering how I behave, I definitely think there is some sort of interest. I can't tell you if it's just friendly (Oh look, shiny new girl!) or if it's romantic. So watch him when you guys are in a group together. Does he seem to be giving you more attention than others? Or is he spreading his attention around equally? If he flirts with you, flirt back. If he's into you, that'll be all the greenlight he'll need to hit GO. XD

    Good luck! Keep me posted on how it goes! (^_~
    Thank you for your reply,
    Hmmm... I kind of go to a Christian school where it is specifically stated nothing rough nothing romantic sooo... I dunno about the touchy and flirty part and its probably not gonna happen in the school setting, ever. We never got the chance to be in a group together but yesterday during the class we had together we sat next to each other(I never move my spot unless its taken he probably too, he usually sits at the back with his group of guy friends but somehow his seat was taken that day? I didn't see.) we were watching a movie for film study(one he told me his not a fan of, I thought its cool tho), my girlfriends sat right behind us(btw they totally have no idea because I'm an intp I don't share my personal life with people). After he moved next to me one of my girlfriend who is a tiny person asked him to move to my side more because she couldn't see, he was actually really rigid and reluctant :/ The first time she asked him he moved like literally nothing and after she asked him multiple times he slowly inched toward my seat without looking at me which I thought its actually a really odd behaviour because normally when I need to move toward somebody even I would give them an excuse me kind of face. But he didn't he just stared at the whiteboard when there's nothing written on there(I thought staring at blank space is a N thing but I guess not). After the film started he was quiet and really rigid as well when normally I could hear his laughter or voice at the front row when he sits at the back, he seemed really bored and didn't seem to be paying attention to the movie or at anything else, he just kept drinking his gatorade, sometimes looking from side to side without glancing at my direction. Eventually he even tried to sleep after he finished his Gatorade, he is definitely not himself at all around me and my girlfriends... I don't know what's wrong since even as a friend he would at least say something(I tried to gain some eye contact but it only happened like once and he quickly looked away). I'm just really frustrated rn because just two days ago he stopped me at the hallway and asked me a math question which I later found out he totally knew, can you sorta understand what is going on in his head when he behaved like that? It's not like I'm being totally obvious and chasing him around or anything, what I did what totally in the friend zone too and I'm not even messaging him like crazy(something impossible for INTPs I texted him like once a day?) and the day before that happened he even asked my dreams are.... I'm 100% not getting this, and I feel emotionally drained thinking about this and considering maybe I should never regard anybody in a romantic way ever.

  6. #5
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    *lots of cute stuff*
    Okay, yup... everything that you've told me so far leads me to believe that he likes you. (^_~ I do the same thing... I'm super-awkward around someone I like who I think isn't interested in me. Especially if they're an introvert. I don't want to overwhelm them with my energy. There was this INTJ I liked. He came over to my house to watch a movie but I couldn't relax and enjoy the movie. All of my attention was focused on the fact that HE WAS RIGHT THERE! Se-Fi overload. I didn't look at him, just stared at the TV screen without really seeing anything. So I'm thinking your ESFP was kinda the same way. The only time I purposefully don't look as someone is when I dislike them greatly or when I have a crush on them and don't think that it is reciprocated. (^_~

    When he sat down next to you, did you smile at him? Although we don't value Fe, it's still a strong function for us. We take a lot of visual clues from the people that we're interacting with and are very adept at reading the mood of a group. We notice all of the little details, especially if we are crushing on you. If I sit next to you and you stiffen up, I'm going to think that I make you uncomfortable. That you don't want me around. If I sit next to you and you smile, it's an open door to start a conversation and be my normally warm and happy self. When he comes into your space, do you back away? We notice that and will try to maintain your bubble as a sign of respect.

    He's seeking you out with lame excuses to talk. That's a good sign. And he probably has his friends asking your friends if you like anyone. The fact that they don't know could be working against you. I know INTPs aren't great at making the first move, but give him an obvious sign that you're interested too (texting once a day is not enough for us, btw... our friends do that), and he'll take it from there.

    Good luck and keep me posted. I'm rooting for you! (^^
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  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Okay, yup... everything that you've told me so far leads me to believe that he likes you. (^_~ I do the same thing... I'm super-awkward around someone I like who I think isn't interested in me. Especially if they're an introvert. I don't want to overwhelm them with my energy. There was this INTJ I liked. He came over to my house to watch a movie but I couldn't relax and enjoy the movie. All of my attention was focused on the fact that HE WAS RIGHT THERE! Se-Fi overload. I didn't look at him, just stared at the TV screen without really seeing anything. So I'm thinking your ESFP was kinda the same way. The only time I purposefully don't look as someone is when I dislike them greatly or when I have a crush on them and don't think that it is reciprocated. (^_~

    When he sat down next to you, did you smile at him? Although we don't value Fe, it's still a strong function for us. We take a lot of visual clues from the people that we're interacting with and are very adept at reading the mood of a group. We notice all of the little details, especially if we are crushing on you. If I sit next to you and you stiffen up, I'm going to think that I make you uncomfortable. That you don't want me around. If I sit next to you and you smile, it's an open door to start a conversation and be my normally warm and happy self. When he comes into your space, do you back away? We notice that and will try to maintain your bubble as a sign of respect.

    He's seeking you out with lame excuses to talk. That's a good sign. And he probably has his friends asking your friends if you like anyone. The fact that they don't know could be working against you. I know INTPs aren't great at making the first move, but give him an obvious sign that you're interested too (texting once a day is not enough for us, btw... our friends do that), and he'll take it from there.

    Good luck and keep me posted. I'm rooting for you! (^^

    thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day ;)
    Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...
    Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.

    He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet. Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control. I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing; and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embrassement I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

    How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.
    Last edited by deadassINTPgirl; 10-27-2018 at 11:44 PM.
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  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day ;)
    Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...
    Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.

    He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet. Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control. I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing; and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embrassement I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

    How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.
    i'm not an ESFP, but i'm dating one, and i can tell you this much, if you express your feelings it gives them a green-light to express theirs. they kind of just build the feelings one on top of the other-- the only time it will change is if you change. so if you're saying you're not interested in anyone or you're giving him the uncomfortable look when he sits next to you he is reading your body language so he may not want to scare you off or engage too much as to overwhelm you.

    when i first met the ESFP i'm dating, he literally couldn't handle himself. he was off the rocker, i thought he was gonna explode (i think it was sensory overload lol). i'm much more quiet/reserved like you. and he tried so many different ways to make me laugh/talk to me.

    if you don't want to directly say you like him, invite him out to something. they just need an open, they'll handle the rest honestly.
    deadassINTPgirl thanked this post.

  9. #8

    The title was misleading. FTFY...

    Attachment 811821
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  10. #9
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day ;)
    Awww... thanks for this. Knowing that my input helps in some fashion brightens my day, so I feel like this exchange is very win-win. (^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...
    You are probably not wrong in that thought. How big is your school? He's probably known the people in your class for years whereas you (as the new girl) are new to the social group. So they know him better. It's just a matter of time investment. That's not to say that they don't see the value or cherish a friendship with you. Girlfriends add something to a friendship that no guy ever could. (^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.
    I totally get you about opening up. There's definitely a vulnerability that's inherent in sharing your innermost feelings with someone. But being willing to be that vulnerable with people has helped my friendships grow and blossom. It's deepened them and made them stronger. And consider this thought: If you end up together with the ESFP, how will your friends feel knowing that you weren't completely honest with them? You *could* use the explanation above, but it might fall flat since they could see it as justification after the fact. I know it's troublesome, but people are complicated that way. Not being entirely honest will always leave a little smudge on the friendship... especially if it's in the beginning stages.

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet.
    When I was in highschool, I never dated anyone. I went to a small school and wasn't really interested in the boys around me. They seemed so homogeneous and uninteresting. I knew that there was a larger world out there that I wanted to see. I enjoyed the people that I hung out with enough, but we never meshed. Maybe your ESFP feels the same... I can be VERY picky when it comes to romantic interest. Usually I know right away whether there's a spark there or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control.
    Hmm.. do you know much about cognitive functions? INTPs lead with Ti whereas INTJs lead with Ni. What this means is that INTPs interact with the world as judgers first (Ti is a judging function) whereas INTJs interact with the world as perceivers first (Ni is a perceiving function.) Ti is my PoLR function and so I really struggle to identify and explain it. I don't want to misinform, so maybe ask the INTP thread what having Ti-dom is like for them. Ni, while my inferior function, is something that I very much admire and am trying to develop into a stronger function. Ni takes in information from the world around it through Se and puts the information together in a network to come up with conclusions that can seem magical (to me) at times. Ni isn't linear, but it is focused. It doesn't get distracted by a million different possibilities... it's good at zoning in on the outcome that is most likely to occur. INTPs with Ne struggle with focusing an outcome down as, in their minds, all outcomes are equally possible.

    When I experience Ni, it comes as more of an 'A-ha' moment, a flash of insight, really. This works really well when paired with my strong Se in social settings. I know who likes who. Who's fighting with who. When people are unhappy and/or uncomfortable. I'm always reading the world around me and my Ni helps me understand what's going on. That being said, my Ni fails me utterly when it comes to romantic situations. I mentally flip-flop between the idea that someone likes me romantically to rationalizing why I'm just making assumptions and fooling myself. I end up in this situation A LOT with INT* types, just so you know. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing
    Okay, so before you focus on confirming his feelings, do you think that there is a possibility of things not working out? We ESFPs are in the moment. We're terrible at thinking about the future outcomes of our actions. We're not great at caution. So when we go into a relationship, we dive in headfirst. We're enthusiastic, loving, and caring. On the flip-side, we need frequent affirmation. We love attention. Our Fi sometimes makes us selfish. If we care about you enough, we can compromise and try to meet you in the middle, but we do need to know that you care. Frequently. Usually with words. We want to know that we are special to you... because you are special to us. And we will tell you. Frequently. Not because we expect a reply but because we're so full of love for you that it feels like we'll explode if we can't just let it flow out of us. Are you willing to take all of this on? If not, it might be the kindest thing to not take things further between the two of you. What we do, we do for love. But if we feel unappreciated or trapped, that love can fade for us. This is never a fun road to go down.

    If you're okay with our downsides, we can work on confirming his feelings. I may lie about my feelings to save my pride or if there's a fear that I might scare the other person off. There are so few people that I am interested in romantically, so I would try to tamp down on my feelings to prevent the loss. Key word being 'try.' I have always ended up confessing my feelings to my crushes. Sometimes they have been reciprocated, sometimes we just remain good friends. Sometimes I do lose an interesting person from my life. So, if you want to confirm without any risk to yourself, you can just wait things out. But it sounds like waiting might be hellish for you, too. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embarrassment I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.
    So, I adore INTJs. (And the following is operating on the assumption that you are an INTJ.) I think you're so taken with what he has that you are lacking that you're failing to see what you offer him. Here's part of the list of why I like(d?) my INTJ crush:

    * He has amazing insights into things. He's thoughtful and well-read. I can talk to him about anything and our conversations always blow my mind. He is a very giving conversationalist and I always come away from our discussions a little bit more educated. I'm constantly curious and he's happy to indulge my curiosity.

    * He's one of the nicest guys I know. Maybe not 'nice' with everyone, but he will go to the mat for people that he's close to. He gets riled up by slights directed at his friends. Knowing that he's in my corner helps me feel more confident in the world.

    * He's honest. When he gives me a compliment, I know that it is something honest and true. Not something that is said out of social obligation. It makes compliments that he gives much more precious and I hold them very close to my heart.

    * He's mysterious. I can't always read what's going on in his mind. I'm good a reading people, and I can read more than he thinks I can. But they are surface level emotions. They aren't his thoughts. When he does open up and share his thoughts with me, it's like I'm a kid on Christmas day. His thoughts are surprising in their clarity and depth. They draw me in, fascinate me, and leave me thirsting for more.

    * He offers me great advice. Things are so non-judgmental with him. I can tell him my troubles and woes and he can offer me a new insight or solution to the situation. He can also just offer comfort/support if there is no solution possible. He doesn't offer me platitudes not empty compliments. He just says 'I'm sorry...' and that's enough.

    * He finds me interesting. He has admitted he finds most people boring, so knowing that I'm someone who he finds interesting is an ego-boost. We ESFPs like to know that we are special. I saw this on a Quora post about why INTJs were so popular (and I'm paraphrasing here, so I might not be exact): There's nothing so satisfying as being liked by someone who doesn't like anyone. (^^

    I feel like as an INTJ, you would have most, if not all, of the above traits. This is why you intrigue us. We instinctively know this about you and we are drawn like moths to a flame. (^_~

    Quote Originally Posted by deadassINTPgirl View Post
    How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.
    Okay, another downside to ESFPs... we share our love trials and tribulations. If he is crushing on you, all of his friends already know this. You have been a topic of conversation. You may be a main topic of conversation for him. Feelings, for us, aren't personal and intimate. What I keep close to my heart are bad events that have happened to me. I don't like focusing on the negative, so these things I bury deep and only share them with my most trusted friends.

    If you confess to me, but I don't feel the same way about you, I will keep it a secret if you ask me to. Because of the way I feel about emotions, it might not register for me that not everyone is as open with theirs. But if you explain to me how personal emotions are to you and how vulnerable they make you feel and then ask that I don't share yours, I won't. But you will need to be very explicit about it as this feeling is outside of anything that I know and therefore won't be my standard operating procedure.


    Gah, sorry for the book. (>.<;; There was a lot to unpack in your post and truthfully, I don't think I addressed everything. Still, feel free to let me know if you have any more ESFP questions or would like clarification on any part of my post. (^_^
    Last edited by ametan; 10-28-2018 at 02:26 PM.
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  11. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post

    You are probably not wrong in that thought. How big is your school? He's probably known the people in your class for years whereas you (as the new girl) are new to the social group. So they know him better. It's just a matter of time investment. That's not to say that they don't see the value or cherish a friendship with you. Girlfriends add something to a friendship that no guy ever could. (^_^



    I totally get you about opening up. There's definitely a vulnerability that's inherent in sharing your innermost feelings with someone. But being willing to be that vulnerable with people has helped my friendships grow and blossom. It's deepened them and made them stronger. And consider this thought: If you end up together with the ESFP, how will your friends feel knowing that you weren't completely honest with them? You *could* use the explanation above, but it might fall flat since they could see it as justification after the fact. I know it's troublesome, but people are complicated that way. Not being entirely honest will always leave a little smudge on the friendship... especially if it's in the beginning stages.



    When I was in highschool, I never dated anyone. I went to a small school and wasn't really interested in the boys around me. They seemed so homogeneous and uninteresting. I knew that there was a larger world out there that I wanted to see. I enjoyed the people that I hung out with enough, but we never meshed. Maybe your ESFP feels the same... I can be VERY picky when it comes to romantic interest. Usually I know right away whether there's a spark there or not.



    Hmm.. do you know much about cognitive functions? INTPs lead with Ti whereas INTJs lead with Ni. What this means is that INTPs interact with the world as judgers first (Ti is a judging function) whereas INTJs interact with the world as perceivers first (Ni is a perceiving function.) Ti is my PoLR function and so I really struggle to identify and explain it. I don't want to misinform, so maybe ask the INTP thread what having Ti-dom is like for them. Ni, while my inferior function, is something that I very much admire and am trying to develop into a stronger function. Ni takes in information from the world around it through Se and puts the information together in a network to come up with conclusions that can seem magical (to me) at times. Ni isn't linear, but it is focused. It doesn't get distracted by a million different possibilities... it's good at zoning in on the outcome that is most likely to occur. INTPs with Ne struggle with focusing an outcome down as, in their minds, all outcomes are equally possible.

    When I experience Ni, it comes as more of an 'A-ha' moment, a flash of insight, really. This works really well when paired with my strong Se in social settings. I know who likes who. Who's fighting with who. When people are unhappy and/or uncomfortable. I'm always reading the world around me and my Ni helps me understand what's going on. That being said, my Ni fails me utterly when it comes to romantic situations. I mentally flip-flop between the idea that someone likes me romantically to rationalizing why I'm just making assumptions and fooling myself. I end up in this situation A LOT with INT* types, just so you know. XD



    Okay, so before you focus on confirming his feelings, do you think that there is a possibility of things not working out? We ESFPs are in the moment. We're terrible at thinking about the future outcomes of our actions. We're not great at caution. So when we go into a relationship, we dive in headfirst. We're enthusiastic, loving, and caring. On the flip-side, we need frequent affirmation. We love attention. Our Fi sometimes makes us selfish. If we care about you enough, we can compromise and try to meet you in the middle, but we do need to know that you care. Frequently. Usually with words. We want to know that we are special to you... because you are special to us. And we will tell you. Frequently. Not because we expect a reply but because we're so full of love for you that it feels like we'll explode if we can't just let it flow out of us. Are you willing to take all of this on? If not, it might be the kindest thing to not take things further between the two of you. What we do, we do for love. But if we feel unappreciated or trapped, that love can fade for us. This is never a fun road to go down.

    If you're okay with our downsides, we can work on confirming his feelings. I may lie about my feelings to save my pride or if there's a fear that I might scare the other person off. There are so few people that I am interested in romantically, so I would try to tamp down on my feelings to prevent the loss. Key word being 'try.' I have always ended up confessing my feelings to my crushes. Sometimes they have been reciprocated, sometimes we just remain good friends. Sometimes I do lose an interesting person from my life. So, if you want to confirm without any risk to yourself, you can just wait things out. But it sounds like waiting might be hellish for you, too. XD



    So, I adore INTJs. (And the following is operating on the assumption that you are an INTJ.) I think you're so taken with what he has that you are lacking that you're failing to see what you offer him. Here's part of the list of why I like(d?) my INTJ crush:

    * He has amazing insights into things. He's thoughtful and well-read. I can talk to him about anything and our conversations always blow my mind. He is a very giving conversationalist and I always come away from our discussions a little bit more educated. I'm constantly curious and he's happy to indulge my curiosity.

    * He's one of the nicest guys I know. Maybe not 'nice' with everyone, but he will go to the mat for people that he's close to. He gets riled up by slights directed at his friends. Knowing that he's in my corner helps me feel more confident in the world.

    * He's honest. When he gives me a compliment, I know that it is something honest and true. Not something that is said out of social obligation. It makes compliments that he gives much more precious and I hold them very close to my heart.

    * He's mysterious. I can't always read what's going on in his mind. I'm good a reading people, and I can read more than he thinks I can. But they are surface level emotions. They aren't his thoughts. When he does open up and share his thoughts with me, it's like I'm a kid on Christmas day. His thoughts are surprising in their clarity and depth. They draw me in, fascinate me, and leave me thirsting for more.

    * He offers me great advice. Things are so non-judgmental with him. I can tell him my troubles and woes and he can offer me a new insight or solution to the situation. He can also just offer comfort/support if there is no solution possible. He doesn't offer me platitudes not empty compliments. He just says 'I'm sorry...' and that's enough.

    * He finds me interesting. He has admitted he finds most people boring, so knowing that I'm someone who he finds interesting is an ego-boost. We ESFPs like to know that we are special. I saw this on a Quora post about why INTJs were so popular (and I'm paraphrasing here, so I might not be exact): There's nothing so satisfying as being liked by someone who doesn't like anyone. (^^

    I feel like as an INTJ, you would have most, if not all, of the above traits. This is why you intrigue us. We instinctively know this about you and we are drawn like moths to a flame. (^_~



    Okay, another downside to ESFPs... we share our love trials and tribulations. If he is crushing on you, all of his friends already know this. You have been a topic of conversation. You may be a main topic of conversation for him. Feelings, for us, aren't personal and intimate. What I keep close to my heart are bad events that have happened to me. I don't like focusing on the negative, so these things I bury deep and only share them with my most trusted friends.

    If you confess to me, but I don't feel the same way about you, I will keep it a secret if you ask me to. Because of the way I feel about emotions, it might not register for me that not everyone is as open with theirs. But if you explain to me how personal emotions are to you and how vulnerable they make you feel and then ask that I don't share yours, I won't. But you will need to be very explicit about it as this feeling is outside of anything that I know and therefore won't be my standard operating procedure.


    Gah, sorry for the book. (>.<;; There was a lot to unpack in your post and truthfully, I don't think I addressed everything. Still, feel free to let me know if you have any more ESFP questions or would like clarification on any part of my post. (^_^

    Woah, ok thanks a lot for the detailed reply it helped a lot. I have decided to wait things out just to keep my feelings out a bit and try to view him as a friend which can help me relax, feel more comfortable and friendly around him(INTJs experience Se overload easily, that's why we dodge drama, our tiny hearts just couldn't handle it). I do agree on the moth and lamp analogy but the role is reversed with him being the flame and I'm just an invisible little moth :p

    As an INTJ is my specialty to think of why things won't work out and that's probably what stopped me from lots of possible relationships(any kind). I have a list of possible reasons why it might not work out, some of them are based on ESFP stereotypes hope you don't get offended by the following list and if some are absolute non sense please bust the myth for me. 1. You said about constantly needing affirmation on our affections through words. INTJs are horrible at showing love verbally, but when we say it we mean it 100% and every word we have spoken it like an oath we made that bonds us to it. If ESFPs need 'I love you so much.' five times a day it probably wouldn't work out. We show our love by doing things for you, like helping you with things, buying things, or making something special for you but we are horrible with words. (but when you are special to us and we are in a relationship you'd probably know that because we are like an asshole to everyone else but you : p) 2. Since you guys have Se as your first function I'm afraid that I might not have his interest for long(I'm not the kind of girl who's involved in all the spicy drama[I think he likes that because from his favourite Tv show I could tell], I wouldn't go out there and do things to try to grab people's attention[I'm quite the opposite]), but since I'm also an artist I think I have a good fashion sense and I like to try out new clothing style all the time(maybe that would satisfy your Se? I don't know) . 3. I don't think we have much common interests, I'm just lukewarm with everything and he seems so passionate about the few things he likes. What do couples do together anyways? I like to share all my unrealistic theories with someone I like but I have read that as soon as something is detached from reality ESFPs lose interest. 4. i know we go to the same school now but for uni he wants to go to the states and me toronto to study animation. I probably will move to the states after graduation to pursue my career but can ESFPs stand long distance relationship? As an INTJ I have a little hard time with that; my Ni tend to run wild so I'll need constant affirmation that you still care about me because the moment I sense you maybe losing interest I'll adjust myself for possible breakup, you will find that the more distant you seem to me the more I'll distance myself from you, because we don't want to burden anyone with our feelings, if you are not interested anymore we'll back off and let you live your life. (hehe this is getting a little too far but that's how wild our Ni is, the moment I'm interested in someone I already have our married life imagined :\) 5. I don't know if you know or not from your experience with INTJs but we jealous bitches(secretly, we won't let you know). We want our partners to be our soulmate and best friend and we want to be the closest to you and if you can't offer that or I think I'm not your closest one then we have some major problems(do ESFPs place their relationship first or friendship? INTJs place relationship before friendship because we know there can be only one of you, but we can have many friends). That's about it : | It's a lot but hopefully you can bust some stereotype?

    An update, I don't think my responses are satisfying my ESFP :(... I recently helped him with something and he texted thx and I said np then he said means a lot, a little excessive I think and I had no idea how to respond so I kinda texted as a joke saying I might need lots of help from you one day, and he said possibly. What kind of words do you guys want when you say that? I'm really clueless I'm horrible at picking up social cues:(... Also some people in my class seem to be shipping me and another guy in class when we barely talked... I mean would this kind of rumour discourage him or something? To answer your question, my class knew each other for at least 3 years a lot probably happened and I'm not at all interested in their history or social structure so I have no clue, but its a really small school there's only one grade 11 class and I'm kind of in between grade 11 and grade 12 because I'm taking class from both grades. I have noticed a guy from grade 12 that's a friend of his been staring(or observing?) at me during math(the class I have with gr.12) I don't know what he wants or what he would think of me because I just yarn the whole time during math lol.

    Thx for reading, hope you had a nice day.
    ametan thanked this post.


     
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