[ESFP] How quickly do you fall in love?

How quickly do you fall in love?

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This is a discussion on How quickly do you fall in love? within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; An ESFP blurted out he loved me 3 weeks into us dating. I didn't know what to say. I was ...

  1. #1

    How quickly do you fall in love?

    An ESFP blurted out he loved me 3 weeks into us dating. I didn't know what to say. I was kind of shocked. And I said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU CAN'T JUST JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT." To which he immediately retracted it and said, "I meant-- as a person. I love you as a person." But I'm pretty intuitive and I felt like he actually meant it. So now I'm curious, do you ESFPs just fall hard and fast?!

    He's told me he's never felt like this way about anyone-- he said to me I'm literally everything he's ever wanted, and he can't believe I exist. Is this normal for an ESFP? Do you all just feel this intensely for everyone you're into?!



  2. #2
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    An ESFP blurted out he loved me 3 weeks into us dating. I didn't know what to say. I was kind of shocked. And I said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! YOU CAN'T JUST JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT." To which he immediately retracted it and said, "I meant-- as a person. I love you as a person." But I'm pretty intuitive and I felt like he actually meant it. So now I'm curious, do you ESFPs just fall hard and fast?!

    He's told me he's never felt like this way about anyone-- he said to me I'm literally everything he's ever wanted, and he can't believe I exist. Is this normal for an ESFP? Do you all just feel this intensely for everyone you're into?!
    Pretty darn fast. I told my ex-boyfriend that I loved him 1 month into dating him. I'd only known him for 2 months. We were together for a year and a half and may still be together now, but stuff happened and we had to split. Our relationship didn't really have a lot of potential due to our age difference, though, so I kinda knew that it was doomed from the start. Didn't keep me from falling hard and fast and still cherishing him as a friend now. (^_^

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Pretty darn fast. I told my ex-boyfriend that I loved him 1 month into dating him. I'd only known him for 2 months. We were together for a year and a half and may still be together now, but stuff happened and we had to split. Our relationship didn't really have a lot of potential due to our age difference, though, so I kinda knew that it was doomed from the start. Didn't keep me from falling hard and fast and still cherishing him as a friend now. (^_^
    i've read some of your other messages in this forum, and you're so sweet!!

    i'm curious, because i know ESFPs have a reputation for being extra flirty/player; and it actually threw me off with this guy cuz that was the vibe i got originally. i got this vibe of honesty/good heart but also INTENSE passionate need for physical touch which really confused me. i thought he was just after good times lol. but my question is-- how do you as an ESFP differentiate between someone you just wanna have a fun fling with or someone you want to have something serious with?
    ametan and deadassINTPgirl thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    i've read some of your other messages in this forum, and you're so sweet!!

    i'm curious, because i know ESFPs have a reputation for being extra flirty/player; and it actually threw me off with this guy cuz that was the vibe i got originally. i got this vibe of honesty/good heart but also INTENSE passionate need for physical touch which really confused me. i thought he was just after good times lol. but my question is-- how do you as an ESFP differentiate between someone you just wanna have a fun fling with or someone you want to have something serious with?
    Thank you... I don't see myself as sweet. I'm just trying to be helpful since I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about ESFPs on the Internet. I really appreciate you guys who are willing to see past the label and explore the person underneath. (^_^

    It's interesting that you posted this question, because for me, it is very difficult for me to tell. My roommate and I actually had this discussion because she couldn't understand my willingness to sleep with some guys that I go on dates with so easily. I explained it to her in this way: I feel a spark for someone, an indescribable attraction. I'm not sure if it's just physical or if there is more there. I don't want my rationality to be clouded with lust... so I get the lust out of the way. I can then decide from there if I want to develop a relationship or if it was just a physical attraction. There is a downside to this, especially since I am attracted to NT guys who often don't know how they feel about me.

    When I get serious, I get very serious. I'm currently dealing with and trying to get over an unrequited crush on an INTJ. I have been suffering from this feeling for about a year now. Even taking a 5-month break for him hasn't been enough for me to resolve my feelings. I thought it was... but I was wrong. >.< So take care of your ESFP... when he goes in, he goes all in.
    Last edited by ametan; 10-28-2018 at 05:43 PM.
    artofbalance and Bonbear thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Thank you... I don't see myself as sweet. I'm just trying to be helpful since I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about ESFPs on the Internet. I really appreciate you guys who are willing to see past the label and explore the person underneath. (^_^

    It's interesting that you posted this question, because for me, it is very difficult for me to tell. My roommate and I actually had this discussion because she couldn't understand my willingness to sleep with some guys that I go on dates with so easily. I explained it to her in this way: I feel a spark for someone, an indescribable attraction. I'm not sure if it's just physical or if there is more there. I don't want my rationality to be clouded with lust... so I get the lust out of the way. I can then decide from there if I want to develop a relationship or if it was just a physical attraction. There is a downside to this, especially since I am attracted to NT guys who often don't know how they feel about me.

    When I get serious, I get very serious. I'm currently dealing with and trying to get over an unrequited crush on an INTJ. I have been suffering from this feeling for about a year now. Even taking a 5-month break for him hasn't been enough for me to resolve my feelings. I thought it was... but I was wrong. >.< So take care of your ESFP... we he goes in, he goes all in.
    Wow! Thank you for this well-thought out answer! I really appreciate you!

    I'm curious what you mean when you say "when I get serious, I get very serious"? He's told me he feels so strongly toward me and wants to see if this is really that "the one" feeling and if we're gonna get married and have kids, so he wants to explore the feeling. And when I asked how serious he is, he said "very serious" about us. But it's weird because it feels so much like go with the flow, and on the other hand he'll say he's not worried if I'm seeing other guys that I can if I want to? And then when I asked if he's dating anyone else, he said no. It's really confusing for me. I'm like what do you want?! I think I have a fear of investing into something for them to just change their mind later.
    ametan thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    Wow! Thank you for this well-thought out answer! I really appreciate you!

    I'm curious what you mean when you say "when I get serious, I get very serious"? He's told me he feels so strongly toward me and wants to see if this is really that "the one" feeling and if we're gonna get married and have kids, so he wants to explore the feeling. And when I asked how serious he is, he said "very serious" about us. But it's weird because it feels so much like go with the flow, and on the other hand he'll say he's not worried if I'm seeing other guys that I can if I want to? And then when I asked if he's dating anyone else, he said no. It's really confusing for me. I'm like what do you want?! I think I have a fear of investing into something for them to just change their mind later.
    The downside to being Ni-inferior is that we can't see the probable outcome of a relationship. We experience life through trial and error. We know how we feel in the moment, but we can't be sure that we'll feel the same way in the future. We assume, ceteris parabus, that our feelings won't change though the intensity of the passion might. If our needs are met and we feel loved, we are very loyal to our partners. We are extraverts, so we do a lot of thinking out loud. We want to express our love for you verbally and physically. Sounds like one of his top love languages is physical touch, so he gives what he craves.

    I have a question... how mature is your ESFP? I was very flighty, jumping in and out of relationships when I was younger. I wasn't sure what I wanted, so would be up to give dating a go only to realize later that the guy and I weren't that compatible after all. That being said, I never told someone I was serious about them if I wasn't. In fact, I would often underplay my emotions so as not to overwhelm the other person or seem too clingy, crazy, or co-dependent.

    Love with us is a risk. We need someone who is giving enough to take that leap and have faith in us. Because that's what we do every time we fall in love. We're blind. We can't see the future. All we can do is take a leap of faith, offer you our heart, and hope that you will treasure it.


    Oh, and regarding the permission to date other guys: not sure what's going on there. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel trapped? I don't like guys who tell me I can't date other people. I don't want to do it when I'm pursuing a serious relationship with someone, but I dislike being told what I can or can't do. I want to be free to make the choice. Anyone trying to control me sends me running for the hills without a backwards glance.
    Jawz and artofbalance thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    The downside to being Ni-inferior is that we can't see the probable outcome of a relationship. We experience life through trial and error. We know how we feel in the moment, but we can't be sure that we'll feel the same way in the future. We assume, ceteris parabus, that our feelings won't change though the intensity of the passion might. If our needs are met and we feel loved, we are very loyal to our partners. We are extraverts, so we do a lot of thinking out loud. We want to express our love for you verbally and physically. Sounds like one of his top love languages is physical touch, so he gives what he craves.
    definitely! this intially made me believe he was just after something physical which i’m not up for. and i communicated that a few times before he understood— now i understand he just couldn’t help the intensity of his feelings.

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    I have a question... how mature is your ESFP? I was very flighty, jumping in and out of relationships when I was younger. I wasn't sure what I wanted, so would be up to give dating a go only to realize later that the guy and I weren't that compatible after all. That being said, I never told someone I was serious about them if I wasn't. In fact, I would often underplay my emotions so as not to overwhelm the other person or seem too clingy, crazy, or co-dependent.
    i understand the downplaying thing. i can read his feelings like a book and i often tell him he can’t hide anything from me because whatever comes out of his mouth when he’s downplaying something i’m not really listening to as much as i’m observing his facial expressions and actions. i don’t think he realizes how well i can read him— in fact it almost scares me how well i could read him from day one. i’m pretty good with people but with him, it’s like i’ve known him forever and all his expressions just immediately made sense to me. sometimes i explain his own feelings to him and he’s bewildered because he realizes it’s true. lol.

    also, he’s pretty mature. he’s older than me and we’re both at the age where getting married and having kids in the next step. he’s told me he’s wanted kids for a while now, and he was in a long-term relationship that ended last year. i’m just very cautious about making sure it makes sense that we’re compatible long-term because i also give my all and don’t look back so i want to be sure and take my time. which kinda means he doesn’t really have to worry about the compatibility part because i’m already figuring that all out— do our lifestyles fit? do we want the same things? how do we travel together? do we communicate our feelings? can we be vulnerable? do we inspire each other? do we give it our all? and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.


    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    Love with us is a risk. We need someone who is giving enough to take that leap and have faith in us. Because that's what we do every time we fall in love. We're blind. We can't see the future. All we can do is take a leap of faith, offer you our heart, and hope that you will treasure it.

    Oh, and regarding the permission to date other guys: not sure what's going on there. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel trapped? I don't like guys who tell me I can't date other people. I don't want to do it when I'm pursuing a serious relationship with someone, but I dislike being told what I can or can't do. I want to be free to make the choice. Anyone trying to control me sends me running for the hills without a backwards glance.
    yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).

    anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.

    i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.

    wow okay i wrote a lot. so i’ll say thank you again for all your insight, and thank you for reading!!
    ametan thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    definitely! this intially made me believe he was just after something physical which i’m not up for. and i communicated that a few times before he understood— now i understand he just couldn’t help the intensity of his feelings.



    i understand the downplaying thing. i can read his feelings like a book and i often tell him he can’t hide anything from me because whatever comes out of his mouth when he’s downplaying something i’m not really listening to as much as i’m observing his facial expressions and actions. i don’t think he realizes how well i can read him— in fact it almost scares me how well i could read him from day one. i’m pretty good with people but with him, it’s like i’ve known him forever and all his expressions just immediately made sense to me. sometimes i explain his own feelings to him and he’s bewildered because he realizes it’s true. lol.

    also, he’s pretty mature. he’s older than me and we’re both at the age where getting married and having kids in the next step. he’s told me he’s wanted kids for a while now, and he was in a long-term relationship that ended last year. i’m just very cautious about making sure it makes sense that we’re compatible long-term because i also give my all and don’t look back so i want to be sure and take my time. which kinda means he doesn’t really have to worry about the compatibility part because i’m already figuring that all out— do our lifestyles fit? do we want the same things? how do we travel together? do we communicate our feelings? can we be vulnerable? do we inspire each other? do we give it our all? and i tell him all the time he’s gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because i’m really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.




    yep, definitely not happening here. i don’t want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i don’t cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if they’re not into me, it’s totally fine. i’d rather wait for someone who looks at me like i’m their entire universe (which btw he totally does).

    anyway, i know there isn’t quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp “impulsiveness” (i’m using this term loosely) because i wonder if you don’t know how you’re going to feel in the future and you’re hoping for the best, what happens when you realize it’s not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because they’d rather find shiny things to pursue.

    i know it’s not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and we’re a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.

    wow okay i wrote a lot. so i’ll say thank you again for all your insight, and thank you for reading!!
    This is a placeholder for my reply, because I very much want to reply. But I need to go to bed. Have work tomorrow... yay responsibility! (^^
    artofbalance thanked this post.

  10. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by ametan View Post
    This is a placeholder for my reply, because I very much want to reply. But I need to go to bed. Have work tomorrow... yay responsibility! (^^
    looking forward to it! :)

  11. #10
    ESFP

    So, first of all, I will apologize. I'm a little inebriated so if my answers seem to be more all over the place than usual, that is why. I will come back to read this when I'm sober and fix for clarity as needed... until then, enjoy a drunken ESFP stream of consciousness!

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    and i tell him all the time heís gonna try to marry me, and he agrees lol. because iím really good at foreseeing future outcomes (i think out all the possibilities) and navigating the issues before they blow up. so i know, on my end, i need a dedicated loyal partner that is also serious about making it work.
    I have an instinctive trust in my friend's dominant Ni. I like that they can see future problems and love that they care enough to warn me. No one is able to stop me in my tracks like my INTJ best friend. I trust her advice implicitly.

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    yep, definitely not happening here. i donít want to trap anyone. i love unconditionally and just want the best for every single person. i try to leave people better than i found them always, and i donít cling or get codependent because i love my life too, without a partner so if theyíre not into me, itís totally fine. iíd rather wait for someone who looks at me like iím their entire universe (which btw he totally does).
    Yus, my INFJ friend dated an ESFP for a while and she said that's what she adored the most about him. He would just gaze deep into her eyes and make her feel like she was the most important person on Earth. She loved his eyes. We ESFPs are awesome at adoration... and we adore nothing more than people who love us for us. Who don't try to change us into something that we're not. You know that old adage, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours... Set us free and we will be yours. (^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    anyway, i know there isnít quite an answer to my anxiety over esfp ďimpulsivenessĒ (iím using this term loosely) because i wonder if you donít know how youíre going to feel in the future and youíre hoping for the best, what happens when you realize itís not something you wanted? i have an esfp friend who is on the other side of the country pursuing fame and left his family behind. he knows he should be responsible but going back and being a dad instead of doing what he wants to do will put him into depression. and that freaks me out that someone could decide to have get married, have children, and then not be responsible for it because theyíd rather find shiny things to pursue.
    It can be hard. I stayed in a relationship way too long with someone I loved but wasn't in love with. I felt trapped and his emotional needs weren't being met. We were friends but we were no longer lovers. We got together way too young. I didn't really know what love was. A more mature ESFP is going to be more aware of the difference between limerence and love and want the real thing.

    Question: did he not want his family to come with him? Or did they decide not to come?

    Quote Originally Posted by artofbalance View Post
    i know itís not the same because no two people of the same mbti are the same either, and weíre a great deal older than my friend who got married super young. and i do feel maybe it works in our dynamic because i ground the future for him while still having fun. i live in the present moment a lot but i also look ahead and foresee needs for the next step easily.
    Your ESFP is very lucky to have you. You provide what we crave... we like grounding and knowing the best path to take. We don't like wasting our time or experiencing failures as we try to bumble our way through life. And someone who is willing to go on adventures with us...? Gold, pure gold.

    Hmmm... drunk me isn't as thoughtful as sober me. I really am sorry... sober me will come by and edit this for depth and clarity tomorrow. (^_^;;;
    Jawz and artofbalance thanked this post.


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