[ESFP] Do you have advice for INTJ in love with ESFP (my opposite!)

Do you have advice for INTJ in love with ESFP (my opposite!)

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Results 1 to 5 of 5
Thank Tree5Thanks
  • 1 Post By Archilochus
  • 3 Post By ametan
  • 1 Post By Archilochus

This is a discussion on Do you have advice for INTJ in love with ESFP (my opposite!) within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I'm an INTJ man who has fallen in love with an ESFP woman. God help us both, right? DO YOU ...

  1. #1

    Do you have advice for INTJ in love with ESFP (my opposite!)

    I'm an INTJ man who has fallen in love with an ESFP woman. God help us both, right?
    DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO MAKE THIS WORK?

    HER: She is what I understand to be a textbook (Kiersey) ENFP: theater major in college, former actress, now a web designer and photographer. Loves people, loves taking photos, sensitive, loving, sensual.

    HIM: I'm more on an INTX and was an English major in college (and a science major too), but I'm definitely a socialized introvert and very analytical. (Frankly, I'm not a big fan of my type as we can be real judgemental sticks-in-the-mud and I generally prefer the company of SPs who get out and DO things and live life and have FUN, but that's a subject for another day.)

    She is very good looking, nice, affectionate, sensual, sexual and overall a very high-quality person (honest, successful, etc.) I feel lucky to be with her.

    She seems to like my brains and many interests and patience and devotion to her. I love her kindness and warmth and enthusiasm for life.

    Where we have butted heads is me kind of freaking out when she told me about her "promiscuous period" in college and also how much she travels both for work and for pleasure. At first I thought that would calm down, but I have come to realize that she loves jetting off all over the place, even if it means I'm unhappy at home. (And I mean she is sometimes gone working remote for WEEKS!)

    Any thoughts, advice, suggestions, (condolences?). I am crazy about this woman, and I know she loves me back (though I understand that "love" for an ESFP can change in an instant). I'm wondering if we can make this work, and especially DO YOU HAVE ADVICE FOR AN INTJ ABOUT HOW TO MAKE AN ESFP HAPPY AND BE HAPPY WITH AN ESFP? THANKS!
    ametan thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus View Post
    I'm an INTJ man who has fallen in love with an ESFP woman. God help us both, right?
    DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO MAKE THIS WORK?

    HER: She is what I understand to be a textbook (Kiersey) ENFP: theater major in college, former actress, now a web designer and photographer. Loves people, loves taking photos, sensitive, loving, sensual.

    HIM: I'm more on an INTX and was an English major in college (and a science major too), but I'm definitely a socialized introvert and very analytical. (Frankly, I'm not a big fan of my type as we can be real judgemental sticks-in-the-mud and I generally prefer the company of SPs who get out and DO things and live life and have FUN, but that's a subject for another day.)

    She is very good looking, nice, affectionate, sensual, sexual and overall a very high-quality person (honest, successful, etc.) I feel lucky to be with her.

    She seems to like my brains and many interests and patience and devotion to her. I love her kindness and warmth and enthusiasm for life.

    Where we have butted heads is me kind of freaking out when she told me about her "promiscuous period" in college and also how much she travels both for work and for pleasure. At first I thought that would calm down, but I have come to realize that she loves jetting off all over the place, even if it means I'm unhappy at home. (And I mean she is sometimes gone working remote for WEEKS!)

    Any thoughts, advice, suggestions, (condolences?). I am crazy about this woman, and I know she loves me back (though I understand that "love" for an ESFP can change in an instant). I'm wondering if we can make this work, and especially DO YOU HAVE ADVICE FOR AN INTJ ABOUT HOW TO MAKE AN ESFP HAPPY AND BE HAPPY WITH AN ESFP? THANKS!
    Hi Archi! It's nice to see an INTJ branch out a little and take an interest in an ESFP. I feel that there's a lot of misconceptions about our type, and maybe that is feeding your insecurities a bit. So, I have some questions for you, first:

    * What do you mean you 'freaked out' about her promiscuous period? How did you react, exactly?

    * Do you ever consider traveling with her?

    I think the biggest thing to remember about ESFPs is that we're a paradox, rather like INTJs are paradoxical. It's a reason why we fit. We can love you whole-heartedly, but that is never enough to keep us happy. We are not Fi-doms, ruled by feelings. We're Se-doms, and therefore we constantly need new input to keep us happy. The more unique, the better. We get bored of routine. We know that there's a big, wide world out there and not a lot of time for us in the grand scheme of things. We want to relish and explore life as we live it. We'd rather be living the dream instead of daydreaming our lives away.

    Now, this seems like bad news for the poor INTJ who is stuck at home. He is left alone with his thoughts, and his books, and his solitude while she goes gallivanting off, seeking adventure. It would be awful for him unless he actually likes and enjoys solitude.

    Okay, in all seriousness, yes, ESFPs can be flighty. We can fall easily in and out of love. Until we don't. When we meet that one special someone, we can be dedicated, loyal, and trustworthy. That one person can be our sun and our moon. We will do our best to live our lives incorporating him/her into ever decision that we make. Yes, adventuring is fun. But adventuring with that one person who makes our soul sing is a thousand-million-googleplex-times-infinity times better. So feeling lonely and left behind? Go on an adventure with her. But whatever you do, don't try to constrain her or make her into your idealized version of what a partner should be. Accept her for who she is. You do that, and no matter where she goes, she'll always come back. You'll always be her home base. (^_^

  3. #3

    Wow, that was a GREAT response. Thank you so much.

    > * What do you mean you 'freaked out' about her promiscuous period? How did you react, exactly?
    She mentioned it almost in passing--her college promiscuous period--and I have always felt uncomfortable with women who sleep around a lot. I have been hurt really bad by a couple of women who ran around behind my back, so I have scar tissue. I feel very threatened and insecure at the thought that she might do it again. She is a very capable seducer--she sure roped me in, and in a very practiced way...

    > * Do you ever consider traveling with her?
    I go on day hikes and day trips with her, but her works not only takes her away for long periods, but it gives her lots of time off. Recently, when she had been gone for two weeks, she told me that she was going to fly to Italy to see friends over Xmas--this when *I* hadn't seen her for weeks! I did not respond well. It may have permanently damaged the relationship.

    > We are not Fi-doms, ruled by feelings. We're Se-doms, and therefore we constantly need new input to keep us happy.
    Ah, that's a great insight. Man, that sure is her!

    > We'd rather be living the dream instead of daydreaming our lives away.
    Sounds like good advice for anyone, especially for an INTJ daydreamer.

    > When we meet that one special someone, we can be dedicated, loyal, and trustworthy. That one person can be our sun and our moon.
    Well I had hoped that that's what I was going to be with her, but now she seems really unhappy with *my* unhappiness at her flightiness.

    > But whatever you do, don't try to constrain her or make her into your idealized version of what a partner should be. Accept her for who she is. You do that, and no matter where she goes, she'll always come back. You'll always be her home base. (^_^
    That's really encouraging, but I don't know if I'm a cool enough character to pull that off. Oh well, she's back in town and I see her tomorrow. Armed with you advice, I may do better.

    I WELCOME ANY ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS, COMMENTS, OR ADVICE YOU MAY HAVE!
    ametan thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    Just to follow up, this little INTJ-ESFP love affair lasted three months. When she finally revealed after two months that she was always out of town traveling for work and pleasure for half the year, and that after being gone for over two weeks (the fourth time in 3 months) she was heading off to Italy in a month, I got angry that she hadn't revealed that earlier and a few days later she sent me a Dear John (from 1000 miles away).

    In retrospect, the fact that she seemed to know nothing about politics, science, history, or just about anything abstract whatsoever was gonna get us eventually. Staring at her pretty face was wonderful, and she was a happy (superficially anyway), sensual, and an enthusiastic partner for as long as she was around, but she really did seem to live solely in the present and see only what was on the surface. (She was an interesting case study of my Jungian "shadow" if nothing else).

  6. #5
    ESFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus View Post
    Just to follow up, this little INTJ-ESFP love affair lasted three months. When she finally revealed after two months that she was always out of town traveling for work and pleasure for half the year, and that after being gone for over two weeks (the fourth time in 3 months) she was heading off to Italy in a month, I got angry that she hadn't revealed that earlier and a few days later she sent me a Dear John (from 1000 miles away).

    In retrospect, the fact that she seemed to know nothing about politics, science, history, or just about anything abstract whatsoever was gonna get us eventually. Staring at her pretty face was wonderful, and she was a happy (superficially anyway), sensual, and an enthusiastic partner for as long as she was around, but she really did seem to live solely in the present and see only what was on the surface. (She was an interesting case study of my Jungian "shadow" if nothing else).
    I'm so sorry that things lasted only 3 months. Sounds like you guys were just not compatible when it came to lifestyle. Just like INTJs run along a spectrum, so do ESFPs. Though perhaps you're off of us entirely after this. (^_^;;


     

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-15-2018, 08:19 AM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-01-2018, 10:17 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:15 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0