ESFP I want to understand... Do INTJs make you sad? :/ - Page 3

ESFP I want to understand... Do INTJs make you sad? :/

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This is a discussion on ESFP I want to understand... Do INTJs make you sad? :/ within the ESFP Forum - The Performers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by eranashine It sounds a lot like me and my mom. Except, from my perspective, I wasn't underestimating ...

  1. #21

    Quote Originally Posted by eranashine View Post
    It sounds a lot like me and my mom. Except, from my perspective, I wasn't underestimating her, just trying to warn her/make her aware of her limitations so she could work on them and surpass them. :/

    Makes me happy to know you hold no hard feelings for your sister though!

    As an ESFP I understood that she was just looking out for me even if it was in my opinion that it was too much. She was so hurt when i decided to move out and it was hard for her to tell me. But when she finally confronted me and I saw how hard it was for her to tell me how she felt- I was the one who started crying -_-

    I think you should just tell your mom how you feel and that you do love her and express all these concerns that you have shared with us.
    WickedQueen, Seamaid, Turututu and 1 others thanked this post.

  2. #22
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    my intj sister tries that bossy act with me too. it bugs me. she's 10 younger and always right! it gets on my last nerve.

  3. #23
    ISFP - The Artists

    I'm in a 4 year relationship with INTJ boyfriend... the first year was great, we did get along pretty well, we talked for hours and never get bored, ever! Nowadays things are way too different. It seems that i don't entertain him anymore, and this is kinda frustrating to me since i get well with almost everyone. I'm always affraid to tell him things because I have the feeling that hes going to get mad (he gets angry over the slightest thing) and make me feel guilty, and then I would blame myself and feel bad; then spend some time alone thinking the whole situation until I realize that I was right and try to convince him to believe so . He complains about me not being talkative as I used to be before, but sometimes to keep up a conversation I just need some feedback and honestly I dont get much from him, not even a word. Even though we have our special time (when i say special.. i mean SPECIAL) but most of it has lots amounts of pain and arguing about just anything.
    I do love him so much but this seems to happen a lot and I'm kind of getting exhausted.
    parallel, Seamaid, Turututu and 1 others thanked this post.

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  5. #24
    ESFP - The Performers

    I am a very-much-ESFP married to an INTJ. We have been married 5 years this year, so I think I can weigh in a little on an ESFP/INTJ relationship. First off, I will say that (fortunately for this ESFP) my INTJ is good about letting me know much I am appreciated. Typically, this is in the form of little gifts (I mean, seriously, a candy bar puts an ESFP into a happy tizzy, lol), sincere (but short, haha) cards given to me on special occasions, and, more rarely, verbal praise (though short and to the point). Point is, is that I know I am very appreciated and loved and I love that. All ESFPs love to be loved.

    Getting along, no matter the type, requires effort on both sides. As an ESFP, this is what I know about INTJs, at least mine:

    They need alone time to recharge. This is hard, if not impossible, for an ESFP to understand, but we MUST respect their 'me time'. If not, an ESFP can expect a lot of one word responses and an INTJ 'system shutdown'!
    They are extremely intelligent.
    They think, think, think all of the time, even to the point of insomnia.
    Their comments can seem harsh and critical to an ESFP. BUT, we ESFPs must realize that although an INTJ comes off as being harsh....well, they can just be that way. At least they are honest!

    I know how hard it is for an INTJ to express their feelings, but remember that ESFPs are excited by the most trivial things sometimes. A funny card (don't worry, INTJ, you can just sign it! No conversation needed), a tiny 'gift' (candy bar, lottery ticket, shiny penny...we really don't care), a verbal 'pat on the back', or even (gasp) a hug, will all make an ESFP's day. So, I would say, while it may just you vomit at the thought, try to do or say something that reflects how you truly appreciate this person, all in a POSTIVE manner. :0)

    On the flip side, the ESFP must learn not to take everything that the INTJ says to heart. INTJs are often viewed as negative and harsh, but they just 'see' things in a much different way. We must learn to give INTJs their alone time and DON'T, OH, DON'T give them 20 questions about it. INTJs are already the Masterminds...they don't NEED anyone nitpicking their lives! And, ESFPs must learn that sometimes we just need to shut up, go in another room, and either call our other ESFP friends or read a book to give the INTJ their precious thinking time. :0)

    Just my completely unprofessional thoughts!
    WickedQueen, defragmybrain, Seamaid and 14 others thanked this post.

  6. #25
    ESFP - The Performers

    Oh, and I'm sorry, OP, to answer your original question, "Do INTJs make you sad?" No. INTJs make me deliriously happy, actually. I love watching them, and listening to their debates. Tough appearance on the outside, but pure gold inside!
    Turututu, Zero11, Schadenfreude and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #26
    ISFP - The Artists

    Yeah, they sure are pure gold inside, its just that when he gets the bad temper i forget !! lol
    Turututu thanked this post.

  8. #27
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Thank you a bunch for the very in-depth answers!

    Not sure what to add. But really, thanks for helping!

  9. #28
    INTJ - The Scientists


    I'm an INTJ, and I have grown up with a best friend who is an ESFP. Our relationship is funny, I find where we get along the most is when there is a challenge, or something to do. For instance, he would rather not talk about theory or debating just for the sake of debating like i would. All it takes however is a mutually enjoyed activity that we both like to do, for instance growing up it was constant. Skateboarding, Snowboarding, disc golf, sports, you name it and we both can meet halfway. I think its the mutual desire to be competent, as well as both of our gained excitement from being in the moment...(for him this comes natural, for me it is like a breath of fresh air since i am mostly in my head). He is my best most loyal friend, he would do anything for me and even though there have been times where we really didn't get along, I have realized that if we just accept each other for how we are everything goes very smoothly.

    Also I find that for our differences, we are one another exactly. When he becomes very stressed, he is my shadow(ive witnessed it). When I become very stressed I exhibit all his negative traits.

    That being said, I'm absolutely in love with an ESFP girl.....I can't seem to get through though. It's so frustrating to be so drawn to someone, yet not know how to express yourself effectively.
    Seamaid, Turututu, Zero11 and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #29
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by eranashine View Post
    Hello everyone.

    I'd like to hear about your views on the INTJs, specially if you happen to have an INTJ child...

    I grew up with a ESFP. I didn't get her, she didn't get me. I love her but up until today she still thinks I don't. She thinks the way I am is bad but I think the way I am is right.

    I would try to speak to her, but it seems like we speak different languages when we try to communicate.

    Any ideas of what I'm doing that seems so terribly wrong to her?

    Please and Thanks in advance.
    I recommend 2 books:
    First is about the 16 personality types as children: Nurture by Nature: How to Raise Happy, Healthy, Responsible Children Through the Insights of Personality Type (9780316845137): Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron-Tieger, E. Michael Ellovich: Books

    Second is about personality as it relates to relationships (this book is orientated towards romantic relationships, but if you take the information in it, it applies to any type of relationship): Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You've Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type (9780316845694): Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron-Tieger: Books
    Turututu thanked this post.

  11. #30
    ESFP - The Performers

    i'm an ESFP and my bestfriend is an INTJ. it's really weird but we get along well.

    i know that she's pretty annoyed when i get too clingy and stuff. and i'm pretty much uncomfortable when she's being cold and all but i kinda got used to it. it was like it became normal for me that she's distant and cold. i understood her. i never forced her to talk and i lessened my 'clingyness' so eventually we had this harmonious relationship.

    our bonding mostly consists of me listening to all of her ideas. or me being her, what i call, lab rat. it's fun though. She gets all excited talking about the things she's learning. i just listen and try to learn. NEVER IGNORE AN INTJ'S IDEA. that's the biggest sin ever (well, if you wanna get to know them). it's actually really interesting when you really listen.

    i don't get offended when she 'crushes' my ideas. when i say something, then she says otherwise then backs it up with tons of facts, i end up agreeing with her. if you listen and internalize with it, you'll see their point. so my ideas are not really crushed. i was merely shown another option with more facts :P they just say it kinda coldly but like is said, i'm used to her being cold, it doesn't bother me anymore.
    Seamaid, Zero11, Schadenfreude and 2 others thanked this post.

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